Tensions since DD born!

[Ponyboy]

Hi to all! I'm a bit worried about DH and my relationship since DD was born - well actually it has only gone a bit strained since DH got retrenched and is now working in a lower paying job. All our issues seem to stem from money but also from the fact that he doesn't help me with DD all that often.

Firstly, DH seems to be addicted to ebay and even since his wage has dropped he continues to waste money on things we don't need. Since I'm the banker of the family I get very upset over it because I have to try and balance the finances and it seems DH just doesn't get it!!

Also, because DH works, I do everything for DD because, even though I still am getting maternity payment so am contributing to the finances, I think that it would be tiring to go to work and then have to help with children. So DH will cook dinner (most nights) and I will continue to look after DD. This is fine for the most part but there are times when I just want some "me" time and DH seems to put up such a stink if I ask him to occupy DD for a little while. I also have to walk on glass because most times he comes home in a pooy mood from work. I think he just doesn't want to work - really wants to do his art but as I've explained to him numerous times that once I finish my degree I will get a higher paying job and he can stay home and look after DD (she will be less dependant on me by then too) and he can do his art (although I dont think he realises how little time he will have).

It's such an effort to remain positive when he is always in a foul mood and complaining about his life (although he says he loves us I sometimes think he'd rather do something else but he wanted a child so really I don't know). I just get sick of being the strong one. I may as well say I'm a single mum for the fact I look after DD all the time.

Am I expecting too much. I often think of leaving but then the effort of working out who gets what and selling the house etc and DH is likely to go into deep depression and do something to harm himself as he has a history of it. Just some days it gets to me and others I think that I love him and really I am at home so should be the home maker!!

Does anyone else feel this way??

[katiek]

I can understand what you are saying, you would think having a baby and becoming a father would make them grow up and mature a bit but sadly this isnt always the case

DH loves our daughter to bits but he still needs his own little outlet from work that doesnt include me and DD. His outlet is A Grade cricket and he spends 2 nights a week training and then 11:30am-10pm playing it every Saturday. To me it is too much. I bathe and feed DD myself most nights as he is "too tired" to do it. If I am lucky he will do these tasks on a Sunday which is my only day of semi rest.

Like you, I feel like a single mother - not at all like the parent or wife that I am. I hope that once i go back to work part time in Jan he will pull his weight more. I think he will.

Sorry im not much help, just wanted you to know you are not alone in your feelings

[Pobblebonk]

Hi Sharon. How are you?

:hugs: I know you have been feeling this way for a while.

Almost all problems in relationships stem from money. However, knowing you, I do sometimes think that what your DH expects from you is too much.

You are a human being, not a child-rearing, baby feeding machine. You need a break every now and again too! If not, regularly!

I think it's irresponsible and selfish of your DH to spend so much money on Ebay. He has a family now and that needs to take priority.

I believe that marriage and family should be a partnership, where activities with the children are shared between the parents. If he is unwilling to help you with your DD, and kicks up a stink if you ask for time to yourself, well I think that's UNFAIR of him.

I know you contribute financially, but even if you didn't, does that mean that you are the one who is responsible for doing everything else, with little/no help from him? I know I wouldn't put up with that. Speaking from my own experience, I am a better parent to my own DS because I get time to myself. It is something that you deserve.

I do not think that you are expecting too much at all. You just have to speak to other mums in great relationships where parenting is shared without having a fight to realise that you are not expecting too much of your HUSBAND at all.

No one can advise you about leaving, that is a decision you need to make yourself. However, you can't let the idea of 'things being too hard' give you an excuse to stick around, especially if you feel you are miserable and unhappy. That's not fair on yourself.

Also, you cannot let the fear of him harming himself stop you from breaking away. You are not responsible for his actions. And I know this is going to sound harsh, and I'm sorry in advance Sharon, however, it almost sounds like he doesn't want the responsiblity of having a child.

Are there more days when you want to stay, or more days when you don't?

You know that I love you, and you know that you have great support around you. We will be here for you. :hugs:

[Billy]

Wow hun what a tough situation you're in... :hugs:

I think your DH needs to step up to the plate as a father- he's acting like you would expect someone half his age too... :shame:

Maybe he's having some major issues with the whole money/job front?? Is it possible to get him to talk to a professional for some help??

I'm not sure I'm sorry... :hugs:

I don't think I've been much help but I wanted to send you some big cyber :hugs: to try and help you along... xoxoxoxox