I need advice

[Fay]

I am cursed with a demon mother-in-law. She is so jealous of me right now …Actually she has always been jealous of me… She continually finds things wrong with me. How I set up our house, how I cook, how I clean, how I look, how I don't take care of our children, and how inadequate I take care of her son. He’s a big boy, and he can take care of himself. She is mad right now because I got a new car from my husband for my birthday and she wanted him to give her the money. I gave birth to his three children and I ‘m the one that is working right now (he is laid off) so I deserve that car not her. All she has done is try to break us up. She actually got a girl to try to sleep with my husband which backfired on her because the girl got ****ed at her for telling her that our marriage was over which made her look like a home wrecker. She is always trying to control my family as if she’s the boss of all of us and tells me how I should cook supper for my family before I go to work so he doesn’t have to do a woman’s job. He’s laid off from work…He can cook for himself and the kids. Whenever she came over for supper, she would shut our T.V. off because that’s her rules. Well…that’s my house and not my rules but she would get her way because she would freak out if she didn’t. This woman is a liar, a thief, and a manipulator. She has been calling me horrible names and saying ignorant things about me to other people, and then lies to my husband about ever saying it. She would then manipulate him into thinking that I was making it all up to make him made at her. She is nuts. Money has been going missing all the time from my house and we thought that our kids were taking it, which wasn’t a big deal, but my daughter caught her grandmother taking our grocery money one day. I then knew who was taking the money but my husband didn’t want to believe that his mother was a thief. My kids never wanted to go over to visit with her because she would call them names like moron, stupid, or ********. She would also call me names like small town *****, and **** to my children. She use to say stuff like that to my face but stopped when I told her I would knock her mouth off if she ever disrespected me like that again. Not that long ago, she began telling people that my husband was sleeping with our babysitter, and told everyone that it was me saying it. What a fruitcake. .. She did tell me ten years ago that she would do whatever she could to break us up. She’ll even go as far as to make her own son look like a scum bad to do it. My marriage was beginning to fall apart and that was when she made her move to finish us off. She began telling him how I was using him for his money (remember…He’s laid off and I’m working). She began calling me a small town ***** and a **** in front of him and our children(he remembered that I was telling him what she was calling me and realized that I wasn’t lying). At that moment he asked her how her married boyfriend was and proceeded to call her a thief, a liar, then told her to ***** off and stay the hell out of our lives. My husband has apologized to me for everything. We have moved so she doesn’t know where we live an can not phone us, but I haven’t been able to forgive him. I’m very hurt and mad that he never listened to me or our children about how she treated us. I’m also scared that he’s going to let her back into our lives because his sister wants him to, so I’ve been pushing him away emotionally. Can anyone give me advice that will help me through this and trust my husband will do the right thing.

Fay

[Kamaikia]

I don't really have any great advice but I feel for you.
Sorry but the person I feel most sorry for is your husband - what a horrible situation for him to be in - pick your wife or mother. Sounds like he made the right choice. Remember that - in the end he chose you.
He has lost his mother because he loves you enough to want to make you happy.
She wanted to create problems in the marriage but he has put a stop to that by moving you away - so who's creating the problems. You need to let go of the past if you want a future with your husband. Yes I understand why you would be angry at him but please put yourself in his shoes - its quite easy to think that you would choose him over your family but when its real life its a bit harder.
I would say its time to forgive him and move on - but make sure he knows that there is no room in your life for his mother, ever - you fearing that he will have her back in his life is whats going to ruin your marriage if you let it. Give him a voice, ask him what he wants.
Such a hard situation, I really hope he sees that a leopard doesn't change its spots and I hope that you both can move on and be happy.

[Nickster]

Unbelievable. Big, HUGE massive *hugs* to you, Fay. What an awful situation, but your husband, I believe has chosen you, although, like Kamaika said, not an easy choice to make - except for the fact that she is a PSYCHO!!!
Sweetie, I haven't got much advice to give, except you just have to trust your husband to follow through with what he's already done. To go back would cause too much hurt to your marriage and your precious babies, both of whom HAVE to come first. Stay strong and believe in yourself - and give your hubby a huge hug because it's got to have been hard for him to finally admit what his mother is.
Take care and let us all know how you go! :)

[mimi]

Oh Fay!! you poor dear! What a horror story!

but as others have said - at least your husband has finally realised AND ADMITTED!! that his mum is 'bad news' and this must have taken SOOO much courage on his part. It must be tough to admit the ones you love are not really lovable!! and he must feel a fool for falling for her nonsense all this time.

I too am pretty much at a loss as to how to advise you! The only thing I can think of is to make sure you TALK TALK TALK to hubby ... and listen too of course! ... but most of all, acknowledge his 'bravery' and his commitment to you and your children. Perhaps if he knows how much you appreciate what he has done, it may make it easier for him to stick by his decision .... ?? .... maybe?

Hugs and healing vibes to you and your family.

[Maghan]

Wow, I'm lost for words. It's true though, he chose you over his mum. No matter what she is, she is his mum and he chose you! I think it's hard trying to see fault in our parents, so don't blame him too much, he just wanted a his mum to be his mum!

[Rachael]

Be glad that your husband finally saw his mum for the manipulative ***** that she appears to be.

It is hard for anyone to think badly of their parents and when they have proof slammed into their face by their mother it would be a massive shock.

Your hubbie is probably quite emotional and hurt at the moment and needs your support and love. He may try to patch things up with his Mum but should give it a few months/years till he does that and should never fully trust her again.

Stand by your hubbie because as the other posters have said he chose you over his mother (as he should ;) )

/hugs

goodluck and take each day as it comes. Don't stress too much.

[poshBecks]

Fay,

I'm sorry you had to live through that ordeal!!

I think it would be VERY hard for anyone to believe that theire own mum could be soooo aweful, so it's quite understandable that hubby took a while to realise.

Just remember that he did come around & start to see how bitter & horrible she is.

Please forgive him!!!! Otherwise you will become bitter too!! He did choose you after all! :o

Just think.... it's all over & now you can get on with your lives & work on making this an AWESOME marriage!!! :D

I'm glad she's out of your lives now!!

Good luck!!

[Blessed Mum]

I was reading Fay's thread and the responses and I feel so bad that people who are supposed to love us unconditionally(our families) treat their children or children's partners so badly. :mad: I too have had a lot of bad experiences with family members but always been told it was "because they care". I too have cut myself off from these family members but always wanted to not hurt other people or let my son miss out. So my question is How do you know when its time to cut these people out of your lives for good??? And then do you just pull into your own family unit for support,sharing,etc??? :confused:

Tara :)

[brooke]

I feel for all of you! That is insane! I dont blame your husband for not believing it! It would be so hard to believe that his own mother could do stuff like this!

I bet he is feeling pretty bad right now.. 1 for letting you and the kids down and 2 for losing his mother!
The main thing is that he has made the right decision now and It is only natural that his sister would want them to talk!
I am sure that one day that they will start talking again one day but you will just need to trust in your heart that he will do the right thing and believe you and hope that she has learnt her lesson!
My father and his mother didnt talk for almost my whole life because she is very similar to what you have wrote.. his sister always tried to get them to talk and almost always ended badly! Was very hard for me as a child and I still have resentment towards her... My dad has just started speaking with her again and I asked my mum how she can deal with it and she just said... " I love your father and have to accept that she is his mother and It is important for her to be in his life.." she then said.... "but it doesnt mean that I like her or will ever have to like her just be polite and be there for him if it all goes bad"

Good luck and big hugs too you and your family!
Your marriage must be very strong to last thru all of that! WELL DONE!

[JnA]

Your mIL makes my MIL looks like an angel.. and that's saying something! Big hugs to you and listen to these ladies.. they speak good stuff.

Take care of you and *your* family.