How Would YOU Like to be Supported During YOUR Labour?

[DoulaFelicity]

Hello ladies :) ,

As a Doula in Training, I'd be interested to hear from both those women who have given birth, and those who are yet to give birth; as to what sort of support they feel would benefit them in labour.

Are you a "hands on" birthing Mama, who appreciates lots of contact, massage, and closeness with your support team? Are you an "inward" birther, who prefers people to keep their distance so you can focus silently?

What words, touch, birthing aides, etc do you feel would have/will benefit you during your labour?

I look forward to the responses with great interest. No need is too obscure, too small, or too large to express here. :)

Cheers,

[wattle]

Unfortunately my midwife ended her shift halfway through my 8 hour labour. She was wonderful.... strong, encouraging, she helped me focus. The next one was terrible. She hardly said a word, was timid and totally useless. (Thank god dh was there).

I wanted my support person/s to be assertive but calm. I was really really disappointed in the 2nd midwife. Boo hiss to shift changes.

[*Sal*]

I have had 2 quite different labours in 2 different hospitals, but with the same hubby :D

First labour started on it's own was 20 hours long and I mostly walked through the contractions and had heat packs and massage/hot water on the lower back for comfort - very helpful. Was not offered any bean bags, birthing ball etc, and to be honest that labour is now a distant memory.

Second time I was induced and had a 5 hour labour, again stayed on my feet for most of it, but as contractions intensified I used a bean bag to lean over which I found very comfortable. Again massage of the lower back and hot water for pain relief. Hubby was watching The Simpsons in between contractions, and I wanted to scream "turn it off!", but by then I was close to having DS so did not feel the need to speak.

It was nice both times that the midwives were quietly spoken and talked in low tones only when necessary - same wit hubby. He was very in tune with my needs.

I wish I had had some comforting music though - maybe next time.

[Foxymoron]

I finally got what I needed 3rd time around, only due to coaching my support people. I let them know what I needed, which was someone to remind me to breath during a contraction ( they hurt so much more when you hold your breath) and to encourage me that my pain was good pain. I didn't even see my midwife with my 3rd until I was pushing, I was so calm she had no idea she was needed! This time around I just want someone to give me a good back rub and remind me to breath.. my last labour was only 1 hour long so there won't be time for much else than that next time I imagine. I found that with my earlier labours the midwives kept trying to change me to a more "comfortable" postion, which distressed me more when it didn't work!

[aardvark]

I find I need people to back off, and leave me alone. And the less people present, the better.

I can remember sending DH from the room at one point in labour with #1, because he was wanting to touch me, and give me cold face washers, and I just wanted to be left alone. (I did let him come back in after a while......)

[jamb]

During the pushing stage my midwives kept getting me to move- in bath/out bath, birthing stool, toilet, floor, leaning over bed. I did not want to be moved but did not have the energy to voice that. I was in pain and was huge and uncomfortable- not keen for get up get down movements.

I was happy for the earlier parts on my own in the shower, didnt want people around me.

Towards the end I needed, really needed my hubby and mum to hold onto and to focus on their eyes- really intensely, it was all i could do to try and stay in the present.

Its a tough one for first timers because nothing can compare you for whats instore and for me, as it progressed i had no energy/voice, i was consumed by the pain. At least second time round i'll have a better idea!

[DoulaFelicity]

It's very interesting to see the evidence here of how unique each woman's labouring mentality is; the different things we all prefer whilst birthing.

Keep 'em coming ladies, great posts. :)

[LittleBoysRock]

My Midwife was SO FANTASTIC. I could not have pushed my baby out without her encouragement.

I was the kind of birthing woman who couldnt even look at my husband (and I love him dearly). All I could focus on was my midwife. She held my hand and rubbed my forehead.

I was very quiet. I mostly wanted to be left to my own thoughts. Lina my midwife could see that and was a silent helper. She was great at answering my questions when I had some and told me completely honest answers.

I have so much respect for Midwifes now and for anybody willing to help a woman in labour. It is a great thing that you do :)

[Lucybelle]

Not too close but not too far! I go a little inward but need people to be within reach.

I don't mind a little advice or instruction, calm and to the point.
1st midwife was with me all the way and therefore could observe what stage of labour I was in and gave me guidance when I needed it and not before.

2nd midwife (next birth) was in and out of the room, did little to observe, did not notice transition stage (I'm sure she thought I was a whinger or something) and thought I was hours away from birth, when I was minutes. NOT HAPPY.

Boo Hiss to being moved at a crucial stage, and "helped" into a more comfortable position. Some floating midwife got all offended when I did not want to move onto a squashy mat, instead of the floor. I wasn't even rude when I felt like being so either!

[LucyE]

I think what's most important is to develop a relationship with your 'support' person before labour :) Next time round I'm definitely hiring a doula because I now know that DH isn't the type of person who can help me through my 'neediness' of labour. I would prefer to have Mum there but it isn't realistic because she lives in a different town. DH was wonderful and it was great to have him there but I think I forgot about his needs too (understandably considering I had a vacuum extraction and no drugs). It was painful for him to watch me helplessly through all that pain and it was his child that any decisions about interventions would impact on.

As for the nitty gritty, I had an ordinary midwife to start with who kept pushing pain relief on me even though I had made it clear I didn't want any drugs. She also wouldn't allow me to eat even though I was ravenous during the very early stages in case I needed an epi later on. In my case I was glad for the shift change because I got a better midwife who was much more understanding and helpful. She massaged my back which was killing due to the posterior position of bubs and was willing to do anything to alleviate the pain in more natural ways. Even if it meant preparing the bath tub only to have me decide it wasn't comfy after 5 mins. She helped move me to the arm chair and helped keep me steady and then finally back onto the bed because I was just exhausted. She got fitballs and all sorts of other stuff only to have me reject them, all with a calm, efficient and sympathetic manner. When it came time to pushing, she was there encouraging me, offering practical advice (eg. don't push now, push, breathe LOL how you can't forget to do simple things) holding my hand while DH was nearly in tears beside me. And at the end of it all, she was the one to place DS beside me in bed and encouraged us to try breastfeeding when all I wanted to do was sleep. I've had a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with DS (still going at 18mths) which I put down in a large part to that natural and calm start we had. I've heard horror stories of strange midwives, squeezing nipples and nagging about bfing and am so glad we didn't experience that. The only other thing I would add to my 'wish list' is someone well informed and capable of standing up to the Dr when I was unable to. I knew what I wanted and didn't want but was in too much pain to voice it clearly or forcefully enough to not be put down to the rantings of a labouring woman.

[mummy2pj&bood]

I would like people around me who are calm and not afraid of 'things going wrong'. I think its important to understand that every woman is different and labours differently. Personally, I am internal. Dont touch me, dont talk to me and dont do anything I might not find actually helpful (like makin' me lie on my back for an internal and then leaving me there you awful awful hospital midwife). So I guess I'm not very nice or friendly while I labour, huh?? How bout some of that massage afterward tho?? I could always use a foot rub - maybe after the placenta tho.....could get a bit messy otherwise, lol!! ;)

[BJelly]

First of all, I want to wish you all the best with your doulaing (?). I have a huge respect for women like yourself who want to make birth a positive, empowering, individual experience rather than the one size fits all, take a number, and wait your turn type of care you often get in a medical setting. It's amazing how far we haven't come when it comes to treatment of pregnant and labouring women in the hospital centred model of maternity care.

Anyway, I chose to have two support people with me: My husband and a good female friend who has 3 children and who had experienced a natural childbirth. She was great - she's a calm, no nonsense person who won't be bullied - so I felt very safe knowing she was around to stick up for us. I had total faith in my husband who was great, but there's no beating previous experience!

I educated myself prior to the birth about active birth techniques. I went to CEA antenatal classes. And I changed from GP care to a program called Phoenix Midwives at the RB&WH - where you have a team of midwives who you meet during your checkups and therefore at least should be familiar with the person who is there during the birth. These midwives also were very supportive of natural childbirth.

For my birth I enjoyed being in a darkened room, with little chatter. I also loved the shower - the hospital one was great as there were two mobile shower heads, so I could get water on my back and stomach. My female friend was great at keeping me focused and calm by saying things as simple as "You're doing great", "Your baby is nearly here".

The midwife was good in that she totally supported my wish to go drug free, and suggested I move to the hospital shower when I asked for the gas after not feeling good when I was resting on a bean bag. She was also good in that I only needed to lie down on the bed once at the beginning for her to check me - lying down was the most painful bit of the whole thing. And she supported my wish to give birth standing up in the shower cubicle.

The only negative was that she was in and out of the room all the time, and when I needed help to know if it was ok to start pushing, she was no where to be found. I tore very badly - 3rd degree -mostly internally from what I could tell - so I guess that could have been managed alot better. I think the main problem was staffing levels - there were a lot of women giving birth that night.

I think it would be great if women in this country had the benefit of continuity of care by a midwife or doula from early in the pregnancy, through labour, and in the first few weeks after the birth. I was put through a lot of stress dealing with a young baby and a bad tear with little support from the hospital - I missed out on seeing the lactation consultant in the hospital even though I had major problems getting bub to stay attached; I wasn't put on bed rest like I should have; I didn't get a wheelchair or my discharge medications when I left; they didn't organise home visits from the CHN; and I couldn't see the physio to help me heal my pelvic floor injury unless I was prepared to wait 2 weeks - that's a long time when you feel like your insides are coming out through your vagina every time you stand up, and you are scared $hitle$$ about it!

[Sarie]

I had wonderful support through both of my labours. My hubby was just wonderful and so were the key midwives both times round.
I had a problem with one midwife in my second delivery who kept insisting that I touch the head or look at it in a mirror. I didn't want this, my husband told her repeatedly to stop but she kept ignoring him. I ended up pushing the mirror away. I know some people are into that kind of thing, but it does nothing for me at all, I could feel what I had to do. I didn't need someone trying to pressure me into that at all.

[stellaj]

When i was giving birth the midwife sat in the corner and filled out paperwork almost the whole time, she didn't even really say anything to me. It was weird I had the impression that it was NOT alright to be noisy and i had to be as quiet as i could. At the time i was 20 yrs old and knew nothing about birth and i was scared as anything and with no input from the midwife I felt i was doing 'it' wrong.
Whilst i was pushing another midwife came in and she came up to my face between contractions and said something like 'you are doing so well and the baby is so close how about next contraction trying to push your baby out', then i did try and out he came. I think all i needed was encouragement and assuarance i was in fact doing 'it' right.

[AM]

I tend to be very inward while in labour, off in my own little world really, just surfing with the contractions, and trying to make sure my body is relaxed as i can possibly allow.
My homebirth midwife, and my partner were both FANTASTIC!!!
Ian was pretty much the one who offered me sips of drink in between every contraction, and gently helped to remind me to stay relaxed if he saw frown lines come into my face, or my mouth tense up, and there was a constant stream of extremely hot towels applied to my lower back,(ahhhhh...... absolute bliss!) as well as my midwife applying strong pressure to accupressure points in my lower back.
I like to have a quiet environment, dimly lit, and the people present to be quietly confidant.
My midwife is very good at simply observing a lot of the time, and making gentle suggestions if she feels it is warranted, but the whole atmosphere was just really gentle, no sense of a clock ticking over me or anything, just a feeling that baby would come when baby was ready.
Mind you, after 11 hours of pushing, we all decided that the best thing was to transfer, as we had given him more than enough time to make his debut, but no go! :)
I think the more gentle the better, as I know I slip into this kind of heightened state of awareness, and somehow everything is exaggerated, so if i had to put up with someone i disliked, or who was being obnoxious, well, I would be just so incredibly put off my stride.
I think i almost felt as though I was under water during labour, it is strange trying to remember back.
I felt like I was in sacred space, and having that feeling totally respected was just the best! God, I can't wait to do it again!

Thanks for this thread Felicity, great idea, and it is really interesting to read how other women experience labour internally.

I wish you all the very best with your study, I think you will be a wonderful doula, and i only wish you lived in my city! :D

[Mummabear]

I think it would be great if women in this country had the benefit of continuity of care by a midwife or doula from early in the pregnancy, through labour, and in the first few weeks after the birth.

I couldn't agree more!! Sign me up for that!

[AM]

That is one of the MAJOR reasons why I hire my own, independant midwife, continuity of care ROCKS!!!!
I just love that she gets to know the whole family, including meeting anyone who will be present during labour.
She is my primary care giver from 20 weeks pregnant until 6 weeks after my baby is born, can't beat that.

[DoulaFelicity]

These stories and your thoughts on how you would all like to be best supported during labour have been wonderful to read. :D

It's been interesting (but not at all unusual or surprising) to see that a lot of us don't like/need/want unnecessary touching or talking when we are really in serious labour. After all, when a birthing woman is truly in the Labour Zone, she doesn't need anything, does she? Her body is doing it all and she's totally in her body and in the moment. I suppose that's the true meaning of "holding the space" as a birth attendant - often, a quiet, respectful, and somewhat protective presence is all that is required. Suggestions, orders, and intrusions are not necessary!!! :) And, when a Mama wants some touch, or some other contact...she lets us know, with her eyes, her breathing, her movements (if she can't simply speak at that stage). It should never be permitted for anyone to intrude on that space without being invited in some way.

It's my vision that every woman have their own independent midwife (or two!) and doula (or a few!) at their birth. Continuity of care is really just a modern way of expressing the way women used to surround each other during the special time of pregnancy and birth, and remain there, holding the space for each other, supporting, offering their wisdom - a pregnant/birthing Mama would never feel alone, never feel "lost" in a wilderness of "care providers", and would always be the central, most important and celebrated person in the room (or hut, or field... :p ), always in control and honoured for her birth. I see doulaing and independent midwifery as putting that women's wisdom and support into a modern, workable context.

Annnnnyway. :rolleyes: Enough of me. On with the thoughts from you strong birthing Mamas.

[HoopDeeDoo]

When I went into labour I was in total denial I was five weeks early I had a very healthy pregnancy a part from some spotting at 6 weeks. Everything was 'normal' so it couldn't be labour pains I was feeling. The first midwife I had must though the same thing as she gave me no support or information about what was happening except that I might have a urine infection and thats what may be causing these pains.
Then I was really sick, had no bucket and had to run to the toilet, which is hard enough while your pregnant let alone in labour and hooked up the monitors. (which I now know was transition) She didn't even get me a bucket after that so the second time I thought "bugger it she can clean it up".
She dissapeared for what seemed like long periods of time and said things like "if you are in labour we won't try to stop it because your baby should have a good chance of being healthy at 35 weeks"
I was crying and she asked me if it was because I was scared or if I was in pian I said" mostly in pain" There was no suggestion of changing position or even getting up and walking around - nothing
It wasn't until she finally checked my progress that we realsied I was already 6 cm dialated and I went to the birthing suite.
My next midwife was great. She was supportive without being overbearing, they must have been busy, as she was in and out a lot. My DH was by my side the whole time and knew to be supportive by just being there. I know for this time I'll be trusting my instincts more. I was so scared about the baby that I stayed on my back as much as i could because of the monitors, but that made it sooo much more painful.
Then came the point where I felt like I had to push and I mentioned it to my midwife, she checked and said "Yep you're right, go for it when you feel you need to"
It was amazing that i just knew what to do but not having done it before was so unsure of myself. Having the midwife there just giving me the confidence to believe in myself was great.

It would be fantastic if everyone was asigned thier own midwife in the public system throughout thier pregnancy or at least be able to have one by your side at all times through your labour

I was only at the hospital for about 3 1/2 hours before giving birth so there wasn't much time for anything, but to be honest for me the best thing is just having someone there to support by being silent and loving (DH) and someone who can tell me whats going on without being cold and distant.

[mummy2pj&bood]

Has anyone else had the experience of the pulse being amplified. I remember both times I concentrated on this thumping beat that I thought was music or a machine buzzing, only to realise later it was the sound of my heart beat. The gas may have made it more dramatic, not sure. Anyways, it worked well for me, something else to concentrate on other than pain or fear.

[AM]

No heartbeat amplification here....

May i suggest that you over did the gas?? :p ;)

[pickles]

I birthed my first baby at a birth centre and my second as a transfer to the hospital ( needed an induction ) . Both times i had my husband , mother and sister. They all have their specific roles - my husband rubs my lower back , my sister administers homeopathics and aromatherapy products and my mum brings the ice and water. Its funny because inbetween all this i like them to just chat about everyday stuff as though we are sitting around the dinner table. It takes my mind of the fact i am in pain and also 'normalises ' the experience as something you need to do to birth a baby. Both times the midwife only came in to do obs and the delivery. Mind you i only had 5 hours from the first contraction to the end with my first (3.5kg) and 1hr 40mins with my second ( 4.1kg ). Good luck with your training and may you witness the variety that occurs with labour and delivery.
Pickles

[moonblossom]

All i can say is thank God things change. I had my first 24 years ago, that labor was mechanical and heartless and the delivery threatened with forceps all the way if I didnt 'work harder". My last one was six years ago and what a difference. I was in control with my midwife supporting all my choices. Everything I did was acceptable and thank goodness the terrible "stirrups" have disappeared. I would love to have this one in a birthing unit, but because it is my 8th and i'm 42 they deem me high risk, so i think it will be a very "medical" birth .



Many blessings

[JanetF]

Moonblossom there's no need for you to have medical intervention UNLESS YOU WANT IT! Take a doula, get really educated, write a kickarse birth plan and just stay home until you're in strong labour. If you can walk around, parent and achieve a pregnancy there's no reason to make your birth complicated. Mums over 40 birth beautifully at home without all those unnecessary interventions so why would you need them in a hospy? Just make your wishes very clear, take lots of support and have a beautiful birth! :)