feelings after c-section??

[angel_one]

ok, i dont know if it is just me or what, but a lot of women seem to be tramuatized after there c-sections - especially emergency ones, im trying to find out why, i had my boy via emergency c-section, at 32 weeks, and after having to full term healthy babies natually, the only thing that traumatized me was the fact that my baby was so little and hooked up to all the machines and stuff in the nicu, (oh and watching the og tube being pulled out of his liitle mouth! :barf: , as for the c-section, im not impressed with the fact that i had it, but i now look at like this, if i didnt have it, my baby may not be here today! - why else would they have done an emergency c-section???


i dont know maybe im just weird!

[phineas]

Ok, well, it's not the fact that I had a csec that traumatised me...

....it's the fact that I remember barely anything about my DD being born, that I didn't except to have a csec, they made me sign things when I couldn't think (let alone hold a pen), I was being yelled at to keep still to put a spinal in, I didn't get to hold my baby girl, I kept slipping into unconsciousness for the first 6 hours of my babies life, I was shaking and sweating uncontrollably and had to have visitors while that was happening, I had a horrible abdominal recovery after what felt like I'd been totally butchered.
So it wasn't the actual csec, just the things that came with it in that case :)

[stellarella]

I think alot of women are traumatised and angry because they know their c/sec was not actually needed. They feel robbed.

Also for alot of women giving birth naturally is a very important aspect of being a woman. They would then need to work through those feelings of loss of a VB.

Also, the physical trauma of the c/sec is worse for some women than others...many women develop complications from the c/sec itself.

I think some other threads would tell you the extent and strength of some of these feelings. For many wopmen their c/sec experience haunts them day in and day out.

I guess you are very lucky to have resolved any issues regarding your c/sec quickly and easily. Thats great. You obviously felt your c/sec was totally necessary and life saving. That is its intention and you were one of those who benefitted from it.

Many women are given completely unecessary c/sec!!

[Pixie]

OK I am guessing here, but I would say that your case is hopefully unique and needed to be done.

I know mine needed to be done, but if I had just waited things would of been different I am sure.

Trauma is a huge thing it can be as simple as you didn't get what you wanted to your partner thinking he would be a single parent. I had both, the most traumatic thing I coped with from my emergency c/section was coping with my DH suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and to this day struggles.

I have accepted the fact I didn't get my natural waterbirth. but still my lack of patience got the better of me. NEVER AGAIN.

I nearly died that's pretty traumatic

[SassyMummy]

Obviously, it's not the same...but I'll liken it to a wedding.

Imagine you're a little girl. One day, you want to get married. A lot of little girls imagine how their weddings will be (and so do some of us older girls...lol). We know it won't be exactly what it's like in our imaginations, but we'd like something that at least resembles our image of our future wedding.

Then you get to your wedding day. You've been looking forward to this once-in-a-lifetime (or even if it's more than once, it's not a REGULAR thing - like childbirth) event. Then someone comes in and says, "Oh, by the way...all that you wanted, not going to happen." Then this person comes in and completely changes everything you imagined. They take away all the thing you wanted.

You wanted to be surrounded in a beautiful environment, but these people remove every ounce of beauty and instead tell you your wedding is going to take place somewhere totally UN romantic. They say, "You can only have one person you know in the room with you," and fill the rest of the room with strangers, who don't even know your name. (Or for those who have a general anesthetic, it would be like saying, "You're getting married, but we're going to make you pass out so you don't experience/remember it at all").

It's like having these people, who are ruining your fantasy, make everything the complete opposite of you wanted.

Sure, in the ned you get married... but what special memories do you have from that day? They've ruined this supposedly very special moment for you... and where you hoped to have vivid, wonderful memories, you've got somewhat blurry, terrifying memories.

See, I had a caesarean and I wanted a VB. That's what I wanted - a VB. I had an idea of how I wanted it to go, but I knew that there was no certainty of that... so I just hoped for a VB and all that it could possibly entail... tears, episiotomy, regular internals, forceps... I didn't WANT those things, but if that's what happened, then it happened. I was prepared to have all those things done if that's how my VB went.

I didn't want surgery. THat was my worst nightmare.

So yeah, it's kinda like someone ruining a day you looked forward to. I don't think my hopes for my birthing experience were far-fetched... I didn't think, "Oh, my labour is going to be really quick and relatively painfree. There are going to be no complications and I'll be completely tear-free at the end of it." I'm not an idiot - I knew there was every possibility I'd create some damage down there... but I was willing to accept that.

Another thing, is that I hated that my body did not do the one thing that it was designed to do. Why doesn't my body work? That's one thing I always think. Though I (sort of) believe that my body WOULD have done it's job if OBs hadn't been too hasty... I have no proof to back that up. So I feel so pathetic that my adult female body, didn't do what an adult female body SHOULD do - have babies vaginally.

I hope that clears it up for you.

Please don't assume that those of us whp had caesareans aren't grateful for our babies health either - I am so happy that my daughter was born healthy. I'm just angry that she wasn't born healthily they way she DESERVED to be born (and the way I hoped she would have been born). I hate that I can't think of her birth in a nice way... because she was nice, but the birth certainly wasn't.

[Minke]

You're not weird... I have no probs with my c-section. I've had a v/b and an em c/s and really don't view them any differently - they were a means to an end, and i didn't think the way I birthed my bubs as a significant thing in my life. Maybe i am a little weird :o

My view is very warped by the fact that my best friend lost her baby because her cesearean came too late - so for me it was a positive to have a baby to take home. I'm not saying that people aren't justified in their grief over their c-sections, just my experiences have made me think differently. I had never wanted any certain type of birth, so when things didn't go smoothly I wasn't disappointed.

I'm not saying that people who are disappointed with their c/s are bad and ungrateful people, this is just ME and MY feelings.

[Oscar's mum]

I feel like less of a women because my body refused to do what it's meant to:(

[OscarTheGrouch]

I feel like less of a women because my body refused to do what it's meant to:(
Oh O's mum, I really hope you get your well-deserved VBAC.:hugs:

[becca74]

Well, not only was I traumatised by my 2nd c/sec, I was traumatised unnecessarily, and if you click my name in my sig and go to my blog, you can see why, when you look at me comparing my recent homebirth with my 2nd c/sec.

I am mighty pi$$ed off!!!!!!:mad: :mad: :mad:

It is bad enough when someone is tramatised with a necessary c/section. But to go through that for absolutely no reason other than the incompetence of the hospital I went to makes me wanna :barf:

(bare with me girls, I am working through some real cr@p at the moment, since I got those notes....it's been hard)

[ZarasMummy]

I agree with you angel one, I am just so glad to have my gorgeous little girl here with me. I was induced and after a labour of only about 11 hours was told that I had failed to progress any further for the last 4 hours and would need an emergency c/s as DD was getting distressed.

I would definately say that it was a shock at first but I was lucky enough to have an epi already so it was just a case of going off to theatre and having a spinal block....then she was out. I did feel a little depressed for the first week or two because the recovery was so hard and I felt it stopped me bonding properly with my newborn, but if I had to do it all again I would. Ultimately the safety of my unborn child was the most important thing in the world.

[angel_one]

Obviously, it's not the same...but I'll liken it to a wedding.

Imagine you're a little girl. One day, you want to get married. A lot of little girls imagine how their weddings will be (and so do some of us older girls...lol). We know it won't be exactly what it's like in our imaginations, but we'd like something that at least resembles our image of our future wedding.

Then you get to your wedding day. You've been looking forward to this once-in-a-lifetime (or even if it's more than once, it's not a REGULAR thing - like childbirth) event. Then someone comes in and says, "Oh, by the way...all that you wanted, not going to happen." Then this person comes in and completely changes everything you imagined. They take away all the thing you wanted.

You wanted to be surrounded in a beautiful environment, but these people remove every ounce of beauty and instead tell you your wedding is going to take place somewhere totally UN romantic. They say, "You can only have one person you know in the room with you," and fill the rest of the room with strangers, who don't even know your name. (Or for those who have a general anesthetic, it would be like saying, "You're getting married, but we're going to make you pass out so you don't experience/remember it at all").

It's like having these people, who are ruining your fantasy, make everything the complete opposite of you wanted.

Sure, in the ned you get married... but what special memories do you have from that day? They've ruined this supposedly very special moment for you... and where you hoped to have vivid, wonderful memories, you've got somewhat blurry, terrifying memories.

See, I had a caesarean and I wanted a VB. That's what I wanted - a VB. I had an idea of how I wanted it to go, but I knew that there was no certainty of that... so I just hoped for a VB and all that it could possibly entail... tears, episiotomy, regular internals, forceps... I didn't WANT those things, but if that's what happened, then it happened. I was prepared to have all those things done if that's how my VB went.

I didn't want surgery. THat was my worst nightmare.

So yeah, it's kinda like someone ruining a day you looked forward to. I don't think my hopes for my birthing experience were far-fetched... I didn't think, "Oh, my labour is going to be really quick and relatively painfree. There are going to be no complications and I'll be completely tear-free at the end of it." I'm not an idiot - I knew there was every possibility I'd create some damage down there... but I was willing to accept that.

Another thing, is that I hated that my body did not do the one thing that it was designed to do. Why doesn't my body work? That's one thing I always think. Though I (sort of) believe that my body WOULD have done it's job if OBs hadn't been too hasty... I have no proof to back that up. So I feel so pathetic that my adult female body, didn't do what an adult female body SHOULD do - have babies vaginally.

I hope that clears it up for you.

Please don't assume that those of us whp had caesareans aren't grateful for our babies health either - I am so happy that my daughter was born healthy. I'm just angry that she wasn't born healthily they way she DESERVED to be born (and the way I hoped she would have been born). I hate that I can't think of her birth in a nice way... because she was nice, but the birth certainly wasn't.

Sassy - been there done that with the wedding, i can say i am very sour over the wedding side of things, but i had very muchly planned to have this baby the same way i had the other 2, especaially the full term part! i think maybe i have been to busy thinking about babys wellbeing to dwell on my birth experience not going the way i wanted it - i mean im not happy that i was in the hospital to begin with, let alone having my first operation, and the needle in my back - which was one of the biggest things i never wanted (huge fear of needles in my arm- let alone in my spine!!) in all honesty this babys birth was in no way anything remotely what i had planned - it was far from being natural the second i hit the hospital and was being stuck with needles and meds!! (i have now had more drugs pumped thru my body in the last 4 months than in my whole life!) which for a person who will turn down a simple panadol under most cirumstances is pretty sad!

[JATS]

Hmmm, well it might just be me but the wedding/birth is insignificant, the marriage/child's life is what's important. What happens over the space of a few hours at the begining is honestly a drop in the ocean.

The number of women I know who regularly visit their child's gravesite knowing that child would still be alive if they'd had a c/s makes me feel like the luckiest woman on earth.

Ok my birth was NOTHING like I'd hoped and planned for or dreamed about for 9 months but my son is here, he's alive, so am I and I don't think anyone that lucky has any reason to gripe!:D

[alicesmum]

Hmmm, well it might just be me but the wedding/birth is insignificant, the marriage/child's life is what's important. What happens over the space of a few hours at the begining is honestly a drop in the ocean.

The number of women I know who regularly visit their child's gravesite knowing that child would still be alive if they'd had a c/s makes me feel like the luckiest woman on earth.

Ok my birth was NOTHING like I'd hoped and planned for or dreamed about for 9 months but my son is here, he's alive, so am I and I don't think anyone that lucky has any reason to gripe!:D

i agree with you LMTB. But as Becca74 has said on another thread, we are all different in the kinds of weddings we want too. some people want a quiet simple wedding, and like you, the marraige afterwards is the main/sole focus of importance. other people want the big elaborate wedding, and they are entitled to want that.

i wanted the big elaborate wedding and the fabulous emppowering natural birth. i got the natural birth, so i think i would have felt like others if it hadn't worked out.

i like this quote i read yesterday which went along the lines of:

"when there is a huge souce of suffering in one's life, this renders little sufferings unimportant. but when there is less suffering, even little causes of suffering seem big".

i.e., all suffering is relative. in the case of the OP, you were too worried about whether your child was going to live or die to care very much about how s/he was born. is that fair? i would have been the same, esp given that i, like you, have already had 2 natural VBs so at least have experienced it.

[JATS]

I never experienced a full term VB, my daughter was 14 weeks gestation.

[nats]

I didn't mind the procedure so much. I didn't even mind being seperated from DS so I could go to recovery - I knew I had my whole life to get to know him.
What I don't like is the limitations it puts on me and my family. Women are discouraged from VBAC's and having more than 3 c/s so basically one thing dictates how you plan your family!
Also the stinking backaches and headaches I get because my abdominal muscles have been severed and sewn back up so my back muscles don't have their support.
Anyway, I had the epidural so I blame myself! And partly the doctor who woulndn't help me push past that tiny, residual cervical lip so as I could birth my baby right!
c'est la vive eh???

[SassyMummy]

Okay, so you obviously didn't get my wedding analogy angel_one...

I guess the thing is, I wanted more from my birthing experience than JUST a healthy baby. Obviously, that was the major concern... but it wasn't my ONLY concern.

For me, the birth of my daughter was not JUST about her... it was something both DP and I had a part in. I wanted MY memories to be happy ones... not terrifying ones. I wanted to experience this wonderful, natural, vaginal birth. I wanted to have that experience. But I didn't. I didn't even have a single contraction (I went overdue - that was the sole reason for my caesarean. My DD was never in any danger... it was just a matter of dates).

When I think back to her birth, I wish I could think about her and how wonderful it was that she was born. But when I look back at it, all I can remember is how cr*ppy I felt. How sorry for myself I felt. How I was too busy freaking out that someone had hacked me open to care about her. MY body was being mutilated... and that's all I could really think about.

I also never felt a sense of achievement. I know that some women don't care about that... but for me, I wanted to push my baby out. It's not like it would make me any more "worthy" of a mother, but I wanted that experience. I wanted to be able to think, "If I can do that, I can do anything!" But I don't, because my sole participation in the birth of DD was just being there. All I did was lay around and get cut open. THat's how it feels for me... as if I was a third party. I didn't really have any involvement in the whole thing... I did absolutely nothing other than lay there.

And as someone else suggested, having a caesarean can create more problems for later on. My caesarean was unnecessary. Dates were the reason for my caesarean, not that DD was in any danger... just that she might perhaps be in danger at some point if I didn't have a caesarean. When someone says to you, "Do this or you'll murder your own baby," then you just go, "um, okay." You let them violate your body, because they make you feel guilty. The beauty of hindsight, while in a more rational state of mind, has let me know that if I had continued along, nothing would have happened. Well, it may not have happened. If DD WAS in danger, then I would have had a c-sec. But she wasn't IN danger... there was just a possibility that perhaps she may become in danger later on. It's like never going in a car just in case oneday you're in an accident and die. It's a bit ridiculous.

So, now that I've had a caesarean, it's going to be that much harder for me to have a VBAC next time. I want to vaginally birth more than anything... but medical professionals aren't as open to VBAC as they are to repeat c-sec. I'm going to have to FIGHT for a VBAC, and I don't think that's very fair. Why should I have to fight to birth naturally? It seems stupid.

As for you saying you've had a bad wedding experience, you very well may have... but I doubt it was very close to my example of a "wedding gone wrong." Having a caesarean when you don't want one, isn't about just not getting EVERYTHING you wanted, it about not getting ANYTHING you wanted... except the end result. I'm sure you had a nice dress/people had fun/you had some good memories of the day. I had none of that with my birthing experience.

[chameleon]

SassyMummy, I think you've done a great job at explaining it, and your feelings are totally valid. I always love reading your posts, they are so well written!

I personally didn't feel disappointed about my C-section, but that is most probably because I pictured it just AWFUL. I was being wheeled in balling my eyes out positive I would die. I have never been so scared in my life! But then I calmed down, and got out alive :yelclap: :laughing: and recovered well, and thought, that wasn't so bad! Because I had imagined it would be ten times worse.

I don't really want another one, because surely next time I won't be so lucky and something is sure to go wrong! But then again I'm not a very positive thinker... :no:

[Minke]

Things that you experience in life change the way you view things - LMTB went through the loss of a child - THAT changes the importance you put on everything. I watched my friend bury her baby, and go home and pack away all the the baby room, all the clothes, nappies, toys... And it happened to her, which made me realise how easily it can happen and it can happen to anyone - there was nothing wrong with her baby, other than that her c/s didn't happen soon enough. THAT is why I didn't care about the way DS was born.

It doesn't make your feelings any less valid - a cesearean isn't a walk in the park - there are complications that can come from them. And a sense of failure...

To use the wedding analogy, some people are happy just to get married, whether it be at the registery office, whereas some people want the big wedding and it is important for them - But it doesn't mean the person who is happy with the registery office wedding will understand why the big wedding people were disapointed when something went wrong on the day. It doesn't mean the people who are disappointed are wrong. Different things are important to different people.

I think we can all agree that losing a child is the worst possible thing you can go through. If you have lost a child, is it wrong that the only important thing to you is that your baby comes out healthy?

To put it another way - one women is telling her friend that she was disapointed that her husband came home late - the other woman is a widow who lost her husband in a car accident - would she have cared that her husbad was late? no, she would have been happy that he came home. Life experience - it doesn't make the woman disapointed in her husband wrong, nor the widow, they've both had life experiences that are different resulting in different views.

Some women really want a natural birth, some don't care. To be honest I have gotten really angry reading some threads about women who aren't happy with the way their baby came out, some have actually made me cry in anger for my friend, because it's not fair - but i understand that these women would feel that way about reading other v/b stories.

[OopsieDaisy]

Ok, well, it's not the fact that I had a csec that traumatised me...

....it's the fact that I remember barely anything about my DD being born, that I didn't except to have a csec, they made me sign things when I couldn't think (let alone hold a pen), I was being yelled at to keep still to put a spinal in, I didn't get to hold my baby girl, I kept slipping into unconsciousness for the first 6 hours of my babies life, I was shaking and sweating uncontrollably and had to have visitors while that was happening, I had a horrible abdominal recovery after what felt like I'd been totally butchered.
So it wasn't the actual csec, just the things that came with it in that case :)

Same for me, except I was knocked out cold no time for a spinal :crying:

[alicesmum]

I never experienced a full term VB, my daughter was 14 weeks gestation.

my apologies LMTB - the last para of my post was actually aimed to angel_one (the OP) but i forgot to say that. sorry :o i'm not normally so absent-minded!

[alicesmum]

Okay, so you obviously didn't get my wedding analogy angel_one...

I guess the thing is, I wanted more from my birthing experience than JUST a healthy baby. Obviously, that was the major concern... but it wasn't my ONLY concern.

For me, the birth of my daughter was not JUST about her... it was something both DP and I had a part in. I wanted MY memories to be happy ones... not terrifying ones. I wanted to experience this wonderful, natural, vaginal birth. I wanted to have that experience. But I didn't. I didn't even have a single contraction (I went overdue - that was the sole reason for my caesarean. My DD was never in any danger... it was just a matter of dates).

When I think back to her birth, I wish I could think about her and how wonderful it was that she was born. But when I look back at it, all I can remember is how cr*ppy I felt. How sorry for myself I felt. How I was too busy freaking out that someone had hacked me open to care about her. MY body was being mutilated... and that's all I could really think about.

I also never felt a sense of achievement. I know that some women don't care about that... but for me, I wanted to push my baby out. It's not like it would make me any more "worthy" of a mother, but I wanted that experience. I wanted to be able to think, "If I can do that, I can do anything!" But I don't, because my sole participation in the birth of DD was just being there. All I did was lay around and get cut open. THat's how it feels for me... as if I was a third party. I didn't really have any involvement in the whole thing... I did absolutely nothing other than lay there.

And as someone else suggested, having a caesarean can create more problems for later on. My caesarean was unnecessary. Dates were the reason for my caesarean, not that DD was in any danger... just that she might perhaps be in danger at some point if I didn't have a caesarean. When someone says to you, "Do this or you'll murder your own baby," then you just go, "um, okay." You let them violate your body, because they make you feel guilty. The beauty of hindsight, while in a more rational state of mind, has let me know that if I had continued along, nothing would have happened. Well, it may not have happened. If DD WAS in danger, then I would have had a c-sec. But she wasn't IN danger... there was just a possibility that perhaps she may become in danger later on. It's like never going in a car just in case oneday you're in an accident and die. It's a bit ridiculous.

So, now that I've had a caesarean, it's going to be that much harder for me to have a VBAC next time. I want to vaginally birth more than anything... but medical professionals aren't as open to VBAC as they are to repeat c-sec. I'm going to have to FIGHT for a VBAC, and I don't think that's very fair. Why should I have to fight to birth naturally? It seems stupid.

As for you saying you've had a bad wedding experience, you very well may have... but I doubt it was very close to my example of a "wedding gone wrong." Having a caesarean when you don't want one, isn't about just not getting EVERYTHING you wanted, it about not getting ANYTHING you wanted... except the end result. I'm sure you had a nice dress/people had fun/you had some good memories of the day. I had none of that with my birthing experience.

you explained that SO well. mind if steal a few lines for future use??!! ;)

[becstar]

The c-section itself didn't traumatise me, it was the whole experience and then the bad recovery afterwards!!! I am happy that my baby is here today and a happy healthy 3 year old. If he was'nt born via emergency c-section then he wouldn't be here......
Number two was an elective ceaser and I feel it was a positive experience compared to last time.....

Bec

[angel_one]

Okay, so you obviously didn't get my wedding analogy angel_one...

I guess the thing is, I wanted more from my birthing experience than JUST a healthy baby. Obviously, that was the major concern... but it wasn't my ONLY concern.

For me, the birth of my daughter was not JUST about her... it was something both DP and I had a part in. I wanted MY memories to be happy ones... not terrifying ones. I wanted to experience this wonderful, natural, vaginal birth. I wanted to have that experience. But I didn't. I didn't even have a single contraction (I went overdue - that was the sole reason for my caesarean. My DD was never in any danger... it was just a matter of dates).

When I think back to her birth, I wish I could think about her and how wonderful it was that she was born. But when I look back at it, all I can remember is how cr*ppy I felt. How sorry for myself I felt. How I was too busy freaking out that someone had hacked me open to care about her. MY body was being mutilated... and that's all I could really think about.

I also never felt a sense of achievement. I know that some women don't care about that... but for me, I wanted to push my baby out. It's not like it would make me any more "worthy" of a mother, but I wanted that experience. I wanted to be able to think, "If I can do that, I can do anything!" But I don't, because my sole participation in the birth of DD was just being there. All I did was lay around and get cut open. THat's how it feels for me... as if I was a third party. I didn't really have any involvement in the whole thing... I did absolutely nothing other than lay there.

And as someone else suggested, having a caesarean can create more problems for later on. My caesarean was unnecessary. Dates were the reason for my caesarean, not that DD was in any danger... just that she might perhaps be in danger at some point if I didn't have a caesarean. When someone says to you, "Do this or you'll murder your own baby," then you just go, "um, okay." You let them violate your body, because they make you feel guilty. The beauty of hindsight, while in a more rational state of mind, has let me know that if I had continued along, nothing would have happened. Well, it may not have happened. If DD WAS in danger, then I would have had a c-sec. But she wasn't IN danger... there was just a possibility that perhaps she may become in danger later on. It's like never going in a car just in case oneday you're in an accident and die. It's a bit ridiculous.

So, now that I've had a caesarean, it's going to be that much harder for me to have a VBAC next time. I want to vaginally birth more than anything... but medical professionals aren't as open to VBAC as they are to repeat c-sec. I'm going to have to FIGHT for a VBAC, and I don't think that's very fair. Why should I have to fight to birth naturally? It seems stupid.

As for you saying you've had a bad wedding experience, you very well may have... but I doubt it was very close to my example of a "wedding gone wrong." Having a caesarean when you don't want one, isn't about just not getting EVERYTHING you wanted, it about not getting ANYTHING you wanted... except the end result. I'm sure you had a nice dress/people had fun/you had some good memories of the day. I had none of that with my birthing experience.

sassy, i can say that you did actually describe my wedding almost exactly - but thats not what we are here about!, just because i am not tramatised over having the c-section doesnt mean i didnt want to have a natural birth, hell the day i was told i would not be able to have my baby in the birth centre (this is before the idea of a c-sect came to be - when i was considered highrisk) i was at the bc bawling my brains out!, i wanted more than anything in this whole world to have all my babies the same way in the same place, and 2 weeks before he was born 1/2 of that dream vanished! - so ok i got over the bc part, and continuned to dream of my drug free natural delivery, which also vanished the second that syntocin drip was placed in my arm! - sorry not my view of natural thus not the way i wanted to have my baby!! - so dont take me as one that didnt care about the way my baby made his way into the world, im extreamly ****ed that this was my smallest baby that would have been the easiest to push out! yet, my body didnt want to let him go - so what else do you do!

so ok you had the c-sect with your first baby, that doesnt mean that cause i have had kids already that i dont deserve to have the same dreams you did with my 3rd, and im gonna have the same problems you will have when we go back for another baby, and for me i very seriouly doubt i will even be allowed to put one foot thru the door of the bc!

[SassyMummy]

I wasn't trying to discount your feelings angel_one, but your OP was about not understanding WHY people are so traumatised, and I was just trying to help you understand exactly why women (including myself) CAN be so traumatised by it.

I never had that "baby in danger" moment. I hadn't been through a miscarriage. I hadn't been desperately TTC and all I wanted out of pregnancy and birth was a baby. I didn't have ANY of that experience to make me think, "Just so long as she/he is safe and healthy." All I had were my dreams.

It's not like I asked for much - all I asked for was a VB. I didn't feel guilty for wanting that - it's not like I planned for a drug-free, tear-free, quick and easy labour and birth with a perfect baby at the end... so I felt REALLY let down when I didn't get what I thought was a reasonable request. It's like a kid asking for Christmas, "I want skates," but then not getting for them. It's not like they asked for skates with pink laces, white sticking, wheels with glitter on them...etc etc. The details didn't matter - they just wanted skates "in general." I wanted a "VB in General."

I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted... but for whatever reason, it REALLY affected me. The one thing I thought I'd be good at - giving birth - didn't happen for me. Always figured I had good "childbirthing hips"... but I felt like a failure because it didn't happen.

It's also the thought of surgery - I never ever wanted any sort of surgery... but I had it. My most terrifying moment has overshadowed my most glorious moment... and it's awful that that happened.

The definition of "traumatic" is different from person to person... no doubt someone who's baby died could possibly think I'm being selfish and whingy...but there would, somewhere, be someone thinking "well, I lost 2 kids, so stop your whinging" about them... and then someone else might be thinking, "Well, at least you can have kids... I can't have kids..." and then someone else might think, "Well, that doesn't seem so important when you can't afford to have a roof over your head..." and it would just go on and on.

Someone is always worse off than you are... but all I've got is my own experiences and my own knowledge... so I just feel traumatised by what happens to me... not what happens to me compared to someone else's situation.

[damien's mum]

I guess it depends really on what things affect people. Like was it the needles, was it holding ur baby last, was it not being awake, was it pride of not being able to go natural, i think all those things come into account..

[angel_one]

i do believe im begining to figure it out! (sorry can be a bit slow at the moment! - lots on the mind!!) it depends on the circumstances surroun ding the reason for the ceasar! in my case it was for the well being of my boy and for you sassy (and a lot of others) it was a case of doctor wanting to get home! (i had a stupid doctor like that - who didnt want to have to do all the phone calls and preparation for my op, - he got a ear full from my ob when she came to work the next morning and i was still sitting in the labour ward!!

so as much as i wasnt happy with the outcome of my sons delivery being a c-sect, i was more concerned with him well being alive - especially with him being a preemie, where as there were no issues with your babies well being to make the op a need.

(yes my brain has begun to function once again - prob due to the softdrink ban lifted - dam xmas parties!! lol)

[SassyMummy]

Yeah, that's kinda it for me.

Like, I never had any reason to worry about DD's safety... so instead I was able to worry solely about myself.

There was also no real reason for my c-section... and that would have been okay if I WANTED it, but because I really DIDN'T want it... it was awful. I had a a caesarean as a "just in case" thing... so it's not like I HAD to have one (I was just too weak to stick up for myself - which is also part of the hatred i have for my caesarean experience).

The actual caesarean wasn't really all that bad - like it was really straightforward and everything. But it was more the fact that I had it and didn't WANT it that hurt... if that makes sense.

[JATS]

I didn't WANT mine either, but I think I can understand the pain of knowing it probobly wasn't necessary and thinking it could have been different if you'd been strong enough to have demanded a VB...

At least I think that's what you're trying to say.