What is the point???

[My4True Angels]

Ami the only one nowadays who just doesnt beleive in marriage???
I believe it cost alot of money and stress and organising and all you get out of it at the end it a peice of paper stating you are married and I also beleive why waste all your time doing this when marriage doesnt make a difference to your realationship??
If you are going to stay together forever then you will not bc a peice of paper says you are.
Plus i know alot of people who do get married nowadays end up seperated 2-3yrs later then have to go through all the **** of divorce. So really what is the point of marriage??
I hope this doesnt offend anyone but it is just my point on marriage and was just curious if anyone else had similar views as me.:confused:

[shed]

I'm getting married in May and the main reason we are getting married is so we all have the same last name.

I don't care much for a big wedding but it looks like we will be having one. It didn't start out that way but its grown.

I want to get married. It just seems right to me. I want to be able to say my husband, because I don't like saying partner, it feels like a business arrangement, and boyfriend doesn't really say that we are a family and fiance just sounds bizarre, I never say it.

We are a bit oldfashioned as a couple, so it would suit us more to be married I think.

[Bubble*Crazy]

I believe it cost alot of money and stress and organising and all you get out of it at the end it a peice of paper stating you are married

To us, we currently have many other things to direct our cash towards, so we too think it is quite an extravagent way to pay for others to have a great party!

When we do eventually get married (sorry, if we do :p - to me though it's not going to change our relationship from what it is now) it would be very, very low key for us and our immediate family, not everyone else.

However, that is mine & my DP's view only, I truly am happy for those that wish to get married and get their dream wedding - it's just not something I've ever really wanted.

[Bubble*Crazy]

the main reason we are getting married is so we all have the same last name .........

I want to be able to say my husband, because I don't like saying partner, it feels like a business arrangement, and boyfriend doesn't really say that we are a family and fiance just sounds bizarre, I never say it.

Agree with both these comments - so the option will be either extremely LOW key or just change my name to DP's by deed poll (sp?!) - so really, for what I need to go through it's probably just as easy to have the low key wedding :laughing: :laughing: ... sounds contradicting to my first post doesn't it :rolleyes:

[shed]

it would be very, very low key for us and our immediate family, not everyone else.


Thats what we said as well :laughing: . I think everyone starts out that way.

Ours is not going to be a 'monster' though, I can guarantee that! ugh. I couldn't think of anything worse.

[Bubble*Crazy]

Thats what we said as well :laughing: . I think everyone starts out that way.



and that's probably something I know in the back of my mind, so haven't even gone there for that reason!!!

[Little_Toad]

I'm not really into the whole weddng thing.

I think alot of it is more about the 'fairy tale wedding".
if there wasn't that then girls wouldn't be that enthusiastic to get married.

So many people put themselves into debt and cause major problems for their marriage afterwards.

I think also alot of people want to get married as a symbol that the guy atually loves them.

Myy DP has ben married once before under duress... and neither of us are religious. We are "engaged not to be married" and I am very secure about his feelings for me and don't think that going through a ceremony would change anything.

I'd much prefer to put the $20,000 - $40,000 wedding cost towards our retirement.

[LA62]

Yes i do beleive in marriage, it important to me that we all have the same name and we are commited by law. Plus i am old fashiond and wanted to have my children after marriage.

I i no way expect other people to be married before children thats just what i wanted and was important to me:)

It seems to many people divorce these days for trivial reasons as its so easy to do:yes: what happened to fighting for your marriage and your family..people give up to easy its very sad indeed

[FourAngelKisses]

I think along similar lines. I believe in marriage, but I don't believe in the wedding. Small weddings, yes, not not big extravagent things. I can't see the point in spending thousands of dollars on one day when it isn't the wedding that's important, it's the marriage.

I spent $130 on my wedding and I am glad to say that my marriage has been the best and happiest 10yrs of my life. But I have known people who spend $10 grand or more on theirs, only to get divorced a year or 3 later. More people should be thinking marriage, not wedding.

[Bubble*Crazy]

More people should be thinking marriage, not wedding.

Totally agree - well said :thumbsup:

And $130 :eek: - well done!!!

[WeloveHarriet]

We were together for 14yrs ( and friends before that for 6yrs) before we got married - never lived together, had separate homes. We decided that the time was right, that we wanted to start a family and that we had proven that we could stay together through all sorts of things. We paid for our own wedding - cost under $10k and it was a gorgeous magical day shared with our family and friends. We wouldn't have done it any other way - was perfect for us.

[FourAngelKisses]

Totally agree - well said :thumbsup:

And $130 :eek: - well done!!!

Registry office. ;)

[My4True Angels]

Yeh angel kisses
thats the way i would do it if i were to get married;)
or i have thought of my own special wedding just for me and him.
I was thinking for an chrissy pressy do up a marriage certificate on the computer on that looks nice and all that frame it and put a pic of us in it and make a home made dinner something nice and different and buy a ring.
have a quite dinner at home with candles and wine (even tho we hate wine but)
And it will be our ownm private wedding at home and to us we will be married just not legally by a peice of legit paper.
:smiliedance:

[Jenko]

I'm getting married in May and the main reason we are getting married is so we all have the same last name.

I don't care much for a big wedding but it looks like we will be having one. It didn't start out that way but its grown.

I want to get married. It just seems right to me. I want to be able to say my husband, because I don't like saying partner, it feels like a business arrangement, and boyfriend doesn't really say that we are a family and fiance just sounds bizarre, I never say it.


These are the exact reasons we got married. I didn't like using partner anymore, and i never used the word fiance.

We got married about 7 weeks ago. We had a beautiful ceremony on the beach and lunch afterwards with our 7 guests and DD. It was perfect and didn't cost us a fortune.

[chameleon]

Our wedding wasn't that expensive, but it was still beautiful, with only family, on the beach.

We had a few reasons for getting married, but the last name was definitely one. And I liked his last name better then mine so I wanted to change it! And also DD would've had a different name to me.

I know a few people who have decided not to get married because they don't see the sense when so many people get divorced, which is fine if that's what they want, but I think since getting married we've been fighting a lot less. Before we were married it was so easy to threaten to leave, but now we actually work through it because we have to.

And I didn't like saying partner either... if someone says that and you can't actually see who their partner is, it can make you wonder if they are gay. Well I always wonder!

[FourAngelKisses]

I know a few people who have decided not to get married because they don't see the sense when so many people get divorced

lol, that made me laugh. I had no intentions of getting divorced when I got married, still don't. But I see their point.....my SIL is engaged to some total drop kick and we are all hoping they doesn't get married because it wont work out and it will be cheaper for her to just break it off rather than get divorced.

[~mia&ryan~]

I do believe in marriage. Its something that is very important to us. Marriage to us is something sacred. We are getting married next September its not going to be huge but by no means is it a small wedding but its exactly what we want and we cant wait.

[oleander]

I feel that nowadays marriage isn't taken very seriously. This does not apply to all marriages but with the current divorce rate, there are alot of marriages that dont work out. I think some people dont try hard enough to make it work.

I have my 'piece of paper' and don't even want to look at it. I had a beautiful wedding before God, in a church, reception with 200 people and a $30,000+ price tag:o I took marriage very seriously:yes: Six months later my husband decides to take off with a stripper:eek: Now I have to wait until next year to get a divorce. Great, now I'm a 'divorced' woman. Can't wait to get that piece of paper! I really shouldn't have bothered.

I still believe in marriage though. I wont ever have another big wedding if I do re-marry one day. Maybe the registry or Las Vegas or something. I agree that there is too much emphasis on the big fairytale wedding and not the actual committment of marriage.

[mum2bubba]

I believe in marriage but don't believe its for everyone. I think that yes, there are alot of ppl out there who get married too quickly (or for the wrong reasons) and therefor end up in divorce only years (months even) down the track, but it doesn't happen to everyone. Grant and I are engaged, we haven't really set a date yet (thinking maybe late next year, but we're not too sure) we would rather work on our relationship, have kids, buy a house etc THEN get married. Basically for us we have a strong relationship (we have our ups and downs just like everyone else) that could definently stand on its own WITHOUT getting married but because we do believe in marriage (for the right reasons) and we love each other and are a family, its seems only natural to get married. We have a strong relationship, like I said, and getting married is just the icing on the cake (pardon the pun).

Also wanted to add, I know plenty of ppl who are not married (who live together with or without children) and are very happy. Each to their own as they say. :)

When we DO eventually tie the not we are (hopefully) only having a very small wedding anyway.

[Butterbear]

Its always been a dream to get married and have children.

With DH and I coming from religious backgrounds we both wanted it!

Just personal thing for people....

[ButterflyMama]

I believe in marriage because it's solidifying by law a commitment to each other. I like to have my relationship with Chris recognized in a formal way. I didn't care about the wedding, it's the meaning behind it.

[Pixie]

Been asked 4 times by my DP been proposed to by several others lol always said no. I can't be @rsed lol I dread thr thought of my family together!

But DP really wants to get married next year so we'll see I said if he asks properly IE: gets down on one knee I'll say yes until then it's NO lol & then it will be just the 3 of us and 2 witness's

:D

[Minke]

I never wanted to get married. I wasn't one of those little girls that dreamed about dresses etc. I am not religious. So there was no 'reason to' (other than I love my DH more than i thought was possible!)

But I am married and loving it. For some reason I feel closer to my hubby? We had already DD, and the mortgage when we did get married, so it wasn't that anything changed in day to day life... Strangely enough, i've also let my guard down more than i ever thought i would (and let myself love him more)... I now feel like a proper little family.

I really don't know why??? If DH hadn't wanted to, we probably never would have. Whether i would feel like this married or not :confused: who knows?

I didn't need to get married, and i understand why people don't, but for me it did change things.

And it's also good that i now have the same last name as both of the kids, and never have to tick the defacto box again!!! :D (and we got to go on hoidays just us for the first time (and no doubt last time) ever)

[FourAngelKisses]

I said if he asks properly IE: gets down on one knee I'll say yes until then it's NO lol & then it will be just the 3 of us and 2 witness's

:D

Have him ask your father for your hand in marriage. :laughing:

[DoubleAce]

Well we are getting married in March...on our 9th anniversary of being together. It's not going to be anything huge...no wedding dresses, no bridal party etc. We're basically having a ceremony to show our commitment to each other.

For me, I want to be able to call DF my husband and have the same last name. I have told him that I'd happily just take the rings and then change my last name anyway :laughing:

DF wants the wedding part so that's why we're doing it but we're commited to each other 100%...even without that bit of paper.

I was told a story about a couple not being able to spend their last days together because they weren't married and therefore weren't 'family.' The patient was restricted to immediate relatives only and the hospital refused the partner access. I do want to make sure that can never happen to us.

[missie_mack]

I never wanted to get married. I wasn't one of those little girls that dreamed about dresses etc.

Me tooo!! Never really wanted to be married but my thoughts changed when I met the right man. It shocked everyone including myself.

Marriage does make a difference to your relationship, you would be suprised. For some people (in my case) it is subtle and in others it can make a huge difference. Statistically the longer you live together before marriage the more likely you are to divorce within the first 10 years... sad but true. You would think that the statistic would be opposite but its not. Also legally there are still some complications that can occur being married or unmarried..

Being married and having a wedding are two different things in my book. And its ultimately up to you what your wedding is like what you spend on it.

I love my marriage and my husband. By marrying him we made a legal commitment to each other and infront of our "community" to say we intend to stay together forever. It wasnt about babies or names or anything like that for us... I was pregnant at the time (in a planned pregnancy I should add) and I didnt change my name once married (I just dont see the need to do that but thats another thread...) I think you would be suprised at how differently you are treated being married. But ultimately the decision is yours. But beyond the wedding I guess you need to ask yourself if it doesnt matter to you why are you so against getting married??

[V8]

I was told a story about a couple not being able to spend their last days together because they weren't married and therefore weren't 'family.' The patient was restricted to immediate relatives only and the hospital refused the partner access. I do want to make sure that can never happen to us.

This broke my heart!! I was in this situation and that's why it was sooo important for me and my now DH to get married. He suffered a terrible accident and because i was only his 'fiance' and we were not currently living together, i had absolutely no rights and was basically forced out of the hospital to see my fiance when he was recovering from a major accident by his family. They wanted me to have no part of his life so they could take him away from me and look after him. I had to fight for him and also get a guardian appointed to look after his best interests, not his parents.

After all of that, it was worth it because we did get married and we told them the day after we did it. So to me, this 'piece of paper' was sooo important to prove to everyone we were committed to eachother. Also because i am now my DH's full time carer and financial manager it's much better that we are legally married so i can act on my Husbands behalf, not just my partner or fiance. IYKWIM

Sorry for the long story, but to me that piece of paper is very important if you ever get into a situation like this.

[NZMama]

I find some of the reasons mentioned for getting married to be a little demeaning to me as an unwed person. I dont take them personally by any means and you are definitely entitled to your beliefs but it insinuates that the use of the word partner is beneath the title of husband, that unless you married your not recognised as a committed couple or family under the law which is incorrect.
I am as commited to my family and partner as I would have be if we were married....to say that unless I have that ceremony performed is to say that Im not as committed and loving as I could be is ridiculous.
Our family dont need to see us exchange vows to see what we mean to each other, the number of years and the fact that we made the ultimate decision to create life with each other screams that from the roof tops.
The divorce thing is a cop out, no one ever enters a fully committed relationship, married or not, to break up...divorce/breakup the same thing results in family torn apart.
Im not at all against marriage....would not rule it out maybe...maybe not.
I love attending weddings and seeing the love in the ceremony.
I just dont see it as a necessary event to define the commitment my family has made to each other and the love we feel for each other. Therefore dont feel the pressure to conform...

[melfunction]

When we decided to get married after 5 yrs together, we did it because we wanted to. We wanted our children to have the same last name as both parents.
We had 7 people, including us come to our wedding and it was fabulous.

[mum_I'm_hungry]

Hmmm. Interesting! Apart from the obvious (I love my husband! :D ), I think I got married because it's a statement to society about what my husband and I mean to each other. Having a 'piece of paper' doesn't mean to say that our relationship is in any way above what other couples feel, or that it means we're 'safer', but you have to realise that it does send out a message to other people.

Also, like a few other people have said, I wanted my kids and I to have the same surname.

We didn't have a fancy wedding even though my parents were willing to fund one. We picked the things that were important (nice food, a fun honeymoon) and stuck to what we wanted. There's a big difference between 'getting married' (the wedding) and 'marriage'.

[PunkyDiva]

Whether you're married or not if you seperate there is still a"divorce" as most people in long term relationships have been sharing expenses, buying things together, so married or not any split is as messy as the two people involved make it.

Personally, I am for marriage, not as a big display, but to me it was a form of committment. A marriage/wedding can take on many different legal forms these days. But if you are both comfortable as you are in your relationship then I wouldn't see any reason to change it. Don't be pressured like we were, I would still have married but just DH, me and a few close freinds, none of the old relies etc that it was insisted on we invited. After all the planning etc my wedding day was over so quickly and I felt so let down. Some freinds booked a weekend away at an old house for all their freinds and were married in the loungeroom by another freind (they had done the legal stuff at a regisry office before hand). We all had such a wonderful weekend together.

Most divorces are due to couples inability to communicate, we did a course before marriage that brought up a lot of future issues (a lot of which we hadn't contemplated before) that we had to then discuss between us. Apparently back then in 1991, 1 in 4 couples put off/cancelled their weddings after doing this course.

[Lollie86]

I believe in marriage, but not necessarily the whole huge weddings thing.

DP and I have decided to elope next year sometime. It will be somewhere tropical so it will be a wedding and a honeymoon all in one.

We're not 'engaged' as such, bc he wants to keep some tradition and go and get a ring and do the whole bended knee thing, which Im fine with! :yes:

I guess I want the formality of it all as well. Having the same last name and not having to call him partner.

[MilkOnTap]

My husband and I are married. It didn't change our relationship as we were already living together; all it changed was my surname. But we did it because we wanted that 'public declaration' of our love and commitment to each other. We are also Christians, so marriage was a natural progression for us.

I love being able to call him my husband instead of my 'partner' and I love sharing his last name with him. I love being a 'Mrs' (yeah silly I know) and I love knowing that he was happy to take that extra commital step to make me his wife :)

[OopsieDaisy]

Ami the only one nowadays who just doesnt beleive in marriage???
I believe it cost alot of money and stress and organising and all you get out of it at the end it a peice of paper stating you are married and I also beleive why waste all your time doing this when marriage doesnt make a difference to your realationship??
If you are going to stay together forever then you will not bc a peice of paper says you are.
Plus i know alot of people who do get married nowadays end up seperated 2-3yrs later then have to go through all the **** of divorce. So really what is the point of marriage??
I hope this doesnt offend anyone but it is just my point on marriage and was just curious if anyone else had similar views as me.:confused:

I guess we all feel differently but I know for me, once I was married I did feel different. I can't explain it, but it was like our love was much more deeper on a spiritual level. I didn't think before hand that it would make things any differently.

You can still get married and not cost a fortune.

[SassyDiva]

of the word partner is beneath the title of husband, that unless you married your not recognised as a committed couple or family under the law which is incorrect.
I am as commited to my family and partner as I would have be if we were married....to say that unless I have that ceremony performed is to say that Im not as committed and loving as I could be is ridiculous.
Our family dont need to see us exchange vows to see what we mean to each other, the number of years and the fact that we made the ultimate decision to create life with each other screams that from the roof tops.
The divorce thing is a cop out, no one ever enters a fully committed relationship, married or not, to break up...divorce/breakup the same thing results in family torn apart.
Im not at all against marriage....would not rule it out maybe...maybe not.
I love attending weddings and seeing the love in the ceremony.
I just dont see it as a necessary event to define the commitment my family has made to each other and the love we feel for each other. Therefore dont feel the pressure to conform...

Great post :thumbsup: , I feel the same. My partner and I have been together for 10 years, planned to start our family, planned our finances to buy a house and business, planned our future and a wedding never was on our to do list..may sound strange to some but I've seen too many crumble around me to have wanted one.. Now, my feelings have changed as I hate the way society judges me as I have a different name to my boys. We refuse howere to spend big $$$ on one day so have planned to elope..Im not big on tradition, we want a ceromony based on our love for each other - not what colour theme I've chosen :D just my 2 cents worth :D

[NZMama]

Im lucky I know that my DP's parents love me as their own and mine love him as a member of my family. We did go through a rough period and although things were rocky between us our respective families didnt treat any of us any different. So I know I have nothing to fear about not being able to be near my partner should something tragic happen (god forbid). At the moment here in Melbourne we are all the family we have.
Ive never understood the need to all have the same last name...I could have hyphenated the kids names if I felt that strongly about that. I also have a friend who talks about people judging her as a unwed parent because she is out without her wedding band. Whats wrong with that? Why is that a negative thing and who cares what some person you saw once upon a time thinks? I really dont care what some stranger walking down the road thinks, it has absolutely no bearing on me and my familys life. If it was someone who actually means something to my family then they understand the depth of the commitment so they dont pass judgement on the value of our relationship. Their opinions are the only ones I deem important enough to consider and to allow to effect my life. My DP and I have been together since just before my 16th birthday, I turn 29 next Feb....everyone close to us knows we have been together for 13 years...
Again I think that these all shouldnt be reasons for marriage.
I think marriage for me would just be a natural progression of the relationship if and when we are ready. Honestly all this judgement by society as an unwed couple is astounding.

[Percy]

Have him ask your father for your hand in marriage. :laughing:

My DH did that. I thought it was the sweetest thing in the world. My dad is truly scary!!

[library-laksa]

well, i am getting married in 10 days :D
i was married when i was 20 for 8 months so i was very anti-marriage for years. i am not changing my name so thats not why and i am already pregnant so its not about waiting til married for babies either... we're having a backyard wedding (about $10000 with the garden work included - limestone walls etc) so its not about the "fairytale" either, i'm not wearing a Wedding Dress.
i spose the reason we are doing it is that we love each other, and want to say husband and wife. that probably sounds silly...
legally, i know from the first time, that having a mortgage together is actually more of a tie than the wedding certificate!!

[shed]

Everybody's different, but I can't wait to be married. I wish we would just get it over and done with. I wanted to go to the registry but DP wanted to have it in a winery. Then my parents caught wind of it and wanted to come over. Now its turned into a "wedding". eek.

[JordansMummy]

When I walked in today
And you looked at me
I couldn't hold your gaze.
I thought, how can we
Share such private feelings?
How can we speak the words
That we only speak when alone?
And then I realised
That was the point;
That the point of a wedding
is speaking
Private love before others;
In announcing our love to the world,
Of being proud of our decision
And our commitment to a life together.

I am getting married in August and can't wait! My parents have been together through thick and thin and are have been married for 27 years. I commend them and think highly of it.

[Pippi Longstocking]

I used to feel exactly the same as the OP. I have been known to spout the whole "It's just a piece of paper" line too. And I believed it, until I aquired me one of those pieces of paper.

I never ever thought I'd get married. Never wanted to, never believed in it. And then I met my husband and just knew that I wanted to be married to him. I am big on symbolism. I love rituals and a wedding is one of the loveliest rituals our society has.
My wedding, while extremely cheap, was the most beautiful day of my life. It was truly amazing and I'll never forget it. It was perfect and wonderful and heaps of other cliched lines blushing brides drag out when talking about their weddings :o .
I love being married. It does change your relationship. Well, it did mine anyway. It strengthened it. We declared and celebrated our love for each other in front of our closest friends and family. I also never thought I'd ever address myself as someone's wife or use "Mrs" but I love doing both. Not because of what others think of my marital status but because of how I feel about. Marrying that man was one of the best things I have ever done.:yes:

[WeThree]

Everything Them said, only better than I could have. :thumbsup:
Nawww, your post gave me goosebumps Them :p

[*Chels*]

Im getting married in May and I cant wait.
It will be good to be official and have our lil family all have the same name:yes:
Im having quite a big wedding-around$12,000 but thats important to me too.Im really excited about having all my friends and whanau there to share our special day.Yes,its alot of money-but its going to be the best day of my life so it will be worth every cent

[JATS]

More people should be thinking marriage, not wedding.

Agree completly!

[TyBean]

Marraige is important to me... it symbolises a deeper love and commitment. And to me this is a very important thing.
I also want to have the same last name as my DF and son.... make it official and so I am a 'part of the family'. I also want to be able to call Jason my Husband!! not partner or fiancee.
I have never wanted a big wedding as to me its over the top and not as personal.... I only want a little wedding with close family and only a couple of close friends there for us to declare our love and commitment in front of.
Hence our wedding next November is only a little one that isn't going to cost a lot.
But to me it is a very important event!!

[Aquamarine]

To me marriage is important especially for the children's sake.

To me, it gives them a feeling of security and commitment to the family.

I know I felt very secure when I was younger knowing my parents were married and we were a family with one name.

I know everyone has different opinions on this subject but this is how I feel about my situation.

I do respect everyones situations and choices though.



Me (31)
DH (31)
DS (4):xmas:
DS (3):xmas:
DS (3months):xmas:

[M O P]

Both my husband and I wanted to get married. Angus told me when I first met him- he was 21, me almost 27- if he met the right person he'd get married and have kids tomorrow. So a year later we got engaged and a year after that married.

there is too much emphasis on the big fairytale wedding and not the actual commitment of marriage.
This is how I felt after organising our wedding.
I also felt the marketing is geared to make you feel guilty for not having this or that at your wedding. Like you love each other more if you give engraved glasses as bonboneire to your guests :rolleyes:

Like Punky we did a pre marriage course and got heaps out of it. We thought we had a great relationship but after doing that it highlighted areas we needed to work on, and we did. I'm not saying our relationship is perfect but we often go for many days on end being the only adult either of us sees and we're still talking, we can still even joke with each other:laughing:

[sweetvanilla]

who says that wedding is stressful! Hvg relationship is more stressful! hehehe....

you can hv the most lavish or the most simplest private do with minimal cost. It is all up to you. only you n ur partner decide that also taking into accounts of your well intention loving parents hearts. Get smart!

When you DO get married, you will then know, it is actually not quite the same just as hvg a relationship even for moonssss.....in my opinion anyway.

[sweetvanilla]

btw, that piece of paper and those dotted line that you signed on gains you a husband and it's guaranteed while its lasts!

[Ryan&RileysMum]

when ever we end up getting married
we will be asking the guests to pay thier own meal/drinks as i am from a kiwi backgroud
they dont tend to give presents they give money
and dp's family do it unless the ppl getting married choose not to
so we will only end up paying for what WE want

[shed]

We've decided to do the wishing well thing. I don't want presents but I don't want people to pay for their own meal either.

I went to one wedding that had this and it was okay, but that's not what I want to do.

I don't even know how much our wedding is going to cost, I haven't even started planning it yet. I looked at a couple of websites and got a bit bored of the whole thing.

I have people coming over from NZ and I think that's enough expense for them to go to without getting us something. And we have a house full of stuff already.

All I really want is a big party and to be married at the end of it, but even this is a bit of a DRAMA to organise. Designing a simple understated wedding dress is harder than finding a frou frou thing (they're EVERYWHERE).

I want a buffet with plenty of good food, beer and wine flowing, good music and flowers in my hair.

That's about it. Not a bonboniere in sight LOL!!!

[Pippi Longstocking]

We've decided to do the wishing well thing. I don't want presents but I don't want people to pay for their own meal either.

I went to one wedding that had this and it was okay, but that's not what I want to do.

I don't even know how much our wedding is going to cost, I haven't even started planning it yet. I looked at a couple of websites and got a bit bored of the whole thing.

I have people coming over from NZ and I think that's enough expense for them to go to without getting us something. And we have a house full of stuff already.

All I really want is a big party and to be married at the end of it, but even this is a bit of a DRAMA to organise. Designing a simple understated wedding dress is harder than finding a frou frou thing (they're EVERYWHERE).

I want a buffet with plenty of good food, beer and wine flowing, good music and flowers in my hair.

That's about it. Not a bonboniere in sight LOL!!!

You know, you pretty much just described my wedding perfectly, particularly this line "I want a buffet with plenty of good food, beer and wine flowing, good music and flowers in my hair." I had all of the above.
I am pretty cr@p at organising stuff. The amazing thing is it just all came together by itself. The first celebrant I rang happened to live around the corner. I described the kind of dress I wanted to wear to a friend and the next day she rang me to tell me she'd spotted one exactly like what I described and it was too! My friends all helped out with the food, my dad brewed enough beer to intoxicate a small army (he brews good beer, not normal yucky homebrew and as a beer snob who only drinks imported beer, that is a high recommendation! :p ). We were married in a national park - we just needed a $30 permit. My wedding car was my dad's partner's rainbow coloured komb - I chose that over the flash Mercedes Benz my brother had offered :laughing: .

It was all easy peasy and just beautiful. Absolutely no stress. And I wouldn't have changed a thing.

[AM]

I'm not into marriage at all.
My partner of 10 years has asked me 3 times, and each time I've said no.

I am not Christian, so that side of it does not apply to me, I personally see it as yet another way for society to pidgenhole us into neat little boxes.

I cannot handle the idea of a woman giving up her surname and taking her husbands, it smacks of possession.
Being handed over from the father, to the husband!
Sorry, I'm a complete cynic when it comes to marriage. I would hate to spend a lot of money on just one day, too.

I totally agree with NZ Mama in what she wrote about DP's somehow being beneath Husbands, there are many, many extremely committed de-factos out there.

[My4True Angels]

I'm not into marriage at all.
My partner of 10 years has asked me 3 times, and each time I've said no.

I am not Christian, so that side of it does not apply to me, I personally see it as yet another way for society to pidgenhole us into neat little boxes.

I cannot handle the idea of a woman giving up her surname and taking her husbands, it smacks of possession.
Being handed over from the father, to the husband!
Sorry, I'm a complete cynic when it comes to marriage. I would hate to spend a lot of money on just one day, too.

I totally agree with NZ Mama in what she wrote about DP's somehow being beneath Husbands, there are many, many extremely committed de-factos out there.


I totally agree with you there :thumbsup:

[tru]

My parents have been happily married for 34 years and have set a great example for us but im just not interested in getting married.

I respect everyone's ideas about why they want to be married or not - and I've got a few of them too...

I'm not one for tradition at all. I've always wanted to keep my surname and pass it on to my children because im very proud of it, and the last male in our family who could pass on our name died when he was 17. Im happy for my partner to take on my name and have always made that clear to him.

As far as "being married makes people look at you in a better way" - it will always be that way if people continue to feel that they have to be married to be accepted/respected in society. It doesn't bother me what other people think because they're not in my relationship and I don't have to prove anything to them.

We're lucky that our family/friends respect and support our choice not to be married. It must be hard for people who feel pressured by their family to conform.

I think it's wonderful to celebrate love and make a committment - but it doesn' t have to be done under the eyes of the law for it to be meaningful.

I often think of legalised marriage in this way... We are like two love birds in a cage. If we aren't married, it's like the door is open and we can fly out if we want to or choose to stay because we want to. (There's freedom to choose). But once we get legally married, the door is locked shut, trapping us in - that feeling of freedom is gone. I know that feeling of being trapped has led some couples to stray from the marriage because they felt like they were now part of the relationship because they "had" to be, not because they "wanted" to be. I think this is why some couples get back together after they get divorced. (Just my opinion! :))

Friends of mine were married in Las Vegas for fun and for legal reasons (visas) but they dont think of themselves as "married" in the traditional sense.

Anyway, this post is getting really long (sorry!) - I could talk about this topic all day but I won't. I'll just make one more comment. Someone said they didn't like refering to their significant other as their "partner" in fear of people thinking they were gay. I've got gay family/friends whom Im very proud of for being honest with who they really are despite the struggle with being respected by society. I hope you didn't mean anything negative by it... afterall it is the 21st century :)

[M O P]

Sorry off topic but

It was all easy peasy and just beautiful. Absolutely no stress. And I wouldn't have changed a thing.

:thumbsup: that was our wedding too!
We were married on the beach at Broome with our immediate family only so our honeymoon was a big family holiday :laughing: But Angus' bro were living in different states and one of my bros was living OS so it was a perfect way to all catch up and get to know each other. We had a big dinner afterwards. Our wedding car was the hire car- a Toyota troupe carrier the Mums insisted on putting a ribbon on the front!
I bought a dress from DJs and Angus bought a shirt and new pair of shorts from Myer.

We had a party for the rest of our family and friends when we got back.
I wrote a little poem re gifts
"Your presence at our party is presents enough,
but if you're wanting to get a gift and you're stuck for an idea,
we'd love a Freedom gift voucher so we can get some big gear."
We were mindful that so many people had to travel to our party- and we weren't even giving them a meal so by the time they travelled, got a motel and a taxi we thought they'd spent enough and we weren't getting married to get presents.
We did do bonboneire though- together Angus and I made chocolate sheep and put them in a little bag with a fortune cookie. It was something we wanted to do to say thank you for everyone for travelling to Adelaide or getting a baby sitter etc.

[Mum&bubs]

I believe in marriage, I need the proof that DP is mine & only mine :devil6: (joking...) I see it as a way to celebrate our love in front of family & friends :yes:

[blessedmummy]

Yes i do beleive in marriage, it important to me that we all have the same name and we are commited by law. Plus i am old fashiond and wanted to have my children after marriage.

I i no way expect other people to be married before children thats just what i wanted and was important to me:)

It seems to many people divorce these days for trivial reasons as its so easy to do:yes: what happened to fighting for your marriage and your family..people give up to easy its very sad indeed


yep! i agree too! marriage to me is important and it symbolises a commitment to each other and long life partnership with each other and being one with each other! it was the most special day for me and my husband when we got married, it wasnt a huge wedding, just a few family and friends ( prob about 120 in total) and we have been blissfully married for almost 5yrs now!! and have two beautiful daughters! :D:yelclap:

[Ryan&RileysMum]

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[BabyClancy]

me personally, marriage is important to me. i wanted to buy a house, get married, then have a baby. guess what, that didn't happen. we have a baby and now we're engaged. we hope to buy a house, then get married but if we don't buy a house in the next three years before we get married, then so be it.

marriage has always been important to me and now, even more so since the arrival of our baby. the same surname, the bond of the family unit and the love that we share are enough reason for us.

i think marriage is a personal belief like spirituality. a committed relationship requires the same belief but marriage contains symbolism and god-like figure i guess you say. i'm not a religious person myself, but marriage is something i believe in.

i grew up in a family with married parents, who 28 years later are still married, and i want it have that, and i want my child to have that.

there is no cage or closed door but the strength in a bond (the symbol of the wedding ring).

[Ryan&RileysMum]

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[chameleon]

Someone said they didn't like refering to their significant other as their "partner" in fear of people thinking they were gay. I've got gay family/friends whom Im very proud of for being honest with who they really are despite the struggle with being respected by society. I hope you didn't mean anything negative by it... afterall it is the 21st century :)

I know many people who are gay and I don't have a problem with it at all! If you are gay that is fine, but I am not. That is why I would rather use another word, because I had a friend who had a "partner" and everyone just presumed she was a lesbian, until she walked in with him one day! :eek:
I didn't mean to offend anyone, but it can get confusing! :yes:

[SpaghettiMummy]

I guess my title says it.. we're not overly for or against it... To us marriage is natural.. but we dont judge those who have decided not to.

I think that while its a big day this is also thought for those who do get married
I hope that even though most of you already live together etc (and dont take this personally please) you are already together that you do a premarital course...

We did one and its just to help get you to talk about important issues and stuff that aren't important so much before the weding but becom bigger after. a friend of mine who'd been engaged and living with her now DH hadnt even thought about a fair bit of them...
it can give you ideas on how to deal with issues if they arise.

For us marriage was a natural progression- divorce is not a word allowed into our relationship, we believe in working through things and I think that perhaps if more people did a course like this maybe they would be better prepared to go into marriage and less likely to divorce.

If we'd been allowed to we probably would have eloped and then come back and had a "party" for our friends and family to celebrate.
That being said... I'm glad I did do the wedding.
Our wedding inc our honey moon was like $3500.. reception and honey moon most of that. my wedding outfit was 230 inc my veil and shoes.
thats my opion anyway!
NAtalie

[tru]

If you are gay that is fine, but I am not. That is why I would rather use another word, because I had a friend who had a "partner" and everyone just presumed she was a lesbian, until she walked in with him one day! :eek:
I didn't mean to offend anyone, but it can get confusing! :yes:

I understand what you mean - it is a bit confusing :)

So, you wouldn't refer to any of your female friends as your "girlfriend" because people might think you're gay?

I think gay people feel the same way as straights about refering to their significant other as "partner". It's just a more "serious" title than b/friend or g/friend. For me, it means the same as husband/wife.

Even though I'm not legally married sometimes I'll refer to my partner as my husband - not because I want people to think we're married, but under Australian law defacto husband/wife are the same as legally wed husband/wife.

One other thing... some of my gay "boy friends" refer to each other as princesses ;)

[Yasmeena]

I'm getting married in May and the main reason we are getting married is so we all have the same last name.

ahem..... you could always just change your name by deed poll. No need to go through the process of holy matrimony for that:thumbsup:

[bronny-jane]

i never used to care either.....but it does feel more satisfying to me that i get to screw a married man and not have to worry about his wife:D ....im talking about my dh;) :p

[hayles86]

i never used to care either.....but it does feel more satisfying to me that i get to screw a married man and not have to worry about his wife:D ....im talking about my dh;) :p

:laughing: Thats so true. We got married because dh wouldnt have kids with me until we got married. But also because i love him so much and wanted to be his one and only.

[shed]

ahem..... you could always just change your name by deed poll. No need to go through the process of holy matrimony for that:thumbsup:

yes thats true. But for me personally, that would be too weird. Fortunately DP wants to marry me so we will do it that way.

[spiritedfamily]

I believe in marriage I see it as a way to celebrate our love in front of family & friends :yes:

I agree.

We met in a very profound way...it was so strong that there was no doubt we would spend the rest of our lives together. I see marriage as a risk and the way I feel love for my DH, I am prepared to risk everything for him and in doing this legally, it is giving all of oneself, because the risk financially is huge and once children enter the picture its a bigger risk - risking little hearts. I wouldn't say my marriage is just a piece of paper and taking on DH's name is definately not a form of possession, he asked me what I wanted, I had the freedom to keep my own maiden name...but I believe strongly in the symbolism (not like a possesssion) but a step into the next phase of life. My parents nurtured me and brought me up to the point I stood before my husband and taking his name was - the next phase...of my life...It is symbolic and is only worth doing if you believe in it...like all facets of marriage, your heart has to be in it 100% or it does just become a piece of paper which can equate to a very bound up place.

[M O P]

i never used to care either.....but it does feel more satisfying to me that i get to screw a married man and not have to worry about his wife:D ....im talking about my dh;) :p

:laughing:

[Tls5431]

I was never one for marriage until I met my DP. Everyday I wake up with a smile because I'm waking up next to him. As corny as this sounds (and trust me I'm really not that type of person) I have met my other half.

We are currently organising our wedding for March next year. It is very low key and not overly expensive (I had to stop him from lavishing too much money on it). It's not a religious wedding, but just a simple afternoon garden wedding.

I cannot wait to stand next to him on that day and share our love for each other with the people closest to us. He has left it up to me if I want to take his name or not, which I will...

But that is just me and the way I feel about my DP. everyone is different in their views...

[ImSethsMum]

I have been married and divorced. I thought Id found my other half and life was amazing .... till he walked out to move in with his girlfriend of 6 months and I had no idea anything was wrong. He filed for divorce and I was glad to see the back of him.

After that I really had to sit back and think what the he!l marriage meant. Obviously not much to him, but it was a $12 grand expense, and a waste of good years of my life. I also felt so guilty that my parents had given me money for that wedding that ended the way it did. If I had the spare money now Id repay them cause I still have that guilt.

I realised that if I was ever to find a good man I could love and who loved me, that I wouldnt be wasting money to prove our love, or changing my name (cause my name is who I am) ..... I decided that every morning if I woke up next to my man, that he and I were there because we loved each other and not because a marriage certificate said we should be there. My man and I have been together for nearly 3 yrs and have our son and bought a house together - to me thats commitment enough. He bought me a ring the day Seth was born, to show me he loved me and that we would always be a family. I wear it on my wedding ring finger ONLY to stop the 'are you married' questions LOL (and that it wont fit anywhere else hehehe).

As for the name thing, I totally get why people want the same name etc, but after my divorce I hated being called by that idiots name ... I wanted MY name back. When I got it back it felt so good to be me again if that makes sense. After that I never want to change it again. My son has his fathers surname and his friends and teachers can all call me Mrs P.... and thats fine with me - but legally I will still have my name and my identity.

Sooooooooo sorry to have rambled ladies, rather passionate about this topic LOL.
Luv Kel

[Kizmet]

For the longest time Snce i was a little girl i have always wanted to be married. I wanted that bit of paper that showed my commitment to my husband before the eyes f god and by law. He is now mine and I am now his. I know nothing 'really' changed but it was important to us.

[smiles]

I am married, but I did have the same views as the OP up until I met my DH.

My parents (my Mum & Step-father, but true "Dad") have been together for 23 years and are not married, and they never intend to be married.

Which is why I had the "marriage is only a piece of paper" view.

But I now believe it to be a lot more than that. It's just something I treasure, and we didn't have a fancy wedding, we were married at the registry office. A few close family members attended, but honestly, in my mind, no-one else was in the room except me, my DH and some voice helping me say some really sweet stuff *haha*

DH proposed Dec 00, and we were married Aug 01. We would like to renew our vows in the future, in front of those who weren't there the first time, maybe for our 10th anniversary..

[smiles]

i never used to care either.....but it does feel more satisfying to me that i get to screw a married man and not have to worry about his wife ....im talking about my dh

:laughing: :laughing: I love it I love it I love it!!!!! I second it with all my heart:p