Have you ever looked around a room and wondered: is she one of them?

[MammaMia]

I had a lovely day yesterday with a great bunch of women (and men) who were all mothers.

And as we talked and discussed life, the world and laughed, it occurred to us...

for all the angst we who are young in motherhood (as opposed to necessarily young in years) experience over the parenting dilemmas...

elective C-section/Vaginal birth
drugs/no drugs
mid-wife/obstetrician/doula
public/private
breast feed/ bottle feed
circumcise/ non-circumcision
immunise/ don't immunise
cloth nappies/ disposables
stay at home mum / working mum
solids below 6 months or over
attachment parenting / controlled crying
day care / nanny / grandparentswe never look around the room and are able to select the people whose mother did one or the other of any of these things. In fact, as adults talking, it is not a conversation we have.

When it comes right down to it, as adults it isn't really a conversation that defines us... "so, Susan, lovely to meet you. Now, tell me - looking at you, I'd pick you for a breast fed baby. Am I right? And John, I'd say looking at you, that your mum used the old terry towelling numbers on that bottom."

We tend to talk about experiences of our childhood, be they good or bad in our memories.... the caravan holidays we went on, the time Dad went mad when we used the wash line to launch us into outerspace.

So, it occurred to us that whilst we all take different approaches to our decisions about having and rearing our children in their infancy, what they will remember and what will define them, is really the love that we give them and the families we create in which to nurture them. Our job is to give them safe passage through to adulthood.

As for the rest of it, well, as the saying goes, don't sweat the small stuff.

Signed
Three Cheers for Women Laughing & Encouraging Each Other!

[cosmic]

On the whole, I do agree MM and I think there should be more positive support for all of us. I had a lot of very high expectations of myself as a new parent and I have often felt utterly exhausted and extremely disappointed at my failure to live up to them.

But I actually do remember being left to cry when I was about 5 or 6. I was living with my grandmother in the country while my mum lived in the city where she could get work, after having left my father (who was alcoholic and violent :rolleyes: ). So of course, that was a lot for a little person to deal with and perhaps I was wanting attention or something, but after I don't know how many nights of me waking and crying during the night, my GM obviously decided that enough was enough and one night she didn't come.

And I did what most little people do (even babies) and eventually worked out she wasn't coming and went to sleep. I probably didn't bother crying anymore either so for her, I guess it worked.

For me.. to this day I will never forget the feeling of lying in the dark and slowly realising that she wasn't coming no matter how loudly I yelled. :crying:

So ummm.... methinks I just put a damper on your upbeat thread. :o

But my point is - I don't think just because a baby doesn't remember the experience later that the experience is any different for a baby than it was for me. In fact, I believe it must be far worse since they don't have the reasoning skills to work out what's going on. Every experience shapes us and I don't think just because we don't remember them, they don't have an effect.

Erm... righty-ho. Back to being positive and supportive. :D

[sueliz]

Well said MM!!
I have met a few mums on here that I have become really good friends with and there is such a variety in hoe we 'parent' our babies. We are a mix of BF, FF, Vax, Non-Vax, CC, Co Sleeping, Circ, not circ, and so on babies.
I really enjoy chatting to these Mums about how they reached their decisions with some of their choices, I love learning from them. But above all - there kids are gorgeous, healthy, happy, intelligent bubs and kids who are so obviously loved and adored and cared for and this is what will make all the difference as they grow I believe!

[Pixie]

You can't tell, but you can guess :D

[shed]

well, to be honest, the things I do are generally not what 'most people' do so when I am out and about and meet other mothers I just presume that I am the freak and don't bring any of those subjects up.

[jessgray]

so true.
we have family and a few friends who struggle with the fact DP is the stay at parent not me:laughing:
i am going to be studying from home and working from home next yr so its not like dp is left defenseless against our tiny terrors:laughing:
my ds's arent circumsised neither is dp but my bro's are (their dad is) we co-sleep with ds2 but ds1 wont sleep in our bed anymore. i FF ds1 i bf ds2. we vax them. i think it really comes down to
you know whats best for your child so nuts to the people who hassle you on your parenting choices

[Wivi]

MM I loved your poast and think on the whole it is very true.

Being a Mum who BF I am a bit oversensitive at times and fnd myself justifying my decision to others. I should just look at the big picture and realise that I was a BF baby and there's no sign on my forehead telling the world!

[rosebaby]

I had a little cry for you when I read this, cosmic. I hope you've been able to move on from being that sad little girl. A very wise lady once told me that the best thing about painful memories associated with your childhood is that they give you the resolve to be extra vigilant about making sure your child doesn't experience the same things. I have no doubt that you think about that little six year old you were, and give your little girl all the love in the world. :hugs:


On the whole, I do agree MM and I think there should be more positive support for all of us. I had a lot of very high expectations of myself as a new parent and I have often felt utterly exhausted and extremely disappointed at my failure to live up to them.

But I actually do remember being left to cry when I was about 5 or 6. I was living with my grandmother in the country while my mum lived in the city where she could get work, after having left my father (who was alcoholic and violent ). So of course, that was a lot for a little person to deal with and perhaps I was wanting attention or something, but after I don't know how many nights of me waking and crying during the night, my GM obviously decided that enough was enough and one night she didn't come.

And I did what most little people do (even babies) and eventually worked out she wasn't coming and went to sleep. I probably didn't bother crying anymore either so for her, I guess it worked.

For me.. to this day I will never forget the feeling of lying in the dark and slowly realising that she wasn't coming no matter how loudly I yelled. :crying:

So ummm.... methinks I just put a damper on your upbeat thread.

But my point is - I don't think just because a baby doesn't remember the experience later that the experience is any different for a baby than it was for me. In fact, I believe it must be far worse since they don't have the reasoning skills to work out what's going on. Every experience shapes us and I don't think just because we don't remember them, they don't have an effect.

Erm... righty-ho. Back to being positive and supportive. :D

[reAllytee]

MM - Beautifully said :yelclap:

What was hilarious was when i was a baby my mum had a fight with some man on the street because he took one look at me & said " OOOhhhh look at her she is DEFINATELY a breastfed baby !! " my mum was rather shocked as you would be coming from a complete stranger ! But she replied " Ummm sorry no she isnt " to which he then ranted & raved she was lying because look at me i was a chubby baby with big beautiful rosy cheeks !!! Tis hilarious !

I was also a baby that co-slept yet have major issues so i too find it amazing when people start on CC being an issue when a child gets older .... Sorry but im living proof that not even co-sleeping is the cure !

We all do what we can & we do the best we can.

But i say again what a beautiful post MM as always you are one wise wise woman :D

[Bron]

MammaMia, your post was beautiful.

Thank you for reminding us all of the things that actually matter. Bless you.

[Mamaduke]

:yelclap: MammaMia...thank you! :yes: