Punish with food?

[MumOfTwoBoys]

Do you use food for punishment? I mean "If you do or don't do XYZ I will not give you any desert/treat/etc".

[Lunar]

NO. I believe this is where eating disorders start.
DH was brought up like that.... got punishes AND rewarded with food and he ended up very overweight... thankfully he has found a diet that works for him and has lost 34kgs!!! feels and looks great!

I would never do something like that to my children, after seeing the result of 30 yrs of bad eating habits.... his sister is the same, although she is extremely overweight.

[subaruforestermum]

My sons a bit young, but if he doesnt eat his lunch he doesnt get a "snacka" (ie chicken snack chips that he loves).......for example....

I refuse to give him unhealthy food if he wont eat his healthy food if that makes better sense.....

[Mister Noodle]

If you don't behave, I'll let your mum do the cooking! :D

I keed, I keed, she's bloody good. It just had to be said.

[Lirael]

If you don't behave, I'll let your mum do the cooking! :D

I keed, I keed, she's bloody good. It just had to be said.

:laughing::laughing::laughing:

[babylover111]

This is how my family were brought up, my sister was anorexic for two years and I was 40kg overweight. :detective:

Now we have our own brains and shes healthy and im only 10kg overweight :smiliedance:

Edited to add- it was a huge struggle for both of us to overcome

[cwsmum]

Not really, but DS knows that if he takes too long to eat his lunch/dinner then he doesn't get desert. Desert usually involves fruit and a biccie or small cake or something.

[the_queen]

This is one of my biggies. Like Kris, I just can't see any good coming of it. My parents, however, they undermine me and do it anyway. "Eat all your dinner and you can have some ice-cream". And it reeeeeeally annoys me when she eats all her dinner for them but not for me :laughing: :o

I talk a lot to DD about nutrition, and about why I want her to eat healthy food. She probably doesn't eat very much, in terms of what a 5 yr old should eat, but I give her multi-vitamins to combat my stress :laughing: :o To empower her, and to encourage her to make good choices, she gets to choose whether to eat or not. It isn't worth having an argument about, IMO. It's my job to provide a healthy and delicious meal. It's her job to choose to eat it or not. Hopefully, by not making food/eating an issue now, she will be more likely to choose healthy food when she gets older. aarrgghh yea verily, parenting doth do my head in.

[Lunar]

Not really, but DS knows that if he takes too long to eat his lunch/dinner then he doesn't get desert. Desert usually involves fruit and a biccie or small cake or something.

This is what I was tlaking about! This is in no way a personal attack on you or anything, but this is the way DH and his siblings were raised.
They use to eat so fast to eat more just cos it was there, then they would make themselves sick so they could eat more!!! If they took too long to eat they would not get dessert...usually ice-cream and lots of unhealthy stuff... so they would eat so fast their bellies would hurt and they would end up throwing the lot up after dessert cos they ate way too much and way too fast.

I still have to sometimes remind DH to slow down at meal times... he knows now that the slower you eat the more you enjoy your food, you get to taste all the flavours and smell the wonderful aromas.

As I said, not a personal attack, you know I luv ya! Just speaking from DH's experience, he know hates his mum in a way for letting him get so overweight. He was like 100kgs at age 12 or something like that.

[cwsmum]

I still have to sometimes remind DH to slow down at meal times... he knows now that the slower you eat the more you enjoy your food, you get to taste all the flavours and smell the wonderful aromas.

I have to remind my DH to slow down too...tho his eating fast is coz if they (DH & his 2 bros) didn't eat fast enough then their father would start eating the food on their plates :eek: He's getting better now, but it's taken 5yrs of me telling him to slow down when heas eating.
When we go to the in-laws for lunch/dinner, (thankfully that's only once or twice a year), they all eat 3 times as much as we do, and they eat it in half the time...no wonder they all have issues with their weight :laughing:

Oh, and when I said that DS doesn't get desert if he takes too long to eat his meal I was meaning like an hour or more...like tonight he took close to 1.5hrs to eat his dinner. He kept wanting to get up and play, even tho every time I asked him if he had finished eating he would run back to eat some more...I guess it was partly my own fault tho, we didn't get home til close to the kids dinner time and I let DS sit at the bench in the kitchen while I was making dinner for DH & myself.

[pickles]

My kids do not get dessert if they do not eat a healthy portion of their dinner ( I only give small servings that are appropriate for their age ) Dessert is usually homeade custard etc. If we have been to a birthday party and a lolly bag has been given we will eat something out of it every night after dinner rather than them eating it all at once. I am very carefull however to not label food as 'good' or 'bad" just 'everyday' food and 'treats'.
They have take away once a week an an icecream on Sundays at the beach. If my eldest behaves badily ( and somedays she really can ) then the punishment may be not going to the beach ( and thus the icecream ).

Pickles
DD 02/03
DS 03/05

[mum2bubba]

No, I had this done to me as a kid and I hated it, I don't believe you should bribe children with food (or with anything really).

My parents used to send my sister and I to bed without any dinner if we had misbehaved. Not good.

I also know parents who say to their kids "if you do blah, blah, blah, you'll get an ice-cream" or whatever.

Theres too many ppl (including) children with eating disorders etc and bribing your kids or sending them to bed without food doesn't help.

One thing I WOULD maybe try is if Hayley was playing up at dinner time (not eating, throwing her food etc) I would take her plate (coz if she mucking around obviously she doesn't want her food) but I would say "you're not getting any dessert tonight coz you've been mucking around with your dinner, if you are still hungry, you can finish whats on your plate" (unless its all over the floor of course)

Hayley has desert only if she finishes her dinner (which isn't that often) but desert for her is usually something healthy like yogurt and/or fruit, every now and then she has ice-cream and other sugary things but not every night.

[OJandMe]

I don't use food to bribe the boys, but DH is a speed eater if I ever saw one! I have to keep telling him to slow down, but it doesn't work... and it just means he makes himself sick! Because he'll chow down like 70 gazillion bites and then realise he's overfull! I really hate it when we're eating with the boys, as it's SO unhealthy and I really want them to be healthy eaters.

anyhow.:ecomcity: .. back on topic, no I never use food as a bribe or punishment... but if they don't eat what they're given for a specific meal, then there's no alternatives.... they have to wait till later on to have a 'snack' (which is bigger if they didn't eat the previous meal) I don't want them thinking that I'm going tomake them something different to what we're having, just because they 'don't like it.'

[poodysmum]

I dont use food as a punishment. :no:

Alli

[Rell]

Well I am a really mean mum and my kids only get dessert once a week. As long as they eat something off their plates they can have dessert.
Like the Queen I strongly belive in educating kids on nutrition so they can make healthy choises themselves. Although i think DD can take it a bit far when she lectures other kids at daycare about not having very nutrious snacks:rolleyes: She is the only 4 year old I know that when at someones house with out mum or dad askes weather food have preservatives in them:yelclap:

The other thing I find interesting is when parents make their children eat everything on their plate. I would much rather teach my kids to eat until they feel full then to eat everything put infront of then.

[jessgray]

no we find it hard enough explaining to ds1 (19.5 months) why he cant do or have something (he ahs hearing loss in both ears) so bringing food into the equation would only confuse him more. he does get treats occasionally. like i know how he gets overwhelmed at shopping centres so on the wya home i always buy him a treat. he doesnt get lollies and sweets alot, alot of sweets you buy in stores have dairy and he is lactose intolerant. he is mad about those lolly frogs he just isnt aloud the red ones:laughing:
my mum tried to use the whole if you dont eat your dinner no desert for you on me as a kid and i would jsut be like oh well who cares lol no matter what desert she made i would still refuse to eat more then 2 moutfuls of meat:laughing:

[Lila]

no, not really.
we do not have desert every day, but if, then i decide and don´t tell them beforehand.

also, my kids do not have to finish their plates-BUT i do NOT throw good food away- we keep it for the next day ( as i would with mine!!)

[Sarie]

DS1 knows that if he doesn't eat his tea he doesn't get ice cream (not that we have it all that often). Just like if he doesn't eat his lunch/tea when it's served he gets it the next time he says he's hungry.
Just the same as if we decided to get take away for a treat. If they are naughty or misbehave they don't get it. They still get food, but I won't reward bad behaviour with a treat.

[Mrs Potts]

Punishment is a bit strong I think, but good/appropriate behaviour or actions mean you get rewarded.

We don't always expect DS to eat everything on his plate, but we do know what is an adequate amount and expect him to eat at least that. If he won't eat (an appropriate amount of) his dinner, then of course he won't get dessert. IMO if you don't have room for you meat & veges then you don't have room for sweets.

DS does have dessert most days. However, more often than not dessert means yogurt/fruit, rather than ice cream.

Many of you will probably feel we're doing the wrong thing, however it works for us. We are not withholding food - he just doesn't get treats if the behaviour isn't appropriate. (Ooops, that's exactly what Sarie said!)

[Sarie]

Punishment is a bit strong I think, but good/appropriate behaviour or actions mean you get rewarded.

We don't always expect DS to eat everything on his plate, but we do know what is an adequate amount and expect him to eat at least that. If he won't eat (an appropriate amount of) his dinner, then of course he won't get dessert. IMO if you don't have room for you meat & veges then you don't have room for sweets.

DS does have dessert most days. However, more often than not dessert means yogurt/fruit, rather than ice cream.

Many of you will probably feel we're doing the wrong thing, however it works for us. We are not withholding food - he just doesn't get treats if the behaviour isn't appropriate. (Ooops, that's exactly what Sarie said!)

:laughing: I was just going to say I completely agree with you!!:D

[~rambox~]

Do you use food for punishment? I mean "If you do or don't do XYZ I will not give you any desert/treat/etc".

OH Yeah, If my kids dont eat there dinner, All of it they dont get there desert. However the ones that did eat it get to eat desert infront of them. Works like a charm they always eat there dinner now.

I also only give lollies and take out as treats, If we are shopping and they have behaved they then get a doghnut, if they are naughty they dont.

[annsam]

Nope. Food is not punishment or treat in our house.

DS gets desert if he asks for it after he has eaten ok. If hes just pushed his food away in the hopes of desert then he doesn't get it though we aren't big desert people so its only a once a week type thing anyway.

[Areca]

Nope...food is a necessary part of life, and shouldn't be used as punsihment or reward IMO.
Too many eating disorder's out there these days to risk it!

[kristy J]

:no: though baby isn't here yet. in our family we never reward or punnish with food.

we don't actually buy any junk food (at all) we allow a soda or ice cream if we are out or at a party. :party:

my nephews (DH side) always get junk as a reward or punnishment. and they associate healthy food as yucky food:barf: , yet the children on my side who only get junk at special times associate healthy food as yummy food:smiliedance: . fruit and yoghurt as their fave disert.

its just MO but i don't think anyone should finish their dinner just for disert, you should only eat till your cumfortable. otherwise health problems happen like obesity and diabeties, especialy for children. food is great but as a person who has struggled with weight i know how easy it can get out of hand.

[DB&O]

We don't tell Liv that she has to eat her dinner in order to have anything else. We only ask that she at least try what is on her plate, if she does but still doesn't want it then we are happy to giver her some cut up fruit & yoghurt. 95% of the time she will eat a decent amount of her main meal & then we offer her banana/grapes/yoghurt/fruche or something else after that.
For lunch & sometimes dinner, I will make her a snack plate with a few different things on it, like half a vegiemite some fruit, a pikelet maybe some cheese & a few rice biscuits, cut up cherry tomato or even ham. She picks over it & eats what she wants & leaves the rest, I don't have a problem with this & this way she gets to have some control & independance over what & how much she eats.

Ciao,
Brooke.

[jessgray]

my ds1 has become very fussy at the moment. so i am happy if he eats anything at mealtime:laughing: that being said he doesnt get junk food 24/7 he has things like lolly frogs on the rare occasion only gets 1. he isnt much of a sweet tooth. i just wish he would get over his fad diets :laughing:

[spiritedfamily]

sometimes we do...but in balance with other good things...like sometimes my eldest misses out on parties or a special visit to park...if her behaviour hasn't been acceptable.

I find it interesting that a few have made reference to food punishment and eating disorders.
I disagree
I have been underweight (as a teen) and I now recognise it wasn't food that was the issue...that was just something I could control and its an abuse itself...the same as alcoholics do, drug-takers or people who pursue one-night stands and other reckless pursuits. The underlying issue is the problem... in regards to anorexia...most cases its abuse

[SassyMummy]

I'm overweight and have only in recent years understood why: my parents would reward me with food.

They meant well (and back then there wasn't some obesity epidemic - so they didn't know better), but it hasn't done me any favours.

Food, for me, has good memories. Unhealthy food was a reward for me - and so I associate unhealthy foods with feeling good... becuase my parents would offer me take-away and praise at the same time.

I can't see it stemming from anywhere else really... other than that, we ate really healthily as kids... but it's when I got access to money that i really started packing on the kilos. I bought "junk" primarily because I felt happy while eating it. I still do it. If I fele cr*p, I gorge on incredibly fatty meals. It's subconcious...I find it difficult to control.

I don't want my daughter suffering the same fate, so I'm going to do my best to avoid that. Sure, she'll get junk occassionally, but I'm not going to use it as a reward OR as a punishment... we'll sometimes have junk because I'm too lazy to cook perhaps... but not because she's been good. I really don't want her to have negative or positive feelings about eating... just neutral hopefully.

[babylover111]

I'm overweight and have only in recent years understood why: my parents would reward me with food.

They meant well (and back then there wasn't some obesity epidemic - so they didn't know better), but it hasn't done me any favours.

Food, for me, has good memories. Unhealthy food was a reward for me - and so I associate unhealthy foods with feeling good... becuase my parents would offer me take-away and praise at the same time.

I can't see it stemming from anywhere else really... other than that, we ate really healthily as kids... but it's when I got access to money that i really started packing on the kilos. I bought "junk" primarily because I felt happy while eating it. I still do it. If I fele cr*p, I gorge on incredibly fatty meals. It's subconcious...I find it difficult to control.

I don't want my daughter suffering the same fate, so I'm going to do my best to avoid that. Sure, she'll get junk occassionally, but I'm not going to use it as a reward OR as a punishment... we'll sometimes have junk because I'm too lazy to cook perhaps... but not because she's been good. I really don't want her to have negative or positive feelings about eating... just neutral hopefully.

Very, very well said! That's when my problem with weight started too, as soon as I had access to money id obviously choose the yummy food that made me feel good and rewarded myself with it. Nowdays im on the other end of the scale, im afraid of eating any unhealthy food and felt guilty for eating some of my own birthday cake last month. Im not trying to find a balance and its so unbelievably hard.

When I do have children one day Ill teach them about healthy eating with the whole "sometimes" food way of thinking.