View Full Version : gentle discipline
i was just wondering if anyone could offer some advice and tips on gentle discipline. i've read a little bit about it but would like to know what works for you guys. thanks
Is there anything specific that you are having troubles with?
But generally I find if I really get down to DD's level and see things from HER point of view, it defiantely helps. :)
But I have found a few different things that work for me...
...my DD is 2.5 years, how old is your DS?
lucas is 15 months. my main problem is with him going into cupboards and taking stuff out of them, the ones in the kitchen and bathroom. we usually keep the bathroom one shut but we rent and can't put anything on the door's to stop him from going into them.
I hear ya on that one!
My DD is 2.5 years and is STILL doing it! Becasue she is older, I find just explaining to her why I don't want her to to take everything out of the cupboards works well. But obviously that won't work with a 15 month old!
What might be an option is when he does get everything out, make sure he helps you put it all away. That way at least he is learning about the consequences of what he does.
But for me, at that age, what worked best was to simply remove the temptation (which you said you can't do because you can't put locks on), or distract him. Watch him carefully and when he goes to open the doors, sit down with some blocks with him instead.
Unfortunately other than that, not a whole lot worked for until she was old enough to understand what I was asking her not to do and her understand my reasons, or at least respect what I'd asked. I found this to come at about 20 months.
But you may find something else that works for you - when diciplining, I always remember to put myself in DD's shoes...you'll find if you do this, things work much better!
Hi...I don't know much about gentle discipline myself either, but I DO know about renting and baby-proofing. We got these cupboard clips which are -double-sided sticky... so no screwing into anything. They work well for us as we have really funny shaped handles on our cupboards which mean we can't put anything around them. I found these cupboard hooks are excellent! It stops the boys from getting into the cupboards and saves our sanity as well. And when you move you just remove them with eucalyptus or an alcohol based cleaner.
They are actually marketed as glass cabinet latches.... but I used them on our laminate kitchen cupboards and they work a dream. Another one I use are the multipurpose flexible latches. I got them at Spotlight.... here's (http://www.babiesgalore.com.au/show_product_search.php?searchtype=category&categoryid=30&subCategoryId=&returnUrl2=L3Nob3dfcHJvZHVjdF9zZWFyY2gucGhwP3NlYXJ jaHR5cGU9Y2F0ZWdvcnkmY2F0ZWdvcnlpZD0zMCZzdWJDYXRlZ 29yeUlkPSZzdGFydD04&start=0) a link to a list of the different latches... I use the Glass Cabinet Latch on my kitchen cupboards, the Multipurpose flexible latch on the pantry, and toybox, and they also have a latch for cupboards or drawers that are on a corner, we use them on the kitchen drawers (but they don't seem to be online) I bought them all at Spotlight. Hope this helps!!
I find that using 'uh-uh' when i catch my little boy opening a cupboard makes him close it quick smart.
I also divert his attention where possible, usually by calling his name and directing him towards something super-interesting.
The bathroom cabinet is a tough one. I ended up putting everything in ours into snap-lock plastic containers and obviously moving anything that was even remotely dangerous to another part of the house.
For the kitchen, I gave DS his own cupboard. I cleaned it out and put some of his toys in there. He soon learnt that he was allowed to play in there and from then on, rarely went into the other cupboards.
We too use gentle parenting on our DS and have found it extremely effective. No smacking is used here. We talk, we understand, we negotiate. My parents never believed that it could work but we have such a well behaved little boy that they are all extremely surprised.:yes:
thanks again for all the helpful hints. at the moment ds only goes into one draw which is full of plastics as opposed to all the drawers and 3 cupboards so its a big improvement. and he can distinguish which books in the bookcase are his books. he's just gone to get one out and take it to my partner. so gorgeous. thanks again and im going to go marvel in the wonder that is my son for a little bit.
We have always kept a 'plastics' cupboard for our babies/toddlers. One that contains tupperware etc... and they have always had free rein in there. We have some cupbaoard latches that are completely seperate to the cupboard. They are like a really long horse shoe shape with a sliding lock bit. Tey are great but obviously only suitable to a cupboard with handles, not knobs.
This stage should be relatively fleeting. By the time they get beyond two (sorry Phineas!), there are so many more exciting things to do and places to explore. Lke the toilet etc...:rolleyes: :D
we've already found the toilet lol... and auntie rachels makeup too lmao.but yeah we have stuff that sticks to the laminate to stop him getting into the drawers but he pulled it off. but im going to buy one of the things to stop him getting into the freezer ( we have an upside down fridge) because he keeps playing with the ice blocks in their. but i have issues with keeping calm and what not because my brother is 7 and he usually takes up all my patience because mum just lets him do what he wants and eat what he wants. and it just gets so frustrating.
I'm in the middle of reading a book about the 'happy face/sad face' technique of gentle discipline.
As well as using the happy/sad face for behaviour it also mentions that these faces can be used for certain areas of the house which are not for children such as bathroom cabinets etc. You put the sad face in red on anything that is out of bounds and a happy face in green on the drawers, cabinets etc that they can go into. To reinforce this it mentions that when you're at stop lights to say "red means stop" and "green means go" so that they can associate the colours as well as the faces.
Gosh MD, I like that one a lot :yes:
That sounds like a great idea! Are you using it? Are you finding it's working for you?
I have some questions... these are things which the boys do on a regular basis and I have no idea about how to go about discipline for them.
1) tipping water on the floor. They know that they are allowed to play with water outside, and usually they are really good.. but sometimes they'll take the lids off their cups and 'hide' in another room. When I find them I always just say " Water is an outside game, lets take it outside now" and while sometimes they are ok with this, other times they throw a hissy fit and pour the water deliberately onto the carpet.
It really makes me so upset, as we're renting and I really want to keep the house (well the carpet in particular) in good condition. After they do this, I take the cup away and don't give them any more water, and I'll get a cloth for me and one for them and try to get them to help me clean it up.... but it doesn't always work.
2) snatching. How do you stop them from snatching??? I try to say " Oliver was playing with that toy first, let's find a different toy for you. You can play with that toy next, but Oliver is playing with it now." yeah sure, well and good... but how do I take the toy off him to give back to his brother without causing a tantrum?
3) tantrums. whenever I say no, or won't give them something they want. (eg> this morning DS2 wanted the glass coffee plunger. I said " sorry Ol, this is not a toy, it's a coffee pot and it could break" so he threw a mickey fit. but I'm not going to give him the glass coffee plunger! I said "that's enough Oliver, you have lots of toys to play with." and tried to take him over to his toys, but he just threw himself down and went on like a crab on the boil! I put him in the corner till he was finished. I know you're not supposed to do that, but it was the only thing that made him stop. I've tried ignoring, I've tried redirecting... when he decides to go off there's nothing you can do to stop him. Jordan does the same. Any other suggestions please!??
That's about it. Other than that they are pretty well behaved.
Sometimes today (or tonight) I am going to start a thread with the basics of the happy/sad face technique...so stay tuned!
Mamaduke - I went to a seminar by Dr John Irvine where he (attempted) to explain the technique. Sounds like a good idea - I wouldn't mind reading the book myself (he was not very good at explaining it in person!)
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