Please HELP!

[masterchefMamma]

Howdy All!
DD is going onto 10 months now, for a short period I have been using CC to setttle her, its been working perfectly for the week that I was at home with her, she is back at nannas 4 days a week whilst I am at work and nanna does not agree with it (each to their own) I am a little concerned as my poor bub has no consistency at all at the moment, I do one thing and she does another.
Anyways...the controlled comforting thing worked for a while, I had success after the next day but because nanna does something different and there is no consistency in bubs life I would really like to explore 'no cry' sleep solutions.
I have read some of the other threads and I have taken notes on books etc.

I'd been keen to hear other peoples experiences.
My daughter hates the cot!
I work fulltime and so does hubby and unfortunately we cant rock her or pat or carry her in the middle of the night for hours on end if that's what it entails (hoping it does not?)
She has a solid routine and this works well, during the day she sleeps approx 2 hrs in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon.
Its getting her to sleep in the first instance that is the problem. There have been instances over the last two weeks when I have put her in the cot and she has fallen asleep without crying at all????
When you put her in the cot you can tell she is tired, she actually reaches into the cot but with the downward motion she looses the plot! In the cot she arches her back and rolls from one end to the other.
About 2 months ago she started to wake in the middle of the night and getting her back to sleep was aslo an issue. We had to carry her for anything up to 20-40 minutes and the minute you put her in the cot she would wake up because she wasnt in my arms anymore.
CC did teach her to self settle but its all gone out the window as nanna does not let her cry for 1 min, she gets picked up straight away.

I believe in exploring everything and would love to hear your success stories, hopefully they will help me too! Otherwise I guess sleep school is next?
I am also booked into tresillian for the 13th o Dec...any feedback on this would be greatly appreciated as well.
I think I just need to have an open mind about this and explore every avenue!

[Chanelc]

I just posted under the Settling section www.soundsforslience.com.au (http://www.soundsforslience.com.au)
check it out it worked for me! Best CD I ever bought

[BabyJoy]

Hi Mammabella,
Our daughters were born on the same day!

It sounds to me like your daughter is scared of the cot because she associates it with bad memories... such as controlled crying. I don't know how you did your CC because everyone seems to do it differently, but if she was left for set periods to cry on her own (say 5 or 10 minutes) then she now has this association that when she is there, you will leave her to cry. Babies are emotional not rational and they think completely through their emotions... in other words, being left to cry has worked to make her exhausted enough to fall asleep, but she doesn't know that... she thinks "why isn't someone coming to get me". Please don't think I'm criticising your parenting, I'm just trying to give you advice from my own experience.
So to change this association of the cot being a bad place, she needs to spend some awake time in the cot with you beside her - playtime in the cot will make her realise that it's a safe and happy place to be. I have a Fisher Price Kick 'n' Play piano at one end of Laura's cot as well as a couple of small teddies in the corners. Now when she wakes in the morning or after a nap during the day she lays there playing on her own for a while before calling out for me. Of course, it's different when it's bedtime at night and in this instance, take out the distractions but stay with her. Try sitting by the cot looking through the bars at her... say the same thing every night (we say "sleep now, night night") and try shushing, patting her bottom, etc. And a CD of lullabies is a definite must! Every time I turn on the CD Laura's whole body just relaxes - it's like a magic switch that tells her it's sleep time!
I would also get a night light because when she wakes in the middle of the night she may be scared of the dark... I know it sounds stupid for such a young baby, but I firmly believe that my daughter was scared of the dark, and the night light fixed that straight away. We have one that is activated by noise, so it's off for most of the night but turns itself on when she makes a noise. Now if she wakes in the middle of the night she can see where she is - a safe, secure bed - and she can also find her comforter (she has a snuggle rug) and then put herself back to sleep. Perhaps that is something else you could try... a comforter of some sort.
I really hope you have some luck with 'no-cry' solutions and that way her Nanna can stick to the same things you do.
Good luck!! [hugs]


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[mrsd]

Hi MB

I just do the same thing every night and my bubs usually sleep. ie. give him a bottle, put him to bed with dummy and teddy, say goodnight and walk out, pulling the door almost shut. Sometimes he murmurs for a while and most of the time he falls asleep straight away.

My Baby F is 11mths and he goes through periods where he sleeps beautifully through the night and others when he wakes night after night - teething. Thank God for the dummy (usually) but when he's teething he can just scream. Gel is good but doesn't always work immediately. Sometimes I just have to get up and change him / give him a bottle etc.

I don't remember having to do that for any of the others ! All babies are different. There's usually a reason for a change in behaviour, though, and the suggestions from the other ladies are worth trying.

I don't think that Nana's methods being different to yours make much difference - mine are different to DH's (his primary carer) and yet on holidays etc he's fine for both of us. Perhaps it's you he's missing and there's not much you can do about it (I was away for one night last week and DH said that F wouldn't go to sleep for hours).

Good luck with everything. It's hard for a working Mum without sleep - I know.:)

[masterchefMamma]

Hi BabyJoy,

At this point I am willing to try and listen to anything. And I certainly dont think you are crisicisng me as a mother or my parenting skills...everyone does things differently and I do appreciate your assistance.
Its not the CC that has left her this way as she was like this before I did the CC and we tried patting, rocking, singing etc and non of that worked. So we did the CC because on night she was in the cot, nothing worked, I went to pick her up and she stopped her whinging and started to giggle??? Put her down and she would cry! That is obvious to me that there is nothing wrong with her other then the fact that she wants to be held.
She has always had a set day and night routine and that has been happening well since she was born.
I have like you suggested made the cot a 'happy' place to be, she has a comforter which is a small bunny blanket and she associates that with sleep, as soon as she sees it she starts to rub her eyes and so knows what is coming. Its not always that she hates bing in the cot, I guess I just thought that at 9 months...approaching 10 she should be self settling. She did that at 3 months.
She turned like this when she started to roll over on her tummy, stand and be able to walk around the cot which was at around 6 months.

I am part of what caused the problem as when she was a newborn we had her in the bassinet next to my side of the bed and we would rock her to sleep each time she would wake up or make a noise.
At nannas she would get rocked to sleep *** well so when we moved her into the cot and out of our room, the cot is huge and cant be rocked she would get annoyed with not being rocked.
The downward spiral progressed from there.
We tried the CC as the last resort. I took a week off from work so that I could do it propely and that she had 100% of me all the time.
It worked perfectly and I think the second day I put her in she would start to self settle with no crying.
Week after she went back to nannas and she reverted back to her old self.
I really think its a number of things, teething, being at nannas, seperation anxiety, growth spurts...importantly consistency in the approach.

I guess there is no easy answer with bubs.

:hugs: to you too!

[BabyJoy]

I agree with you that consistency is the key... and I do think that having Nanna do one thing, and you do another thing, isn't helping like you have said.

I just thought of something else you could try and this worked for Laura when she was about eight months old.
The pick up/put down method by Tracy Hogg (The Baby Whisperer) solved our problems with Laura wanting to be rocked to sleep. I rocked her ever since she was a newborn so it's my fault she developed this habit, but this method broke the habit in two nights! What you do is everytime she cries, pick her up and comfort her... as soon as she stops crying and relaxes, put her back down gently and keep a hand on her... shushing, patting, or saying your key words. When she cries again, repeat the process. Now it can take a really long time. The first night with Laura took 50 minutes of up and down and up and down and up and down... the second night it took only 20 minutes and by the third night she had learned and actually slept through - 7pm to 6am!! I couldn't believe it! That was the first time she had slept that long. You have to be really patient and stay very calm so it rubs off on her... you don't want her getting hysterical. We still have to use all the other sleep tools I mentioned in my first post (music, comforter, dim lights) but now she can be put in her cot awake and as long as I stay with her for a while so she knows she's not alone, then she puts herself to sleep and she then does this when she wakes at 2am or 4am or whenever without me by her side.
I also think you should continue to try and have playtime in the cot at least once a day. That has been really good for my daughter. I hope I've helped you out somehow! Good luck and my your little girl have some sweet dreams tonight! :fingerscrossed:

[masterchefMamma]

Thanks BabyJoy..and yes you have.
I have to say I have done the pick up and put back down thing several times and it has worked...most of the times.
Where it hasnt is when she has gotten really upset and by then ofcourse we all know its too late.
It can take a long time but works well when I do it. I agree about us mums having to be patient, I know that when I am stressed she can feel that and gets worse.
Thanks again!!!

[BabyJoy]

Hi there, just wondering how you have been going?
Laura woke at 3am last night and started playing the kick 'n' play piano... I accidently left it switched on! So the music and lights started going off and she thought it was great fun! I got her back to sleep within ten minutes amazingly.... just used all the same sleep tools and also rocked her for a bit.

I hope your little one is sleeping soundly. :yes:

[lovingmotheract]

hey there just want to see how u went at tresillian i have been told by 3 woman that it's not go there so they can to canberra to QE 2 family centre it was free 4 them to come here.
and i have been told that if you ask your mum to come over 4 the day to show her how u put he to sleep with cc and how it works 4 u then she will she. if not tell her u will find someone to look after her that will. any ways good luck and all the best
CC worked 4 me. and bub loves her cot more then ever and i can put her down and she will not cry at all talks alot but no crying.:yelclap: