Need help by Monday, please

[Jodiee]

Hi all.. This is going to be confusing, I think..

I have a stepdaughter..
We have share care, 40% everyweekend, half school hols etc etc.. plus extra etc..

My stepdaughter is turning 11 in April.
I have been with DH for 13 years (we had a split, and he had a 1 night stand etc, etc)

I am also Mum to my stepdaughter..

We have a parenting plan, which is an official order from the courts..

My DSD's mother is the mother from hell, you know the usual drill, no idea, 4 kids, 4 fathers, never had a boyfriend etc, etc.. single pension..yada yada

Anyway, my dsd has been saying for approx 2 years she wants to live here, with us, and we have been putting it off, cause she was too young at 8 according to the legal advice we received over the years..

Well, last weekend, she really didnt want to go, but we sort of made her, we have an order we have to follow, and didnt want to get into trouble, DH said for her to think about it over the week, and let us know for sure if she really wanted to come here, and if so, then we would talk about it next weekend (today)..

Well, she has come here thisafternoon, and has been saying, thats it, I live here now, Im NEVER going back, etc, etc..

DH has been on the phone all night, and I just want some opinions, dsds mother told dh today that she cant afford to not have dsd live there, she will lose her house, and have to live in a carravan park if she doesnt get the pension :eek: , etc, etc,

He has spoken to 2 seperate lawyers who have said 1. She doesnt have to go on Sunday, she cant be forced, and if the mother rings the police, they cant take her away, if she says she wants to stay without a "recovery order".., of which we have to go and get an interim custody order on Monday, and have to beat her to file the order before the mother does, as it will work against us if we dont file the order before she files the recovery..
2. She goes on Sunday, which will be by force, but it will be better for us, because there will be no hassle with her trying to beat us (if she works it out by then ow to go about it) for the orders..

Now, the problem is, do we smash our daughters feelings, with making her go on SUnday, and to make it definate to go ahead with the filing, or do we please our daughter, and let her refuse to go, and risk her filing first?? We really have no idea what to do..

Has anyone been in this situation before??

Cheers

[Caithi]

Geeeeeeeeeeeze hun! :hugs: I would do what is best for her in the long term, your DD knows you love her but how hard for you. Im not sure what I would do actually.:hugs:

Sorry, not much help.:hugs:

[belinda]

oh jodie i just want to give you big :hugs: :hugs: hope all works out and your daughter is happ again..:hugs:

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

Huge hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Not in that situation yet...but on the cards with my DSD who begs us to let her stay...
tough call for you and I know whatever you decide will be the rightdecision.

[LilShenanigans]

Can you tell her that it'll be ok to go home for a couple of days, giving you chance to file the custody order?
And reassure her once that is set in place, she can come back asap??

That's the only thing I could think of, otherwise it's cutting it very slim on getting out of this the better ones.

I hope it all goes well whatever happens :fingerscrossed:

[shell25]

What a tricky situation.

If it was me in the situation, I would be thinking about the best interests of the child first and foremost.

You are the adults in the situation, to say to a child, that they have to be in a place that they do not feel safe or securer is unfair, I also realize that it is life at times.

My understanding of the law for minors and where they live is that, they can say that they wish to stay with either parent before the age of 13 year old, if they are a mature mind, this is determined by the courts.

Perhaps you could speak with legal aid and the police too, in your local area, to make sure that they are aware of the situation before it comes to be a big problem with where she has to go.

You would think that a mother would want what is best for her child though:rolleyes:

All the best.
:hugs:
step mummies are great people with big hearts

[daisyxs]

since your SD is now 11 she legally gets to say where she wants to live and providing its safe and what-not they (the courts) will not care if her mum wants to have her there cos now she is old enough to make that decision for herself.

[Jodiee]

Thanks soooo much girls, I really appreciate it..

We ended up having to forcefully make her go, cause its too risky to not do as the order says, and to get our order in first, without all the **** of the mother getting the feds to serve a recovery order against DH.. There was of course another big barney at the door, and etc..

We are off to file for full custody. Got an appointment with lawyer first time slot tomorrow morning, poor baby, she has a broken heart, but does understand its for the best to go tonight.

Fingers crossed for us girls, and especially that DD doesnt get the s******* kicked out of her again tonight for not doing as her mother wishes, she has promised us she will leave if anything happens, to someone who lives close, she knows where to go, and the someone is aware it could be happening tonight..

:crying:

[Rockett]

Good luck for tomorrow,I hope it all goes well.:fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:

[Becteria]

Jodie I am so sorry to hear your DD has to go through this cr@p. ANd you and DH...

You are doing hte right thing it could have jeopardised your custody claim if you had've been in a race with a vindicitive woman after money...

I am sure everything will work out for you all. You are a wonderful woman.

[Chub Chub]

What a brave grown up gil you have there....congratulations!

Fingers crossed that the process for her coming to live with you is swift....good luck!