Long Vent about Parents (Inlaws)

[tawk06]

I need to get this off my chest otherwise I'll go nuts. :banghead:

I'll start with my parents. Whenever they come around here to babysit my 2 DD, I know I'm in for a lecture about the state of my house (it's tidy but not perfect) when I get back home. Even if there's 1 shirt sitting in my DD laundry basket, my mother will berate me & tell me that the washing should be done every single day. The sad thing is, my dad backs her up. To top it off, my dad has no idea how to look after kids (he was always working when I was growing up). The last time he babysat, he gave my then 12mth old DD a CAN of solo because she was thirsty! And then wondered why she bouncing off the walls - honestly! Needless to say, he hasn't babysat since.

Now onto my MIL. Last weekend when my DH took the girls to see his parents, my youngest DD was really upset because I wasn't there (I'm there 24/7 virtually so I can understand her looking to me for reassurance when others are around). My MIL tried to give her cranberry juice to calm her down (my DD isn't taking to solids yet so it's fair to say that it will be awhile before we get to the juice drinking stage).Thankfully my DH stopped her before she got anywhere near our daughter. You would think that she would know better having raised 2 children herself but apparently not.

To top it off, she then sent my DH on a guilt trip because my DD would scream every time she went near her. MIL complained that she never saw them enough (we see them once a week) and therefore the kids didn't know her etc. I think she was just jealous because the kids absolutely love thier grandad and have never had a problem like that with him. The funny part is, I know that she would never have tried any of that stuff if I had been there.

All this **** from both sides is wearing both my DH & I down. Neither my DH or I are looking forward to Christmas Day. We even agreed that if any one of them say anything derogatory towards us, we'll be leaving straight away. Which I hate because its Christmas and I don't want my DDs growing up with awful memories of Christmas. How can I politely but strongly tell them where to get off?

[poodysmum]

I just wanted to give you a BIIIG hug :hugs:
My inlaws used to drive us NUTS-but not anymore (we havent spoken to them in a year, and we're the happiest we've ever been:D )
I hope it all works out.

Alli

[MrsTwith3]

Hi Kate,
I can only suggest to you that if they say or do anything you just have to tell it to them straight. Tell them that they are your kids and you and your Dh will do things your way. You could also say to them that they have raised there kids the way they wanted and did a great job so how about giving you and your DH a chance to do a great job raising your own.
I hope that makes sense and I havent rambled to much.

Mel

[bronny-jane]

even if you tell them not to comment they will:banghead:

sometimes advice is great...

i let people talk to me about how im raising my kids.....i9 sday talk cause i dont listen:D ...i used to and it got me down.....

why not have your own xmas...just pop in for a quick visit:D

[tawk06]

I don't know why, but I have always hoped that they would somehow change their attitude towards me (as they have this amazing knack of not being very supportive about anything).

Anyway, it's turned out that I had a miscarriage the other day (not my AF like I first thought) and my mother had not one shred of sympathy. Instead, she said (I quote it verbatim) I hope you're not thinking of having anymore children as you can't keep up with the two that you have. And you should be doing the washing everyday.'

That was the last thing in the world I needed to hear yesterday. So today, I told them flat out that we won't be visiting for Christmas or ever again as I will not tolerate their attitudes/behaviour anymore.

I hated having to do it, but when your own mother doesn't have sympathy for you in your time of need, then I simply don't want to hear or see her again.

[LilShenanigans]

Hmm I've got annoying family too... I'm not visiting them this Christmas, which I've had to tell several people now "No, dont want to.. but you know where I live, you know my phone number, you know EXACTLY where I'll be on Christmas Day... so YOU can visit ME!"...
They won't.

I'd go a step better then asking your mother to hire a cleaning lady. Tell her to do it herself.
And if there isn't a load of washing to put on, to please restrain from doing so as we are in a drought and it would a complete waste of water and only morons would do something so stoopid!

Your MIL GRR, Kids go through this stage, they scream at everyone whether they like them or not... My DD went through it, My Brother is now going through it.
If she doesn't want a screaming baby, 1. Should see child more often (if you want). 2. Wait for stage to pass. 3. DROP THE ATTITUDE Because children pick up on that negative attitude and will hate the person for life... well, the rest of MILs life.

Enjoy Christmas, do what you want, have fun the way you want... don't let anyone guilt trip you into doing what THEY want!
:xmas:

[ButterflyGirls]

:hugs: I have every bit of sympathy for you!!

Lately, DH and I have been considering moving to Adelaide to get away from both sets of parents! Though i know that that's not going to solve our problems.

Good on you for standing up for yourself. :thumbsup:
I can do it with my mother, but just haven't got the courage to let the monster-in-law have it........yet!

[jessgray]

:hugs: i tune people out if they give unwanted advice. its amazing isnt it what ppl offer kids when they arent there own. a few days ago i had to tell my 16 yr old sister ds1 isnt aloud to have coke, unless she wanted to look after him while he stayed up all night high on sugar and caffine:laughing: she ended up getting him a prima lol

[mumoftwoboys2005]

I am so sorry to hear of your m/c. You need :hugs: not smart aleck answers from your Mother of all people! That's just mean. :thumbsdown:

Bugger 'em. You stay home with your family and if they wish to visit (gee I hope not) then they can leave the attitude at their place.

Have a beautiful Christmas Day. I hope you get what you wish for. :reindeer:

[SnoozesWithCats]

tawk06 you have my every sympathy - that sounds like a horrible situation to deal with (and from BOTH lots of parents at the same time!)

But I'm glad to see you have two great things going for you.

Firstly, that you were smart and strong enough to deal with the toxic comments the way they SHOULD be dealt with. I absolutely applaud you for drawing a line in the sand with your mum. She has to learn to treat you with respect - otherwise, what can she be but a destructive influence in your life?

Secondly, that you have a DH that supports you and is on the same page with you with how to deal with the situation. Stick together, and you can get through anything.

I hope you have a wonderful christmas ... with or without the extended family.

:xmas:

[juzzy]

twak06 - sorry to hear of your loss and your mothers complete lack of sympathy.

I am so glad that you stuck up for yourself. She really has no right to speak to you like that. If she has such an issue with the state of your house tell her to do it herself.

As for you MIL tell her that you will raise your kids in a way that you see fit and you would appreciate if she kept her comments to herself.

I hope you have a very merry christmas anyway