Buddhism for Mothers Sarah Napthali

[alicesmum]

Has anyone read "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napthali?

My own mother got it for me after Alice was born, and it is a really great, easy-to-read book that has received very good reviews. Here's what one reviwer said about it...(see the quote at the very bottom from the book. it cracks me up every time!!!)... :D

"If, like me, you are a cynic who doesn't like "ism" labels, you may not be interested in setting up an alter in your living room or meditating. However, this is still a terrific book full of important insights and some very practical advice for parents. It goes to the heart of what it means to be a good mother, and deals with some very real issues that we are all grappling with like anger, dealing with conflict, emotional stress, managing our adult relationships, and making sure that you are really there for your children."

"The book covers these "resources" which are underlined by the basic teachings of Buddhism, in some detail. These include parenting mindfully ("be here now"), finding a core of calmness, dealing with anger, managing worry, creating loving relationships, dealing with your spouse, finding happiness, and meditating. Each chapter is simply written in clean, jargon free prose, and ends with an easy reference summary - "What We Can Do." There are many examples of real life situations, from Napthali's own experiences, and from those uncovered in her research. The book also contains a chapter on how to put the principles of Buddhism into practice in a broader sense, along with a series of appendices covering things like the essential Buddhism teachings or "the noble eightfold path," helpful books about Buddhism and serenity, helpful websites, and a beautiful and very funny (for those of us who have been there) excerpt on buddhism for mothers of newborns by author Anne Cushman:

"And at the centre of it, of course, was the crazy wisdom teacher in diapers, who assigned more demanding practices than I had encountered in all my travels in India - like "Tonight you will circumambulate the living room for two hours with the master in your arms, doing a deep-knee bend at every other step, and chanting, 'Dooty-dooty-doot-doot-doo, dooty-dooty-doot-doot-doo.' Or "At midnight you will carry the sleeping master with you to the bathroom and answer this koan: "How do you lower your pajama bottoms without using your hands?" (p. 216)"

[flower]

Hey Alicesmum..
Thanks for that.
That might be one to sneak into the Xmas sock this year for my DH> He has just about every Dalai Lama book ever written..so that one sounds like it could be even more useful!
O's mom.

[Supermum]

"And at the centre of it, of course, was the crazy wisdom teacher in diapers, who assigned more demanding practices than I had encountered in all my travels in India - like "Tonight you will circumambulate the living room for two hours with the master in your arms, doing a deep-knee bend at every other step, and chanting, 'Dooty-dooty-doot-doot-doo, dooty-dooty-doot-doot-doo.' Or "At midnight you will carry the sleeping master with you to the bathroom and answer this koan: "How do you lower your pajama bottoms without using your hands?" (p. 216)"

That is so funny! Am now thinking about getting it.

No I’ve not read this book but both my husband and I are close to Buddhism. We like to think of ourselves as more spiritual rather than religious and try to lives our lives so that we are as unobtrusive as possible, both to others and the environment. We are conversant with the three practices, the four noble truths and the noble eightfold path.

Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural & spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity.

We are not Buddhists but our children will grow up knowing about the essence of what it is to be a kind, happy, peaceful, just and whole human being.

Thanks for the giggle, cheers, deb

[AM]

yes, i've read it, and thought it was just wonderful.
I think I will have to get a copy of my own though, as it is something you can read over and over, and refer to again and again.
I love the simplicity of the book, I'm a bit of a buddism fan, so it really appealed to me in a big way.

[Tea Lady]

I don't know much about what exactly Buddhism is and I'd be interested to find out - can anyone fill me in?

[alicesmum]

hi luwa
well, that is a big question!!! there are heaps of good books on buddhism that are written in clear understandable english (and some which are more esoteric and harder to understand, so avoid them!!). :p

here are a few bits to begin with though. the basic tenets of buddhism are covered in the four great or noble tuths. these are:

1) There is suffering in the world
2) Suffering is caused by desire, craving and attachment
3) Suffering can be ended by letting go of this desire or craving
4) The way to end suffering is to follow the Noble Eightfold Path

And the Eight-fold path gives you some guidance for how to practise with your life to become happier, calmer, more loving, compassionate, enlightened even!!!

The Noble eightfold path is
1) Right view - understanding things as they are (not what you wish they'd be)
2) Right intention - commitment to self-improvement
3) Right Speech - not telling lies, no slander or gossip, don't say things that hurt others, and don't engage in idle chatter
4) Right action - do not harm sentient beings (including suicide), do no take what is not given (stealing, fraud, dishonesty), abstain from sexual misconduct
5) Right Livelihood - do not deal in weapons, sell living beings (ie raising animals for slaughter, slave trade, prostitution), meat production or butchery, or selling alcohol or drugs.
6) Right Effort - prevent unwholesome states, abadon current unwholesome states, encourage wholesome states, maintain current wholesome states
7) RIght mindfulness - see things as they are, contemplation of the body, contemplation of feeling, contemplation of one's state of mind, and how this affects others
8) Right concentration - one-pointedness of mind, all mental faculties are directed onto one particular object.

There are many teachings and much has been written by western authors about buddhist teachings and practices. So it can get very confusing at first.

the best thing if interested is to find a group of people who are interested in buddhism. there are many groups all over australia, which you can find at:

http://www.buddhanet.net/aus_dir/baorgs.htm

A couple of things which hit home to me after attending some intro sessions at a place here in brisbane was that so much of our lives are ruled by attachment ('i want that/I like that') and aversion ('I don't want that/ I don't like that'). This was me and i wanted to be more in control of my behaviour and experience more equanimity (a word I learned through my contact with buddhism!!). Another related thing that hit home was the idea of not clinging or holding more loosely onto your opinions, and your likes and dislikes. this has been very helpful to me, as i had strong opinions and "knew" what i liked and didn't like (which always made me feel either inferior or superior and untimately separate from others). Lastly, when i read the line "to be a modern person is to think too much" in a book called Happiness in a Material World (Dalai Lama) I thought, "that's me. I have to stop being so caught up in the mental chatter and mental spinning around that takes me out of the here and now of my life".

Ok. Enough waffling from me!! Here are some fantastic quotes which might provide a taste of budhdist teachings. Really, they are very similar to lots of other teachings.

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it fearlessly and with love". (Siddhartha Gautama, 568-488 BC, also affectionately known as "the" Buddha).

Be a light unto yourself. Be your own confidence. Hold to the truth within. (Last advice given by Buddha before his death.)

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting.

In his ignorance of the whole truth, each person maintains his own arrogant point of view.

All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is.

Don't keep searching for the truth, just let go of your opinions.

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. Speak or act with an unenlightened mind and trouble will follow you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart... In this world hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible.

"Your own life is your greatest adventure! What a shame to fill it with beer and TV" (Robert Allen) - I use this on my DH sometimes!!! :)

Have fun!

Rachel

[flower]

3) Right Speech - not telling lies, no slander or gossip, don't say things that hurt others, and don't engage in idle chatter

Oops..like now?? :D
O's mom.

[jamb]

Still haven't located copy, may have to resort to internet buying! Good idea to post here Rachel, love the teachings of Buddhism, still at beginner's level, as you know, but finding more inner peace each day.

Thanks for sharing :)

[sopolicha]

Another good "beginners" book that I found really good - "The Naked Buddha" by Eric Harrison. Easy to read etc, he is Australian and I think he also wrote "Teach yourself to Meditate".

[mayasmum]

i am going to see if i can get this one on E-Bay! thanks!

another great book i have which is in such plain english and appeals to a wide audience (not just people interested in buddhism) is called "In the lap of the buddha" by Gavin Harrison. I got it in a second hand book shop and i pick it up for a little read whenever i need some inspiration!!!

;)

[Tea Lady]

Hey Rachel,

thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me. I haven't had time to read it in full yet, but I will - I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten that I posted my Q - just haven't been online for a few days - busy times!

[demeter]

I started reading this book a couple of nights ago and I loooove it! I love how she takes the teachings from buddhism and applies them to everyday parenthood situations.

I really wish I had have read this years ago, simply because of all the teachings and strategies for coping with emotions, particularly anger, and the importance of mindfulness. All this is so useful regardless of whether we are mothers. I have always felt like my moods, and particularly my anger have controlled me, that I am anger personified, and I feel so empowered to change having read what she has to say about karma:


Karma is about cause and effect; everything you do, think and say has a result...

The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all being

...

you have an experience which leads to a thought or feeing which you eventually act on. You repeat the action and establish a pattern which soon becomes a habit. Our habits form our character and our character determines our destiny. This is how karma works emphasis original pp.34-5.

How inspirational! I don't have to be an "angry person" I just have to learn to change my thoughts and from that my words, actions, habits and character.

The book is also a good intro to buddhism because it is so practical and not at all abstract like some books concerning philosophy and religion can be. But it can be useful to anyone no matter how disinterested in buddhism they might be.

[tru]

...the best thing if interested is to find a group of people who are interested in buddhism. there are many groups all over australia, which you can find at:

http://www.buddhanet.net/aus_dir/baorgs.htm...

...Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting.

In his ignorance of the whole truth, each person maintains his own arrogant point of view.

All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is.

Don't keep searching for the truth, just let go of your opinions.

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. Speak or act with an unenlightened mind and trouble will follow you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart... In this world hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible.

"Your own life is your greatest adventure! What a shame to fill it with beer and TV" (Robert Allen) - I use this on my DH sometimes!!! :)

Have fun!

Rachel

Love all those quotes Rach :D

Just tried the link and it's since changed, so thought I'd put the updated one here...

http://www.buddhanet.net/wbd/country.php?country_id=18

Great thread :thumbsup: