Lonlier than ever!

[bobtob]

Hi Everyone
Im sorry to whinge again but i am at a loss!
I dont know what it is but i am really finding it hard to make friends, i have lived in Australia for 7 years now and i have yet to make a good circle of friends, and its not through lack of trying!
I have been blatantly snubbed on more than one occasion by people who i thought liked me, it happened again today which is why its upsetting me so much, but i cant think why it keeps happening.
I come across as quite confident i think, maybe that puts people off but i think i am nice, i have joined playgroups, given my time, house, and friendship to people but i still find myself alone. We never get invited to other peoples houses although i have people here on a regular basis, and my boys are'nt that bad!!
I feel so bad for my boys as i want them to have friends to play with, they love having kids here but my 4 yr old would love to go and play with someone elses toys for a change but we never get invited.
All my family is in the UK and although my parents come out regularly i find i miss my good friends more and more and it is just getting harder being so far away not easier, DH is very supportive but as he works away it is difficult to have any social life as a couple.
I just dont know where im going wrong, sorry to dump but thanks for listening!

[H&B'sMum]

I'm sorry Bobtob you are feeling like this. It can be hard making and keeping friends when you are a sahm.
Just a thought have you thought about putting your boys in child care? Even if it is only for 1 day. They will be able to socialise and make new friends and you can get to know the other parents. I'm sure your boys will make lots of new friends and be invitied over to other children's houses to play.

(((((((((((hug)))))))))) to you and your boys.

[WeThree]

bobtob, i feel so bad for you, i wish i could do more to help.... one great thing you have done is bubhub!! you could not have come to a more friendly caring mums forum, i know you will make some great friends here. without knowing you i cant say why this keeps happening to you, but you sound like a nice, normal intelligent person, so maybe you just need to take the initiative more? ring these other parnets and ask them if your child can come and play, also i htink harrysmum suggestion was a great idea, placing your children in daycare once a wk will not only broaden their social circle, it will probably broaden yours too! church, part time job etc (of course i know the last one is not always possible, particulary if hubby works alot) are other great ways to get out and make friends. anyway, keep posting and you will soon get to know lots of great people here, and keep us updated on how its all going!! :)

[jaydensmum]

Im sorry that you feel this way. All i can say is that you have come to the right place. We are all here for you and if you ever need someone to talk to you can PM anytime. I hope things get a bit brighter for you in the near future! ;)

jaydensmum

[SweetSerenity]

Hi there.
I'm also sorry to hear you in this position.
Some women can be nasty and not wanting to step out of their comfort zones.
On here you can chat to everyone, and you won't be snobbed either!
It's sad that your boys are being affected by it to.
We're all here if you need us. Feel free to pm me if you need a chat :)
Luv Natalie xxx

[Manxie]

Hey Bobtob

Fellow lonely POM - have sent you a personal message to have a whinge ho, ho!!! :D :D

[poshBecks]

Hi Bobtob...

It must be hard to be somewhere where ther are no familiar faces.

Try & be positive :o When you meet new people make sure you don't let them know your feeling down straight away.... smile heaps etc. It's hard to when your depressed though i know!

But you can vent all you like here, coz we are happy to listen!!! Where do you live?

[bobtob]

Thankyou for your support everyone, it is great just to get a bit of sympathy and some new ideas!
I shall just keep smiling and making an effort, i think my boys deserve and appreciate it!
My eldest does go to a 3yr old Kindy but i really havent met many of the parents there, everyone is always in such a hurry, me included. I look forward to when he starts real Kindy next Feb so i can meet people as we wait at the end of the day!!
Thanks again everyone, bubhub is great for support :)

[WeThree]

hi again bobtob, glad you are feeling ok :) keep your chin up and keep busy, surround yourself with positive energy and good things will happen :)

[ThomasMum]

Hiya bobtob...

I know and can understand how you feel. dont have many friends here in Australia either, all my family and friends are in UK. (thats why look at me now at almosy midnight am still "alive" because so I can catch up with my people back home (2:22pm london time now)

The world is amazing place out there, is all I can say. And if you think that you dont have anyfriend, well you are wrong, coz am your friend and the rest of people in hubbub all are too!

cheer up, it will get better! :D

[Ky]

Hi Bobtob

I moved here from NZ just over 2 years ago and for the first 8 months while living in Sydney was incredibly lonely and met absolutly no-one! It wasn't as if I wasn't friendly ... I chatted to people in shops, on trains and in doctors waiting rooms and yet no-one was ever willing to go any further than small talk. I Invited people to have coffe with me, to meet at the park so our kids could play etc, but nothing happened.

I then moved away from Sydney and found a great family orientated church to go to. I have never looked back! I have so many good and true frineds ... there have already been times when we have needed support and they have been there in an instant.

I have a heap of fun ... we have a playgroup, mothers meeting with a creche, fun Sunday services, are putting on a musical comedy soon, have a mad month in July with all sorts of wacky activities and some really good girlfriends. We found somewhere that was into supporting families, is active in the community, cares how people are, has a cafe where people "hang out" for hours after each service, safe playground equipment (ex McDonalds!) and creche facilities and fantastic programs for school age kids, youth and beyond!

I hope that you will find something similar ... check out what playgroups etc the local churches are running ... you might just make some really good friends.

Btw ... not all of us christians are boring, hypocritical freaks!

[bobtob]

Thanks again everyone,

I have made an effort this week to just get on with it and i feel much better! It was playgroup today and the good weather seems to have cheered us all as everyone was much more chatty and freindly! I took along a new neighbour who has just moved in, she seems very nice and i think the old addage "do unto others....." will eventually find us some good mates!
Your church sounds fantastic Kyra, i have been thinking about going to church but my Husband is a bit anti and i dont know how i would go taking the boys by myself, i should just do it! If its a disaster at least i'll know!!

Take care everyone, your support has really helped! :D

[Shelly68]

Good for you Bobtob.

Wait till your son starts Kindy, you'll have friend coming out of your ears.

School and kindy are definitely the places to make a lot of friends.

We moved to Brisbane from Melbourne 4 years ago and I worked full time for the first 3 1/2 years of that time. Did not make one friend in that whole time, (yes there were friends at work) but I mean friends on weekends, etc.

Well, since I stoppped working full time and get to the school I have lots of friends, and one particularly good friend who I see all the time, her DD is actually here at the moment (our DD's take it in turns sleeping at each others houses on weekends).

I got very upset for the first couple of years because I was lonely, my DH is a loner and doesn't mind but I'm very social. I constantly had thoughts of moving back but then none of my friends from Melbourne contact me anymore (it's always me that rings them).

It's new and exciting making new friends, and I hope you make dozens more.

[Giselle]

Hi Bobtob :)

I know just how you feel !!!! I'm in the situation, my family are in a different state and my DH is in the army, and it is very hard to break into a group of women...I'll be your friend :D