View Full Version : The Guilt Begins Already.
Why are people such morons?
Do they think that I haven't shed enough tears, or that it was something that I just decided in a snap?
Grrr
I work in a very small, tight-knit school. At the annual Christmas Concert the boss announces that I'll be returning from leave next year. All of a sudden I had people - parents AND TEACHERS trying to talk me out of it. Making me feel so bad about it. Making me nearly cry because I mustn't have thought about it at all.
I was soo upset. Comments came from a few places, but the worst was when one of the teachers sat down beside me and asked if I'd thought about it and if I really had to.
WTF. Does she think that I've spent the year 12 months not doing a damn thing and only just made a snap decision? Does she think that I thought "You know what, I care not about my child, so I'll cast him into childcare and dash off to work."
When she asked how I'd manage it I mentioned our care setup - 2 days childcare, 3 days g'ma care.. she again asked if I had to do that.
I just wanted to slap her. I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to do or say. She had the luxury of living 2 doors down from work, and having a husband who'd bring the baby up to work on feed-times IF it were during the 2-whole-frikken-hours of work she did a week.
I don't have the luxury. I don't have any luxury. "Surely you can scrape by on Chris' wage" Yeah, probably can. We'd have to move house, it'd be further for Chris to commute, we wouldn't be able to afford anything nice nor give Cobey any spoils in life - but sure - we could scrape by."
Grrr
It made me feel soooo attacked, like I hadn't thought about anything, like I was being selfish, I was putting me ahead of Cobey. And it kept going the next day at Christmas Staff Dinner, I had to change the topic. *sigh*
No. NO I don't want to go back to work - but I NEED to. So shut your face stupid people.
*nod*
I agree Nikki. Shut your face stupid people.
Here's a BIG hug for you :hugs:
It is YOUR decision Nikki. No matter what you decide there will always be idiot heads who disagree with you. Take a deep breath, look them in the eye and remember that they are interfering old bags and you are lovely.
So there.
B xxxx
You go girl! Tell 'em all to get stuffed! :laughing: :hugs:
Fair enough mate, tell them to go and get well and truly'd.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Cobey is a happy and loved little boy and nothing is going to change in that regard. Its not like he's not going to be living in the same house as you anymore for crying out loud.
You're a great mum and Cobey is not going to be negatively affected by this at ALL.
They need to pull their heads in.
People!! They give you nothing but the sh!ts I tell ya.
pffft ... I'm sending all those know-it-all meddlers .. a big THWAP nikki ..
you put LOADS of thought into when you would return .. and what the best option was for Cobes ... :banghead:
I hate the way that people who have NO IDEA of the situation think that they can help by second guessing you .. grrrrr.
I always try to remember one of the things I gained from uni ,... the phrase .. its not QUANTITY .. its QUALITY time that kids need ...
you could spend all day every day with Cobey ... but end up doing less with him ... its QUALITY that counts .. you will (as I do) race home from work (speed limit of course :D) grab your gorgeous boy .. and smother him with mummy kisses ... :kiss: he will not miss out on ANYTHING .. he will know that he is loved .. and he will be cared for by wonderful people ..
tell em to get stuffed .. :D
xx
Jen
Are these people for real?
Oh course many many hours of thought and weighing up of options goes into the deicison making process when deciding when you go back to work.
I would tell them to take a long walk off a short pier IYKWIM :thumbsup:
Mariposa
10-12-2006, 10:11
tell them where to get off! sheesh as if you havent considered all options.
im sure that if you could you would spend the time at home with cobey, but in todays world? huh! not likely.
cobey knows you love him, and yes i agree with everyone you are a great mum (and also a funny one ). as veve said, you WILL be racing home to pick him up and smother him with lots of mummy kisses!
some people really need to mind their own business.
Hmm such good advice, especially the "tell them where to go jump" stuff :D
You really wonder don't you. I usually smart **** comment back so "really well I hadn't thought about it either" I am brainless twit.
Stuff em you're doing what you gotta do :hugs:
Ah Nikki, people can be such know-it-all so and so's! They're always going to think they know better than you. Just be strong, tell them it's your life and hold your head up high in the knowledge that you are doing the best thing for your family! No-one has the right to make you feel guilty about a difficult decision that has been made out of love, whether they mean to or not. Next time just tell them their comments aren't helpful, you have every right! :hugs:
Bugger them Nikki..... you really never can win!!
I decided not to go back to work and mum is still trying to convince me to put her into care one day a week, and can't understand why i don't want to....
At the end of the day you need to do whats best for you guys and stuff what everyone else thinks or says!!
What's right for you is right for your family!! :hugs:
:yes: I got this **** when I fell pregnant just before my final semester at uni started "Ohhh, are you sure you can finish your degree?" and EVERYONE (except my DF) doubted me. And then I got the same **** about starting work in the new year :no: I DON'T want to go to work, but we need the money and I have to consolidate my skills. Everyone looks at me so doubtfully and makes me feel bad, because DD is booked into full-time daycare :gloomy: She won't be there all day every day, but because I do shiftwork we needed that flexibility with daycare, but everyone makes me feel like I am an awful mother because I have to go to work.
Where do they get off making us feel like we are uncaring and neglectful. I've never felt so judged in my life as I have since I decided to procreate. People need to shut up, back off and mind their own business! :banghead:
jojojonsey
11-12-2006, 09:35
Ignore them.
They are just projecting their issues on to you. And most of them probably couldn't really care if you went back to work or not - they just like to mouth off and think that they know better. It's not like they care enough to offer alternatives is it?
It has nothing to do with you or the wonderful love you provide your child - whether that child is with you or in child care and whats more, your child knows how much you love him whereever he is as well.
.. its not QUANTITY .. its QUALITY time that kids need ...
I agree. dont listen to those idiots:no: I would have told them where to stick it:devil6:
bekkyboo
11-12-2006, 09:40
Awww Nikki - grr at them... grrr
:hugs: hun - they know nothing!!! NOTHING!!!
Totally agree...
I'm sick of working mums getting flak for having to come back to work whatever the reason - as if we haven't thought about it! Stupid none of your business people! GRRR!!!!!
I returned to work when my bub was 6 months old and the flak I got was ridiculous! How can some people say I do not care about my child?!?! I cried when I came back to work - people can be so insensitive.
If we all had an endless pit of money I'm sure we all would happily stay at home but for many of us it's not a reality!!!
melbryan
11-12-2006, 09:53
Nikki,
I also am a teacher and had the exact same thing but how I look at it is;- you make the decisions for your family stuff what anyone else thinks, its' not their life. My Principle is hard to please and will only give me part time for a year, I said I intend on doing this until they go to school.
I hate leaving y kids also but it's not just about the kids it's about me hubby and our family as a unit and it is what we have chosen to help us move forward. I think about it every day and know it's going to be hard to leave but my mum worked and I think I have had no harm done to me.
People just don't think before they talk sometimes.:ecomcity:
nemosmum
11-12-2006, 09:55
I agree Nikki. Shut your face stupid people.
Here's a BIG hug for you :hugs:
It is YOUR decision Nikki. No matter what you decide there will always be idiot heads who disagree with you. Take a deep breath, look them in the eye and remember that they are interfering old bags and you are lovely.
So there.
B xxxx
Totally agree with Bron!
They are be v.insensitive and down right rude nosey biddy bodies if you ask me!
Your damned if you do and your damned if you dont!
I have just gone on annual leave and will start maternity leave early at 32wks....well havent i coped it from some people!
My FIL for one asked me why i had stopped work so early? and when exactly would i be returning to work after bub no.two arrives, when i said i wasnt sure if i would go back he gasped "oh but you really need to how else will you afford everything?"
Like im a bad mum for not helping dh with the finances!
You cant win so just dont bother trying to please anyoe but your own little family!
:kiss: seek and this is for Cobey from O:hugs:
Funkychicken
11-12-2006, 10:02
It's hard enough just being a parent let alone a working one-surely these unthinking people know this! Going back to work is such a HUGE thing as I am sure you know only too well. You need to do what is right for you and your family and this is none of anyone else's business.
I wonder if you responded with, "Well if you are really concerned, maybe you will be my free nanny."
Or- "If you want to supplement our wages with your own, I could stay home. How would you feel about that?"
I am sure they would be whistling a different tune then! :p
:hugs: to you Nikki and all the best for your return to the workforce when it happens.
I saw something on 9am today where Bronwyn Bishop has just finished a report on the childcare industry and how to make it easier for ppl to work, while also having a family, etc. And she said that the majority of university graduates are women and that we would not have the economy we have today if women stayed at home after children. The fact is not only do we need to return for our own financial security/self-esteem/sanity/enter-your-reason-here, Australia needs us to return!
So, the next time someone gives you flak, tell them you're doing it for your country :D :laughing:
Hi Guys,
I'm not working atm.. because I'm worried I won't be ale to afford the childcare! Can anyone tell me exactly how much childcare costs these days?? Because I have the twins, its always double of everything... adn while I'd LOVE to work part-time (I really want my own classroom!) I'd don't think I'd be making enough after paying 2 lots of childcare to make it worthwhile!
Can I ask how much other people pay for childcare, and how much of your income to you actually get to bring home?
(sorry, I know these are personal questions... but who else can I ask if not other Mums and Dads in the same situation?)
Gret - it varies, and when you have more than one child you often get a discount :)
We earn $58ish combined and get 78% of childcare paid for us :)
Also (erk, editing to add this hehe TIRED) thank you for your thoughts and advice :) It's really appreciated when I feel like crapola. :D
Doin' it for the country!
littledarling
11-12-2006, 20:01
what horrible people at your school seekit!
Shut your face stupid people
lukaelmo
11-12-2006, 20:08
Numbnuts. Tell 'em you only had Cody for the baby bonus anyway, and now that that's run out...
If it makes you feel any better, I felt guilty when I first went back to work after having the dude...
teehee, don't feel it anymore, in faaaact...
I kind of like waving bye bye to him and his dad in the mornings :D.
~EmsMum~
11-12-2006, 20:09
id be telling them where to go aswell!!! your life your child :D
Cody
Sure, I'll wave bubbye to Cody.. wait.. CODY??!?!? CODY!!?!??!!
COOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDY!?
I can't believe that I gave your son, Luke, the best birthday present and you can't even pronounce or spell his name correctly.
;)
*thwap*
lukaelmo
11-12-2006, 20:16
Sure, I'll wave bubbye to Cody.. wait.. CODY??!?!? CODY!!?!??!!
COOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDY!?
I can't believe that I gave your son, Luke, the best birthday present and you can't even pronounce or spell his name correctly.
;)
*thwap*
Oh bugger I am laughing so hard now... Can we blame that on my pregnancy? teehee, it was only for the bonus anyway, what does it matter what you call him? *ducks for cover*
Sorry, if it is any consolation, once again, I have problems with "C" names... Actually I have a Cody fixation... I called the poor guy who rented my appartment for ONE WHOLE YEAR Cody... his name was Corey... in the end he gave up correcting me and just let me call him whatever I wanted :laughing:.
ButterflyMama
11-12-2006, 20:49
It's not up to other people to tell you what's best for you and your family. Grrr. It takes some nerve. :banghead:
Nickster
11-12-2006, 20:59
Well, you just can't win, can you?
I only work one day a week, and I get the opposite reaction from some people - "So, when are you returning full-time?", "When are you going to increase the amount of hours you are doing?"....never mind my thoughts on my situation....oh, that's right, I don't have thoughts - I'm just the mummy...:rolleyes:
Can't win....:rolleyes: just give up now Nikki!
Numbnuts. Tell 'em you only had Cody for the baby bonus anyway, and now that that's run out...
I kind of like waving bye bye to him and his dad in the mornings :D.
LMAO!!!:laughing: :laughing: I'm going to steal this :laughing: Love it!
Hi All,
I aggree with all of you - and thank you for cheering me up about returning to work too!
It is so much easier to make these decisions to use childcare before your baby is born. I went and put my name down when I was pregnant and had my son knowing I needed to return to full time work.
When I had him I knew I was going to struggle with it! I went to all of the childcare centres and reanalysed them and decided on one. I still have older women saying to me "so is your mum looking after your son?" This is so hard for me as my mum has early onset alzheimers at 54yo and my MIL has a bad back and can't carry him so I really had no choice. Either have the baby that I carved and do the best I can whilst working or miss out all together!
Anyway I sympathise with all of you and thanks again for the support!
Kylie
Hi All,
It is so much easier to make these decisions to use childcare before your baby is born.
I still have older women saying to me "so is your mum looking after your son?"
Kylie
I know how you feel! I thought it was going to be so easy to put bub into daycare and go back to work, but it's not. We're also really lucky in that my partner works as a kindy teacher in the childcare centre bub is going to, but in my mind it's no easier to let her go.
People ask me this too and I always tell them it's not my mothers responsibility to care for my child. She's already raised her children, it's not fair for me to ask her to look after mine, IMO. She's had to do it for my other sisters and it's taken it's toll on her. She's at an age now where she deserves her free time and not have to be running around after my bubba. Besides, DD will get more social stimulation going to daycare and she'll be doing fun activities everyday :yes: And I'd rather save my mothers babysitting duties for date night :D
:hugs: I really appreciate hearing that others are struggling with this as well, it makes me feel like I'm not over-reacting!
Stretchmark Diva
13-12-2006, 16:27
People ask me this too and I always tell them it's not my mothers responsibility to care for my child. She's already raised her children, it's not fair for me to ask her to look after mine, IMO. She's had to do it for my other sisters and it's taken it's toll on her. She's at an age now where she deserves her free time and not have to be running around after my bubba. Besides, DD will get more social stimulation going to daycare and she'll be doing fun activities everyday :yes: And I'd rather save my mothers babysitting duties for date night :D
:yelclap: So true!
Don't let the idiots grind you down hun. :hugs:
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