Working but isolated

[Wendy]

Hi,

Are there many working mums out there?? Do you every feel a bit isolated because you work???

Let me know your thoughts. It is very hard to be a mum and work.

Wendy

[xkwzit]

Hi Wendy

Wow - the silence is deafening isn't it? There are heaps of working mums out there, and there must be a few who would love to have someone else to talk to about the juggling game...I'm sure we could all do with some hints and tips :) .

It is hard being a working mum. I've been v fortunate in that I've been able to work part time in my chosen profession since becoming a mum almost 4 years ago (that sounds like a long time :rolleyes: ). So I have two days off a week where I can do the mum things like take the girls to swimming lessons and meet other mum's for coffee. I really enjoy that and I think that it really helps me stay a little connected with other mums I know.

I also enjoy working, as it allows me to maintain some of my pre-motherhood persona and keep up my skills. I was extremely worried about being able to come back to my chosen field after taking years off (it's taken a while to catch up again after only 6 months off!). But it can still be difficult, esp. when children are sick. I have a v supportive husband who has stayed home to look after sick kids if I was unable to take the day off, but we both have jobs where taking time off can be quite difficult. I've even resorted to asking my Mum to take a day off work to look after my daughter (only had to do that once, thankfully).

Anyway, let's hope to hear from a few more working mums (that is if they're not all asleep on the couch like I normally am :D )

Cheers

[cait]

I am also a (part time) working mum. I am also lucky to have fairly flexible employers but it can be quite difficult at times to juggle. I have run into issues before with a sick baby or not being able to get child care places in time.

I think I have the best of both worlds though, I get to spend time with my beautiful boy and work in a job I love. I can understand why some mums want to stay at home and there is nothing wrong with that but I like being able to do both. I work in a fairly demanding job but having a baby has really put my life in perspective - I know now where my priorities lie and how your job is not the be all and end all. I had a wonderful boss who showed me you can be a successful career woman and fantastic mum at the same time...you do not have to choose one or the other.

Life is very tiring though - I think that is just being a Mum, working or not! We are the first couple in our family and friends to have a baby so I find that is isolating. I would love to be able to meet with other mums in Sth Brissy who understand what my life is like now.

[Wendy]

Wow, it is great to hear from you both. Sometimes I feel I am the only one out there. I work 4 days a week and have my little girl on Mondays. At times it can be very difficult to juggle but we always manage. I have a womderful husband who works from home (own business) and that also helps.

I just feel so isolated sometimes. Most of mine friends have no children and are still doing the party scene. It is also hard to fit into the SAHM group. I think my age also make a difference, I always seem to be the older one.....LOL.....

Maybe we should start a Working Mum links/chat or even a get together.

Anyway, better go my DD is waking from her nap. We have been swimming all morning down at Sandgate.

Wendy

[H&B'sMum]

Hi girls,
I have just started back at work last week, 3 days a week after 11 months Mat leave. I found it really hard to spend time with my DH and Harry after work. Also juggling cooking dinner, feeding Harry, talking to DH and having some "down time". My Dh is really supportive and has even organised his job so he can have a day off while I'm working to look after Harry, so Harry is only in care 2 days a week. At this stage I'm still finding my feet with juggling everything and I know once we all get into a routine we'll be fine. I'm still working out whether I enjoy being back at work, give me a few more weeks, but last week it was like I had never left. I go straight back into everything and all the other staff were really supportive of me.
I think having a supporting working mums thread would be great. Just so we can work through problems together and help each other out when we need it.
Good luck to everyone and have a great working week. :)

[xkwzit]

I knew there were more of us out there :D

Doesn't it seem strange how you can take months of work and then, when you go back, in a lot of ways it seems as though you were never away but, just when you get comfortable, some huge change slaps you in the face. Most of the little things at work were just the same and I felt as if I hadn't been away. But many of my clients had moved offices so I very nearly turned up at completely the wrong place for meetings - about 3 separate times! (I now ask them all if they are still where I thought they were ;) and I have yet to be embarrassed - touch wood).

My husband and I have also struggled with the perception (mainly in our own heads I think :hope: ) that we are somehow "less professional" now that we have children. We used to travel quite a bit for work, but of course now we are more resistant to work trips. (I'm just contemplating my first trip away for a night, 3.5 years after DD1.) We discussed the issue and we think it more accurate to say that we are just as professional as we were before, but now we have other priorities (the kids) that are more important. And that's as it should be. Once we discussed it I felt much better about the whole juggling game.

Anyway it's about 8:30 and I'm thinking about bed... :p but I did want to add that I also wouldn't mind catching up with the Bri-vegas based Mums (although given our different days off - I'm off work Thu/Fri - it would probably have to be a weekend, and I know those can be precious...I'll wait to hear what people think is a good idea.

Cheers

[willsmum]

I'm on mat leave with number 2, but when I do work, it's 3 days one week then 2 the next. Luckily I have been with my employer for 13 years so when I said "It's part-time or I quit" they pretty much said "OK what days do you want". So I have the best of both worlds. And my fantastic parents looked after number 1 when I worked and will do the same for both when I go back again. :D

[cait]

Hi ladies,

It is so nice to hear of so many other mums in similar positions as me....I was beginning to think I was the only working mum! :D

It would be great to hear from more working mums about their experiences with employers and their attitudes. There seems to be an increase in employers acknowledging the importance of family life and what it takes to be a working mum (I think it actually comes from more women climbing the corporate ladder and being more sensitive than some male counter parts!)

I would love to meet some other mums (working or SAHM) in Brissy. I have Tuesdays and Fridays off so please msg me if you want to organise coffee.

Caitlin
Mum to Zach 29.03.04

[Wendy]

Wow, it is fantastic to hear from everyone.

Maybe we should all list our days off and we can try for a get together. What do you all think........

Wendy

P.S. Or even a night out - that is also an option????

[jessica]

Hi,

I'm a first time mum who is dreading having to go back to work - unfortunately finances dictate my options! Thankfully as a teacher I have been given the chance to go back parttime, 2 days one week and 3 days the next. In a way I'll be glad to go back, adult company - teachers and parents, the great kids I teach and just being part of the world again! But a big part of me dreads having to leave my little girl (currently 5 and a half months old) in the care of a stranger!

I've looked at Childcare nurserys and found the sight of babies lying on the floor screaming because the two young carers had there hands full unbearable! :eek: To make matters worse my little one has alot of trouble getting to sleep and I'm worried how a carer will cope with this, will they have patience and time to be with her and help her sleep? How did other mums cope with the carer situation?

Jessica

[cait]

Hi Jessica,

Good luck with starting back at work!

My son went into daycare one day a week at about 5 months old and I was really worried too. Zach would only go to sleep easily if BF and refused the bottle, so I was worried that he would be starved and sleep deprived. I checked out the daycare centre before he started though and have nothing but praise for them. I have never been in the rooms and seen crying babies left alone and whenever I pick Zach up they are always playing with him. He is now in 3 days a week and absolutely LOVES it. He squeals and "waves" his arms when we arrive and loves all the girls there. It took a while to settle in, probably about 3 weeks and I called them a couple of times a day for the first month, which they encourage.

My advise is to find a centre you are comfortable with (difficult considering how hard it is to get a place!) and go with that. The ladies at my centre were really attentive to Zach while he settled in and I insisted that he wouldn't be left to cry himself to sleep, which they were fine with.

It is really hard to leave you baby with anyone, let alone people you don't know but my experience has only been good.

I hope this helps a little...

Caitlin

[RuthK]

Girls

I just moved back here after 5 years (and 2 babies in Ireland). I have a 11 month old and 2.5 year old. Going back part-time wasn't an option for me as there are too few part-time roles offered, so I'm slogging it away, 5 days a week, spending a good 50 hours a week (incl. travelling time) away from my babies.

I feel guilty all the time. Guilty that I'm not spending more time with my babies, guilty when I come home and can't play with them all the time as there is so much housework and organising still to do for tomorrow, and guilty when I leave my team mates at work doing overtime which I cannot participate in because i only have a finite number of hours in my day.

As for 'me' time, it doesn't exist at all!

We're planning on having No.3 toward the end of the year, and once that one comes along, I'm going to stop being super-mum, pull in the purse strings a bit, and stay at home with my kids before they grow up! I will have to go back part-time after a year or so, not because we need the money (childcare fees tend to outweigh my earnings) but because if I stay out of my profession for too long it would be impossible for me to get back into it.

Sorry for the whinge. but it's good to hear i'm not alone.

R

[Balancing Act]

Hi Ladies,

I'm new to this site, but very pleased to know there are other mothers balancing family life and part-time work.

I also live on the Southside and would like to catch up for coffee ( I have Wed and Fri off). Working 3 days give me adult conversation and mental stimulation and my 18 mth old son has fun with the equipment and other children at child care, while we have time together on my days off.

With no family in Brisbane I struggled at first with the thought of leaving him with people I didn't know, but eventually found a CC that cares. He still cries when I leave him and when I return wants to keep playing!!

Hopefully we can catch up soon.

[Baby Girl]

Hi,

I've looked at Childcare nurserys and found the sight of babies lying on the floor screaming because the two young carers had there hands full unbearable! :eek: To make matters worse my little one has alot of trouble getting to sleep and I'm worried how a carer will cope with this, will they have patience and time to be with her and help her sleep? How did other mums cope with the carer situation?

Jessica

Be patient.

Keep looking for a centre that doesn't leave the babies screaming on the floor. After weeks of hunting, I was lucky enough to find one that is minutes from my workplace. My daughter has been there since 5mo and loves every day there. She also had trouble sleeping and no matter how much I tried to stick to a routine, she would try not to!! Once she started day care she improved, I think because she was part of a group having a nap or having lunch or playing games.

It has been great socially for her to interact with other kids and adults.

Remember the carers at the right day care for you have been trained to "cope" with restless bubs. They might just be able to give you a view into a couple of different ways to settle your baby.

[Mumoffour]

i found that family daycare had been great for us. I had to leave my lil one on daycare at 4 months as i needed to complete my uni course. GUILTY doesnt describe it. :( I was annoyed too because there were so many diff ppl working in his room at the daycare centre I felt there was no continuity. He is now with his daycare granny and its great. I work casually with an agency now so I can have more flexibility. With the next one I hope to have about 6 months off before going back to work. Financial need as well as the fact that I love my job and dont want to stay at home 24/7. Love my kids to bits. I think with working mums there are a couple of words to sum it up and they are guilty and TIRED! my hubby loves to ask me what movie i want to fall asleep in front of each night! :rolleyes:

["keyansmum"]

Hi there all!
Im also a new mum of keyan who is almost 4 months and am back to work 2.5 days per week. But probably have it a lot easier, I work in a small lovely child care service and my little man comes with me. It is hard and a big decision when it comes to work but if you are accessing a child care centre really look around there are good and bad. Every one is so different and different services suit different people so really look around and at the ratios of carers to children!
cheers Delanie

[Donna Mee]

undefined

Hi All,

Im 20 weeks into my first pregnancy and finding it hard to just keep working before bubs is born, but after I have bubs and have a little time off I will be going back to work too.

Just want to Congratulate all those parents that go back to employment and still be loving and caring parents.. Inspiration to us all..

Keep up the good work.

Cheers :)

[Christine]

Hi everyone,

I am also a working mum and have been reading this thread over the last few weeks. I work 4 days a week and have Luke with me on Mondays. I have used both family day care and he is now in a centre. His fdc mum was lovely, but she went on hols o'seas and we moved so it was easier just to find a centre. Sometimes he loves going there but other days he would rather stay at home with mummy and daddy, even though we are not there!

My dilemma now, is I have been a temp since last Sept that is on-going, but I don't know how permanent it is. I am now about 5 weeks pregnant with our second, and I don't know what will happen with my job. I won't have mat leave, or sick leave if needed, and I am worried that they will finish me up very soon, so they can find someone who will stay around for a while. I can only try to be honest and hope for the best. I was pregnant last year, but lost the baby, and hadn't told them for this same reason. They found out when I went into hospital and had to miss work a few days !

Anyway hooray for all working Mums out there. I totally understand the tired and guilty feeling too, but now I understand my mum's favourite quote, when I was a kid, "money doesn't grow on trees". I'm all for coffee and get-togethers on Mondays but they get booked out pretty quickly!

Christine

[mailene]

Hi everyone,

My name is Mai and this is my first time using the forum! It's great to read about each person's experience - we've just moved back to Bris-vegas after almost 4 years away (joys of being an army wife), and as I'm only 23 most of my friends don't have children yet, or those that do are SAHM, so sometimes I feel like I'm all alone with no one who really understands the guilt, frustration and tiredness that comes from working and being a mum!

My baby girl is 6 months old, and I have been back at work since she was about 6 weeks old! This was due to a few factors a) I'd had the morning sickness from HELL and had four months off from work, then mid-pregnancy moved back home to Bris so no maternity leave... so with a mortgage etc, savings were soon completely depleted... and b) it was BAS time and they told me they needed me (I'm a sucker for being needed - hey I'm a Cancerian)!

Thankfully, my clients have children of their own and are more than happy for me to work from home. I go in to the office twice a week now so I don't get distracted by DD, housework, the shops or to be more specific, daytime TV (I'm a soapie junkie!), and for my other work try to fit it in around naps or when hubby comes home! The last month or so I've had to work full-time hours, and with hubby away with work, I have been heavily relying on family, a close friend and as of last week, daycare! I don't know how I'd survive without any of their support. I'm tired when I get home, so I feel guilty that I'm not playing with Bella and just want to read a book or watch some TV... so if I do that I feel guilty for neglecting her... then I feel guilty because I enjoy going to work and stimulating my brain and getting out! Plus, feel guilty for having my parents help out so much!

I know this is all normal, and most days I can cope with it, but other days the guilt is just there, eating away at me! I'm looking forward to things settling down and just working the 2/3 days again and spending most of my time with my girl! Plus I want to be able to go to a playgroup and meet some more mums out there! There is just never enough time in a day is there?

Anyway, sorry for rabbiting on, just wanted to share/vent!

I am out near the Enoggera army barracks, but spend a lot of time northside (near my parents) and would love to meet up with some other mums - I'm just a bit wary about joining a playgroup and trying to "break" into a click... so if anyone is interested in meeting up early in the week please let me know! I have a friend who moved up at the same time with two children and we're always keen to meet new people!

Mai

[Mumoffour]

hello Mai i know what you are going through. I spent most of my life with parents in the raaf and then married a sailor and had two kids in under two years. i have since divorced sailor (funnily enough) :o and my hubby works at enogerra but as a civvie. DONT feel guilty for leaving your kids with the grandparents- support is vital for you and your kids (and your marriage!!). It sure is hard- you need a pat on the back!Best wishes! :)

[Bec&Giuls]

Hi, i'm just bumped into this site tonight. wow! I have a four year old son who is my little angel. I have gone back to work full time and am finding it really difficult at the moment. I'm tired and wondering if it's just me.

Have you noticed that there are so may activities and things to do with your children, but that they are all during work hours. What about playgroups or kindagynms or mothergroups for working mums? Don't you think that child care fees are a joke? It's like the more our family earns, the more we pay?

Sorry I guess I am feeling a little run down at the moment and alone. I don't have much of a support system and I'd really like to find some other mothers out there and new friends who understand. Where are all the melbourne mums?

[Zoe & Troy]

Hi Ladies.

I went back to work full time when Jayden was 4 1/2 months old. I was just not cut out to be a "house wife"! I was a great mum, but nothing got done around the house, and I was a little anxious to get back working. So me and Troy decided to swap roles and do thing our way. This made returning to work so much easier, as I didn't have to worry about child care centre ect.

The worst part of being back at work is like other have said, is missing out on playgroup, and other mothers meetings, and all the fun things you get up to when youve got a baby.

If there are any working mums on Brisbane's southside, I would love to start a playgroup maybe for the weekend. Let me know if anyones interested.

Good luck returning to work from Zoe

Zoe 21 full time working mummy
Troy 25 stay at home daddy
Jayden born 7th April 2004

[mumworkingoverseas]

Hi everyone,

It is great to hear from so many other working parents. I had just secured my first overseas posting when I found out I was pregnant and as a result worked up until the birth and went back to work 3 months after my daughter was born. Luckily I have a very supportive husband and secured great childcare. Still it was very hard.
Trying to be a good Mum whilst maintaining a career is hard and there have certainly been times when I considered giving up work because it seemed impossible to do a good job at home and at work. Kind of ironic given that so many of my friends and colleagues seem to think I am so organised and together!!! Luckily things have become easier and now I think I have a good balance.
We have just moved overseas so now I am juggling work, home and finding my way around a different culture. I would love to keep in touch with other working parents who also share the difficulties of juggling work and bub.

Cheers,
Tan.

[claires1st]

Hi, so nice to hear other mums that have to work as well. hubby back at uni this year (4yrs to go!) i am 6 weeks gone.

wont have much choice but to work through and proberbly after baby is born. we have a mortgage, cars etc!

love my job but with being tired atm, not sure how i will cope without having a nap!

glad that it is easter and can just take it easy.

will keep this section in favourites because its nice to not feel alone and selfish because i have to keep working. The government are so unhelpful to marrieds that own their own house. benefits wont even cover the mortgage or car payment!! lady on phone said you should have put off having children until after your husband finished study! wanted to punch her through the phone!!

oh well baby 1 on the way and so excited i dont think that anything could bring us down (although feeling hung over all the time isnt too flash)

rock on working mums the back bone of the nation!!! (and dads too of course!)

claire

[Supermum]

Hi everyone (The Supermum monika is 100% tongue in cheek)

I'm here to say that I have a toddler and a baby, I work full time, and I suffer guilt and feel inadequate to some degree every single day of the week.

When I had my son just over 2 years ago I only had 11 weeks leave owing and as the main breadwinner, I returned to work after just 12 weeks away. Just over a year later, I had a baby girl and was able to take five months off due to the sale of a property which left us with a small profit. Back to work again.

My employer initially said I could work from home so I organised for my children to go into daycare much later than I would have if I had to return to work. They reneged on the deal about three weeks before I commenced maternity leave so with a mad scramble we organised for my husband to look after the kids until we could get them into daycare. People just don't realise how difficult it is trying to juggle everything do they?? My boss isn't all bad though as my hours are 6:30-3 so I can pick up the kids early in the afternoon and get some time with them before bed.

I honestly don't think the guilt is purely self-imposed either. The expectations that others can place on us can be damaging as well.

Just yesterday I received word from my sister-in-law in the UK that I had neglected to send a thank you card for my son's 2nd birthday present and I also forgot her husband's birthday. My mother-in-law tells me that the house needs a good clean and that the children have a right to crawl around on clean floors. My employer would like me to be able to work late at night occasionally which I can't due to just one car and a husband who attends night lectures. My in laws would like to see more of the children - but only at their home which is not child friendly. My parents would like to see more of the children but they live on an island.

And me, what do I want? Well actually all I want is to spend more time with my children and a happy medium for most of the areas in my life which require attention. Actually, I wouldn't mind a decent night's sleep and smooth heels again :o - oh, and maybe someone to give me a hand occasionally. Hubby and I have been out only twice in two years.

Stuff it I say. I cannot be everything to everyone.

[Chickadee]

Yay Deborah! Excellent attitude! As long as you and your family are happy and healthy everything else can wait and all the rest of the world can mind their own business!

However, I admit I'm not as brave as my words. There are many times I'm very glad none of my family or in-laws are here and I don't have to deal with daily picking at my housekeeping skills. The month my parents visited I was full of guilt that my mother was doing dishes, laundry and making dinner. It was a HUGE help and I was incredibly grateful, but felt guilty at the same time. Why do we have this voice in our head that demands perfection? I'd really like to know where it comes from.

I can sympathise a bit with your employment situation. My boss has sort of accepted that I will no longer work late but forgets sometimes and leaves me scrambling to make it to daycare on time, or I end up bringing Chloe back to the office with me till late in the evening. I'm only supposed to be part time, 3 days a week, but the expectation seems to be that I'll work extra days when needed - even though trying to arrange daycare at the last minute is nearly impossible. Maybe I should ask my bosses wife to babysit?

I can give you smooth heels though! - Dr Scholl or similar creams for cracked heels, applied morning and night, really works if you actually have time to put it on in the morning (never!) and stay awake long enough to remember at night (rarely!) :D

[Nora]

Hello, I am new here.

I work full time in Malaysia. And our family plan to go back to Perth someday soon. I am malaysian but my hubby australian.

I have two kids, 3-year old son and 2-year old daughter. I send both of them to daycare centre near my house. I am lucky to work with a very understanding company and boss. But I wonder whether I can remain working when we go back to Perth.

It is not easy being a working parent. I have no family support because I have no mum and etc. I feel guilty leaving my kids in daycare. It is the hardest when they are sick and I need to take care of them. But I also feel guilty when I often take leave and neglect my work. But I love having my own money, adult friends and my own life outside the family. After office, my time would only be spend with my own kids. So I guess I have to miss some of it, and yet still feel needed by my kids and my employer.

[debbie.c]

I just posted something in another section on working Mums and probably should have put it here!It was about how I went back to work when my youngest was 6 months old and how I copped criticism over it.I have sooo much respect for working Mums - especially those doing part or full-time.When my son was 12 months I had to go back 4 days a week and it was hell!Not only did I have terrible guilt about leaving him, but I felt like I was always rushing around trying to get things done.The house was a mess on my working days,I felt like I wasn't spending enough time with my son, and the stress of it all was making me take it out on my husband,so we would argue a lot. Now with two kids I am lucky because I work for my parents' business and have the luxury of doing whatever hours I want.I choose to do about 10 hrs a week - mainly to get out of the house for a while!- but even with that small amount I have still had people tell me I shouldn't be working, I should be at home taking care of my children!!!!Did anyone else have to deal with this?

[xkwzit]

Hi Debbie
I was sorry to read in your post that you continue to be criticised for working part time. We are all passionate about the choices we make whether working or SAH, but that doesn't mean that our choice is right for everyone. I would tend to ignore people who suggest that their way is the only way, surround yourself with people who build you up rather than knock you down. Every family is different and WHAT WORKS for every family is different. We're all just trying to do a good job at parenting (and maybe at our workplace too :) ).

Best of luck with the Reduction of Guilt (my advice is just don't listen, they haven't walked (or worked) in your shoes :p )