What works for you?

[Tea Lady]

Just wondering if people could share some positive tips / advice re: things that they're glad they've done to teach their kids to behave etc. I figure it's better to be proactive than reactive when it comes to behaviour (and most other things!) but that's a bit easier said than done!


My DD is only 21 months so i don't have heaps of great ideas but 2 things I'm glad I've done so far are...

* Getting her to use a "happy voice" to ask for things instead of whinging / crying, and making her say "ta" and "please". We're still in the learning phase of this, but already I find her much easier to be with when I'm not listening to that awful whinging all day!

* I'm trying hard to only ask her to do things that I'm willing to follow through making her do (if that makes sense). Ie if I don't have the energy to make her come when I call her, I don't call her - I just go and pick her up instead. The theory is that she'll learn that I mean what I say (and she has to do what I ask).... seems to be working so far, but time will tell!

Please share any ideas you have - i'm always amazed at what clever mums and dads hang around on bubhub and i'd love to know what you all do :)

[natasha]

Ditto to the 2 points you made firstly. We try and do that too.

My main one is a bedtime routine. Ours has worked so well from day one. Dinner/watches the upside down show/as soon as the credits come up we brush our teeth and then straight to bed.

She even went into her big bed with no problem at all and I firmly believe it was because of her routine being exactly the same as it was before when she was in her cot.:thumbsup:


Oh and trying so hard to not sweat the small stuff, and turning a blind eye to stuff that she is doing wrong sometimes because I dont want to tell her off all the time, that way when i do tell her off she will know I mean business.

[the_queen]

When Vallerie says something like "I'm hungry" , I say "Wow! Thank you for telling me, I love hearing about how you feel" but that's all I do. If she wants me to do something for her, she needs to ask - and this works really well, because even if she is whingey, all I need to do is remind her "you know how to ask for what you want, I know how clever you are" and she remembers, and says "Can I please have something to eat".
I just think it's important to re-inforce the skill of using words to ask for what you want, instead of expecting people to cater to your every whim.

I also use a lot of humour (ok, lately I've been stressed and I have been pushed to the limit a lot.. but in an ideal circumstance I use lots of humour)
For example, if she forgets to say "please" I do this weirdy looking thing with my eyes, and I put on a funny voice, and say "ooh where are those manners! Are they here? Or here?" and I pull up her arm and look under there and I lift up her ponytail and look under there :p She thinks it hilarious - and these days all I have to do is make the weird eye movement and she says "oh I forgot! I must have left my manners under here" and pretends to reach inside her shoe or something :laughing: then says "Please mummy"


And here's something that I swore I would NEVER do, but now I use it quite often: Reverse Psychology. I always thought "oh this is bad for their self-esteem, it is damaging to the parent/child relationship, it hurts the child's sense of acceptance". But bloody hell, it works for my child! Probably with a different child, it might not work. If she whinges and says "oh i can't put it in the bin" or whatever, I'll do some funny weirdy looking facial expression and say "oh yeah, actually, you're right, i shouldn't have even asked, there is NO WAY you can do that. You're just not able to do it at all are you, I'll have to do it myself" and she jumps up and down and says "YES I CAN! I CAN DO IT!!!" and runs and does it. So even though I thought it wouldn't work, it does work. BUT it wouldn't work on every child.
Just goes to show that different things work for different kids.

[poshBecks]

Nasha, I am a firm believer of a regular & constant bed routine. It has worked a treat for us aswell... dinner, bath, teeth, story then cuddles.

TL... I will try the 'happy voice' thing. Thats a great idea. Ds' contant whining drives me nuts!!

[jessgray]

my ds1 is 18.5 months and we use facial exressions to help show what we are saying coz he cant hear well. if we are happy with what he just did we smile at him and clap or give a thumbs up and he will point at us and smile. and he knows if we shake our heads it means no he is just cheeky and ignores it lol:laughing:
there is such great ideas in this thread:thumbsup:

[FourAngelKisses]

* getting down on their level

* talking in a quiet voice

* trying not to shout (hard when I'm tired)

* using the naughty corner

* using lots of pleases, thankyous and you're welcomes

* using if/then and when/then statements

* routine from the day they are born

[stilldreaming]

Routine is a big one here for us as well.

I also try not to ask Cooper to do something more than twice. If he doesn't do something when he's asked twice I will start to do it with a bit of a song or dance or something so then he's eager to oblige.

I did start to use the naughty step every now and then even though he is only 2. It worked the first time but now he puts himself on there :laughing: so we don't do that any more. Now I just explain everything to him as much as possible. If that doesn't work I take away a toy or textas etc for a couple of minutes. That works best for us.

[Chickadee]

From when she started being able to reach for things and move around (rolling & sitting) I have said "no thank you" to correct her if she is reaching for something she shouldn't. I combined it with redirecting her or removing the object when necessary.

She's now 3 and I rarely have to raise my voice to her. She actually gets upset if I do. If I just say "No Thank You" about something, even out in the shops, she knows I mean it and is very good about asking or looking to me for permission before touching or taking something.