Whats wrong with me?

[Sharelle]

I don't even know where to start...

I am feeling so very frusrated and over everything...
I feel like the worst mother and partner in the world cause I am always cranky, always yelling at the kids, always *****ing at DF.

I feel like I just want to be by myself and never seem to have 10 minutes to do so.

All I seem to be is irritated by my kids all the time, it seems like they want, want, want all day. They can't let me out of their sight for 5 seconds, if I go to the loo they are calling out "where are you mum" and will barge in, if I go and hang the wasing out they follow me then have to come straight back inside when I come back in.

They question everything I do and say.
DD2 is constantly saying i'm hungry, i'm thirsty all day - even 2 minutes after she has just had something. If DD1 needs to go to the loo then DD2 needs to go too and they end up have a big squabble over the loo. Then they leave the door open and DS1 will crawl in there and throw something (keys, dummy, loo roll) down the loo.

I know that they are just being kids, but it is just so constant and so repetative all day.
People say it's hard with them being so close in age and so young and that it will get better when they are a bit older, but I am worried that I am always going to be this horrible mum who is constantly yelling and screeching at her kids. :thumbsdown:

DF said yesterday that all I do is growl and asked me why did I have kids if I don't like being a mum...

Then there is DF - all he seems to do is annoy the **** out of me, he is just so clueless. He thinks I make a big deal out of nothing, when I do try and clear the air and sort things out he says that I am "Starting" or "Carrying on":banghead:

He whinges about he sex life or lack of it which make me feel bad, but to be honest I wouldn't care if I never had sex again.

I feel like I have noboby to talk to about my feelings, none of my friendships are that close that I would trust them to tell them how I feel without being judged.

Also my mum passed away at the end of july and I have so much guilt and anger relating to her last year of life. I don't think I have grieved yet and I feel guilty cause when she died I just took I big breath and got on with life.

I am not even going to read over this as I know it will not make sense and I will probably delete it all.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[sueliz]

Goodness me Sharelle - it sounds like what you need is even just half an hour of YOU time.
Can your DF watch the kids while you duck out of the house? Even if it is under the ruse of going grocery shopping???
You are not a bad mother - you wouldn't be coming on here looking for help, or worried about the situation if you were a bad mum. It sounds like you just have been run ragged and have reached a peak of mental, emotional and physical exhaustion! (It's no wonder with 3 kids! I get tired with just 1!)
If DF cannot watch your kids, is there anyone who can? Or can you even go to a gym or something where they have child minding and swim laps or get on a step machine or something to try and 'work out' some of your frustation.
I am sorry to hear about your mother - how awful to be trying to deal with your grief and now your guilt but not having the time or space to do that.
I hope others here have better advice for you then I have. :hugs: in the meantime.

[mum33]

i dont have alot of advice for you except for telling you that maybe it would be a good idea to seek some help from your local GP who would refer you to a counsellor or someone else that is qualified to help you.

you are not a bad mother, you just need to find some new coping mechanisms, a new way to deal with things.

:hugs: :hugs: it cant be easy for you, and you need to tell you DF he needs to start lifting his weight and be more understanding of you right now.

good luck with it all. i hope everything works out for you.

[Rhys'Mum]

Sorry no real radical advice but a couple of suggestions and some :hugs: (sounds like you could do with lots and lots).

First if you are a bad mother for feeling the way you do then you are part of a very big club. Actually I don't think you are a bad mother at all, you are a mother and sometimes its really hard, sometimes we get frustrated, sometimes we don't cope and sometimes we become someone we don't recognise and don't really like. Question is now how do you get back to feeling like it is only sometimes...

The idea of some 'me' time sounds like a great one. If nothing else maybe you could duck out for a coffee and a magazine one late night shopping night once the kids have gone to bed. Any chance of putting the kids into occasional care for a couple of hours now and then????

You might also be able to get a referral from your MACH nurse to see a social worker so you have the opportunity to vent to someone totally outside the situation. You could even get lucky and they might have some practical suggestions. I found it really useful for me.

Try to get out for a walk, take the kids to the park it might help you feel better and it might distract them a little.

Good luck, you aren't alone :hugs: .

[Sharelle]

I do get me time - the girls are in daycare 2 days a week but even that doesn't feel like enough.

I feel like I am being selfish and feeling sorry for myself and I think that is what DF is thinking to.

Niether of us seem to support each other - it's like a competition of which of us does more and is more hard done by iykwim...

[CurlyG]

:hugs: :hugs:

Egads, I think feeling like a bad mum is horribly part and parcel of the job :thumbsdown: I have days (sometimes in a row) where I feel like that...sometimes no matter what I do, it just never feels good enough.

Hang in there and I liked the suggestion of going to your child health nurse. If you've got a good rapport with your nurse, then she might be just the person to talk to.

:hugs: Carly.

[bekkyboo]

:hugs: I completely understand.

I most days just want to crawl away into a dark hole and just be - but alas - that isnt going to happen.

If you want to chat Im here :hugs:

[mum23girls]

You sound exactly like me!! In all seriousness - exactly.
Including the kids.

My eldest in particular almost kicks my heels because she is always - there - if I stop dead she runs up my bum!! The girls fight over everything (yes the toilet too), it could be sitting on the shelf for ever, then as soon as one gets it the other wants it..... :banghead: It really doesn't stop until they go to bed, and then the eldest usually ends up in our bed through the night. And the partner problems, same. I would not care if I had sex ever again. Although my partner likes to bottle things up....

I went and spoke to my Dr about how I was feeling and it was a big help, although she did put me on PND medication (which makes me sick, still trying to find the right one..) but I had success on it before DD3 was born, and I was a totally different person. It may help you to chat to a dr or health nurse. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Sharelle]

I have been on zoloft before after DD2 was born for anxiety and I didn't think it really did anything for me.
But I don't think it is anxiety now, who knows maybe when it comes down to it I am just a b**ch.:thumbsdown:

[Elfin]

Sharelle, I think you are being very hard on yourself, 3 kids under 4 is a tough gig. Things get better as they get older but you need to put some mechanisms into place so you can cope in the meantime.

The only thing I can think of is to have a bit more discipline so if they fight over the toilet, time out and if you are consistent with it should work eventually.

Same with the food issue, my dd is the same and it drives me insane:banghead: I just had to keep saying no and introduce a morning tea and afternoon tea time as well as lunch etc and if she nagged I put her in time out. So eventually this worked out.

I think a lot of bad behaviour does come from boredom so if you can have some craft ideas to divert them for awhile this helps too.

Most of all I think you and your df need to sit down together to work out who does the household chore, times when you both can have a break and agree on disciplines and routines in the house. If you and your df are not a united front then this is going to create choas. Also agree on some fun family activities that you can do on the weekend together.

Most of all when the kids are off at childcare, don't feel guilty about including some selfish relaxing time while they are away. Motherhood is such an intense job, you have to have a break.

Hope this helps and best of luck:)

[Sharelle]

Hi everyone...
Well another lovely night here, DF went to bed at 7.30pm sulking cause I went off at him again tonight.
Reason? His feet stank when he took his work boots off and he was laying on the couch and stinking the whole house out. And I went off my tree at him:eek:
Anyway I'm glad he's in bed now I don't have to talk to him...

[Elfin]

Sharelle for what it is worth I hate stinky feet. Get your df some sapoderm soap and a pumice stone that he can use in the shower each day. Also get some antibacterial powder from the chemist to sprinkle inside the shoes. Have more than one pair of boots so they can dry out properly. Only use cotton socks. Get him to spray deodorant on his feet each day.

[Chanelc]

Definitely sounds like you need your own time. I am not sure what to say but maybe you need to get a rountine so the little ones know when mummy is 100% avaliable and when mummy has chores and when mummy is having her time. I know they are little but my sister does it and she raves on how it helps keep the little ones in order. I have a rountine with Chanel too and I find she knows we have quality time and then time when mummy rest or does her chores
Goodluck