How do you become an egg donor?

[tammac77]

Hello,

Just wondering how you actually become an egg donor if you don't actually know someone who needs you?

I'm currently pregnant and not looking to donate at the moment, but have been thinking seriously about it since my first baby.

Wouldn't have the faintest idea how to "meet up" with recipients. I know you can't go around advertising and getting peoples hopes up - I'm sure there would be heaps of responses if you did!! But how do you find the people you want to donate to? I don't think I would want to do anonymous donation, would like to know that the baby being created is going to a loving and safe family.

If anyone knows where I can get info that would be great as I thought I would start doing some research now, though it will be quite a while before I can do anything (baby due in April, then breastfeeding etc)

Thanks,

Tamara

[babydreams]

Hi Tamara,
Firstly, congrats on your pregnancy!

What a lovely person you are to be considering donating once you have completed your family. It is so heartwarming to know that there are beautiful people like you out there wanting to help someone have a chance at parenthood...it is truly a very special gift. :angel:

I'm glad to hear that you are interested in a known-donation, I personally think it is best and am thrilled with the lovely friendship we now have with our donor who was a total stranger to us before she responded to our ad here on Bubhub.

As you say, it's not the done thing to advertise as a donor...much better that you respond privately to ads placed by those seeking a donor. It's important not to promise anything straight away...after all you need to meet them and see if you "click". Plus it's important to remember that people needing egg donors have been through a lot of heartbreak already and as you said it would be wrong to get their hopes up before you could make a solid commitment.

There is a section here on Bubhub where people who are seeking donors have placed their ads. You will also find similar ads on other sites and in magazines....one of them will reach off the page or the screen and touch your heart.

It's great that you are doing your research now...it's a big decision to make and important to be well-informed. There is also some excellent info here for potential donors in some of the sticky threads.

Please feel free to keep asking questions...there are likely to be others like youself lurking and thinking about this but too afriad to ask, so it helps lots of people to read threads like this.

Best of luck with your next bub.
Babydreams xx

[tammac77]

hi babydreams,

Thanks for your response. I guess my problem is that I would like as you say to "click" with someone. As a donor do I have to right to set specific criteria about the people I want to donate to?

I know donating isn't about me and my values and beliefs, at the same time I'm not sure I want to help create a child with a couple unless I feel that they will provide (in my opinion) a loving and supportive upbringing. As such I would want to know about their attitude towards things such as homosexuality - I would hate to help place a child in a home where its parents condemned homosexuality and who would reject a child that turned out to be gay. I guess what I am saying is I don't want to contribute in any way to a child being hurt, harmed, emotionally damaged etc. I would want to make sure that if the child had a disability the parents would be supportive, I would want to make sure the parents religious beliefs didn't prevent it from receiving medical treatment such as blood transfusions. But I don't know if this is too much to ask? Would I have to right to ask those questions?

It is really hard because I believe as the donor I don't have a right to say how the child is raised once its born - I'm not the parent. And I don't have the right to interfere or impose my values or pass judgment on the parents, but at the same time like I said, I want to make sure that the child created is nurtured and loved in a way I can feel comforatable with. I don't know if that makes sense!!

My other problem is what if I meet people on this forum or some other way and we start getting to know each other and we don't click. What if I realise these aren't the right people, but I have already started communicating with them? I'd find it hard having to explain to them why I can't be their donor.

There are so many issues involved! This is why I am starting to get my head around it now. I think it would be such a wonderful thing to do, but I would have to be certain it was the right thing to do for everyone involved.

Anyone with advice it would be much appreciated!

Thanks

[2onthego]

All very valid concerns tammac77, this is why I myself decided to be annonamous for my donation. I am in the middle of treatment at the moment with retreival due on the 16th Jan. I wanted to give this awesome gift but decided that there were too many what if's to consider if I met the couple (it;s not fair to interview them as they have already been through councelling etc). I think this way I can imagine the perfect scenario for my egg. This couple have been though alot and I know that they will love and care for this child in the best way possible. So as soon as I have had the procedure that is my job done.

All the best with your pregnancy.
Lv Shell

[2onthego]

Oh I found out about donating by contacting my local IVF clinic.
Lv Shell

[jo-anne.36]

hello there tammac77 thank you for thinking about be coming an donor you are such a lovely person and i hope that woman who are want to be come a donor read your thread this such a precious gift you could give couples like me to have a sec chance to be come parents and if you want some more inform they is another site you can join called Aussie Egg Donor on there is lots of donors and ips to talk to and read there posted and may be you can contacted sarah wa mum of 4 or contacted pisces00 and asked them some question as they both have donated to ips before iam sure they would'nt mind or ring your local ivf clinic xxxx jo:tree:

[wa mum of 4]

I found one lot of IP's in a parents mag and the other here on wonderful bub hub.

I prefered known as I wanted to meet them, and was concerned about genetic clashing with my children.
Each to the own hon, what ever you feel comfortable with.

And a big :hugs: for thinking about it, well done you are truely an :angel: .
:hugs:
Sarah

[babydreams]

Tamara I've have tried Pming you with some further info a couple of times but it doesn't seem to work...do you have it disabled? PM me if you like.
Babydreams xx

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Tamara

I'm always amazed how many donors start giving it very serious thought when they are pregnant/breastfeeding etc - must be all those wonderful Mama hormones!

Just like you, I was first pregnant when I first started thinking about it and made the first move to find out more when my son was about six months old. I have had three amazing donation experiences and the key for me has been researching and talking to others and more research etc so as much as possible I had a fair idea of what I was walking in to. The resources and gentle brainstrust here at bubhub is a wonderful start so use them!

Please feel free to PM for further talks, or even better, by chatting out here in the open, other potential donors can benefit from your journey and info gathering.

Bless you for being so thoughtful, enjoy your pregnancy.

Love

Cindy

[pisces00]

Hey Tamara,

I am a donor myself and i used to read the ads placed in the public notices in the papers or in Melbournes Child. In fact if you contacted the major womens hospitals in your state of even the offices of fertility specialists and expressed what you would like to do, they would jump at the chance to help you in any way.

Meeting the couples for the first time before anything is decided is just like a blind date really - just rememeber that they are as nervous as hell and the easiest way to put things at ease is just to express why you want to donate and tell them about yourself and family background. It is also best to work out what each expects out of the whole donation ( to have contact later on or not etc). I always tell them that i am the yeast for the dough and she is the oven ( without each other the whole thing doesnt work haha) and that it will be their faces in the baby album not yours so they will be the parents - this helps out enourmously for couples who worry that they may not be percieved at the parents, or feel like the true parents - pls pm me for more info is you like - i have the best experiences from wonderful recipients who were initially so wound up and scared but they just needed to know that they were actually going to get a shot at being parents.:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[jo-anne.36]

hello tamara, pisces00 yes this so ture that as recipient we are so bl...y nervous to meet a potential donor for the first time you get scard to tell the person your life story and you worry about what they think about you and you worry if they change they minds and you do'nt want to be dissappointed but when you find the right person you are over the moon and on cloud nine then when from time you start the cycing to you get to the bt you do'nt want to let you :angel: down because you know how much they have gone thought to help you to fulfill your dreams of becoming parents and you are so greatful for the person to give you the most precious gift any one could give you in a life time i would to thank you both for be an egg donor as recipient you wish you could give the person money but all the money in the world could 'nt repay for the special give you give as well i know one that you get a friend for life:yes: xxxx jo-anne:tree:

[tammac77]

Hi everyone!

Thanks so much for all the support! There's been some great info and lots of encouragement.

I've got a really long time to think about it, but like sarahstarfish says, lots of people start thinking about it when they are pregnant.

I've just been so lucky and been able to get pregnant first try both times and I think being able to do that gets so taken for granted. I can't imagine what it is like to want a baby so much and not be able to have one - how awful!! I recently watched "Children of Men" where every woman in the whole world is infertile and the youngest person alive is 21 - there is a line that says something like "a world without the sound of childrens voices is a very strange place" and it really convinced me.

That is why it is so hard, I would so hate to disappoint someone. I know once I found the right couple I wouldn't change my mind, but it is getting to that stage that worries me. I don't want potential couples feeling like they have to convince me or that they have to bend over backwards and impress me - it feels like I would be in a position where I have something that is so desperately wanted by so many wonderful and caring people, how would I choose one couple over another?? That's my biggest obstacle at the moment, and it really helps getting feedback from people and hearing their stories.

Its just that so many people need help and you can't help all of them, how do you choose? I guess that is the good thing about anonymous donation, the power and decision making and responsibility is taken away, but there are drawbacks to that as well.

I'll keep researching and talking to people and look at some of materials people have suggested.

Thanks again

[Thinking_about_it]

Hi Tamara,
Firstly hi and good on ya for thinking of donating. Like you I considered donating quite early on but I am only now in the middle of my first donation, I didn't feel any need to rush things. Like others have said, AED is a good group to join to find out more about potential recipients. The other thing I found helpful if I wanted to know more about a recipient without contacting them directly and possibly raising their hopes unnecessarily was to search out previous posts they have made. This gives you a feel for what sort of person they are, sort of. Good luck!
Megan

[leisurly]

Hi Megan

It is a shame that you think donors should go to AED to find out more about potential recipients. Bub hub has had many matches, I also don't think as a recipient that my hopes did'nt get up when someone contacted me just that they were curious to find out more.

Also reading posts can be very bias as remember recipients on AED are wanting to look sqweeky clean and perfect and not put an opinion forward in case they don't look perfect. As I was told by one moderator on AED I wasn't likely to get a donor as they didn't like me. Yet if you read my posts on here you will find I am opinionated but at the same time I truely care about people and I hate injustice.

Lxx

[sarahstarfish]

Hey all

Leisurely, I got the feeling Megan was just sourcing another avenue of information, as per the title of the opening post requesting such?? Would be a shame for others to miss out on visiting somewhere they themselves might find useful on their journey even if others haven't.

Cindy

[Thinking_about_it]

Hi Leisurly,
Agreed - one doesnt have to go to AED to get more info, but then it's just another source that an interested person can access should they wish to, and I personally think that a potential donor should definitely avail herself of as much information as she can.

Just for the record, I found my IM here on Bubhub!

[hoping123]

hiya Thinking I would just like to thankyou for doing such a selfless act and becoming a donor we need more people like you in this world. I hope your ip's realise how lucky they are.:hugs:

[dreadedmumma]

Just confirming the best way to donate is to contact your local IVF clinic to get tests etc.... to see if your a viable donor?

Then after that find a recipient?

There wouldn't be any point saying I could donate when I haven't had any of these tests or councelling or anything?

Thanks

[mrsdj1234]

I didn't go that route dreaded, I approached a recipient and we did all the testing as part of getting cycling.
You can approach an IVF clinic first, so that you know for sure that you are fine. They just do a blood test to check hormone levels.
Perhaps discuss it with your GP, as they may be able to do the tests for you (if they understand all that stuff). I'm pretty sure you'll need to get a referral from your GP before going to the clinic anyway.
As for counselling, that is done with your IPs when you start cycling, so the counselling isn't needed before hand.