View Full Version : one off my twins passed away
I found out yesterday that one of the twins had no heartbeat, probably passed away at about 10 weeks. I was wondering if anyone else had been through this, it is hard because it is devastating that one bub is gone but happy that the other one is Ok. :(
Rainbowbrite
28-10-2005, 16:33
Oh i'm so sorry. I'm not going to pretend i know what your going through because i don't. Goodluck with the rest of your pregnancy.
RB
Ffrenchknickers
28-10-2005, 16:35
Oh my gosh...I dont know what to say:( So sorry this had to happen to you...it must be a bit bitter sweet as you said. Glad to hear that you still have one healthy bub.:) Where do you go from here?
Take care of yourself in this time, go gently and let people take care of you:)
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, I have only sympathy, I have no experience of this.
thanks everyone- they can't do anything to remove the little bub without affecting the big twin so i have to wait and see if i bleed out naturally or otherwise the dr. said it will come out when giving birth to the other baby. The good thing is that they are in different sacs, if they were in the same one if one passes awya so does the other. I was so excited about having 2 little babies (after the initial shock). OH, I wish i could have a drink right now.....
Have you got people around who can keep you company, and help keep your spirits up?
How terribly hard to have to go through all of that.
mummycloud
28-10-2005, 16:54
I am so sorry Hon :(
Having one drink is ok under these circumstanses.
Unfortunatly the risk of first trimester miscarriage doubles with twins :( Usually they get passed during the delivery of the other baby.
((((HUGS))))
poshBecks
28-10-2005, 16:59
I'm really sorry that happened to you!! Sending hugs....
I'm so sorry this has happened. I have never been through anything like that before so I can't offer any good advice.
BIG ((((((HUGS))))) to you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your little twin. I can't say I know what you are going through but I've miscarried before so know all the different emotions that run through your head. A friend of mine miscarried one of her twins and she said that the other just absorbed it, not sure exactly how or what she meant - I didn't want to upset her by asking. She gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl though.
Hopes and best wishes are with you and your family.
((hugs))
Kiara
big hugs to you...
I have not had any experience personally with this so I cant say "i know how you feel" but i send you big hugs...
I dont blame you for wanting a drink it would be hard!
This also happened to a lady at my work around the same time as you..
she is now abot 27wks pregnant and very happy that she at least gets to have one baby! Like kiara said the other one just got "absorbed up"
All the best with the rest of your preganancy and once again.. BIG HUGS
sugar n spice
28-10-2005, 18:08
My thoughts are with you. I cant' imagine what you are going through as ive never miscarried let alone had twins. Rest up take care and i hope all stays well with you and bub to b. Thinking of you along with the other bub hum members.
Big hugs from me :D
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss *hugs* I hope you can get some good IRL support and care. I've known a few women this has happened to but they haven't found out until the healthy singleton was born. Holding you in my thoughts.
Im so sorry to hear of yor loss, i cant pretend that i understand, because it is not anything that i have experienced, but i do sympathise and send you and your family lots of good thoughts, and i am glad to hear that the other twin is hanging in there :) (((HUGS)))
How terribly terribly sad. Sending you big hugs. My thoughts are with you.
I too have never had this happen, but my heart and thoughts are with you, one little drinkie wont hurt, just drink it quick for effect.
Shazbutt
28-10-2005, 19:56
Big hugs to you.....I too can't say i know how it feels and can't even begin to imagine.....it must be very bittersweet for you. Good luck with your other precious bubba and my thoughts are with you.
Worm'sMum
28-10-2005, 21:17
Hi, I just wanted to send you BIG HUGS and take it easy. Wishing all the best for you and your family. :)
(((Hugs))) to you Mel. Make sure you take it easy...
**hugs**
I am so sorry for your loss, i can only sympathise and send big hugs.
You and your baby will be in my thoughts and prayers for a healthy rest of your pregnancy.
H&B'sMum
29-10-2005, 12:08
I'm so sorry Mel, ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))).
YOur body will either absorbe the baby and sac, you will bleed and it will come out or it will come out when you have the other bub.
Take care of your self Sweetie.
Funkychicken
30-10-2005, 20:28
I'm so sorry to hear your news. My dearest friend lost one of her twins (Alexandra) at 34 weeks and it was a really tough time. It was this event that bonded our friendship even with the tragic circumstances. I guess as a friend all I could ever do was be there for her. Both babies were delivered by C-section immediately. Alex's surviving twin , Michaela, was born with a few developmental problems and required a bit of extra care so when possible I would look after their 18 mth old daughter to ease some pressure. Many family members and friends tried to ignore the fact that Michaela had a sister and were very quick to dismiss Alex as a "child they never knew". This was probably one of the hardest aspects to deal with for my friends as she was very real to them. When people say to you things such as "At least you still have one baby" (and unfortunately you will hear these words) don't try to agree with them, or think maybe they are right because the reality is you have lost a precious babe, not some unknown entity. Your baby was and always will be very real to you and you should never feel like you 'must get over it'. You will learn to accept what has happened in your own time not anyone elses time frame. Do not let other well-meaning people bully you into forgetting about your babe or try to tell you "just be grateful" etc... because you do have a grief process to go through. If you feel up to it contact an organisation such as Sands or Bonnie Babes and they can help you to deal with your grief and maybe put you onto an organisation (whose name I can't remember right now) that helps families who have lost one or more of their multiple babes. I do know it is very important for you to speak with other mums/parents who have experienced what you have as they can empathize with you as oppossed to just sympathizing and empathy is what will help you.
I'm truly sorry for your loss and hope you are surrounded with loving people who will hold you as you need to be held.
---------------------------------------------------
Sal.
jaydensmum
30-10-2005, 21:18
Im sorry to hear about the loss of your bub! :( It must be a hard thing to go through and we are all hear for you if you need it. My big sister lost one of her twins at birth and i remember how devastating it was for everyone, especially her. I can only imagine what you are going through. Your bub will be with you forever looking down at you as an angel. Again im very sorry and may God will be with you and your DH through this hard time. God Bless you both! :)
jaydensmum
Nickster
30-10-2005, 21:35
I am so terribly sorry to hear about your loss Mel! How very sad for you. I can't imagine what you are going through - just think of that little bub waiting for you in heaven one day. Big hugs to you - take this time to have everyone care for you and take it easy on yourself.
whatwasithinking
30-10-2005, 21:50
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
May things be OK for the rest of the pregnancy.
I just want to thank everyone for there support and kind words. The real world friends are doing there best but none of them even have children so i guess it is hard for them to put themselves in my shoes. I have been getting alot of 'a least one is still alive' and worse 'it was only 12 weeks, not really a baby'. I know that i never met my baby but i know what i have missed out on. I slept for 18 hours today and yesterday and had such vivid dreams about the babies, i am sure the angel baby was a girl.
As for physically, the dr. said most likely that the baby will be absorbed back into my body or if not will hang around and come out at the birth of the other. I like the idea of it being absorbed, it makes me think the the two babies have joined together somehow.
I also am trying to talk myself out of the guilt, 'maybe it was because I did this...' or maybe i didn't appreciate the baby with all my whinging about morning sickness etc.
I am going to think about a celebration for the little bub just with the 3 (or 4) of us such a planting a beautiful tree and having a picnic underneath one day.
thank you for listening, i hope all your gorgeous kids, bumps and soon to be bumps are doing well. :)
Funkychicken
31-10-2005, 12:35
I just want to thank everyone for there support and kind words. The real world friends are doing there best but none of them even have children so i guess it is hard for them to put themselves in my shoes. I have been getting alot of 'a least one is still alive' and worse 'it was only 12 weeks, not really a baby'. I know that i never met my baby but i know what i have missed out on. I slept for 18 hours today and yesterday and had such vivid dreams about the babies, i am sure the angel baby was a girl.
As for physically, the dr. said most likely that the baby will be absorbed back into my body or if not will hang around and come out at the birth of the other. I like the idea of it being absorbed, it makes me think the the two babies have joined together somehow.
I also am trying to talk myself out of the guilt, 'maybe it was because I did this...' or maybe i didn't appreciate the baby with all my whinging about morning sickness etc.
I am going to think about a celebration for the little bub just with the 3 (or 4) of us such a planting a beautiful tree and having a picnic underneath one day.
thank you for listening, i hope all your gorgeous kids, bumps and soon to be bumps are doing well. :)
I'm not sure if it will help you, but I'm going to say it anyway. Do not under any circumstances blame yourself or feel like you didn't appreciate your babe. You have done nothing to make this happen-it is out of your hands completely. The baby gods decide a lot for us and this is one of those times. Learning to Let Go and Hand It Over to the baby gods is a very difficult thing to do but with time this can happen. Please don't feel guilt needlessly-you have been through enough pain.
----------------------
love Sal.
I am so sorry for your loss :(
I can't say that I know fully what you are going though, but my daughter was born with a tumor on her tailbone which doctors beileve could have been her twin (the tumor was made up of tissue, muscle, hair, teeth ect) I try not to think too much about it)
My parents also lost a pregnancy where there were boy/girl twins with the boys being siamese. at six months the boys died, and ten days later when the babies were delivered the girl only lived for an hour.
Try not to think about blame or things that you could have done differently, I used to do that over and over again with my DD and the tumor she had.
My parents beileved that god needed the babies more than they did down hear, I like to beileve that their souls were so perfect that they didnt need to spend time on earth, they were so pure and beautiful that they went straight to heaven.
My thoughts are with you,
amanda-Jane (27)
grant (26)
Anja Elizabeth 17/9/03
Kaeden David Gordon 2/4/05
HoopDeeDoo
10-11-2005, 18:58
My sister in law had heavy bleeding early in her last pregnancy, thinking she had a miscarriage. Her doctor wanted to do a D&C she insisted in having an ultrasound, where they found that she had two sacks, and one still had a heart beat.
She went on to have a very healthy baby boy. It's hard to know what to say, you are glad for the precious gift of of a healthy bub, but wonder what could have been. I guess you just have to think there is a reason for everything, and your angel is where they are meant to be. It's not fair but maybe they lost thier life to save their twin?
This would have been her second set of twins as she ovulates more than one egg at a time. It's hard to know how he will feel later when he looks at his older brothers and wonders why his twin didn't survive. :(
Good luck with your pregancy, you'll never forget, but hopefully the smile of your children will help to take the pain away
thanks, everyone here has been so kind to me during this hard time. I really appreciate it. I am now looking forward to meeting my lucky baby.
BubbleBelly
11-11-2005, 16:31
So sorry to hear about your loss.
You should be so proud of yourself. You're showing so much strength and courage!
mixi_mama
14-11-2005, 12:09
im so sorry that you have to go through this.
A friend of mine just recently miscarried a set of twins at about 11 weeks.
Im glad everything is ok with your other bubba........
*hugs*
(((Mel)))
I miscarried my daughter's twin at 9 weeks. I was so elated when they found a little heartbeat at the ultrasound that I put the twin that I had lost (Nikki) to the back of my mind and concentrated on little Bella who was still hanging in there. I was so excited about Bella being there, that I didn't even tell my dh until after I had Daniel that Bella had been a twin! He knew that I was having an ultrasound because I was bleeding, but had no idea that I had actually "passed" a baby at the time and that we were lucky to still have Bella.
Don't feel guilty for not going into full on grief at this stage ... you need to remain positive and un-stressed for your little bub that is still to be born. I found that I didn't grieve until I was told that Daniel should be my last baby and then it just hit. It was as if I was finally mourning for the missing little person in my family.
We are having a little ceremony in a couple of weeks for our two bubs that we have lost ... we are going to release a red balloon each with pictures tied to them that our kids have drawn and then float letters from Mum and Dad away on little boats down the river. A friend of ours who is a pastor is going to say a few words, pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the joy they brought into our lives even though they were with us for such a short time and then commit them to God and into the angel's care (which I believe they are in ... waiting until we come!).
Take care and take time for yourself ...
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