I know my own son! (vent)

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

We were out at a friends place last night, and there was a couple there we've normally gotten along with well, but last night:mad: ...

We got there at 8pm which was DS's bed time, so I was planning to feed him and put him down to sleep.

We'd just walked in the door when the guy came up and grabbed DS out of my arms and was in his face trying to play with him straight away. Now DS was really tired and hungry and hadn't seen this guy in 3 mnths, so started to cry.

I then was feeding him, and he was a little distracted by all the people so he was coming off and on the breast, so the lady starts saying, see he's not interested in it, he's not hungry. I calmly let her know that yes, he was, he was just distracted.

Afterwards I was starting to lay him down to pat him and help him sleep, he was still lokking around but I could tell from his signs and his face that he ws really tired. They say, look, he doesn't want to sleep at all, he's not tired. I say, yes, he is tired, then they say no he's not, he wants to play and againm DS is grabbed off me to play. Of course with stimulation he is okay for a bit, but I can see that he is getting more and more overtired. By the time I got him back and tried to put him to sleep it was really difficult. He only slept 40mins because he was so out of routine, so I was holding him close to me and he was happy as long as with me, but still sleepy and yawning. These people kept trying to hold him and get in his face, and I was like, look, he's really tired, he just wants mummy at the moment.

It was made out that that's a bad thing that he is too attached to me and that I hold him too much. I'm his mummy, he's meant to be attached to me!! I wouldn't like strangers in my face when I'm tired. The other thing is, I've been with him 24/7 except for a total of maybe 8hrs since he was born, so I think I know my son a little better than others, I know when he's tired and hungry better than someone whose seen him twice in his life.

Sorry to go on and on, I jut really needed to vent. Feeling a little protective of DS. The problem is I really like this couple normally and if they're going to be like this everytime we see them now it's going to be awkward. Maybe they just don't understand because they don't have kids.

Mel

[Lil X-men]

I think that every mum out there has experiences like this and it makes my blood boil just reading your post!!
I can fully understand your frustration when people think they know better than you and make you feel incompetent when they have only been with your child for five seconds and think they know him better than you:banghead: :banghead:
Whether they have their own kids or not it's not their business to instruct you on parenting.
I have experienced this alot with friends and family and in my opinion it is just selfishness, they just want to play with the baby they dont care if it stuffs up bubs routine or not.
I also had people telling me how I should be feeding and when, pretty much everything under the sun and it would upset me soo much. Until I just realised I have to ignore them and they don't actually have any idea what they are on about
!
Its a case "everyones an expert" syndrome.
So with my next baby I wont hestitate to tell people where to go if they try and tell me whats "best" for my child.
I would tell your friends in a friendly manner that if you are to visit again that they have to respect the way you do things and not interfere with his routine as it really upsets the poor little guy (and you), it's really nice they want to play with him but just not at bedtime when he needs to be calm and not overstimulated.
Well done on being a great mummy to your little man and boo to the people who upset him!

[Roopee]

Yep, everymum has experienced this. Usually more time than once. Its unfair to you and your baby and it sucks. Even though you DO you know whats best for YOUR child these !d!iots still manage to make you doubt your decisions.:banghead:

I would just tell them next time that they have no idea as they dont live in your home.

Also, you will be able to relish in it when they have their own and then you will be able to "pass on your expertise":laughing:

[Seekrit]

I know EXACTLY how you feel.
EXACTLY.

One of my pet hates is when people talk and smile at him when he's feeding.. he's already at an age where he pops on and off and on and off anyway, without people cooing at him and laughing, and talking to him! GAH! LEAVE HIM ALONE!

And the "Oh he's not sleepy" or "why don't you try.." he's MY son, I KNOW why he's not sleeping, I KNOW my options and what I can do. I know how to parent him. LEAVE ME ALONE!

*nod*

Thank you SO much.

[kymmy]

I know exactly what you mean.
When in public I have had plenty of people saying to me when my baby (any of the 3) cried oh he must be hungry or tired. As if I wouldn;t know.
Frustrating to say the least.
And who has to settle and re settle? Mama of course.


:hugs:

[Milliner]

I hate hate hate it when people try and talk to DS when he is feeding, can't they just leave him in peace to feed. When mum says he is tired then he is tired I think that you would know not someone who thinks that they are the experts.

[mum2bubba]

This irratates me too, this has happened a few times when Hayley was younger (not so much now though).
Once we went to a friends for dinner and Hayley was about 8 months or so and I put her in her pram so she could sleep (after I fed her and after she had a little play) and I purposly put the pram in the spare room so that she could get to sleep and all the kids
kept going in and playing with her and their parents didn't say anything. :banghead:
Also when she was about 4 or 5 months we were at home and one of Grant's friends came over and Hayley had only met her 2 or 3 times before so she got grumpy (I was trying to feed her) she was overtired, Grant's friend wanted a cuddle (which was fine as I was trying to eat dinner AND feed her at the same time) anyway, when I handed her over to Grant's friend she started crying (coz she was overtired and didn't really know Grant's friend that well) and she says to me "is there any milk coming out of this bottle?" (she started feeding her) and I was like "why would I give her a bottle if no milk cam out if it?" and then she started pouring the milk on her wrist (as if to check the temparature, like I'd give my baby milk that was too hot or whatever :rolleyes: )
Also when we were at my dad's place when Hayley was about 3 months and I just put her down in her pram for a nap (she clearly needed it) and it took me about an hour to do so coz we weren't at home, finally she went to sleep and I went upstairs to do something and I came down about 5 minutes later and my Dad's then gf was trying to unbuckle her setbelt and she was crying and I said to her "what are you doing?" and she says "oh I just wanted a cuddle" and I said "Well she WAS asleep" and she says "oh sorry" :rolleyes:
It is very annoying when ppl are like this I know when my baby is tired or hungry or whatever. Makes me so mad :mad:

[soph'smum]

I can fully sympathise. When dd1 was born - i had all kinds of do-gooders telling me what was wrong with her, when she was hungry, wanted to sleep etc....I used to just try to ignore them...

BUT, then one day, i thought no, wait a minute, she's my daughter, i'm a good mum and if anyone knows what my daughter needs/wants, it's me....Since then, if people come to grab her from me when she's sick/tired etc - i tell them very firmly to bugger off!!

My mother in law is still really bad at it. One of my pet hates is when she gets dd1 to sing a song, or say something she's been doing for months. She then acts as if she taught her and she's saying it for the first time!!! She also takes delight in telling me what dd1 can do - as if i wouldn't know.......:banghead:

My advice - next time you see your friends, tell them if you're trying to put your son down for a sleep/feed etc and if they still defy your wishes, tell them (in a somewhat patronising tone) that one day, when they have children, they'll understand!:yelclap:

In the meantime, start plotting your revenge for when they do have kids!!!:smiliedance:

michelle

[SassyMummy]

I know how you feel - when I was a new mother, everyone would try to undermine me. I didn't know what I was doing (apparently), and even though I was the one who had spent all day everyday with DD, everyone else apparently knew what she wanted better than I did.:rolleyes:

I even remember when I was breastfeeding at my Grandparent's house, (I did it upstairs alone, because my Pop thinks it's something that should be done in private - and he's the only person I'm willing to make that allowance for - because he's old and therefore has a different social stance on all of that), I came down later and was greeted with what seemed like an "intervention"...by my Grandmother and my Dad! It was weird... they told me I was breastfeeding for "too long" and that I need to only do it for 15 minutes before telling my newborn that "That's it". They assured me that she'd soon learn I'm not going to just feed her whenever she wants.

What the? :laughing:

When it comes to people that don't have kids though - I think they just want to spend time with your baby. I'm sure, deep down, they know that you know better than they do, but they're probably just trying to convince you that your DS wants to play because THEY want to play with him.

I think it's fair to let them occassionally - just so long as your son isn't CONSTANTLY interupted for the benefit of others.

[lukaelmo]

LEAVE ME ALONE!


teehee, but sometimes it gives people so much satisfaction to undo your job well done :D.

Okay, back to the OP...

[Seekrit]

teehee, but sometimes it gives people so much satisfaction to undo your job well done :D.

Okay, back to the OP...
:kiss: :p

[Pixie]

I know how you feel.
I normally say

"normally she doesn't have weird faces staring at her annoying her yanno" :D

Orrrr yes you're right you feed her please...oh you can't well shutup :D

[cosmic]

Orrrr yes you're right you feed her please...oh you can't well shutup

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Chanelc]

Oh yeah totally relate to that I always feel like saying, "would you like to have her over night" - as I know if my little one doesn't get her sleep she is grumpy the next day and whinging - like to see them handle that!!
All I can say is when ever I go out to friends place I always make sure I have a room I can use to put Chanel down when it is her bedtime - and no one goes in there! She sleeps and I am relaxed and I ignore anyone that wants to grap her and say "no she is asleep"

[Natsmummy]

How infuriating for you. And I bet these idiots don't even have kids right??

[pookiesossige]

I think I understand even just a little bit of how you feel! My SIL doesn't have kids- but because she works in a child care centre "she doesn't need to have kids to know everything about them" :banghead: and at family events just won't get out of my kids' faces when they need mummy or booby time! If they cry- well, they must be bored! They need more toys jangled chaotically in front of their faces! And jiggling! And loudly talked at by someone 2cm from their face! Arrrggghhh!! :banghead: :detective:

[AVR]

This thread really makes me want to seriously get the below T-shirt made, im getting this already and bub isnt born.....

Yes Im pregnant ( we could change this to "Yes its my child")

No I dont want your opinion!

F#$k off!

:banghead:

:hugs: to you - how very frustrating - snaps to you for handling them so well!

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

The day after that horrible night (yesterday) was horrible as DS was still overtired from that night, and I was exhausted too.:no:

I've been thinking about why people feel the need to be so over the top with bubs/kids - I think they must think it will make the bub/kid happy so they wont cry, so as soon as they get them they start all the jiggling, faces, noises generally in your face kind of stuff to make the bub not cry with them.

If only they realised, my bub will be fine if you are just normal and quiet with him at first - I mean sure say hello, but give him a few minutes to get used to you and then he will happily play with you.

I don't know if all bubs are like this or if it's just my DS's temperament, but I know that both DH and I take time to warm to people and are shy when in unfamiliar situations, so maybe it's genetic?

Thanks for all your comments, it's good to know that I'm not alone.

Quote: "Orrrr yes you're right you feed her please...oh you can't well shutup :D"

:laughing: :laughing: Loved this!

Mel

[Will]

This thread has annoyed me so much lol All those times of being told i am not doing the right thing! :mad:

The worst culprt for me is DS's dad (i am a single mum) and becuase he is his father he thinks he knows best, and DS would like to be woken up by him :mad: Either that or trying to give him ice cream, chips, cordial... anything he is eating when he was really little!! Grrr lol

Kids are always gonna be like their parents they learn everything from us, so there is NO possible WAY that someone else is going to know ANYTHING we dont know, so they should just all buzz off!!! Even if you do have kids, you would know even better that every kid is different and the mum probably knows better then they do so just bugger off!!!! :mad: :mad: