ok- i'm over it!! [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Roopee

23-11-2006, 12:32

geez, it seems everywhere i go now people stop me and feel like they have to comment on the fact that i am about to have my 4th baby. Its like they are telling me omething i dont already know.
On monday i had a woman literally count my kids heads, then add up the baby and then she had the nerve to say "jesus, 4 kids, how many do you need"? I was in shock BUT had the nerve to say back" oh we're not even half way there yet- we want 8 or 9" BTW- we dont, but insensitive comments like that sh!t me to tears.

Yesterday after school i had all three of the kids at the supermarketand they weren't exactly being angels and this old fuddy duddy turns to me and says-"wow 4 and they are all so young- dont you know what causes it"? I looked at her blankly and just said "yeah, LOTS and LOTS os sex, we cant keep our hands off each other" LOL.She was absolutley stunned but i was left fuming.
I dont know how to deal with it anymore- its driving me insane. I even sometimes feel embarressed to go out incase i get these comments from everyone.

PLEASE send some suggestions on how to be tactfull (ive not been so far). How does everyone deal with it?

Roopee

23-11-2006, 12:38

I have thought about the F OFF option, however i try not to swer in ront of the kids, they lecture me about it:laughing:
Ta for the lugh though and good luck with our baby-hope he arrives soon!

jess_live_die

23-11-2006, 12:41

i think thats rude you should be happy to have 4 kids children bring joy to this world and if your a great mum like im sure you are and most of mums are its great that they have you for a mum :thumbsup:

KarniF00l

23-11-2006, 12:44

Tanya :hugs:

Firstly, why should you let them make you feel asthough you should be embarrassed of your family ? I'm sick to death of people like this bringing larger families down. Yeah the kids are all young, but so what ? Would you have done it any differently ? I don't know about you but i love the fact that my kids are all close in age.. they have a much stronger bond. Be proud of that and don't let these sticky noses bring you down.

Good on you for giving smart remarks back to put them back in their place. I can't believe they actually have the nerve to say anything to begin with :shame:

You are doing a great job hon :yes:

FourAngelKisses

23-11-2006, 13:07

Here you go...........

http://www.plomp.com/largefam/comebacks.htm

Good on you for having the courage to say something back to both of those morons. I bet that they themselves have more than the standard 1.6 kids or whatever it is people have these days.

I haven't had anyone say anything to me yet, but I try to avoid taking all 3 of mine out in public at the same time. But I am sure I will be getting lots of comments on the school holidays. I will be studying the above website thoroughly before leaving home, lol.

KarniF00l

23-11-2006, 13:11

:laughing: Jeanette thanks for the website i'll have to bookmark it :thumbsup:

The responses are hilarious.

FourAngelKisses

23-11-2006, 13:12

:D It's on my favourites list, I love it!!! When my mum said I should send DH to have the snip, I told her we weren't done yet, LOL.

CJJHRA

23-11-2006, 13:56

I havent really got any negative comments when I have all my kids in tow (all 6 of them) I do get the "oh but you look so young" thing.. I mean gees, really, what do they expect.. to look old and haggered like??
I sometimes get.. oh poor you, you got two sets of twins... um... no I dont.. only 1 set... DS2&3 do look like twins I guess... thers 20 months difference, but they are pretty much the same height.

4tiggers

23-11-2006, 15:02

I had my third son before my eldest turned 4 years. I had my 4th son when the eldest was in grade one. The only comments I get is that I must be trying for a girl. I tell them that I prayed for 4 boys and god answered. They are all at school now, a catholic school where 4 is common and 8 in a family is found. I take them all shopping, and yes they yell, fight, run and bug each other but I think people are too scared to comment. I love them and being a mum so much though that I am going through IVF to add to my clan, I find out tomorrow if they will have a new baby or two.

spiritedfamily

23-11-2006, 16:34

I so know how you feel...
There are times when I barely make eye contact because I can't be bothered with it all.

I find with this next one...people really drop the jaws, they fall over them.

I tend not to entertain the comments much at all...I find the less recognition I give to the comments, the less fuel it has.

I think the hardest part is not being able to have a bad day...as this usually attracts very unsavoury comments so in a way I find I have to hold it together a little more.

FourAngelKisses

23-11-2006, 16:40

I think the hardest part is not being able to have a bad day...as this usually attracts very unsavoury comments so in a way I find I have to hold it together a little more.

Don't you hate that? You have a bad day and you hear things like "well you chose to have x number of kids" or "It's only going to get worse when you have the next one".

AimeeB

23-11-2006, 16:46

:wave: I got comments ALL morning when I did the shopping today.I had the 3 kids (4,3 and 13 months and 23 weeks with #4)but mostly off people we know and I haven't seen for a while.I find the most neg comments come from mine and DH's families.They all think you should only have 2 kids or something:confused: (nothing wrong with 2 but we do know how it's caused and if we didn't want more we would prevent it!!)I hate how most people assume that a couple of them were accidents and that they weren't all planned.Just before I fell this time I had my gran ring me just to ask me if I had thought about having my tubes tied as she was assuming DH wasn't prepared to have the snip and she thought 3 was enough(we knew at the time I was pg but no-one else did)I said we hadn't discussed it so why would I discuss it with her.I then took great pleasure in telling her 2 weeks later i was pg again! BTW-SHE HAD KIDS!! I now say too them that I don't know why they are so bothered by it as I don't ever ask them to look after my kids or anything and my sis only has 2 and is forever looking for her kids to sleep over mine or mums and wanting babysitters.

Beany

23-11-2006, 17:11

I've only got the one as yet but ummm ... since when did 4 become a large family?

(I would say that, I have 5 brothers and a sister :D )

KarniF00l

23-11-2006, 17:19

I've only got the one as yet but ummm ... since when did 4 become a large family?

From the time you had to upgrade the family car :D

I think the problem is having X amount of children under such a small age that people (outsiders) can't come to terms with, which sucks.

For me, it's not only outsiders it's family aswell :mad:

Beany

23-11-2006, 17:23

Why do they care what kind of car you have?

Honestly, the way people seem to go on about it its as if they are paying for your mortgage and buying you a new car.

If anyone does the head count again, stare at them until they ask what you're doing.

"Braincell count. I've only seen 2 ... " *stare*

FourAngelKisses

23-11-2006, 17:28

From the time you had to upgrade the family car :D

I had to do that when I went from 2 to 3 kids, LOL.

But yeah, my family have been the only negative people, everyone else thinks its great news.

4tiggers

23-11-2006, 18:17

From the time I had number 2 my MIL said that two were enough and we werent going to have any more, where we?. After number 3 was born she said the same thing and after number 4. She is so dissappointed that we have gone back she spends no time with them, even though they are her only grandchildren and she lives a short drive away. I keep telling dh that she is insane, he agrees thankfully.

FourAngelKisses

23-11-2006, 18:46

She is so dissappointed that we have gone back she spends no time with them, even though they are her only grandchildren and she lives a short drive away.

I can understand her being disappointed with you (well...I can't but YKWIM), but for her to take it out on the kids? That is really unfair on them. They are kids, they are innocent and haven't done anything wrong to her.

eternalmaternal

23-11-2006, 19:15

I always get asked if I am trying for a boy which drives me nuts. love my girls!!!!!!!!!! My in-laws are also on the enough already band wagon!! Encourages me to have more really. We don't ask anyone for anything and our children are well behaved(most of the time ...lol) and have everything they need and then some. People do need to keep their insensitive opinions to themselve!!

Shanaynay

23-11-2006, 19:20

Hi Roopee,

You porr thing, I really feel for you! Some people are just stoopid :no:

Anyway, your post inspired me to make this thread, check it out! http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?p=841116#post841116

KarniF00l

23-11-2006, 19:27

Why do they care what kind of car you have?

Erm.. they don't :confused: I was saying that you become a large family when it's time that you have to upgrade your car :)

Sheer Bliss

23-11-2006, 19:36

:hugs: to you Tan!!

It's bull that people feel they have to stick their noses into everything! I actually got asked today if i kno what causes it yet when i told someone I was preggas with #2! It's like WTF - so I can only imagine how shocked silly people get with 3 or 4. I was one of 4 - and loved it! Christmas was always a HUGE family affair - kids, presents & food everywhere. It's awsome!

I loved some of the comments from theweblink - but your comment to the old fuddy duddy about having lots & lots of sex - priceless! I'd have loved to see the look on her face - PMSL just trying to imagine it.

Roopee

23-11-2006, 20:38

Thank girls and that websie is my new best friend LOL. Thats hilarious.

Well i had my OB appointment today at 4pm so i had all the kids with me and an old lady walks past and says " god, youre a sucker for punishment arent you"- she didnt even look at me, didnt break stride but felt she HAD to comment. Well, me not having a good day today, just had to reply to it.
"Hmmm thats a charming thing to say- i think its actually your husband thts a sucker for punishment being married to YOU all these years". LOL, he was with her and the whole reception hid their sniggers behind their magazines. Oh i was soooo proud of myself:yelclap:

Im getting better at being a b!tch lol.

FourAngelKisses

24-11-2006, 05:50

Beany

24-11-2006, 13:47

http://www.cafepress.com/deeksbrats.84962041

:thumbsup:

FourAngelKisses

24-11-2006, 14:21

Love it!!! Might have to get one, lol.

spiritedfamily

26-11-2006, 01:03

I always get asked if I am trying for a boy which drives me nuts. love my girls!!!!!!!!!!

I have 3 girls out of 4 and I have really grown to like having girls around...I'll be happy with either a boy or a girl this time around.

I went to a function tonight...where people were gobsmacked at how many children I had and will have...one women said how many will you have...it will five...I said yes and as I was walking away...she says "geez" quite pronounced and I thought to myself...she chose to have two kids and devote her time to her job...and I chose to have more kids and stay at home and devote more time to the job of raising them.

I don't judge women who choose career over a large family but it does irritate me when they judge me and so openly.

karcarcor

26-11-2006, 15:25

When people are rude enough to ask me if I know what causes it yet(pregnancy) and don't we own a TV I tell them - Yes,we've worked it out and are going to buy big screen TV with the baby bonus!

No, we didn't, but if they're going to look at me in that way then I might as well give them something to gosssip about!

RuthK

28-11-2006, 07:35

I'm also pregnant with my 4th and was prepared for all the negative comments (I even held off telling a few family members because I dreaded their responses) but have had nothering but positive comments.

I got a lot of the negative comments when I was pregnant with my 3rd and would usually respond to "Why do you want so many!" with "Well, why do you want so little, haven't you the ability to cope with any more?"

I think this time around everyone was too afraid of my retort to say anything negative.

FourAngelKisses

28-11-2006, 07:47

I got a lot of the negative comments when I was pregnant with my 3rd and would usually respond to "Why do you want so many!" with "Well, why do you want so little, haven't you the ability to cope with any more?"

I think this time around everyone was too afraid of my retort to say anything negative.

Love it!!! Will have to use that line.

28-11-2006, 07:50

You just wait, it gets worse after the 4th!!!! :eek:

KarniF00l

28-11-2006, 08:00

You just wait, it gets worse after the 4th!!!! :eek:

I knew there was a reason why i wasn't having anymore :p

FourAngelKisses

28-11-2006, 08:09

Me too, I thought it was because DH would castrate himself if we did, but now I know the real reason. :laughing:

twistwantsabub

28-11-2006, 08:16

Hi guys. I haven't even had my first yet.. but i can kinda relate. My dear partner and i arent married and we have been given a really rough time about considering to have a baby before a wedding. Our family are quite against it, but i can't see the point in have a wedding just to keep others happy.
My best friend is married with 3 kids. She was recently pregnant with #4, but lost the baby. In the few weeks of being pregnant she received the most awful comments from family and others about having four kids.... Ofcourse this made her feel more alone when she lost the baby. She's the most beautiful and incredible mother i have ever met and her kids are really great... who's business is it if she wants more kids... These pathetic people that spend their time commenting on our lives.... Should mind thier own bloody business. Imagine if we commented to someone about how FAT they are... that wouldn't be acceptable..... what makes people think they have aright to comment on the number of kids you have. I say GO FOR IT... if your partner and kids are happy and healthy, then enjoy every moment with them.

KarniF00l

28-11-2006, 08:19

Me too, I thought it was because DH would castrate himself if we did, but now I know the real reason. :laughing:

LMAO if i did have one more, i told DH that he would have to put a straight jacket on me and take me to a padded room :D

Hannahs Mum

30-11-2006, 09:37

Four is not that big. My husband is one of 5 and my SIL has 8 with on one on the way and she is only in her early 30's.
Mind you 4 live with their grandmother 3 are in foster care and one passed away from drug related syndrome.

To be honest the rest of us all judge her and call her a breeder.
But her case is very different from anyone on here. She has children for money (centrelink)...not love.
People shouldn't be judging you without knowing your circumstances, as long as you are able to financially support your family and love and care for them you can have as many as you like

vikki a

01-12-2006, 22:29

Hi, i got the coments when having the third, because of the 8 yr age gap. Then when number four came along.... well lets just say that was fun....Some people where really nice :) and the others :( Humm.........
And the looks we get when my stepson is with us too..But i don't care, i love all my kids and thats all that matters!!