Toddler depression...

[beckie753]

I am in the midst of toddlerhood with my first (currently 20mo) & boy is she a handful and a bag of unpredictable mixed personalities - most of them not nice.

Basically I am exhausted ALL the time, stressed and approaching the edge of not coping & feeling really depresseed and alone.

I've read all about why toddlers throw tantrums etc. but at this point in time ANY advice on how to just survive a hyperactive toddler would be greatly appreciated!

And to top things off, she's cutting all four canines at the same time....

TIA,

Bec (mum to toddler Abigail)
bec@darx.com

[Elfin]

Dear Bec

I can really understand what you are saying. As cute as toddlers are, they can drive you crazy at times. It is pretty normal for them to test the limits which is probably what your dd is doing.

In Queensland, you can do Positive Parenting courses that can help you when you are having problems. There must be something in Victoria that is similiar to this. Personally I am into positive reinforcement in that I try to focus, praise and reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad or discipline through time out. I have found that mostly this works.

Is it possible for someone to look after your child for a day occasionally so you can get away or even have a night away?? I think it is important for parents to have 'me' time now and again otherwise you will crack. Even try childcare for 1 day a week. It is worth every penny and the kids usually love it and learn a variety of social skills. This will give you a break so you can recharge, clean the house do errands or just have a coffee in peace :D

Hope this helps a bit. Let us know how you go.

Easterlily :)

[xkwzit]

Hi Bec
I just wanted to agree with Easterlily. I can't speak from the place you are now, but I my 3.5 yo does get on my nerves sometimes. I've found an immediate improvement (probably mostly in my frame of mind rather than her behaviour ;) ) when I start trying to find the good things she's doing. Someone once told me "Catch your kids being good" and it does really work. It can be very easy to overlook the great things they are doing, and if you start to praise them for it it highlights the good in them to you. And better yet, they get positive messages from you when they do well (they'll never know when they're being good if you don't tell them :) ). The bottom line is that toddlers are not rational people, they don't understand how the world works and we can't expect them to. Get a good book on what "normal" toddler behaivour is and you won't feel quite so alone, "toddler taming" is a good read. Hope it helps.

Cheers

[jacksonsmum]

Hi Bec,

I can't say I know what you are going through because Jackson is only 13 weeks old, but I know that I will go through this stage just like most mums will have to. We just have to stay calm (as hard as it might sound) and deal with it in the best way that we can, because every situation is different.

I agree with Easterlily, try and spend a day away from Abigail, because honestly this is the best medicine for mothers when they reach boiling point. And you will find you'll feel refreshed and ready to handle anything that she will throw at you.

But remember always stay in control and always let her see in you as kids sense when parents are at their weakness!

[Eliza's Mum]

Hey there Bec

I can totally relate to where you are coming from on this one! I have a 2 yr old girl who is pretty good (beleive me she has her moments), but even though she's not too bad, I still ended up feeling stressed, depressed, on edge, felt isolated and basically like I just wasn't up to scratch. EVeryone else who has replied has told you about the positive parenting, which is great, as I am a true believer, and it really does work. The one thing you have to remember though is to be able to enforce positive parenting you have to feel ok in yourself too. You mentioned that you are feeling depressed? I started off likethat and for a long time I didn't tell anyone and it just got worse, in the end I told my husband and a friend who took me to the doc, who was so supportive. I was given some counselling and was put on a very low dosage of medication (it took a long time to convince me to do so) but it has now helped me to think positively and I am now looking forward to adding an addition to the family! One thing I was always told was to concentrate on the good things that I am giving Eliza, not what I don't think I'm giving her and it really makes sense! Make sure you do something nice for yourself once a day, even if it's having an uninterupted shower or a nice coffee somewhere. We are all human and need our own space to be ourselves, there is no need to feel guilty to want a little bit of "you" time. A happier mum,makes a happier child! I hope this helps a little and I wish you all the luck x

[Taylor & Lachlans Mummy]

Hi Bec,
Your little one sounds like my neice. She also seems to have split personalities. My Sil discovered chocolate was a cause in this problem as well, as well as a few other food alergies. She also found taking her to a play group once a week was also a break for her as she could run around & get rid of some of her excess energy. If you contact your local YWCA / YMCA they sometimes have groups for parents also your MACH centre usually has a list of play groups available. I hope it gets better for you, they do ocassionally grow out of it.

[Willsmummy]

Hi Bec,

I too know where you are coming from and what you are feeling. My little boy is 17 months old, very active and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. I also praise him when he does good things but I have found when I don't pay him enough attention these are the times he starts doing all of the things he knows he shouldn't.
It's so hard when they keep pushing you, to not want to yell or tear your hair out, sometimes I find that if I can put him in the cot and settle myself down so i can deal with the situation this works ok.
Also do you get out much? I have found that taking Will swimming or to a play group or playground, he gets rid of all of that pent up energy and is alot happier and settled. Also sleeps for a couple of hours afterwards. It also gives you an outing to be with other people and spend time with your little girl.
I am also experiencing the teething blues! Will seems to be getting his back teeth which is also causing him to get throat infections, making him very grumpy and unwell. I just keep telling myself to hang in there, imagine what he is going through!
You are definately not alone!
Keep your chin up.