Help!!!

[katyg]

What is a polite way to say “Not in a million years would I ever let you hold my baby”? I have a BBQ on Sunday and there are people who will be there who I don’t want to hold my 9 week old. Help!

[Seekrit]

tell them he/she is allergic to said person.

[draught]

How about "no" with no explanation - when you start explaining is when they get to argue, pressure, cajole etc. Don't offer baby for a hold and if they ask just say "No - I've just got her/him settled" and leave it at that.

Just be prepared that people will have a comment whether you hand baby over ("oh she isn't bonding with her baby") or you don't hand baby over ("oh she is overly protective of her baby"). Just ignore them all and do what is right for you and yours - and if you don't want someone to hold your baby then don't let them - your instincts about what is good for your baby are better than anyone else in the world because you are the mother.

[jamb]

Yep, I'm with Draught. Just stand firm and do what you feel is right for you.

I found I was similar in early months and found it hard, then I'd get upset for not being "relaxed" enough. Then I thought bugger it, its my baby, I'm loving being a mum and this is my time for beng a mum- I've waited ages for this.

As time passes I got more confident asserting myself, and even better, bub sometimes only wants his mum- yay!

The flip side is the joy you see others getting from the bub you created. I think its a matter of finding a nice balance, for me it was an element of control (sounds awful). By this I mean me being able to get my baby back whenever I wanted, either say nappy change time, feed time or time for a cuddle for mum.

Yep I got comments but I didnt care, it was what i wanted so I was happy.

Good luck!

[Megansmum]

I agree with the previous posts. Your baby, Your rules. You could also say that "bub just doesn't respond well to being passed around and therefore you would like as little handling as possible to keep bub settled especially with all the noise people etc."

good luck and be strong

[Elfin]

I noticed you have posted this thread in a few places but this one had the most replies anyway here is my suggestion, hope that helps :)

Why don't you or dh just keep your baby in a carrier or a sling then you will be the only ones to hold your baby and people won't try as it will be too disruptive to get a happy bub out of a carrier.

[jaydensmum]

Its very hard to refuse someone holding your baby as it can offend people. I think the best approach that ive used myself is make up excuses. Some of the excuses ive used are the baby needs a change, needs a feed, needs to be burped and etc. Or say that your little one isnt feeling very good and its not advised that he/she should be passes around! I dont know if it would work but its worth a try!! :D Best of luck and let us know how you go.

jaydensmum

[carls]

What is a polite way to say “Not in a million years would I ever let you hold my baby”? I have a BBQ on Sunday and there are people who will be there who I don’t want to hold my 9 week old. Help!

Is it too personal to ask why you dont want them to hold bub?

[Rainbowbrite]

I agree with Easterlily, a sling or carrier stops anyone being able to hold bub except you. I've personally found that if MJ gets passed around it hurts her. She seems to get very achy as she's used to being held a certain way.

One thing i say to people if i don't have my carrier is "maybe later." Later never happens :p

Goodluck,
RB

[mimi]

'Maybe later' is good - and the sling is a definite help!!

Just be prepared to 'fight' those who think it is their right :confused: to just come and grab your bub ... and then want to keep said bub :eek: - regardless of how said bub OR mum is feeling about it!

Stand your ground! Good luck.

[Mischief]

I totally understand where you are coming from. My hubby and i were having this discussion ourselves the other day.

Its not that you dont trust your friends to be gentle, its just that your baby is NEW! You are still unsure what to do yourself, and the last thing you want is someone else making a mistake. I also really dont want people breathing all over bubs and giving him/her colds and other germy things.

Another thing that gets me is how people you hardly know will suddenly be your best friend because they want a hold....is that 8i+chy of me or what? :o

You need to do what is right for you and yours! As someone suggested earlier, maybe at the start of the day tell people that bubs isnt feeling to great at the moment and please dont pick her up...etc...

Goodluck girl!!!

[pregasaurus]

A polite 'if you don't mind, I'd rather you didn't'. If they really push for a reason just make up an excuse (as above). I have a real thing about smokers holding my baby. I can't be near them myself they stink so badly, why would I subject my poor babys delicate little nostrils to their stench? I also have a problem with people holding a hot drink/ alcoholic drink in one hand and baby in the other. The hot drink is dangerous and the alcoholic drink just looks really bad. I prefer people to be completely sober before handling my precious newborn!

[mummycloud]

I've been turning down all invitations to BBQ's and get togethers and stuff. I took Aiden to a get together when he was 3 weeks old and he became really unsettled from all the noise and people wanting to look at him and hold him etc. Too much stimulation isn't good for babies under 4 months old.

If you HAVE to go and take bubs with you, just say that he is too young to be held by too many people so to not offend anyone, I'm saying no to everyone who wants to hold him.

I doubt you will be there for too long, the over stimulation will get to him after a couple of hours and you'll be outta there ;)