Grandparents rude comments

[OM]

I am due to have this baby very very soon (now to tell the baby that lol)! Anyway here is my problem my grandparents so this babies great grandparents really don't think before they speak at all.

A few things they have said to me over the years:

After I quit smoking and had not touched a cigarette in 6 months my grandmother said to me 'gee you got fat didn't you' hmmmm I was less than impressed with that comment and needless to say started smoking again. I weighed only 55kgs which is well within average for my height at the time she made that comment.

When I was pregnant with Ozzy I didn't bother mentioning that I was pg to them because they would want to see me and I didn't need the comments about how big I had gotten as I was really upset about it to begin with (I had gained 40+kgs) but anyway they heard on the grapevine that I had Ozzy and wanted to see me and again commented on my weight and also said to me that I should have kept my legs shut! Ahhhhh

Since having Ozzy I actually lost all but 5kgs of that weight but fell pg again before I could move the last few kgs so again I have avoided my grandparents as I don't want to hear comments about my size and when I did tell them I was pg this time they said well I hope that's it and one of you better be getting steralised. Anyway the other day I was at the shops and my grandfather walks past us (I didn't notice till he stopped us) and the first thing he says to me is 'you got fat' and then looks at my DH and says 'you got skinny is she taking all your fat'!:banghead: I said well I am heavily pg what do you expect me to look like and then made up some excuse to leave.

It's like they don't realise the comments hurt me alot when they comment on my size etc (I am not that big, or I didn't think I was).

When this baby is born I would love to show them the baby as it's their 2nd great grandchild, Ozzy was their first great grandchild, but I don't want to hear nasty comments.

Anyone have any suggestions on what to do or say to them?

[mysonroger]

how very annoying..... God dammit.

but i reckon you need to bounce those comments away with your imaginary deflector shield that you should carry at all times. oldies are so out of touch and they generally have no idea or decorum, so don't let someone who has a fairly minor role in your life have that much impact on you. its like you are giving them the power to upset you, break you and cause destructive behaviour (starting smoking again for example...) by taking it to heart.

you could turn it into a game and try and guess the silly comment they will make before they say it. for example if you visit with your DP/DH, you both have to come up with what you think they will say and who ever gets it right, or the most right, wins the game....that sort of thing. - that way you end up being disappointed if they don't say something.

If there's ever a conversation about weight looming, my husband always announces 'I'm thinking about putting on 10kgs" because he's quite chubby, so everyone always laughs.

honestly , the only way to get through it is to develop a sense of humour about it. then you stay on top. trust me...i used to work on construction sites where i was the only female and had a big bum...i stayed a step ahead of these fellows and i'd end up cracking THEM UP with comments about my ***.

don't let them get to you. use this situation as practice for the next situation where your feelings are hurt.

[*~alegna~*]

I know it's hard but I agree, take it with a grain of salt. That generation are completely removed & do lack a little tact I think..Same sort of thing happens with DH's Grandies...we just litterally laugh & call her the "foot in mouth queen":p

Don't let it get to you, you should be proud that you were the one to give the great-grandkids! :hugs:

[reAllytee]

Wow & i thought my grandmother was a good one for her thoughtless comments !

I would really be thinking about putting my foot down if i was you as in speaking up for yourself & not letting them get away with what they are saying.
They probably have no clue they are saying anything thats upsetting you, it seems to be the norm for that generation i think !
I would do the nice thing & of course take bubs to see them & if they say anything rude say something like " Im tired of hearing these things they are hurtful & i think you dont realise how rude you are being. Please refrain from saying anything more about it, remember the saying If you have nothing nice to say .... because if you cant stop saying such things especially around my kids when soon enough they will understand what is being said i will have to stop visiting "

Thats something i would say anyways :o

I had something like that ready for my nan but funnily enough she has calmed right down & loves Boof to death so hardly makes any more bad comments. Besides getting married of course :rolleyes:

Good luck hun :hugs:

[Nickster]

I would just laugh at them - how ridiculous are they? Take it like everything they're saying is a joke - re. the sterilisation:laughing: , the shifting of body fat from your DH to you :laughing: - you couldn't take that seriously, could you?

I'm sure you're looking just lovely.

Old people - what else can I say?:o

[Lastcenturymum]

I agree with Alegna - its a generation thing. Some people are just insensitive to others feelings and speak on what they see. My parents make what I regard as racist comments - stuff they grew up with - and usually say it without thinking. I generally remind them it ain't politically correct.

If you are like me, you probably think of 1000 smart retorts, which don't help, but our shape/size is a pretty sensitive issue - especially when being a new mum/pregnant.

They'd be the first to tell you if they thought you were too thin too. Try to ignore it!

[mytwolilprinces]

My grandmother is the same - upon visiting me at the hospital the day ds2 was born she said "gee, you're fat" ummmmm HELLO, I just had a baby :confused:

It's definatley an old person thing, as rudest comments I get about my 2 boys when I'm out shopping come from old ladies who are 70+

[Mum&bubs]

Hun, I've seen you before & you are in no way fat!!!
I have no idea what to say to them though, if it were me I'd be immature & say a nasty come back like 'oh your sure looking old..' but that's just me :devil6:

[Niki]

that is so rude, dont listen to them hun:hugs: :hugs:

[missmum05]

:hugs: to you. I can imagine those comments hurt you and I cant believe someone would say something like that. its like a thing older people do..my brother came up from sydney and my nan walked in the door and the first thing she said was'geeze you put some weight on' not even a hello or anything first. I dont think my nan actually relizes it upset him:confused:
I would stand up for myself and tell them how you feel and just maybe they will take a step back and think about their comments.....
or maybe just comment on how much weight they have gained :laughing: maybe that will get them thinking..Lol

[bubbajude]

:hugs: I totally understand and agree with the rest... I think its in the generation...

My grandmother pines on all the time how her great grandchild is too skinny that I never feed him enough :ecomcity: " Oh my g'grand son looks so malnourished, your mother never feeds you!!! Oh what a bad mother to starve her child like that and look at you!!! How do you expect your child to grow when you look so tired and horrible get some sleep and eat something" By the way Im breastfeeding and have a perfectly healthy baby with a perfect weight gain!!!! Try getting some sleep with a teething baby.

Deep down they love you, and they care.. Their comments may not be so loving but take it as a laugh...

You are beautiful the way that you are...

[bubbajude]

:hugs: I totally understand and agree with the rest... I think its in the generation...

My grandmother pines on all the time how her great grandchild is too skinny that I never feed him enough :ecomcity: " Oh my g'grand son looks so malnourished, your mother never feeds you!!! Oh what a bad mother to starve her child like that and look at you!!! How do you expect your child to grow when you look so tired and horrible get some sleep and eat something" By the way Im breastfeeding and have a perfectly healthy baby with a perfect weight gain!!!! Try getting some sleep with a teething baby.

Deep down they love you, and they care.. Their comments may not be so loving but take it as a laugh...

You are beautiful the way that you are...:hugs: :hugs:

[bec79]

I have no idea what to say to them though, if it were me I'd be immature & say a nasty come back like 'oh your sure looking old..' but that's just me :devil6:

:laughing: :laughing: Love that comment. My nan is the same...always commenting on my weight. She is very skinny, so when she tells me I need to lose weight, I just come right back and tell her she looks like a bag of bones and needs to put on weight.
BTW, you are no way, shape, or form "fat".

[Stretchmark Diva]

Let the hormones fly, sweety!

Call them on their rudeness, every single time until they stop. Make it clear you won't tolerate personal comments about your weight. Have a few comebacks ready:

eg: "Wow. THAT was a very rude thing to say."

"What do you mean by that?"

or "I thought your generation was always told if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

And: "My weight is not up for discussion. It is inappropriate, rude, and hurtful. If you don't stop making these comments I will have to leave." Then LEAVE as soon as they say something.

If they try to tell you YOU are being "too sensitive" tell them flat out: "Even if I am, I have told you it hurts my feelings. So for you to continue to make personal comments about my weight means that you are deliberately trying to hurt my feelings. I will not be around people who feel they need to put me down in order to make themselves feel better."

If they say they were "only joking, that's the way they are," then you can say: "Well, a joke is funny. I am not laughing. And that is just the way I am."

Seriously, being old doesn't give anyone the right to be rude and hurtful. Standing up for yourself in a calm and assertive manner isn't being rude. It is teaching them the way to treat you.

And, you are so not fat.:reindeer:

[IheartOman]

Clearly what they say is rude and dumb.

You asked for advice so mine is this -

Accept them for who they are and either have them around in all their er, glory (jokes but you get what Im saying) or dont.

You cant change them and getting upset about it doesnt hely anyone. Either take them or leave them pretty much.

No point asking questions like why are they like this or why do they say that? cos those questions will never be answered.

[GraceUnhearing]

my pop always says to me when ever i see him.
'wow your wasting away to an elephant'

even last time i went there i was very pregnant.
i dont think they think before they say things.

[Philippa]

Just be careful if you feel the need to say something. My husbands grandparents live across the road and every Saturday without fail she'd drop over the careers guide. We'd told her before (on several occasions) that I'd be staying at home until the youngest started school. One day I took back over the paper and said please stop bringing it over, I've got a job...my kids and DH wants me to do this. Well she let off a tirade calling me an ungrateful "?@#$ (female dog) ordered me off her property and has written us out of the will. I'm still shellshocked, all I wanted is for her to stop her not too subtle hints about going back to work (she started when I was seven months pregnant with my second!). She flew right of the handle and unless I'm being obtuse and she REALLY hated my guts and wanted it out all along and was just wanting to pick a fight....
She was hypersensitive and did not take being corrected well at all...understatement! Care required with dealing with the elderly!

[jess_live_die]

:hugs:aww hunni you seemed so nice i would have gone nuts at them its none of there bussinesswat u do or how many kids u have or how much weight u lose or gain they are just very rude. i think all mothers are beautiful.

[Roopee]

Why dont you try this.

" yes but you know, i'll always be able to loose the weight YOU on he other hand can not change the fact that your ugly":D

Hmm on second thoughts thats probably a bit rude but im a touch evil sometimes:devil6:

[jessgray]

why do people feel the need to comment on people's weight?its just a number. some may be happy with that number others not so happy then there is people like me who ignore it.
dont let negativity rob you of happiness those ppl are just green with envy that you look so good and happy:hugs:

[Funkychicken]

Maybe you could respond in kind. Something like "And you are getting balder" or "I see you have more grey hair than last I saw you"
Just a thought :rolleyes: .

[Pippi Longstocking]

My grandma is exactly the same! She always has been. She'll watch me eat with a disapproving look on her face and say helpful things like "Are you going to eat that? It has quite a bit of fat/sugar etc in it". I usually respond with 'Yep! And I'm going to eat yours too if you let your guard down!".
She was revoltingly proud when I lost over 20kgs a couple of years ago. She went on and on about it. Then next time i saw her, I was 8 months pregnant with Shine and the size of a small ocean liner. She told me I should stop eating and go to the gym. :rolleyes:

I would just shrug it off. Old people are strange. Just mock them back, it's what I do and I like to think they appreciate my refreshing honesty as lots of people tend to be overly polite to old people. I could be wrong of course but if someone is going to be rude to me, you can bet your ar....m that I am going to be equally rude (although quite a bit wittier :p ) back to them.

[mum2bubba]

Goodness me, what horrible grandparents you have, my IN-LAWS wouldn't even say that to me (they're not that bad, seriously :p )

I'm not sure what you should say, but definently say something, put them in their place, their comments are hurtful towards you. I'd be scared that they were going to say the same things to your kids.

:hugs: I hope you can sort something out soon coz that is pretty bad.

:shame: on your grandparents

[mum2bubba]

I would do the nice thing & of course take bubs to see them & if they say anything rude say something like " Im tired of hearing these things they are hurtful & i think you dont realise how rude you are being. Please refrain from saying anything more about it, remember the saying If you have nothing nice to say .... because if you cant stop saying such things especially around my kids when soon enough they will understand what is being said i will have to stop visiting "





This is what I was going to say but I just couldn't think of the right way to say it (I blame pregnancy brain)

[Stretchmark Diva]

:eek: Wow Phillipa, that was one MEAN old lady! I reckon you are better off without her - how dare she essentially blackmail you into accepting her abuse?

You can live your life with freedom, no tiptoeing around the miserable old dragon. :devil6:

[our little treasures]

That is very rude. Are they super fit or a bit over wieght themselfs??? I would make a funny comment back in regards to their hair or something.. They may then get a taste and realise they have issues.

[Nick'sMum]

How completely rude and unacceptable.:no:

Comments like that are unnecessary and it sounds like they they are trying to transfer their unhappy feelings onto you.

I am of the opinion that it's not a generation thing and just because they are old does not mean that it's okay for them to be rude to you, actually if anything they should know better, shame on them.

My grandfather is the most gentle, kindest person I know and was wonderful while I was pregnant and loves seeing my DS.

My mum, DS and I visit him every Saturday as my DH works and he was and is always respectful of my feelings.

If your Grandparent's don't get their acts together and apologise and promise to curb their thoughtless comments I wouldn't waste my time on them, you and your children don't need negative people bringing you down.

:kiss: and kisses to you.

Susan.

[mum2bubba]

The younger generation are always told to respect their elders, well how can we do this if they don't respect us?

BTW, I don't mean ALL old people are disrespectful, only a handfull of them. :shame:

[rosebaby]

I think it has something to do with the Depression - it was a badge of honour to starve with dignity or something. They think we kids have it too soft - too much of the good life blah blah blah.

I was in the supermarket the other day with my 4.5 month old DS, and a pancake-faced old crone came up to me and complimented my son, which I accepted with thanks. Then she squawked at the top of her voice, "You're not expecting another one are you?" I smiled a tight smile and assured her I wasn't. At which she bellowed: "BUT YOU STILL HAVE SUCH A BIG BABY BELLY." I narrowed my eyes and loudly thanked her for her kindness at pointing that out, but I think the sarcasm may have been lost on her.

I thought Stretchmark Diva's replies were excellent - I am mentally storing them for future use.

[mum2bubba]

and a pancake-faced old crone




:laughing: Too funnny