Damnit - propose to me already!

[SassyMummy]

I am sick and tired of waiting to be proposed to.

I've only been with DP for about 2.5 years, but it has been different to regular, child-less relationships of that same amount of time. I fell pregnant when we had been together for only 4 months... so our whole relationship didn't get much of a chance to do that "dilly dally" stuff at the start of the whole relationship...we were forced to grow up and become truly committed early on.

I'm the mother of his baby, we have no plans of seperating, and are looking at moving interstate together in the middle of next year.

I am SICK of being his "girlfriend" and want to be something more. Girlfriend is such a stupid title to put in front of the type of relationship we have - a girlfriend sounds like someone you're not truly commited to, don't have a baby with, and aren't really sure about the future of the relationship. It doesn't suit our relationship, and it doesn't suit me!

If we're going to do all of the stuff that married couples would, why not just take that extra step and get engaged?

I'm not asking for a wedding just yet - I'm not planning on having a budget wedding, so I don't want to get married until I can get a loan to pay for my wedding, which won't be for several years.

I just want that committment that engagement represents. Sure, in this modern world, engagements are called off all the time - but I still want to be engaged and have my DP make that emotional promise to me.

But he hasn't, and he won't. He doesn't WANT to get married apparently. He wants to live as a married man, just doesn't want that label affixed to his name.

I keep thinking about ME doing the proposing, but I keep thinking that he'll say no... because if he wanted to marry me, he'd have asked me by now. I'm also worried that he'll say yes, only to spare my feelings, and feel like he's been forced into marriage, and HATE being married to me, but never speak up, and die miserable.

Before you ask, yes I am a nut-job...:laughing:

Any advice?

[Shanaynay]

Hmmmm......

.......is there something else you could do to represent your commitment to eachother, besides engagement?
Maybe you will get engaged and married later on, but for now, if he's not into it, maybe you could do something else?

Like maybe "commitment" rings or something.... you could have a special dinner one night and exchange rings etc...

[Seekrit]

Think about it this way, Stacey. If you asked and he said "No" what next?
Would anything change? Would your relationship be irrepairable? Would you talk about it? Would you understand his reasons for saying no? (and understand that it's not about you?)

If the worst he can say is "No" and you'll understand that... then hey, break a leg! :D Get down on one knee!
Write a "Will you make my mummy an honest woman" message on Chanel's shirt and send her in in the morning :laughing:

[Areca]

Stacey I know how you feel. I waited and waited and on Sunday night DF proposed to me. We are getting married in 4 months, on our 9th anniversary of being together. If you wait long enough....:laughing:

[Pixie]

Well I am the one who has been asked and said no 4 times lol I am not one for marriage I am sure we will eventually. Really though we have been together going on 9 years I think we're pretty commited, that's what should matter the fact he is commited to you he'll ask when he's ready.

[bronny-jane]

Write a "Will you make my mummy an honest woman" message on Chanel's shirt and send her in in the morning :laughing:

aw that would be so cute:D

me and dh were together for over 5 years and had 2 kids before we thought about getting tied down:yes:
to me being engaged is the same title as girlfriend...you just have a ring.

ask him if you want......i was never engaged i just started to plan a wedding

[Becteria]

i started leaving ring magazines around and showing him what i wanted.

he knew i wanted it....

but we did live together and have a 1 year old before i got the ring. Maybe get the house happening first, the ring will come after that and wedding etc cost heaps even doing it on the cheap!

I stopped calling my DH my boyfriend when i was pg the first time it sounded wrong, i agree! Call him your partner!

[trina73]

My Dp and i have been together 11 years, and we have a 3 year old and i'm still waiting for him to propose. i can understand that you want that commitment as i feel exactly how you do.you have a child together and you want your children growing up knowing that mum and dad are in a fully commited relationship not just partners. now don't get me wrong for all of you out there that choose to live that way as there is nothing wrong with that, but like me and others in that situation it just doesn't suit our situation. ok enough of my blubber...:laughing: i would go ahead and propose to him you never know what the outcome will be... good luck :fingerscrossed:

[Pixie]

I hate saying I am the girlfriend and he's the boyfriend it sounds like I am 18 lol so I say husband and he says wife we only get caught up when people ask "where/when did you get married" :D

[Bron]

DH and I were together for 11 years before he proposed! :eek:

I'd asked him and he'd said "yes, but not yet", so I just kept waiting. It was frustrating, but I knew it was going to happen one day. His argument, when he finally did propose, was that he viewed an engagement as the bit where you are actually planning a wedding, so he didn't propose until he actually wanted to get married. He'd decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me years and years before, but didn't propose until he felt ready for the ring-frock-jazz band-flowers-honeymoon caper.

My advice - does he know how you feel? If your relationship is really secure, then there can be no damage done by talking about it, or asking him yourself, you just have to be prepared for a "not yet" response!

[IheartOman]

I am sick and tired of waiting to be proposed to.

I've only been with DP for about 2.5 years, but it has been different to regular, child-less relationships of that same amount of time. I fell pregnant when we had been together for only 4 months... so our whole relationship didn't get much of a chance to do that "dilly dally" stuff at the start of the whole relationship...we were forced to grow up and become truly committed early on.

I'm the mother of his baby, we have no plans of seperating, and are looking at moving interstate together in the middle of next year.

I am SICK of being his "girlfriend" and want to be something more. Girlfriend is such a stupid title to put in front of the type of relationship we have - a girlfriend sounds like someone you're not truly commited to, don't have a baby with, and aren't really sure about the future of the relationship. It doesn't suit our relationship, and it doesn't suit me!

If we're going to do all of the stuff that married couples would, why not just take that extra step and get engaged?

I'm not asking for a wedding just yet - I'm not planning on having a budget wedding, so I don't want to get married until I can get a loan to pay for my wedding, which won't be for several years.

I just want that committment that engagement represents. Sure, in this modern world, engagements are called off all the time - but I still want to be engaged and have my DP make that emotional promise to me.

But he hasn't, and he won't. He doesn't WANT to get married apparently. He wants to live as a married man, just doesn't want that label affixed to his name.

I keep thinking about ME doing the proposing, but I keep thinking that he'll say no... because if he wanted to marry me, he'd have asked me by now. I'm also worried that he'll say yes, only to spare my feelings, and feel like he's been forced into marriage, and HATE being married to me, but never speak up, and die miserable.

Before you ask, yes I am a nut-job...:laughing:

Any advice?


He he, I feel like I go through this battle with myself sometimes. We even have discussed getting married and the plan is his mothers good friend will be making the rings cos she made his sisters. But then, no ring?!?

You were saying how you want a deeper committment.. Is that a story your creating for yourself to make yourself feel good? Hasn't he already made the greatest commitment there is? He's with you and he fathers your child. If your honestly feeling like you need to get married for a commitment then maybe you need to look at the relationship because if you dont feel he is commited - getting married wont fix that.

Marriage is like an add on to a great relationship. So many people focus on the materialistic side to it (not saying you are)
If your going to get married I think it should be to celebrate how far you have come and where your going, but again you dont actually need to be married to do that.

If he has actually told you that he doesnt want to get married and even after he can see it is important to you that I guess you have to decide if you are ok with being with someone forever and not being married ir if being married is important enough that you will go and find someone who will marry you. Surely there must be a compromise that you can both come to?
My partner said he isnt in to marriage but said that if it was that important to me he would get married. Ok so not very romantic (and we arent married yet he he) but see if you can find a happy medium?

Hope you are happy :)

[SilverStarfish]

It's just taken my BiL 6.5 years to propose to his GF - and even then he took his mother to pick the ring :rolleyes:

[mumtofour]

I have been with my DP 7 years, and nearly 2 children later and I am still waiting :( I mentioned something about it a few years ago after our first son was born and he said in a couple of years:banghead: BUT I am still waiting...I leave Jewellery catalogues around with rings circled in red pen and still nothing..I had my birthday yesterday and was HOPING that he had got the hint when I saw a little jewellery box..but is was a pair of earrings and also bought me an Ipod:( (Don't get me wrong I love the pressies - but just not what I was hoping for) I'm going to give him till Valentines Day, then I might think about doing the asking:confused:

[JATS]

Sorry I honestly can't say I know how you feel, hubby told me he wanted to marry me after 3 weeks of dating and proposed on our first anniversary. I can understand that with a baby and living as man and wife you'd want the title of "wife" rather than girlfriend or partner.

My sister dosen't believe in marriage at all, she believes you shouldn't need the title and piece of paper to complete your relationship. I don't think its needed either but certainly enjoy having it...

I think you should tell him you really want to be his wife, sort of a proposal but a gift instead of a ring. Without the symbol of a ring he may feel in less of a 'forced' position to give you the answer you want, so you'll know the answer you get would be sincire.

[~Chick79~]

Honey some guys just don't get the hint....

If it were me I would propose - but then I would make him get on the bended knee thing when giving me the ring!

[Percy]

Write a "Will you make my mummy an honest woman" message on Chanel's shirt and send her in in the morning :laughing:

Aww that would be so cute!!

I guess the worst he can do is say no, but i understand that would be pretty awful. Im sorry i dont have any better advice, but if it what you truly want, you might regret never taking the chance and asking.

:hugs:

[Mummy2Noah]

If i was you hunni i would go layby the ring you wont and then give him the docket that way you get the ring you wont and he gets the hint!!!!:devil6::devil6:

[2 Cherubs]

Dp and myself have been together 9 years and I dont plan on getting married...He seems to think im joking...Saying that I just say that, but truly im not fussed at getting married to me its just a piece of paper and more work if it doesnt turn out (divorce).

One night DP was talking something about marriage and I turned to him and said..Nah I dont want to Marry you, So he got a piece of paper and wrote...I Kim _____ Never ever wont to marry Daniel ______ ! All while I was laughing and he was serious. I then had to sign and date it...LOL Its still on our fridge and this was over a year ago...

I have also taught DP that I am not his "Girlfriend" I am his Partner. Girlfriend to me sounds so ... Childish...

Anywhoo Stacey I say go for it...Ask him ! GO FOR IT GIRL !!

[misskittyfantastico]

I asked DH. Well, truth be told I kind of damanded:o we'd been together 6 years and I wanted a sparkler. We've been married 3 years now.

[*Chels*]

I got engaged for my 21st.Honestly I dont think it changes much.
Its still annoying saying "my fiance".I cant wait to get married,its easier to say "husband"
Good luck,hope he pops the question soon.

[Duchessa]

Have you had an open discussion about what marriage means to each of you, what your expectations are, philosophical sticking points, fears etc etc?

It took 3 years of dh and I talking about it to convince both he and I that it would be a good idea - we both had hang ups from previous marriages but we both wanted a "marriage" in the simplest sense of the word, without religious connotations - a marriage in the eyes of the law and our community.

We did achieve it, to both of our satisfaction but it required a lot of talking. A lot of talking.

And then another round of talking and talking when we went to Kozminskys :D

[IheartOman]

Duchessa

I love your quote about what it takes to be a mother. I would like to send it to my mum if I thought would actually READ it. Not read, but READ :idea:

[Lollie86]

I say GO FOR IT! You have nothing to lose.

Why not do what LoveMyTommyBub suggested and maybe get him something different from a ring?!

Hopefully you will be a MRS soon!!!

Good luck!!! :fingerscrossed:

[SassyMummy]

Wow...lots of replies! Thanks a bunch guys!

Okay, I'll try and reply to some the questions asked...

DP DOES know that I want to marry him. I've let him know on several occassions, and sometimes say, "When we get married..." and all of that. So he knows. I've come out and said I want to get married, so there's no way he can be confused about it all. I've told him I don't want to get married yet - but I'd like for it to be on the cards by being engaged.

If being engaged by not planning a wedding is nothing different to being a girlfriend, except for the ring... well, I'll take the rock thanks. :laughing:

Seriously, I don't care that much about an engagement ring (I'd actually feel bad if he spent lots on one), but I figure that if he's intending on being with me either way, he might as well marry me. I'll even pay for the whole thing ON MY OWN if I have to...if that's what he has a problem with (I know he DOES think it's a big waste of money).

There's no way I'm living my life WITHOUT every getting married. I don't really care about being defacto or anything like that... I just like the title and the idea the marriage brings. I'd also like to share the same surname as both DP and DD - so people will automatically recognise us as a family. It's a superficial thing, but it does matter to me.

I also want "my big day." Again, superficial, but I want it...I have since I was little. I'm one of THOSE girls... the ones that plan their wedding from age 5. I already know several details about how my wedding will be... right down to a green wedding cake (sounds gross, but looks beautiful) and what the groomsmen will wear (shoes and all!). (I'm still iffy about what I will wear...I need to lose weight before i get married).

I'd also like DD to have married parents. It just sounds... nicer. I know that sound ridiculous, but it does sound nice. I want to be Mrs so-and-so... not Miss Maiden-Name and have DP as Mr Something-Else. I thought about having DD's name hyphenated, but then she'd have a REALLY long name... my name, which doesn't have a long middle or first name, is even too long to fit on my bank card. Chanel Elizabeth D_ V_______ - B______ will be killer of a name!

Anyway, I'm kind of rambling.

BJ - I really love that idea, it sounds so cute.

As for my plans on what I'll do - I think I'm just gonna wait some more... maybe I'll propose when we move to WA (I have a feeling he'll be, generally, happier over there... because it's HIS home... he didn't feel at home here in Qld).

[*Country Bumpkin*]

I know the feeling!! DP just dosnt seem to know how to say those 4 littles words. Ive asked, Ive dropped hints, Ive asked friends to ask and drop hints but stil nothing:laughing:

I always introduce DP as my "Partner Tim" I cnat stand the word boyfriend/girlfriend I feel like Im 15 and sneaking behind the bike shed to pash some pimply faced rake :laughing:

[SilverStarfish]

We were together 2 years when DH proposed, but it wasn't exactly the most romantic of occasions. He began the sentence with "Sit down and shut up" as I was in the middle of berrating him for once again not having done the dishes as he'd promised...

And then he handed me the box instead of putting the ring on my hand - as he didn't know which finger it was suppsed to go on! :eek:

[Missus S]

It was 8 years before my DH proposed to me. And certainly there were times when I was thinking hurry up! But I never ever nagged or coerced him into proposing to me. Where's the romance in that?? I've had friends who have given their partners ultimatums that they wanted to be engaged by such & such a date..........and it did work for them but that just doesn't sit well with me.

I would refer to him as my 'partner' rather than 'boyfriend' and when he did propose it was an awesome surprise :kiss:

Try not to stress.........your big day will definitely come around.

[cobysmummy]

ohh hun!!! i know how u feel!!! me and my partner have been together 5 years on new years!! and im still waiting... im pregnant with our second so i think 5 years + 2 kids = wedding!!! lol

i never really thought about it till ppl around me started getting married/engaged and i thought hey!! what about me????

dps best friend told me in a drunken state that he was going to propose on new years,.. i didnt tell him iknew until wedding conventions was happening and i hinted we should go and he said u know i dont want to get married and i said i know different... and he bagged out my friends for telling me coz some of them knew an di said actually it was UR friend!! :p

anyways he always tells me to propose to him but no way will i ever!! its his job and he will when he is ready!! :fingerscrossed: for new years!!!

if ur comfortable proposing then go for it!!!

[BabyClancy]

i understand how you feel stacey about wanting to be married. i have the same feelings about having the same last name and feeling like a total family unit in every way. when i was pregnant with harry i told dp that i wanted to be married (even if it was a trip to the registry office) before harry starts school.

dp and i have been together for about 6 1/2 years but got together when i was still at school. we have been living together for 5 years though. we have talked of getting married for years, so both of us have an understanding but as i was at uni and dp in an apprenticeship we haven't been financially able to get married or engaged. plus i had a complete timeline set out for everything (pity life doesn't go to plan ie. harry). also dp wan't ready. only in the last year has he realised that he was ready and i've respected that. he always said that he would marry me but wasn't ready.

dp suggested while i was pregnant that we get engaged but suddenly i wasn't into the idea. i think i just wanted to focus on our little bubba. a week before harry was due i suddenly realised that we could use some of the maternity payment money to get a ring and dp agreed:smiliedance:

we bought a ring 2 weeks ago. :yelclap: dp's nan has wanted us to get married for ages and as we're going to visit her next week we thought we'd better get engaged before then so we could show her the ring as we won't see her for a long time after that. but he hasn't proposed yet. i'm still waiting. we picked the ring together, i paid for it - the only thing he has to do is ask me. how hard can it be?:confused:

[FunkyMonkey]

My DF proposed to me (sort of) the day we met. But he proposed "properly" with ring in hand 3 days after our son was born. It was romantic and not romantic at the same time. I'd just vomited everywere was having the baby blues, crying with boobs gone mental and the baby was screaming, but I think he was sorta zoned out to all the yuckie stuff and just wanted me to know he was there for me.
Don't worry, he'll suprise you one day, I'm sure.

[jessgray]

i know how you feel i have been with DP 2.5 yrs and we now have 2 munchkins:laughing: DP says he wants to get a expensive ring to propose,so i could be waiting a long time:laughing:
we dont plan on seperating he talks about how when we are old he will have no hair and my bum will be saggy:laughing: i could propose but i dont know what he would say and scared he will say no:laughing:

[SairBear]

im sooo in the same boat.

i brought a commitment ring for him to give him when we have our baby in april... im hoping he wil propse b4 then... highly doubt it tho

[ShadyCharacter]

I must be the odd one out :o. DP and I have been together for 3.5 years, and have a two year old son, and I kinda like being a 'girlfriend'. At almost 30, it makes me feel young ;)

[~mia&ryan~]

I'm kinda old fashioned in that I think its up to the man to propose. I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it myself. But that's up to you and how you would feel about it.

I feel that a man will ask when he's ready and I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that he only asked me because I bugged him enough or because of some ultimatum.

Also I would be really paranoid that if I asked him he would be saying yes only because he didn't want to say no and upset things.

Just be patient, it hasn't really been that long. Remember good things come to those who wait. DF and I were together almost 5 years before we got engaged. But from the beginning we talked about our wedding and knew it would happen eventually.

[bellapaigesmum]

im thinking the same thing i have been with my dp for 3 years and our dd is 1 why hasnt he yet im so annoyed

[Nates_Mumma]

lol my dp and i have been together on and off for yrs (90% on)

he bought the ring (i chose it!) back in march n i still waiting!

[nikkas1]

My husband told me that he wasnt going to propose to me until I stopped hinting. He said that he wanted it to be a suprise but because I was always going on at him about it he never did. Every little nice, cute, sweet thing he did I assumed it meant the proposal was coming and was so let done when it never came each time. So once I got over the whole idea he was still doing really sweet things but I never assumed it meant anything except special moments together and then one day he popped the question.
Maybe your "boyfriend" is waiting for that moment when you dont expect it.
Just sit tight and it will happen one day. In the meantime, you sound like you have a wonderful family and that bit of paper isnt going to change anything.

Good luck :xmas:

[steth]

:yelclap:

[misskittyfantastico]

This thread is hilariously old! Vintage, even!

[SalTheGal]

lol Yep, way to bring up a totally irrelevent and outdated thread! Specially since the circumstances for SM have changed quite considerably!!!!

[misskittyfantastico]

lol Yep, way to bring up a totally irrelevent and outdated thread! Specially since the circumstances for SM have changed quite considerably!!!!

Indeed. I was only married for three yrs....now it's been six! I should probably have moved on, shouldn't I?:o:p

[Foxy]

Wish I had looked at the date before reading entire thread! :o

[Mummaholic]

:laughing:

[Myztik]

I read the first paragraph of the OP and thought "I'm sure they haven't been together that long yet :confused: " :laughing:

[Mrs Nietzsche]

Yes I've just expended too many brain cells trying to figure out the OP.

[gizmoduckus]

I read the first paragraph of the OP and thought "I'm sure they haven't been together that long yet :confused: " :laughing:

That's exactly what I was thinking.... :laughing:

[Loopy Linda]

and i was thinking but the dad went overseas, she with other guy ... have i been around here for 2.5 yrs??? man i have wasted some time!

[IndigoJ]

I got engaged for my 21st.Honestly I dont think it changes much.
Its still annoying saying "my fiance".I cant wait to get married,its easier to say "husband"
Good luck,hope he pops the question soon.

Same same, i just say my partner.

Good luck

ETA: Whoops, i dont read dates :laughing: I read this post then replied, then read the others. Oh dear. :/

[Mathermy]

Bet Sassy will be delighted to see this old chestnut dragged up from the depths!:laughing:

[SassyMummy]

Oh yes.... I don't feel embarassed that I was acting like such an idiot at all... :p

Yes, very old.

Also very much glad that proposal never came. :yes: