Paying for Mother and In-Laws

[Biene]

I'm hoping you ladies can give me some advice with this issue.

I'm currently pregnant with our first baby, who's due Feb 14, both my mother and DF's mother are desperate to see the baby next year, as its the first grandchild on both sides, here is my problem, my mother and DF's mother both think that we are going to pay for their flights to visit the baby, my mother lives in NZ and DF's mother lives in Europe, so that's like $2800 for return flights :eek:

I have already given up work and DF has a well paid job, but I just don't think we should have to pay, there are lots of expenses with a new baby and I plan on being a SAHM, so its not like we will have a money tree.

At first it was just MIL who thought we would pay her flight, but now my mother is dropping hints and I am frankly getting annoyed about it, I don't want to be nit picky but it gets expensive when people/family come to visit, you have extra costs plus both mothers want to come at the same time. I have tried talking to DF about it, he gets defensive and states 'well I'll just tell my mother that she can't come', which isn't fair because I don't mind her coming. I have suggested that perhaps his other family members can help pitch in with the cost and we all contribute a bit of money to get her here, I haven't heard anything else from DF since this suggestion and I'm not keen on bringing it up again as we both get upset. With my mother, as I mentioned she is dropping hints, first she asked for DF's airpoints, now she's mentioned us paying for her flight, my mum has a job and is going overseas over Xmas time.

Am I being selfish? Before baby I wouldn't have had a problem as we were both working, but now our circumstances/priorities have changed, I would love to hear your advice, as at the moment I feel like a big meanie.

[poshBecks]

Wow, I didn't realise that it should be your responsibilty?!!

I would have thought that if they want to see baby then they should pay for it!! Don't they realise that babies cost a lot of money?

No, i don't think you are being selfish. Maybe if you get asked out right you could just say that yopu'd love to but at the moment you can't afford it!?

Sorry i'm just in shock that you would be expected to!!!

[Anna&JacksMum]

No way! Although it really hard to say no to your parents!

We were in a similar situation, and came up with the compromise of nipping it the bud by saying to both sets of parents - 'We'd love it if you'd come and visit when we have the new baby, and because it'll cost you money for the trip, please don't buy us a present as well, you being here is present enough!' That ended all discussion of who was paying and everyone was happy (especially our budget!)

good luck! :)

[Miss_Vicki]

No way ! i dont think your been spefish ,
But then if u jsut wanted to do something nice u could chuck in a lil bit towards it (like 500 a person IF u can afford it) but no way should u pay the full price

Is df wantin to pay for Both parents?

hugs so not a thing i think u should be expected to pay its Your special time an hubbys if anything They should pay for them selfs Plus get u really nice gifts hehe :)

[Rockett]

There's no way you are being selfish!! Sorry,but I think it's quite rude of them to be even asking at a time like this! Surely they realise you need money for the baby?
I think Anna&Jacksmum's way of handling it is a good idea.
Hope you get through this ok. :)

[Ana Gram]

No you aren't being selfish. Simple tell them you don't have that kind of money. My parent travelled from interstate with no problem moneywise and bought us food and anything else we needed for almost 2 weeks. My partners side of the family live in Frankston which is only an hour away and some of them didn't see DD for 6 months. It is a lot more trouble and stress for you with an infant to try and accomodate those without.

[lil monkey]

OMG! How rude of them to expect you to pay especially when you will be a SAHM and babies are expensive!!!

If they really want to see the baby then they will pay their way!

Have you ever paid for them to come and see you before?

[nemosmum]

Tell em both to go jump LOL :D No only joking I know its not that easy but really how dare they put that kind of pressure on your new family.

I cant believe how selfish their both being its like their the child and your the parent :eek: my mum would never even dream of asking me something like that.

Although DH's father is such a tight a** when it comes to $ you wouldnt believe the things his pulled on us over the years and he is very well off with a great job earning him over 100 G a year and owns two houses.......but I guess he got all that by being a tight a** :D HEHEHE

Put your foot down and dont pay for any of them.

[Milly]

Goodness. No way is it your responsibility to pay for those flights. I can't believe they expect that. That is so very rude. I have never heard of parents or in-laws expecting that before.

No, you might have to tell them that that is an impossible request or even before you say that, ask them why they want you to pay in the first place. It would be interesting to see their reasoning behind such an odd request. :eek:

[Biene]

Thanks guys for your support, I don't feel so bad now about putting my foot down.

I can nip it in the butt with my mother, but with the MIL it maybe a bit more difficult, at the start of the year DF promised her a trip out to visit, but this was before we found out we were having a baby and when we had 2 x incomes, now he's just too afraid to tell her that we aren't in a position to pay the full fare.

I will do what you guys suggested, no presents just put the $$ towards your flight and see how this pans out.

Thanks Biene :)

[H&B'sMum]

I can't believe they have the nerve to even ask, let alone expect.
I'm a bit of a straight shotter when it comes to my family.
I would just tell them that you have a lot of expenses with the bub and can't possibly afford the tickets, with going back to one wage and all.
If they are desperate enough to visit they will find the money....they always do ;)

[ElizaDee]

I agree with others, I feel that it is a shock and rude to expect you to pay especially with one wage. I will understand that one day when we go to one wage with a baby. :eek:

Let us know how you go with suggesting the airfare as presents. I think that is a good idea.

[BubbleBelly]

WOW! I can't believe they expect this from you! I'm gobsmacked!

[Jaileth]

OMG!

I hope everything went ok for you - I can't believe that they were both asking for you to pay for their flights - I mean, if you want to see some one, you pay for it. Even if it's just filling up the car with petrol. You don't do that, then get to your friends place and ask for them to pay for the fuel!

Hopefully by now you've got this sorted - wondering how you went with it. Maybe if you explain to your MIL that you're going down to one wage she might understand.

Good luck tho - with family and bub!

[onabreak]

I agree with everyone else, I don't think you are selfish at all. I think it is quite rude for them to ask you to pay for thier flights.

Why don't you ask them if they will pay for the both of you and your new bub to fly over there so they can see they new baby, see what their response is then.

[madvoice]

You are under enough financial pressure as it is without footing the burden of your mother/inlaws flight to see the baby. I would be putting my foot down too. My MIL and mother both paid for their own airfares to come and see their grandchild. If they really want to see the baby, they'll figure something out.

[JnA]

I'm gobsmacked too! I can't think of a holiday package in the world that will pay for you to go and stay with them and add the bonus of a new baby to ahh over. :eek: :eek: