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*Country Bumpkin*
16-11-2006, 09:44 PM
After watching half of a program called "The Choice" on SBS tonight I feel that I need to share an important part of my life with you all. I need to heal and letting this out will help.

2 1/2 yrs ago- 2 days before my 15th birthday I had a termination. My b/f at the time was 20 I was 15 and on the path to self destruction I was doing things I'm not proud of so this was bound to happen.

I was late and finally it sunk in that I might be pregnant. I told my mum who took me to the Dr. I did a urine test and it was negative. I was so happy I took it home to show my bf. I put it next to my bed after showing him and went to sleep happy

When I woke in the morning I looked and it was positive my stomach sunk. I felt lie I wanted to be sick. 10mins later the Dr called and wanted me to go back in right away- I already knew why. the blood tests came back the news was devastating........Positive

The dr asked me what I wanted to do and I instantly made the decision to keep my baby. I told my b/f and he instantly decided I had to terminate. I had no other choice in his eyes-he said he'd leave and I couldn't do it alone

There were tears and anger and utter confusion. In some ways I think I was in disbelief- I think to some point I still am

I can remember lying on my bed shaking crying and feeling so much hurt while mum tried to comfort me. I DIDN'T want to terminate the pregnancy. In my eyes termination had never been an option.

After about 3 days I called the office to make the "appointment"

My mum who had started a new job the previous day drove myself and my BF to the appointment and in we went. I felt numb but at the same time felt so much hurt and pain knowing what I was about to do. I didn't want to do this- I didn't want to make this choice.

We went in and there were problems. They wouldn't let me have it without mums consent so here I was faxing my mum a consent form to say it was ok to kill my baby. When that was finally done 2 hrs later I was taken into have a scan. I didn't see my baby. They never asked if I wanted to see bub. I was never given the choice.

I was told to get my things and change into the surgical gown. I looked over and saw my BF paying for the termination via eftpos casually chatting to the receptionist like nothing was going on- it was like a normal day shopping for him

I changed and then had to sit in a room with 2 other women while we all waited to be taken "through" we chatted casually about our reasons for terminating then it was my turn

They put me on the bed. Asked me to put my legs in the stirrups then I remember someone saying "I'm just going to give up the equivalent to 3 gin and tonics" then black I was out

I was woken by a nurse who made me get up and go into a room with recliners and a desk. The other women were there too. Nobody spoke and you could feel the hurt in the air. You could see the devastation on everyone's faces- but nobody said a word

I was told I could get dressed and go. Everything hurt my body, my soul and my heart

My b/f was waiting for me with flowers. We got in a cab and went home. I don't remember the trip home or getting inside- I was too groggy

I lay in bed and he sat down next to me. He said " You do know that If you hadn't had the abortion I wouldn't have left you.. I only said it cause I knew you would do it if I said Id leave" I never thought about that again until recently

From that point on our relationship went downhill. We moved in together but it didn't last and we split up and I moved on to the next self destructive path of my life.

There was no discussion, no counselling nothing. I was left to deal with the pain,anger and hurt that all this had caused.

In hinds sight I know that I couldn't have cared for a baby the way he/she deserved to be cared for - and I made the best decision for my child.

I have cried over this. I'm not ashamed I wish it hadn't happened though.

I wish that bub could be here with us now. But I cant change what I have done. Ill never know my baby and there's nothing I can do to change that
I look at skyla and I just wonder what could have been- what was my baby like? who would he she have turned out to be? so many questions that will never be answered- all because of one mistake

A lifetime of hurt is all im left with. Ex moved on- forgot about it. Me- Im left to remember the pain and sadness and that feeling will never leave me no matter how hard I try

I don't even know if bub was a boy or a girl- I wonder that every single day- and it hurts. it kills me not knowing.

Melo
16-11-2006, 09:48 PM
Huge :hugs: to you Adele. I hope that sharing your story takes a huge weight of your chest.

It must of been such a hard decision for you.

Mojogal
16-11-2006, 09:52 PM
Hi Adele. :hugs: :hugs: I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story with us. I feel priveleged that you have let us in, and shared your deep pain, that must have been so hard for you.

You have been incredibly brave and strong to come thru this - and to be the great mama you are now! I can't imagine the pain and fear you must have gone thru at such a tender age yourself - thank goodness you had a caring and understanding mum. Your bf let you down badly in so many ways!

Anyway hon, what a great thing you have done. Other young people who have been thru or are going thru a similar situation will be able to read your words and find strength in the fact that they are not alone and that their feelings are valid. Good on you, I'm so sorry you had to go thru such a rough time in your young life.

:hugs:
Suze

subaruforestermum
16-11-2006, 09:54 PM
Hi Adele:hugs: , I didnt have a termination, but when I was young I got myself into the same situation only I was doing alot of things that terminated things for me... This I have not shared with many ppl either..... I remember passing something strange looking, and went to the doctor, and he asked if there was a chance I was pregn ant, and I said sure there's a chance, anyway he done blood tests and my hormone levels were (not sure f the technical terms etc) but they were basically like I was preg.....I hated myself for the sh*t I was mixed up in....and felt so guilty...

Anyway, I never told the guy who's it would have been, and didnt share it with anyone until I met my partner.....

SO in a way I understand......... I think it was very brave of you for sharing this with us all, and hope it gives you some type of healing.....

You were young and made a mistake and you have to make mistakes to learn by them, thats the way I look at things.......

Anyway:hugs: take care of yourself.......

Kirst
16-11-2006, 10:31 PM
Adele honey, I just wrote this long message to you, and it disappeared in cyberspace.

The gist of it was:

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I hope it brings you some sort of closure.
You made the right decision for the time. Don't beat yourself up over it. From experience I can tell you that the pain does go away, but in my opinion the 'wondering' never does.
If you ever feel down, jump on here and have a chat, and give Skyla a BIG hug


Much love and many :hugs: to you sweetheart.

phineas
16-11-2006, 10:40 PM
Adele, I hope it gives you peace to share your story :hugs:
Love always

RavenSkies
16-11-2006, 10:48 PM
:hugs: For you Adele.
Thankyou for sharing,and I hope that letting this out has helped you a little bit.:hugs:

motherlylove
16-11-2006, 10:59 PM
adele thankyou for sharing your story and i hope you feel better having got that off your chest

melbabie
16-11-2006, 11:25 PM
adele i know how you feel in august 2004 i had a termination the reason i had it done was because my frist DD#1 was only 3 months old and i could handly having a nother baby then my DH was right behind me and he was great. i couldnt tell my family because of other reasons and the way i coped was i ate. i put on 10kg in 2 months. then one day i woke up and said i cant do this anymore. i dont blame myself of doing it anymore at the time it was right for me to have the termination. i now have 2 great kids and a wonderful DH. i hope you soon feel better and i think you need a big :hugs: .

Kells
17-11-2006, 06:19 AM
Adele - Well done for sharing your story so openly and honestly... :yelclap: I hope it helps to heal some of the pain you are feeling.

I just wanted to say that, chances are, if you never had the termination, you wouldn't be sharing your life with the beautiful little girl you have now :kiss: When you look at her, try and think that she was part of the reason things happened the way they did, as she was waiting on the sidelines to be a part of your future...
Good Luck honey xx

~EmsMum~
17-11-2006, 06:28 AM
adele - thank you for sharing your story, you are one brave woman

bekkyboo
17-11-2006, 10:21 AM
Sweetheart - :hugs:

Thank you for being so brave to come out and share this.

Kayte
17-11-2006, 11:41 AM
Adele i just got the biggest shivers reading your story !!

Thanks for sharing your story - I have never had a termination so i cant tell u i know how it feels but i hope that sharing your story helps you to heal the pain you are in !

Look at the beautiful little girl you have now and how far you have come with a great dp !

big big big :hugs: hugs:

Kayte xox

*Country Bumpkin*
18-11-2006, 08:18 PM
I just want to thank everyone who replied. It was such a hard thing to come out and tell everyone but I feel pretty good since Ive let it out:hugs:

melbryan
18-11-2006, 08:30 PM
All I can say after reading your story is it is such a brave thing you have done and you have so much to look forward too now with your new bubs and loving Dh. Your little baby will never be forgotton, he or she will always be in your heart.

TJ
18-11-2006, 09:24 PM
Oh Adele, you are brave for sharing your story!! :hugs:

Its never an easy decision to make, let alone having the decision made for you.

You are soo lucky to have a gorgeous litle girl now, but i know that will never take away the feelings of the little one that has already been taken from you.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Beany
18-11-2006, 10:44 PM
:hugs:

Whatever has happened in your life, whatever you have been through, whatever you have had to endure, you've come out of it a strong, capable woman. And a fabulous mother.

:hugs:

Take care of yourself and repeat after me "Adele is the best mother Skyla could have - no one else could cherish her like I do".

:hugs:

Shajbm
18-11-2006, 10:53 PM
Adele, thanks for sharing. It takes a strong person to terminate and move on with life. My mum terminated a pregnancy when I was just 6 months old. She says until today that she made a mistake but has 2 beautiful daughters to share her life with. Keep your chin up and talk about your feelings as you will start to feel better and come to some sort of closure. You did what was right at the time, you can't blame yourself for doing what was right.

I do wish you all the best and keep up the good work you are currently doing.

I do hope you'll come back in and update us on your progress.

defaipe
19-11-2006, 05:17 PM
thankyou for sharing. couldnt have been easy. :hugs:
you are an amazing mummy. never forget that!

*Country Bumpkin*
21-11-2006, 01:46 PM
After I typed all this out I printed it and took it to DP for him read. Its was soemthing we had discussed before but never in great detail- he knew it had happened and he was fine with it. I on the other hand need to talk about it. I need him to know that it hurts me every day to remember it and up until now I odnt think he knew.

Since I showed him what I wrote he seems to understand more- we havnt talked about it and we probably never will talk in huge detail about it- but atleast he knows.

Thanks to everyone for all the support:hugs:

Eternal_Angel
22-11-2006, 08:34 AM
Adele, your story is very simmilar to mine, except you appear to have had some support from your mum. I had none. Not a day goes by where I don't look at my son and wonder what could have been for my lost children. I got pregnant at 14 and lost the baby due to a miscarriage, then at 18 I got pregnant and felt I was basically forced into having a termination. My boyfriend came with me but sat in the waiting room through all the consulations I had that day. I got to see a picture of my unborn baby even though I wasnt supposed to, it made the experience all that harder. The last thing I remember is them putting the drip into my hand and me freaking out. I have a cousin who was born the same time my baby was due and I see him grow and develop and it makes me wonder what could have been