Lost my baby @ 5wks

[Tinydancer]

Last night I started bleeding, it started off just blood tinged brown mucous (sorry if TMI) and is now dark clots, not yet heavy though. Im getting crampy as if I have af so i know its hopeless.

This is not the first miscarraige that I have had, I lost a baby at 7 weeks when I was 19, I didnt know I was pregnant, and had a termination when I was 16 (please dont judge thats not what im here for).

It hurts in just the same way now as it did when I had the termination and last miscarraige, I feel guilty, confused and like I just want to go hide somewhere and wake up with a healthy baby in my arms. This is just a horrible nightmare, its not fair, I dont know how I am meant to just go on like nothing happened. I made myself believe that my last two experiences made me stronger, well I might have been but im not anymore.

I have been with my DF since I was 14 so obviously he has been with me through all of this. He is my rock, I love him so much it hurts, and it breaks my heart that we lost this baby as he was just as excited as I was. The look on his face this morning was so sad, it just makes it worse.

I am starting to worry now as I did everything right, what if we just cant have kids? What if the termination that I had has ruined my chances? We didnt want to have a termination, it was out of our hands really, makes me regret it even more now.

I dont know when I can start trying again or even if I should, I dont want to loose any more babies.

I dont want to go to the doctors because I think im going to fall apart.

I have to go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened as I could loose my job if I dont, there is a serious event happening at work that could fall apart if I dont get things organised. I dont want to go anywhere.

I dont know what to do.
:crying:

[BlueButterfly]

I am so sorry Renee :hugs: This must be so hard for you. I am thinking and praying for you and your DP :hugs:

[angelickaren]

hi so sorry for your loss:hugs: i hope you can find out why you are having so many m/c's i hope you can just go to work do what has to be done then go home my thoughts are with you at this time

hope to see you back on bubhub soon :yes:

[Xavier's Mumma]

Renee I have no words to say to help u but just wanted to send u some huge:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: and im thinking of u and ur DH.

[damien's mum]

Hi There

I'm sorry to hear about your lost, i'm not good at these things, just wanted to let you know, you were in my thoughts.

Alicia
xxx

[ziggie]

Renee, I am so sorry. Please don't feel guilty, it sounds like you want a little one so badly & that you did everything in your power to make this one stick. I honestly don't know how you're feeling, but I can empathise, and hope you never have to go through this again. I noticed on your signature that you're taking a break from BubHub..... take care and hopefully you will be back soon. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Niki]

im so sorry hun :hugs: :hugs:

[Milliner]

I am so sorry for your loss Renee Big :hugs: :hugs: coming to you. :hugs:

[bella_angel_13]

im so sorry hun loads of :hugs: coming your way.

[blessedmummy]

sending lots of hugs to you!!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs: i have no words to say, :hugs:

[marcelsmum]

Renee, We are here for you, I know exactly the feelings you are feeling, (will it ever happen have I stuffed up my body by doing stuoid things) PM me if you want to chat.

lots of love:hugs: :kiss: :hugs:

[iluvmeboyz]

so sorry for your lose :hugs:

[Percy]

Im so sorry for your loss. Its heartbreaking.

My thoughts are with you at this hard time.:hugs:

[Lirael]

I just want to give you plenty of these little guys:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so sorry for your loss please dont blame yourself, it is not your fault.

more *hugs* for you and hubby.

[bronny-jane]

:hugs: dont blame yourself......look for the purpose or meaning...it might not be clear yet, but it will.

i had 2 mc before my dd 1 both of them were in april a year apart.....the next april was the month i gave birth to dd1...i just figured she kept on getting her birthdate wrong....finally got there on an easy to remeber date
05/04/03 :D

i was actually told by a psychic that it was her coming through all the time......if i didnt have my mc's dd wouldnt have gotten her special birthdate:D

i hope you let yourself heal...and remember positive thoughts work wonders...you will get your bub...i did:yes:

[DQ]

:hugs: dont blame yourself......look for the purpose or meaning...it might not be clear yet, but it will.

i hope you let yourself heal...and remember positive thoughts work wonders...you will get your bub...i did:yes:

BJ's right!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your hubby. :hugs:

[xpectant]

Hey, I am so sorry to hear of your terrible losses. I was forunate enough to be able to take time off work throughout my m/c. I really feel for you having to go on as though nothing has happened.

As far as trying again - there is no problem (if you feel emotionally stable) to start trying as soon as you want. (I have). I really do recommend you see a doctor when you start feeling a bit better - just to check that things are all okay inside. This is a hard time, cling to your df for support and don't hold back - cry as much as you need and take plenty of time for yourself.

Thinking of you...

[bekkyboo]

Oh nae nae... :hugs:

we loves you...

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[jcb]

I am so sorry for your loss sweetie...:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: You are in my thoughts...kisses and more hugs to you and your DP.....

[poodysmum]

Im so sorry to hear of your loss:crying: Will be thinking of you:hugs:

Alli

[ogilberry]

im so sorry to hear of your sad news...

there are no words that can fix your hurt and dissapointment other than for some not so nice reason , it was not meant to be.

there will be loads of luck and happiness for you in the new year i am sure. fresh beginnings are always a good thing..

Hugs to you and your partner:hugs:

Fiona

[JuniorMinime]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you and your DF, I really hope that you find some time to heal. You need too.

I don't judge you at all, as I have had a termination and 3 M/Cs. My ob has said to me that we have to go on aspirin next time but you know what??? We aren't even going to think about it until 2008. We want to give ourselves a break and let my body heal as it has been through so much.

I also believe that time is a healer and therefore you will feel better soon. I will keep you in my prayers. If you ever want to pm please feel free.

It took me and my DF 3mths to even start bding again, so all I can say is take it easy. Tell your boss that you might need to have a few more breaks here and there and go and have a cry it really does work wonders.

Hope your alright and come back soon.

xxxx

[RoarsomeMum]

I am starting to worry now as I did everything right, what if we just cant have kids? What if the termination that I had has ruined my chances? We didnt want to have a termination, it was out of our hands really, makes me regret it even more now.

I dont want to go to the doctors because I think im going to fall apart.

I have to go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened as I could loose my job if I dont, there is a serious event happening at work that could fall apart if I dont get things organised. I dont want to go anywhere.

I dont know what to do.


Oh Renee, I relate so much to your fears about early choices. and your fear of the doctor. I can only send you millions of :hugs: 's and let you know, that your not alone in your fears.. Your not alone in your confusion.. I am so sorry you had to go through this again. Sending you lots of strength and Love and Hugs. You are an amazingly compassionate and strong young Lady. Thinking of you and your DP..
Please PM me if you want to talk.. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
XOXOX
Em

[Tinydancer]

Hello everyone

Thank you all so much for your kind words, love and support, It means so much to me to have so many people write such nice things to me when im feeling down. Hearing about other peoples experiences also helps as its easy to feel alone when you have a miscarraige as its not a subject many people are happy to discuss, especially when you add your fears about termination repocussions.

DF took me to the hospy yesterday arvo, the doctor and nurses were very kind which made it so much easier.

The pain I was experiencing was very intense and there was a lot of blood but my cervix is only partly open so the doctor said there is still a minute chance that bubby is still in there or that its eptopic. The scan showed up no baby (thats not unusual at 5 wks tho) scan also showed no problems internally so its not so bad. I have had bloods and need to go back to see doc on Friday. The midwife that came down when I was having the scan said to me "when they leave, they come back you know" I felt as though she was speaking to my spirit.

I know that my baby is no longer with me, the pregnant feeling left me yesterday gradually, but strangely im ok, feeling really calm. Im not sure when we will be TTC again. The doctor recommended we wait two full cycles before we start trying, and that we dont bd until I get a period. I really feel that we should put TTC off for a little while, perhaps we will get married without a baby bump, thats not so bad, ive never been overseas before so it will be better to do it without worrying about my bump.

Doc wrote me a med cert to cover my absence at work today and DF went to speak to work for me. If sh!t hits the fan at work, I dont really need to work anyways so I will find another job or take some time off. I do worry about how it will affect DF as we work for the same company.

Im sure that this isnt over, I know I have a period of grieving and growth ahead of me. I already feel stronger in spirit, although still broken. DF was an absolute angel yesterday never leaving my side as the doctors did all sorts of things to me and encouraging me through the pain. His love and strength has and will always get me through, I am lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life, and we will be blessed with our angels when the time is right.:)

[LilMissnBoo]

Lots of :hugs:

I know only too well on what you are going thru. There is nothing I can really say to make the pain go away. You will get thru this, it takes time and you will always remember your little angel. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, and I still have days when I fell like cr@p.

Take time for yourself, relax and rest lots and surround yourself with good family and friends. You DF sounds like an absolute god send and a complete angel!:angel:

The words that the MW said to you me cry. What a lovely women! I thought that they were beautiful words and will remember those for myself as well. My doctor was horrible and made me feel like a miscarriage was nothing!!

Take care or yourself and I hope you will be back soon.:hugs:

[Shazzaz]

Sorry for your loss. I have suffered 4 miscarriages. I was always told to wait 6 months between just to give your body and emotions time to recover. I know it's hard, but you need to go to the Dr's to make sure your body has expelled all of the lining. I had to have a D&C with my second because it didn't all come away, risking serious infection. The fear of miscarriage is far out weighed by the end result of a baby, please don't give up hope! I believe that everything happens for a reason, even though the reason may not be clear at the time. Also,don't let anyone dictate how to grieve or how long to grieve for, take as long as you need. :crying: I really feel for you and your partner. Take care.
sincerely Sharon

[JuniorMinime]

Hear Hear Shazzaz!!!! I couldn't say it better myself. That is exactly what I meant to say. I know my angels are watching me and my DF and making sure that we are happy and I feel them giving me hugs every now and then (it's giving me goose bumps as I tell you) but it's true!!

:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

[Sandy]

Renee sweetheart, I just sat down and cried and cried after my first one. I couldn't bare to be around anyone even though they all wanted to help me. That was at 9weeks and bloody terrible. Happened in the middle of the night. The main bleeding and cramping that is. Sorry for the tmi.

My second at 6weeks didn't knock me around as much as I knew that most people don't even they are pregnant at this stage but my body took a hammering. Because they were 6 months apart, I suffered aneamia from the intense blood loss and the doc suspect that may have contributed to my second m/c.

Either way, by mistake, I am pregnant again and my fear of another m/c is HUGE. I told DH on the weekend that if I m/c this one, I don't think mentally I can go through another one.

Give yourself time to heal and grieve my friend. You are young. Time is on your side. And I write my story because I believe you can get peace from knowing that you are not the only one sweetie. :hugs:

[~EmsMum~]

oh hunny

i don't know what to say

I just want to give you alot of these :hugs:

[Ashleigh<3]

:hugs: Renee, I'm so sorry:( I'm here whenever you need to talk!

[Kirst]

All my love to you Renee.

[babybug2]

hi
im so sorry for your loss it must be so hard, im glad you have a good df and that he supports you we are all here for you.

[chick3]

hi there mate, how are you doing , i do know what you are going through. i have a beautiful 6yr then 4yr 6m ago i lost my 2nd child at 6w gest 7month after i lost our to be 3childat 12w i did the same thing went to work next day slowly dying inside. what was i doing wrong. a close friend said to me they must be needed more somewhere else. i didnt understand or want to at time. the loss of a child no matter how far along you are feels cruel. they say time heals all wounds, it may get easier but you never forget. my advise to you is dont give up, 2yrs ago i gave birth to a healthy 8p10oz baby girl and then 5mon ago gave birth to a healthy 9p9oz baby boy.please find a small amount of comfort in my life story and yes you are in my prays too. good luck.

[jess_live_die]

Aww hunni im so sorry i cnt offer much advice but i senfd lots of love and :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[kiah]

:hugs: u poor little thing....bless u...with all the kisses and hugs in bubhub land:kiss: :hugs: :kiss:

[Samral]

i just wanted to say i am sorry for your loss, and thought i would tell you of my auntys story.she was pregnant at a young age also and terminated it, then fell pregnant not long after that her bf at the time was beating her up and pushed her down the stairs, she lost the baby, but 15 years later, she is married to a wonderful guy, now has a 3 year old child, she was told she would never have children again, after app 9 goes of ivf and thousands of $$$$$$, her df decided it was time for a holiday he took her to qld for 3 weeks showed his support, and after coming to terms with never being able to have a family she conceived naturally while on holidays, they both now have a beautiful little girl Shakira 3 years old............there is hope, and the bes thing you can do is just find someone that you can talk too and that will listen mostly...........my thoughts are with you.

[honeyhoney]

Well i feel so sad for you. I have had 7 misscarrieages and they are never easy as i think as woman we are naturally maternal so the emotions and so on are ther.

Maybe take a couple days off work if you can to at least have time with your partner,
As for your other experiences, never worry about what you or others have done - we all make choices that we think are for the best at the time (i belive all woman have the right to choose for them selves what is right or wrong.
All i can say is do not give up. I am 6 weeks pregnant and hoping that it gos well as 3 months ago i had a misscarriage so a baby is worth all the pain for...................

Good luck and i will think of you:)

[Tam-I-Am]

I think given that this thread was started back in January, and that the OP is now pregnant, I will close this now.