I need to get this out [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

cootie

07-12-2006, 12:31 PM

I'm a member here, but travelling in disguise. I just need to get this out.

I am nearly 16 weeks pregnant with #4, and my CVS results are not good. The baby I am carrying has Down's Syndrome.

DH and I have made the decision to terminate the pregnancy.

We have three older children, and I don't want them to be disadvantaged because our time will be taken up with a sibling with special needs. I don't want to have a depandant child when I am 60, 70 or older, nor do I want to worry that my other children will be left carrying the can after DH and I are dead and gone.

Strangely, the decision has been very easy to make. I was watching a documentary which featured James Watson, one of the men who discovered the double helix structure of DNA. He has a child with a genetic disorder. One of the things he said struck a chord with me. He said "If you don't HAVE to have a child with a genetic or a chromosomal abnormality, why would you?". I think he is right. There's really no decision to make, just an action to take.

KarniF00l

07-12-2006, 12:34 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this cootie.. People with down syndrome are human beings to you know and they have such a lovely nature.

Sorry, that's all i have to say.

bekkyboo

07-12-2006, 12:35 PM

:hugs: to you and your family.

Mamaduke

07-12-2006, 12:37 PM

It is totally and solely up to you & your partner in regards to your decision to terminate this pregnancy.
I could only imagine how painful having to make such a decision must be.
Your decision has been made but just keep in mind that some members/readers have children with downs ..every child is beautiful, special, a miracle and a gift regardless of chromosomes.

DoubleAce

07-12-2006, 12:39 PM

I think that if you view a child with Down's in such a way then you are doing the right thing for you and your unborn child.

FourAngelKisses

07-12-2006, 12:40 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this cootie.. but i take offence to people calling down syndrome names. They are human beings to you know and they have such a lovely nature.

Sorry, that's all i have to say.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but I too take offence as my SIL has Down Syndrome.

:hugs: to you and your family.

Helen'sHavingTwins

07-12-2006, 12:41 PM

My heart goes out to you Cootie:hugs: That is a very hard decision to make

sarah81

07-12-2006, 12:41 PM

While it was not the best choice of words, the OP is going through a stressful time. Maybe we could give her a break.

Foxy

07-12-2006, 12:42 PM

:hugs: Cootie. Such an enormous decision to have to make, my heart really goes out to you. You are doing what is right for your family and that is all the matters.

NZMama

07-12-2006, 12:42 PM

I feel for you and your family and bet that this is an extremely hard decision to make.
But it is a personal choice and of course up to you guys.
I know of people born supposedly 100% healthy that would be worse. Down syndrome people are the most sensitive people I know...they are beautiful.

jamb

07-12-2006, 12:44 PM

As others have said it is entirely up to you (and your partner).

:hugs: to you both

shorty_851

07-12-2006, 12:48 PM

I do feel for you and i cant say i have been in your posistion but i do agree that DS is one of the great wonders of the human kind as they are innocent and majority stay that way.

They are the most pleasant natured people and they are not always dependant on their parents.

Have you had any contact with a DS person

Lunar

07-12-2006, 12:50 PM

Cootie,
PLease, please please re-consider you decision! I beg of you!
My DD1 has Down syndrome and she is in no way a burdern, and there is NO way I will still be caring for her when I am 70!!! God NO!!! She will be independant and live on her own or with her partner (if she chooses to have one) ask anyone on here how much I rant and rave how much joy my Emily brings to our family!
She is the light of our lives! YEs she is that lil extra hard work, but she is OURS! OUR flesh and blood, we created her from LOVE and she was truely put on this earth for a very good reason! Just like any other child in the world, children with d/s deserve a chance. If you teach them everything you know they6 WILL go on to live independant and successful lives! PLease do some research on this! Contact the Down syndrome association in your state, talk to other parents.... please don't make this decision until you have ALL the facts!

When I found out that the baby I was carrying (Emily) was to be born with d/s I was soooo stunned! I was heartbroken, the DR told me she would be really bad etc etc, in fact they CANNOT tell how badly they will be effected until they are around 3-4 yrs old! My DD achieved all her milestones within the 'normal' developmental range, she still has trouble talking but we use alot of sign language too.

It is hard, but, WhAT CHILD ISN"T???

PLease reconsider, I beg of you. There is a PRECIOUS MIRACLE growing inside of you, please just be thakful for that! I believe that if my Emily was not meant to be on this earth, I would have miscarried her, but I didn't, she is here, healthy and happy, and most importantly LOVED BY ALL WHO KNOW HER!!!!

If you have ANY questions at all, please don't hesitate to pm me.
Just please, do some research and talk to parents that are doing it NOW, not 20-30 yrs ago... so much has changed since then.

:hugs:
Kris.

babylover111

07-12-2006, 12:53 PM

Hugs to you and your family :hugs: you must all being going through a very rough time.

I have worked with some children with downs syndrome and I believe they are are so unbelievably caring, sensitive and loving. The only league of their own that they are in is being so innocent and loving. I understand you are going through a hard time but use your words wisely.

I really admire those who take on the responsibility with love to keep a child with downs syndrome.

EcstaticEm

07-12-2006, 01:00 PM

I admire your honesty in describing the way you feel about the pregnancy and the decsion you have made. I am not going to judge you for your choice of words, or your choice of termination.. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you and your family.

Sodor

07-12-2006, 01:11 PM

I cant imagine what you are going through but have to say if it was me i would still be blessed to be carrying that child. I believe all children no matter what are miracles and blessings that shouldnt be taken for granted. Take time for yourself to really evaluate your decision i think down syndrome kids are so adorable and have so much love to give.

Roopee

07-12-2006, 01:37 PM

Your decision is totally up to you and only you the one to make it.
I agree you msut be going through a tough time.

But all babies are a gift no matter what.
You dont need to justify the choices you make you dont have to neagtive label your unborn child to be ok with it.

Just make the best decision for you and your child.

Couldnt have said it better.

I feel for you and our family- this must be incredibly hard for you. I do hope though that you choose your words more carefully-that comment is really affensive to some-even those of us who have no direct contact with nyone with Downs.
Please take Lunars advice and research before you act.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

lovingmotheract

07-12-2006, 01:39 PM

i have to say i'm with Lunar on this u can't give up on some thing like this every child needs a chance in life but if u find it to hard there are ppl out there more than willing to have your little baby but please don't terminate your pregnancy

Foxy

07-12-2006, 01:44 PM

Gee Cootie, I bet you are glad you went incognito for this thread!

Cootie has posted to get this off her chest, and to receive some support.

She has not asked for advice on what she should do, or even if people agree with her decision.

Maybe she could have chosen some better words, but I don't think that she should be crucified for this - I am sure she has a lot on her mind.

mum33

07-12-2006, 01:48 PM

make the decision thats right for you and your family. if you think you cant cope with a down syndrome baby then you're probably right and the pregnancy shouldnt go ahead.

and dont let people make you feel bad for any decision you make. its your body, your pregnancy, your choice.

i'm against abortion unless of a medical reason but i think this is a good enough reason to do it if you feel you have to.

i dont know what i would do if in your situation but i know it couldnt be easy.

:hugs: :hugs:

FourAngelKisses

07-12-2006, 01:49 PM

I didn't say I don't agree with her decision, it's the comment she made that upset me.

Foxy

07-12-2006, 01:51 PM

Foxy..I agree completley but its on a public forum you are bound to get all kinds of replies.

I knwo its hard then to get it off your chest but isnt that why we feel the need to get things off our chest so we can hear what others really think?

Yes I see what you are saying PN, but this section of the forum is for

Have you been through a termination, or need to consider one for medical or personal reasons. Please find support and positive discussion in this section. Termination is legal in Australia, and whilst it remains so, viewers should be able to find support in a non-judgemental manner. This section is for POSITIVE support only. There will be zero tolerance for any other posts, which will be deleted. Ethics can be discussed in the Current Affairs section.

Malibu

07-12-2006, 01:54 PM

All I can say on the subject is that I used to nanny for a little girl with Down Syndrome and she was the sweetest most gorgeous little girl.

She was happier than most people ever are.

Good luck with your decision and your family.

Me (31)
DH (31)
DS (4)
DS (3)
DS (11 weeks)

oleander

07-12-2006, 01:55 PM

:hugs: for you

shorty_851

07-12-2006, 02:03 PM

I didn't say I don't agree with her decision, it's the comment that upset me.

I have a very good friend whos dd is D/S amd to tell you the thruth she is best mates with Russell Crowe ( ok well maybe that isn a good example)

These children are seen aas a gift and i beleive only cometo those that truly deserve something special. Im not religious at all but God knows that these children will be lookd after by giving them to certain people.

Please take up Lunars offer

by the way no child is ever a burden. I know a few girls on this website that have been trying so long to have babies and even unhealthy child to them would feel even more like a miricale

Little_Toad

07-12-2006, 02:03 PM

Im pretty sure that Cootie was saying the fact that a cromosone goes missing is a freak of nature.

I thought Bubhub was meant to be a supportive thread.. It seams this is a very difficult desicion for anyone and we should be supporting her desicion, not tryng to change her mind or influence her in any other way.

Good luck Cootie.. I hope all goes well for you with your procedure and for your future family plannng.

the_original_duchess

07-12-2006, 02:10 PM

please do what is best for you and your family. do not listen to what you dont want to from your post. some ppl do fine with a d/s child, but you are not these ppl, and have 3 other children to think about.
just do what your heart is telling you. having a termination is very difficult. you never forget, im still waiting to return to normal. but in saying that i am glad that i did have one. my child wouldnt have been normal. even if they did survive the pregnancy they would have been in a vegitated state for their entire life. obviously your child would not have as big a burdon as mine, but still only a person living with d/s can answer your questions as to their quailty of life. i hope that you have come to peace with your decision. if you need to talk about going through a termination at anytime, then please pm me.
and donot let anyones opinions get you feeling down. they are just that, opinions. these ppl do not have to live your life therefore cannot judge you. they are simply giving their opinion, take it or leave it.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
thats all i have to say

Sharelle

07-12-2006, 02:14 PM

Im pretty sure that Cootie wasnt saying that Down Sydnrome babies were a "freak of nature" but the fact that a cromosone goes missing is a freak of nature.

I agree. She is going through an extremly hard time and shouldn't be judged for her decisions.:no:
:hugs: To you.

mum33

07-12-2006, 02:18 PM

technically the OP is right, but she didnt intend to offend anyone by saying that. she was just expressing her feelings. who are we to judge? are we all going through the same thing? no, so most of us cant possibly have a clue what she is going through. you ladies are saying DS babies arent a burden, but for her it may well be. she may not feel she could cope with a DS baby. she came on here to look for support. not to have people put her down and feel judged. :shame:

Peaceangels

07-12-2006, 02:20 PM

I have cleaned this thread up a little and editted any offensive/off topic post's.

Please keep to the topic, there is no need to analyse the op's choice of words. :)

jamb

07-12-2006, 02:27 PM

Im pretty sure that Cootie meant the fact that a cromosone goes missing is a freak of nature.

I thought Bubhub was meant to be a supportive thread.. It seams this is a very difficult desicion for anyone and we should be supporting her desicion, not tryng to change her mind or influence her in any other way.

thats how i took the OP'd words to mean too.

07-12-2006, 02:36 PM

Cootie, i admire you for having the strength to make such a heartbreaking decision and you deserve support and compassion for it. If you and your DH have made a decision in the best interests of your family, that's all you can do.

C'mon guys as human beings and mothers give this lady some support instead of judgement, i'm sure we've all made some pretty difficult decisions in our lives that we wouldn't like to be judged on, none of us know the full story or the impact this may have on her family.

I wish you well at such a difficult time.

LA62

07-12-2006, 02:47 PM

EcstaticEm

07-12-2006, 02:48 PM

charlis_mum

07-12-2006, 04:48 PM

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you & your family. It must be an incredibly hard time. Only YOU know yourself & your family, and therefore only YOU can make the best decision for them. I don't think anyone has the right to judge you without having been in your shoes. As you don't just have this baby to think about, but how the lives of your other children will be affected too. I wish you well for the future.

angcaltam

07-12-2006, 05:27 PM

You poor thing. I would hate to be in your position. It would be such a heartbreaking decision to make, but you are making the right choice for you and that's all that matters.:yes:

Just ignore all the negative feed back your getting because you don't need that right now,:shame: but please know that there are a lot of us on here that will support you in whatever decision you make.

Sending lots of :hugs: & :kiss: your way.

Always here if you want someone who will listen and not judge you.

the_original_duchess

07-12-2006, 05:39 PM

Foxy, Thanks for Posting the Intro to this forum. Much needed. I suggest the people who would like to continue the discussion of Downs, Start a new thread in another section. Please leave this one for support only. Cootie, thinking of you. Your a Brave strong lady.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

All this refernce other people have made to killing babies and "can you feel it move" is just plain Cruel. Find another place to express those feelings *please* Its a hard enough decsion without that type of crud... PLEASE...

i missed reading those comments, the moderator must have taken them out before i got the chance to see them, not that i would want to. how can ppl be so cruel.
i hope that you didnt read them aswell cootie. i'd like to say to all the ppl who posted negativly, if you wanna pick on someone then do it to me on another post, not this poor woman. i have no problem ignoring you and dismissing your negativity , but this poor woman has reached out for help, only to get it thrown back in herface.
i did the same thing in a similar situation to her, so if you wanna take out some pent up frustrations on someone for doing this, then i ask you to do it to me.
leave her alone to deal with her situation.
and cootie, if you need someone to talk to about this, please feel free to pm me as i know what you are going through, i went through something very similar.

little bean

07-12-2006, 07:48 PM

Cootie, :hugs: to you and your family.

I have to say that I'm pretty disgusted with the way some people have responded to your post. This must be an incredibly hard decision to make - I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation (and the thought of having to make that awful decision nearly puts me off having any of the screening tests at all).

I too have met some lovely people with DS. I have also come across a few who were angry and not so pleasant (breaking things, spitting at people etc). It doesn't really matter either way - you have to make a decision that is right for your family. It really is nobody else's business.

:thumbsdown:I'm sad to see the way people have attacked you on here as most of the time bubhubbers are very supportive - or they are able to disagree in a more friendly way! I can just imagine that you need to ask about it and get it off your chest - unfortunately, the response to your post will make me think really long and hard before posting anything should I find myself in your situation.

:hugs:Only you can decide what's right for you and your family.

Lunar

07-12-2006, 11:45 PM

Im pretty sure that Cootie was saying the fact that a cromosone goes missing is a freak of nature.
.

Just to get the fact straight, Down syndrome (clinical name, Trisomy 21, meaning 3) means there is actually 3 copies of the 21st chromosome, instead of 2 copies.

And in my own defence, even though no one has directly pionted the finger, I WAS being supportive. I was telling the OP'er what life is REALLY like raising a child with down syndrome. I have another child who is 9 months old and she has in no way missed out on anything!

In fact, I know alot of other siblings that are growing up with bigger hearts and greater understanding and tolerance of the world and it's differences and diversity than any other human beings I have met!
It is the siblings of children with special needs that will leed us into a better tomorrow. These children teach us so many things that we cannot even imagine! I have learnt an extraordinary amount from my DD. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE being the greatest!

Please, don't think I was in any way attacking you, I know where you are, I have been there. Your baby still has a chance. Please do a bit of research, just make a couple of phone calls. D/S really is not as bad as some ppl make it out to be.
:hugs:

mum33

08-12-2006, 12:03 AM

D/S really is not as bad as some ppl make it out to be.
:hugs:

you're still gettin away from the fact that its her choice whether to terminate this pregnancy or not. if she feels she cant raise a DS baby then why should she? it's like everyone is so caught up on telling her what she should do, what they think is best for her family. only her and her DH can make that decision.

i think this thread is best left alone now. instead of offering some good advice and support there are too many people on here telling her what she should do and judjing her in a bad light. :shame: i'm sure thats not what she posted here for.

Lunar

08-12-2006, 12:25 AM

you're still gettin away from the fact that its her choice whether to terminate this pregnancy or not. if she feels she cant raise a DS baby then why should she? it's like everyone is so caught up on telling her what she should do, what they think is best for her family. only her and her DH can make that decision.

i think this thread is best left alone now. instead of offering some good advice and support there are too many people on here telling her what she should do and judjing her in a bad light. :shame: i'm sure thats not what she posted here for.

you se, your getting me all wrong once again. I am merely offering facts. I believe that anyone can only make a decision given the proper facts. No one else on these boards knows them more than myself! I am merely stating what is REAL and not what was 40 yrs ago! (which is what ppl still think life for someone with d/s is.)

If cootsie only took the time to gets some info about d/s she would see that she doesn't need to be super human to raise such a child and that her family will not suffer but gain a great deal from having someone with d/s in thier lives.

I respect the fact that everyone has a right to their own decisions, it just angers me when they make such ill informed ones ESPECIALLY when it has to do with a precious life.

schmell

08-12-2006, 12:34 AM

I think that if you view a child with Down's in such a way then you are doing the right thing for you and your unborn child.
I totally agree.

Only you know what is right for you and your family. You have made the best decision for YOU and that is the best thing you can do.

me+my2girls

08-12-2006, 01:27 AM

you se, your getting me all wrong once again. I am merely offering facts. I believe that anyone can only make a decision given the proper facts. No one else on these boards knows them more than myself! I am merely stating what is REAL and not what was 40 yrs ago! (which is what ppl still think life for someone with d/s is.)

If cootsie only took the time to gets some info about d/s she would see that she doesn't need to be super human to raise such a child and that her family will not suffer but gain a great deal from having someone with d/s in thier lives.

I respect the fact that everyone has a right to their own decisions, it just angers me when they make such ill informed ones ESPECIALLY when it has to do with a precious life.

I understand where u r coming from, but maybe she isn't strong enough emotionally or physically, as you are to be able to take care of this child. I have a friend who was just not able to cope with her D/S child and ended up giving her up for adoption, she is now on medication for depression. As she blames herself for not being a good enough mother. It totally just depends on the person, I'm not saying what she is doing is right or wrong, but some people are just not as strong as others. Its just how the world is. Congrats to you for being one of those Strong people.

08-12-2006, 05:14 AM

I really feel for you, what a heartrending place to be in.:hugs: :hugs:

I am in complete agreement with Lunar, it is absolutely you and your dp's decision, but expanding your knowledge of Downs, and meeting/talking to people who are raising a child with the condition would perhaps help to completely clarify your feelings/decision.

Making a choice with all the facts in front of you is very empowering, and helps to ensure the choice is made with less chance of regret later on.

So go easy on yourself, take your time, do what your heart and soul tell you is right.:hugs:

lovbemummy!

08-12-2006, 06:19 AM

Hugs to you :hugs: :hugs: .

My DH and I would make exactly the same decision. My husband has Cerebal Palsy and although it's unable to be picked up prior to birth and is not genetic (similar to a stroke prior or post birth) my dh and I have made the decision that if we were carrying a child with a disability we would follow the same steps. No one can judge you - they have no right. You must do whats best for your family and yourself.

My husband has grown up with a disability and he wishes it on no one, through lots of hard work sweat and tears, people hardly notice it now.

Goodluck :fingerscrossed: and lots of :hugs: !

cootie

08-12-2006, 07:14 AM

Thanks for the support from those who have offered it, and those who have PM'd me.

The unsupportive ones should be ashamed of yourselves. Go back and read the blurb on this section. It's supposed to be a place of support. You had no business commenting.

And don't go blindly assuming I know nothing of the condition, either. You've got no idea who I am, or of my situation or experiences.

DH and I are comfortable with our ethics, and we are the only ones who have to be.

I just needed to get this out to make it all seem more real, not to have people trying to change my mind, or at least doubt the decision. And I was curious as to how many other people had done the same thing given the circumstances.

The only regret I have about posting this is that this thread might now act as a deterrent to posting for people who are in a similar situation, and needing some support. But at least they will know what to expect.

Foxy

08-12-2006, 07:37 AM

Oh Cootie, I am so sorry you didn't get the full support and respect you deserve. Some people are just not capable of being objective about someone else's situation. :hugs:

niesl_bug

08-12-2006, 07:40 AM

Cootie

I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and very proud of you for being so strong.

DH and I have discussed what we would do in this situation should it occur and we would make the same decision as you did. It really is nobody's business what you and your family decide to do.

Sending you much love, strength, support and positive vibes :hugs:

angelickaren

08-12-2006, 07:43 AM

im am so sorry you feel that way :hugs: its your decision and you came on here for support,we dont know what postion you are in. we should repesct your decision which im sure was not an easy one i hope you are ok and you are really a brave women really

and you are right people should feel like they can post with out being attacked in a way but i guess some people have strong beliefs i too hope this does not stop people posting this place is great place to get things out

i hope you are ok :hugs: to you and your family at this time

08-12-2006, 08:26 AM

And don't go blindly assuming I know nothing of the condition, either. You've got no idea who I am, or of my situation or experiences

Absolutely correct.
We have very little info about you, only what you chose to supply, so it is really difficult to post without seeming interfering or insensitive - Sorry!

All the very best.

moomoosmummy

08-12-2006, 08:48 AM

Im guessing the reason you did not disclose who you are is because you did not want to be judged as a person. So it is obvious that you know the human race can not help but to pass judgement and give their opinion.
It is just that some agree with your dicision and others dont.
I can understand why Lunar is telling you to reconsider how could she not, having a ds girl of her own i think everyone should give her some slack aswell has anyone stopped to think how horrible it would be for her reading that.

SairBear

08-12-2006, 08:55 AM

:hugs: to u and ur family.. making the decision to terminate is such a big thing and i know how stressful it can be.

im not goin tell my opinion of what u are doing as its not about that..

Goodluck and take care

Milliner

08-12-2006, 09:02 AM

:hugs: to you. Thats all I can say.

LatinPrincess

08-12-2006, 09:04 AM

i would jus like to give u and ur family big :hugs: :hugs: and u should do wat u think is best for ur family

KarniF00l

08-12-2006, 09:09 AM

Cootie i don't think anyone was judging your decision, no-one is in the position to do such a nasty thing.. Nor did i see a comment about "feeling the baby move" ect.. Some hubbers (like myself) were hurt over the choice of words you made. Maybe it was a slip up, i don't know.

I just wanted to add that you and your DH both know whats best for your family and that's the main thing, i wish you the best of luck! :hugs:

Lirael

08-12-2006, 09:15 AM

:hugs: to you. Im sure this is a very difficult thing for you to be going through.
My son has an as yet undiagnosed disability and it has made my life hell over the last 2 years(when we first suspected). unless you(people in general) have been in a similar situation you have no idea what its like.
it breaks my heart to admit that somedays, if I had known what life would be like, I would not have had my son. obviously thats not an issue now. it is sooo hard. especially not knowing, there is no way I can help what I dont know.

Pixie

08-12-2006, 10:15 AM

I think any termination is very sad, but I have never been in a position where I have considered one. so I can't comment. I am with Lunar here. But this is your choice. I hope that your decision is the right one for you and your family.

I know to many people who live with the guilt of having a termination. I also have a friend who was told her baby was D/S and it turned out there was nothing wrong with her baby.But she aborted it she now lives with the fact she lost her daughter to an incorrect diagnosis.

Good luck and I hope what ever choice you make you are supported it's a hard place to be in I can imagine that.

Kizmet

08-12-2006, 10:29 AM

I am with Lunar on this topic too. Cutie no one is saying you dont know about DS or anything like that people were merely just showing you what teir lives are like with a child who has DS.

It must be a ard time for you to go through. I hope you get all the support you need.:hugs:

Sarie

08-12-2006, 10:36 AM

:hugs: To you Cootie. I'm sure you and your family didn't go into this lightly, especially when you have other children to consider.
It must be a heart breaking time for you and your family, I'm sending you my best wishes.
It is not for any of us to judge you, we are not standing where you are at this moment.
Best of luck sweety, :hugs:

chellegoth

08-12-2006, 10:49 AM

Cootie, you have made a difficult decision that no woman wants to contemplate. Bravo for staying strong. Incidentally, I would have done the same thing. Pm me if you need to talk. :hugs:

lg084

08-12-2006, 11:07 AM

Freedom of Choice ladies, we all have this luxury. Ppl should learn not to be so judgemental. If we all spared a thought for others who are not as fortunate as ourselves then this world wld be an ugly place to live in.

If we feel we cannot cope with a situation then why subject ourselves to it in the first place. Living with regret is horrible & you do whatever YOU feel is right!! Ppl with DS maybe good natured ppl but its qaulity of life for you aswell.

:hugs: to you.

mum2mischief

08-12-2006, 12:44 PM

HUGE :hugs: to you cootie. I have no idea how i would react or what we'd do if a similar thing crossed our paths, but good luck to you by whatever your decision may be.
I didn't see any negative comments as they must have already been removed, but I'm sorry you had to be subjected to this while going through one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make.
My thoughts are with you.

08-12-2006, 07:27 PM

sending you and your partner all the very best during this difficult time.

If i were in the same situation i would be doing the EXACT same thing with out batting an eyelid! :hugs:

phineas

08-12-2006, 08:01 PM

The only regret I have about posting this is that this thread might now act as a deterrent to posting for people who are in a similar situation, and needing some support. But at least they will know what to expect.

Hi Cootie,
I totally agree with you on that one... for every one person that posts about their situation there is probably 10 others who DON'T post about it, so I urge you to share your termination journey... you will probably end up offering much support to women you don't even realise... maybe women you chat with here everyday on Bubhub.
Yes, you will get judged, but who cares, no one knows who you are...
...so if you feel up to it when the time comes, share your experience :hugs:

alysia

08-12-2006, 08:18 PM

hi cootie

I just want to give you a :hugs: and let you know that i was talking about your situation with DH and we agree with your decision.

you are thinking of whats best for YOUR family and for YOU. Yes everyone will have a different opinion about the decision you have made but no one else here knows your family.

like you said you have 3 other children to consider and not only would it not be fair to them. It would not be fair to your unborn child as they would need extra attention that you may be unable to give them with 3 older children.

I just wanted to say that i hope everything goes well for you and your family in the future.

alysia

ButterflyMama

08-12-2006, 09:44 PM

Firstly - I think it's very easy to judge and give Cootie advice on what she should do. It's a whole other thing to be in the position she is in. For that reason I think no one but Cootie knows what is best for Cootie and her family.

Secondly - Cootie, I am thinking of you. I have no comprehension of how tough and difficult this has been and will be for you, but I wish you all the best in the future for yourself and your family. Please know that there are people here who support you and love you, even if we don't know your real identity and to be honest I don't think that it really matters. You posted for support and experiences, and although you don't have my experience, you do have my support. I think you're very brave. :hugs:

Jessie

SuperWoman

08-12-2006, 09:50 PM

Hugs to you:hugs: :hugs: , Im sorry you have to go through this. Please take care:hugs: :hugs: xoxo

Faeml

08-12-2006, 10:06 PM

Cootie, you have made a difficult decision that no woman wants to contemplate. Bravo for staying strong. Incidentally, I would have done the same thing. Pm me if you need to talk. :hugs:

After reading some of the awful things that have been written so far, I almost considered going incognito myself to respond!

But as Chellegoth has done it, I'll step up too...

You've had to make a very difficult choice and I think you are very brave for talking about it. I probably would also have made the same decision you did.

JenNT

08-12-2006, 10:52 PM

Sometimes, as the old saying goes, silence is golden.

I'm sure it took alot to share your grief, I hope it has helped a bit to get it off your chest.
Best wishes Cootie:hugs:

reAllytee

08-12-2006, 10:58 PM

Cootie this is the hardest decision anyone has to make :hugs:
As others have said bravo to you for being this strong & talking about it :hugs:

In a perfect world we could all be supermums & be willing to take on anything but it doesnt always work that way.
You are being honest & all you are saying is you dont think you could cope & there is nothing wrong with that.
If a mum was to say i cant have my baby cause i wouldnt love it or would abuse it etc people would say yeah you are right in making your decision.
We can all imagine what our decision would be but until we are in that position its too hard to imagine.
But please by all means speak with Lunar she can give you great info in regards to d/s or even give you details of places to contact.
Really look into things before making your decision that way either way you can feel content with it.
My thoughts are with you :hugs:

DoubleAce

08-12-2006, 11:26 PM

I just wanted to thank the mod who changed the wording of my post. It sounds much better that way and I certainly never came to judge.
Cootie I have been thinking of you...this couldn't have been an easy decision.

babylover111

08-12-2006, 11:48 PM

Silverbaby

09-12-2006, 08:25 AM

hello

I think you have made a rational decision based on various factors. Of course, babiess with DS are humans too but this is your decision, your body, your choice. I don't think you have made this decision to offend anyone. I know I have very similar opinions to you.- My OB said to me, if the scan results wouldn't affect you either way, don't have them. Sorry, I'm ranting now but I have BIG issues when it comes to a pregnant woman's body suddely becoming public property.

Silverbaby

Becteria

09-12-2006, 11:26 AM

I feel for you going through this - its is something i considered when at the first check up i was asked do you want a CVS test. At that time i thought that you couldnt abort that far into a pregnancy (wrong - you can till 23 weeks legally in aust) so said it wouldnt be a factor becasue there is nothing I could do. Now i know better....

I have tremendous respect for you making such a hard decision and then having the courage to share it in an effort to get support.

I had a termination in my late teens - a pregnancy resulting from a one night drunken stand. That was very difficult; but honestly I have not regretted it once. Having to have one in a late stage is a decision that would have been heart wrenching. I wish i could offer you more support. Instead i will send you my love and let you know that if you want to PM someone who knows nothing about you and has an unbiased ear then PM away.

pinkandblue

09-12-2006, 12:35 PM

Hi Cootie

I know what you are going through and I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you. I also terminated a pregnancy at 13 weeks due to a missing chromosome and it was hard but it was the best decision for me and my family at that time in our life. Dont worry what other people say, just do what is right for you and your family.

Natalie

rynosmum

09-12-2006, 01:07 PM

I can't even imagine what you are going through at the moment. I just wanted to send you :hugs:

BigGeorge

09-12-2006, 01:11 PM

:hugs: Ooooh Cootie. Thankyou for being so honest about your decision. Take all the positive posts on this thread, double them, and then you'll have my thoughts on this delicate subject. As others have said, you have obviously made the right choice for you and your family, and you have all my respect for that. :hugs:

Perth_Pony

09-12-2006, 04:57 PM

Hey Cootie,

Just wanted to give you some support as i know how heart renching this experience can be for people.
Do whatever you want to do and dont worry about what other peoples opinions are, as you are the one that has to live with your decision.

I know it may not make you feel any better, but someone mentioned in a previous post that they had a friend whose baby was incorrectly diagnosed with d/s and was aborted anyway. I have personally never ever heard of that happening.
CVS and Amnio results are very very accurate so rest assured that if you had a positive test for D/S through CVS or amnio, it would be a positive result.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
Personally we would terminate and i know plenty about d/s. Best wishes. :hugs:

defa

10-12-2006, 12:38 AM

BIG HUGE :hugs: for you..

If i was you i would be doing the same thing why would you go to the trubble of having a CVS or amnio if you were going to have the baby if they found out anything..

Alot of people have said that D/S kids are happy and very loving but as a nurse i have seen the other side i have looked after some very very sick D/S kids that i wouldn't wish anyone to have to go through..

When i found out i was pg if any of my U/S found that my baby had a chance of having anything wrong with her i would of had a CVS or amnio and if anything was picked up i don't think i could of gone through with it..

So :hugs: to you be strong and you will get through this very hard time..

:hugs: :hugs:

Foxy

13-12-2006, 11:52 AM

How are you cootie?

Acacia

15-01-2007, 04:37 PM

IheartOman

15-01-2007, 04:47 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this cootie.. People with down syndrome are human beings to you know and they have such a lovely nature.

Sorry, that's all i have to say.

Yes they are, but it is easy for us to say something like this until we know the true extent of what it is like to have a D/S child.

I agree, with how advanced technology is these days and being able to know at 16 weeks that your child will have special needs why would you want to bring it into this world? Not only for the reason that it is A LOT of work and that other children in the family will miss out but for the unborn childs sake as well.

Im sure you will find the process of terminating hard but you know if it is the right choice for your family. Good luck. :o