question for those who have or will donate eggs

[bronny-jane]

deep down do you feel as though the baby will be a part of you?

not asking to be mean....just curious..i know i would..so i probably wouldnt make a great donor.... or does everyone feel like this at first....does it change once you meet the person?

just want to know how you feel about it all?:thumbsup: :wave:

[babydreams]

Hi Bronny-Jane,

Good question! And one that I'm sure crosses most people's minds when they think about this issue.

I guess one of our lovely donors will come by and answer this from that perspective soon, but I thought I'd jump in and let you know what I've been told by the many donors I've talked to. I was very interested in this as a would-be recipient for several reasons. If I were to have a child via donor-egg I wanted to make sure that there wasn't going to be another woman hanging around feeling like she was some kind of secondary Mum, I also wanted to be sure that there would be no confusion for the child or feelings of loss on any side.

When I've read the stories of donors and asked them questions about this most of them say that they feel interested in the child in a distant way...as one might with a cousin or other family member. The fact that the donors already have all the children they want is a big factor in them not craving a whole lot of contact with their donor-children too. They have said that because the child has grown inside another woman and is hers emotionally from the start, that there is no confusion. I guess that's also why we have the compulsory counselling...any feelings around this can be aired and worked through.

One donor said she was fascinated to see that the child looked quite like her eldest as it grew, but that didn't make her feel any more or less connected, it was just an observation.

The other thing is that with a known-donation, the donor and recipient often take time to get to know one another and each other's families. I now have a wonderful friendship with our donor and I'm looking forward to that deepening and growing along with this journey no matter what the outcome, so we've had plenty of time to talk about that. Our donor's Mum jokes that if we have a girl she's having it back :laughing: (she only has grandsons), but it's all very open and friendly and in jest. We are all very comfortable with our roles in the situation.

The donors I've had contact with are very clear about their intentions from the beginning and are beautiful souls who just want to give people like me a chance at mummyhood. Thanks God there are people like that in the world! :hugs:

Babydreams xx

[wa mum of 4]

Hey BJ,
That is a very valid question.:thumbsup:
You are asked that frequently when you have your councelling sessions.

Personally I feel I have a bond with the IP's not the child.:hugs:
Yes it is my DNA, but without the womb of the "mother" my DNA can not exist.
It is the IP's blood, breath and love that makes the bundle of joy not only the genetic material.

I spose there are some people out there that do have problems separating the two but I dont.:no:

Any way I can help a lovely couple experience the joy of children, I am happy to help.
No-one should have that choice taken from them, everywoman should have or be given the chance.

:hugs:
Sarah

[bronny-jane]

thanks great answers:D

see i had no idea about the counciling...that would definately help.....

thanks for answering...i would love to one day donate....if i could get my head around it all....guess im still in baby making mode though which is probably the reason i feel protective of my eggs:D

[hoping123]

not sure if anyone can help but here goes. a friend of mine wants to donate her eggs but she is having a hysterectomy. they are taking everything but the ovaries. would she still be able to donate?

[Shanaynay]

I intend to donate once my family is complete, and no, I don't believe I will feel 'deep down' that the baby is part of me.....
.....I wouldn't ever want to meet the baby though. I think if it looked alot like me or something, some issues would arise. But I would be happy to never meet :)

[mayesmum]

I wondered about this too! Thanks for raising the question and thanks to those who have responded!!

I haven't been an egg donor, but I am contemplating doing it for a friend. I sort of think that I would probably not feel connected in a maternal way if I haven't carried and given birth to the child, but it is hard to know how you would feel if you saw the child and it looked like you or one of your own children....

[wa mum of 4]

not sure if anyone can help but here goes. a friend of mine wants to donate her eggs but she is having a hysterectomy. they are taking everything but the ovaries. would she still be able to donate?

She should be fine to donate as long as her overies are functioning.
This can be seen through bloods and ultrasounds (as you would already know).
Tell her to make an appointment with a DR at a clinic to see if all is a go...

[pisces00]

As a donor to both annonymous and known couples, my greatest satisfaction was not knowing that i was almost completely responsible for someone's birth, but the sound of the voices of the recipients from the labour ward after the birth or the look on their faces when showing me thier baby for the first time. Even when we had just met and at the end of the coffee, telling them that i was in it for the long haul with them if they wanted me was priceless.

As these kids are growing up, they tell me of the silly things the kids do and how much they love them and not for once do i feel like they are mine - just lucky kids to have parents that would endure so much to bring them into the world - i have so much awe and respect for all of you enduring this rollercoaster ride.

sorry for long and emotional post - i am full of puregon at the moment!!!

[babydreams]

Awwwwwwww Pisces, don't apologise, your post was beautiful and brought a tear to my eye. I'm full of Oestrogen and hormonal at the mo too! But this is why I am so touched by amazing women like yourself whose motivations to donate are so wonderful. Thank God there are people like you in the world, angels all.
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
Babydreams xx

[2onthego]

I am getting ready to donate at the moment. I am going in on Thursday for my treatment plan. Harvest is scheduled for the 16th Jan 2007. I am doing this annonamously. I think this way I will not feel connected to the child.
As Sarah mentioned it is just my DNA, not my love, breath and blood that has created the child. I am giving someone the tool that they are missing to complete a job, so to speak, they are the ones doing all the hard work.
Although at my councelling sessions I did bring up the possibility of our children becoming friends or hooking up in the future. The councellor said that it happens alot with people who are 2nd and 3rd cousins so there wasnt much of a difference!!!!
Lv Shell

[lizzoi]

Dear Pisces,

I completely agree with Babydreams.. you are an absolute angel for being a donor, and the things you said about the satisfaction you got from donating made me cry right here at my computer... Like babydreams, I am amazed by the caring and generosity of donors like you who give such a precious gift..

[pisces00]

thank you so much - in my opinion anyone who wants to get up at 2am to change a dirty nappy,breastfeed then walk a screaming baby up and down the hall till it falls asleep after paying out heaps of money for cycles etc certainly gets my vote!! I guess to put it in prespective - i have never wanted anything so so bad in my life ( except for a trip to paris!) so i can only try to put myself into the shoes of my IP. How on earth you women stay sane even when you have found a donor ( not knowing if it will all pan out as hoped)i will never know. And this is why i am on my "crusade" to encourage others to donate and give them a personal view of donating with all the pros and cons.:tree: :wave:

[jo-anne.36]

hi ladie i want to say thank you with out ladies like you couples like me would nt the chance to have that start and to have a precious baby that we can trasher and love for the rest of the childs life when me,dh first were told that we need an donor i could nt get my head around it because we didnt think that we would ever find our:angel: but we did and now we have moved on and now we are in our 2ww we are so luck that my lovely gave us 7 embryos i think that us ips stay sane because when you find your:angel: you know that you have been gaven a sec chance to have your baby dreams fulfilled thanks so much to all the :angel: out there who have been an:angel: or thinking about becoming a donor to make couples dreams come ture and not to get any repayment we can never repay the favaer and would be greatful for the rest of our lifes xxxx jo-anne

[hoping123]

I second that jo.xx

[jo-anne.36]

thank you very much hoping :hugs: jo:tree:

[babydreams]

How on earth you women stay sane even when you have found a donor ( not knowing if it will all pan out as hoped)i will never know

:laughing: it's simple Pisces, we dont! :p I'm sure I'm in a state of almost permanent insanity since beginning our journey of TTC...the only way through it is to have sheer determination and dogged persistence which unfortunately takes a lot of energy (and money) away from other pleasures in life. Still, it will all be worth it if we are lucky enough to hold a precious miracle bub in our arms one day.

Thanks for encouraging others to donate...the more we can educate people, the more lovely donors will come forward to help couples like us have these much loved and longed-for children.

Babydreams xx

[jo-anne.36]

well said baby dreamer xxxx jo:xmas: