Husband woes

[drewid]

Hi :)

Having a bit of trouble with my hubby. Poor me.

Our son Andrew is almost 8 months old and being a SAHM at the moment it is an absolute full time job. At the end of the day, when he's down for the night, I'm just sooo exhausted. But in a good way. I'm in no way complaining about that - I love him to pieces.

But once he's in bed, hubby gets home from work, I start cooking dinner. After we eat dinner its about 7. Hubby retires to his laptop to work on something for work and I either read a book or come on here.

Then we go to bed, and thats the end of the day.

Its like having a housemate, but not a husband! We never talk anymore about anything except our respective days and Andrew. I honestly can't remember what we used to do with ourselves before we had a child! What did we DO?????

I have been racking my brain trying to think of a way to get out of this rut and start feeling like I'm in a marriage instead of co-habitation.

Theres no problem with our feelings towards each other, but we just don't seem to do anything with them.

Anyway just wanted to have a little bit of a vent.

[flower]

Pick a day Nicole when your both home...(easy for you...) and make a 'date'.
Dont tell him...kidnap him...NO LAPTOP and take him to Lady Carrington Drive down the National Park. Pack a blankie....ands some munchies.
Hold him hostage girl!
O's mom.

[zenifa]

Hi Nicole
I really feel for you - I'm sure its enough for you and hubby right now, just trying to do your respective jobs, sometimes working on your relationship can seem like another job/chore. What you describe though is quite normal and typical for first time parents with a young child. Its easy to get into a rut and to become complacent (ie having feelings for each other but not doing anything about them).
Some people are happy to continue in this way and if that is how you and hubby feel then that is okay, its not when one of you or both want more from each other than you are currently getting. When you have a child, it is all consuming and you can feel that you lose yourself or you and your husband, lose 'your relationship' in the process of becoming a family, but it doesn't have to be this way.

Just a couple of things to think about -
1. Do you have any breaks or time away from your child where you can have time for yourself, see friends/go out for coffee/meal/movie or indulge in hobby etc?
2. Do you and your husband have any time together away from baby as a 'couple'?
3. Do you have family or friends that you feel you can trust to care for your baby a few hours one night a fortnight/month, so you can have time to yourself/with hubby?

Now I know that you both love your child and want to spend lots of time with him, but even one evening a fortnight/month, where you two can spend time alone for a few hours and start to get to know each other again, and not just dwell on everyday things like looking after bub/work/household stuff - can be a good start. It doesn't have to be expensive, its more about having the quality time together.
I can suggest activities/outings, but it really depends on what things you and hubby like to do together - can be during day/night.

Communication is key - when bubs is asleep, like perhaps over dinner (ie the tv should be off!!), you should try to discuss how you are feeling with your hubby. Perhaps, if you both try to find time after dinner, but before bed to do something together, even if its time for a cuddle, listening to some of your fave music etc, its a start and with small steps, you and your hubby can rediscover each other and why you feel in love, got married and had a beautiful bub together.
Good luck, hope it wasn't too much of a rant, I'm very sleep deprived at the moment, so this has felt like free association.
Best wishes Z :)

[draught]

Hey - I have been where you are.
Our remedy is simple - every couple of months or so we go out for dinner - just the two of us. On Sunday his parents were staying so we went to the movies for the afternoon - just the two of us. It helps us to reconnect, remember that we like and love each other, and go home to our kids ready to face another few months.

I highly recommend it!

[Nellsy]

Yes... I've been there too. It's a common thing, I think, when a third (and fourth and fifth...) little person is added into the relationship.

We have a 4 year old and STILL haven't gotten organised enough to have found a babysitter on a regular basis so that we can have some 'us time'. But we did at least speak about it and that cleared the air. Hubby even mentioned recently that somedays, he still finds it hard to believe he is now a 'family man'. I know what he means....

One of our probs is that we don't have a big support network around us (family all live interstate or too far away). And sometimes the budget just doesn't stretch to pay for a babysitter. We have done a few swaps with friends with kids and that is good.

I think it would be great if you could get other relies (grandparents or aunts and uncles that you feel comfortable leaving your child with) involved.... it would be nice for them to also start to bond with your child. Plus be a great support to you in the long run.

Anyway, that's enough from me.