Feeling lonely, need to dribble...

[Carmel Jane]

Hi everyone,

I'm finding it really tough with my partner working away. I don't have it anywhere near as bad as those who go it alone for months though, hats off to you guys!

I can feel a distance creeping in to our relationship. Having the stress of a baby and then Dad being away for most of the time, its not surprising. He is so awful at phone conversations we've basically given up talking. He is not the best listener and is usually doing two things at once so to have his full attention is a rare blessing.

A niggling little voice in the back of my head says we aren't going to make it. That we will join the statistics of fifo family failures!

Does anyone find that when 'hubby' comes home that it feels like hes intruding almost? Or maybe I mean more than he comes home and takes over, suddenly routines go out the window, bub is in a tiz because we march to the beat of his drum.

I find that if I put my foot down to try to keep things the same, he feels like he doesn't have a place.

Who needs to complications of this when its hard enough trying to figure out our little angel!!

Writing this is therapeutic... I've hardly spoken to him in two weeks, I've been to Xmas bashes solo, I visited my MIL today who just picked me to pieces as usual and then everyone was too busy to chat on the phone to give me that warm fuzzy I need.

My heart is sore and there is still a week to go til there is some warmth in the bed!

I need a cat :)

Well that is enough senseless dribble from me.

Merry Xmas everyone :xmas:

[poodysmum]

Thought Id just give you a big hug:hugs:
My hubby is away for 2weeks for work (this is now night 2-not that Im counting!!!:laughing: )
It's funny, because before Isaac was born he used to do contracts away at times and it never used to really bother me, but now it just feels lonely without him here-weird huh?
There is one bonus though-one less person to pick up after!(lol) The house is SOOOO much cleaner! :laughing:
Im sorry to here that you are so blue. If you need someone to chat to feel free to PM me whenever you need to vent:)

Alli

[2s'nuff]

:hugs: coming your way CJ. Being a FIFO 'single mum' is not an easy task and you'll have your good and bad days (we're here for both).



I can feel a distance creeping in to our relationship. Having the stress of a baby and then Dad being away for most of the time, its not surprising. He is so awful at phone conversations we've basically given up talking. He is not the best listener and is usually doing two things at once so to have his full attention is a rare blessing.

How regularly do you speak with your DP? DH and I try and speak every second day, and most of the conversations revolve around what he's doing. I ask how the shifts went and listen to stuff I know little about and people whose names mean nothing. But I'm there listening and I think that means a lot to partners working away. Some times there's different things to talk about. Maybe you can tell him something new your bub is doing each time. And if you find he's at the wet mess when you call, ask him to go elsewhere as you can't hear him properly (that's what I had to to with DH until he got the message).


A niggling little voice in the back of my head says we aren't going to make it. That we will join the statistics of fifo family failures!

There might be a few FIFO failures, but there are also a lot that work. It just takes effort from both parties to make it work.


Does anyone find that when 'hubby' comes home that it feels like hes intruding almost? Or maybe I mean more than he comes home and takes over, suddenly routines go out the window, bub is in a tiz because we march to the beat of his drum.

I find that if I put my foot down to try to keep things the same, he feels like he doesn't have a place.

Yep, our house runs at a different pace when DH is home. If possible I tend to go with it, but I do put my foot down on things like meals times and bed time for DD. After a while they learn that things will not always be their way when they are home. DH gets miffed when it comes to discipline and DD. I do things differently than he does, but I always back him up if he has growled or said no.

:hugs: Hope you're having a better day today. Soon the time your DP is away will start to fly by.
And although I look forward to DH being home, sometimes it's nice to be putting him back on a plane to work for a couple of weeks:eek: :laughing: .

[TeamAwesome]

HI I'm not quite a FIFO single mum but might soon be a proper one and have had my hubby away from us at different times so I understand what its like... its not an easy industry to have a goodmarriage unless you work at it and these are just something I did to help me get through...

I try to be there for him and listen to him... I too have had the on the other end not really listening convo's too but decided rather then fighting for his attention try to get out what you need to say first off... I like to start with Hi, how are you? and I miss you! (even if I havent cos I've been super busy) I found my DH liked to hear he was missed... and of course I love you. they can find it hard to unwind sometimes, I understand that its a pain when they are doing other stuff, my dh used to watch tv and still does sometimes while talking to me... he would fall asleep otherwise...
By being there for my DH, he realised that I was behind him 100% he realised what he was doing his hard work for, for us... this kind of lifestyle is not one that is conducive to a great marriage without work... maybe when he's back try to sit down and talk him say something like when you are away I really miss having you with us, the kids miss having their daddy etc, not the job is dragging you away from your family (you dont want him to get defensive cos he'll stop listening) explain to him about keeping bub in good routine (still be a little flexible) is good for you cos the more time you get to rest and not just baby and house work means you get to be a happier healthier mummy and wife and therefore not pulling your hair out over the little things which seems to flair into big things when they are away...
Do you have a mothers group or playgroup you can go to??there is a program called MOPS - mothers of preschoolers that is probably run near you wont start back up until the new year(school terms) but it could help a little bit. www.mops.org.au (http://www.mops.org.au) they look after bub have a speaker and do an arts and crafts type thing... only a couple of hours a fortnight but helped maintain my sanity a bit.

hth you
natalie

feel free to pm me if you want a chat?

[Laksa]

hi! sorry to hear you're having problems with the FIFO life. my DF works one week away then home for a week and i think this is going to be the ideal family life roster. but we'll see...

and yes, i often feel like an intruder is in the house the first couple of days he is home. especially as i am so neat and he is so messy!!!

[Carmel Jane]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my moan and the time to reply.

I have talked to him on many different occasions, in many different tones :p , and all to no avail. Our communication just doesn't improve. The only thing I haven't done, but have realised with your help, is that its not going to change and really, I just have to dig deeper, and be there for him, even when hes not there for me. I suppose at least he still answers the phone, and even though all news, good or bad is met with oh okay, at least hes still saying something :rolleyes:

I've worked fifo for many years myself, so I know what its like to be away and it can be very easy to segment your life, I just hope he understands that its okay to do that when you are overwhelmed by work, but to do that all the time, is just not healthy for us.

I am lucky and have heaps of people around me and enough friends with babies to have our own mothers group, but towards the end of his stint, even all the girly chat in the world doesn't make up for having him there.

I try speak to DF for a few minutes everyday, but the last few weeks, maybe every 3rd day, I just can't get two minutes with him. That probably contributed to my hopeless feelings.

Anyway, baby crying, must put on my Mum socks.

Thanks again guys, its nice to have company on the quiet nights!

Merry Xmas everyone