worried

[becy_b]

I found out that I am pregnant. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a year and a half. But the thing is he HATES children and doesnt want any of his own. I know he loves me but I'm too scared to tell him because I think that he won't want anything to do with me once he finds out.
What do you think I should do? and how should I go about this?:confused:

[Mummy2Noah]

Hello!!!
Sending lots of :hugs: :hugs:

Well you really gotta sit him down and tell him the truth i mean he has to no!!! And if he leaves you because of it well it will be very hard but were here for support!!!!
You do intend on keeping the baby???
Whats your name n How old are you???

[Jinglebells]

Hi becy_b, first of all :hugs: , you really need to sit down and have a chat to him, you may find that he will be supportive, you won't know till ya talk, if he does leave because your preg it may be a good thing cause you don't want to have someone thats non supportive around you,

[au01]

Oh you poor thing :hugs: this is a time when you should be excited not dreading telling your partner.
First of all do you want to be pregnant?
Is this boyfriend someone you want to have a baby with?
And if you do want to keep the baby would you be willing to do it on your own?
I'm guessing you are both young, correct me if I'm wrong but alot of young men have this attitude towards kids.
Do you think he would change his mind if you told him?
Personally if he knows about the baby and doesn't want anything to do with you maybe your better of without him.
I think first thing to do is tell him and then decide from there what you would like to do, what is more important to keep this baby or to stay with your boyfriend?

[SilverStarfish]

Firstly :hugs: what a tough situation!

You are going to have to tell him eventually... it's not something you are going to be able to keep a secret forever!

Perhaps you can sit down with your BF and calmly explain what has happend. You may find that after the initial panic he might warm to the idea.

But in the case that he doesn't, then I think it would be best to discuss what/if any contact he wants with the child and then make a clean break early on so you can adjust to the changes you are going to have to make.

Can you count on support from your mum/family?

There are many, many wonderful solo mums on Bubhub who can give you lots of practical advice on being a single parent.

Good luck to you :) I hope things turn out well.

[SweetSerenity]

Hey there!
First off big hugs:hugs:
I think you should tell him!:yes:
Although he says he hates children etc, alot of men change their mind when the women they love falls pregnant with THEIR child...
You may just be surprised, he might be really excited...
Even if he's not, he definately needs to know and process it all....He may come around after you have a big talk!....

[jess_live_die]

Hey there!
First off big hugs:hugs:
I think you should tell him!:yes:
Although he says he hates children etc, alot of men change their mind when the women they love falls pregnant with THEIR child...
You may just be surprised, he might be really excited...
Even if he's not, he definately needs to know and process it all....He may come around after you have a big talk!....

i agree :hugs::hugs:

[bronny-jane]

better to find out his reaction sooner then later;)

[becy_b]

Well we have just both turned 20.
Ofcorse I want the baby. To me it's the best thing thats happened to me, even thought I may become a young mother.
He is someone I want to have a baby with. I want a long relationship with him.
I've in a way kind of dropped hints at him, like 'do u see me as someone u want to be with for a long term relationship as in a few years?'and hes said he'd want to and he loves me etc.
He also knows that I'd never have an abortion but I have previously within the year and a half that we've been together tryed to discuss if something like this did accour if he would be with me etc and he just says to me 'i dont want to talk about it, i dont know, im too young to be thinking about it' etc. So yeah,
He's a decent guy with morals, I know that he thinks it's a dog act to flee on a baby and their mum, but when it comes to him being in that position I'm worried wether he will stick to his morals?...

[becy_b]

I'm Bec and I'm turning 20 On Saturday:).
I'm happy that I'm pregnant, but I don't really have good financial support as I'm studying fulltime and I have a part time job.

[Niki]

yea its beta to tell him so atleast u know how he feels

[au01]

Well we have just both turned 20.
Ofcorse I want the baby. To me it's the best thing thats happened to me, even thought I may become a young mother.
.

I hope I didn't offend you asking that as that was not my intention at all. :no:
He might react better then you imagine. It is a bit of a shock initially but like you said he loves you and want to stay with you.Once you let him know he might just need some time to get his head around it.
I say just tell him upfront and how you want this baby, and you want to be with him.
Hope it goes alright for you and let us know what happens.:fingerscrossed: :hugs:

[SassyDiva]

Hey there,

Babe, you didn't make the baby by yourself.. It's something you both had a part in. Hold your head up high and tell him - the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

[SassyMummy]

I was with DP for only 4 months when I fell pregnant...so you can only imagine how freaked out I was about his reaction.

During most of my pregnancy, he was supportive, but never really TRULY excited... until she was born. He adores her now... and it really shows.

I think pregnancy is a very difficult thing for males to get... because even though they KNOW a baby is in there, they can't feel it inside of them like we do. Until they see the baby at the end, it may be hard for them to "fall in love" with the baby...if that makes sense.

You're going to have to tell him sooner or later, so you might as well do it now while you don't need his support as much as you will further on in the pregnancy. He'll hopefully deal with the shock of it NOW and get over it by the time you need him most...

[neeky]

hey bec. firstly :hugs:

my bf and i were together 1year the day after ds was born, so yeah that would mean we were together for 3mths b4 i fell preg. i also am 20, but my bf is 28. We had mentioned it already which made it a little easier, he actually ended up asking me if i was coz i was too worried to say "i think i may be" and i was terrified of finding out for sure by myself.

you do really need to sit down and talk to him. And dont be afraid if he does leave, it will be hard but when you're put in a situation like that you will be amazed at how strong you really are.

as someone else has said, it is VERY hard for the man to feel close to the baby while your preg, and its important to try to keep him in the loop as much as possible, let him go to your appointments, encourage him to come to your ultrasounds (its an amazing experience to share together) each little bit helps.
having said that my bf did still feel a bit disconnected, and he was absolutely amazed when bubs finally came out, but he still didnt bond properly, and it took about 6mths for that to really start happening.
i guess what im saying is that if he does stay with you, you need to really try to keep him connected to the bubs, and it will help him adjust. BUT he needs to be staying for the right reasons. it really will make it harder on you if he is just staying with you because of the baby, but really resents it. you need to let him know that, and know that he can still be there for you and the baby and support you without actually being with you, if that resentment is going to be an issue.

in regards to your financial situation, i would suggest you contact centrelink/family assistance office and get a rough idea of what entitelments you would be eligible for when the baby comes, and when/if you have to stop work and/or study. i know the centrelink website has a calculator to work out what family tax benefit you would be entitled to.

:fingerscrossed: good luck i hope things work out for you.
and if you need to talk, you can pm me.

[Snuffys Mum]

Hi Becy,
The early stages of pregnancy can be stressful enough without you trying to keep this a secret. :barf:
The sooner you discuss it with him the sooner you'll know what the outcome is going to be. He will either embrace you and the baby or sadly, may decide he wants nothing to do with it. The latter is tough (I know from personal experience) but at least if you know you'll be able to plan ahead and get on with things. If thats how it pans out then take comfort in knowing you really will be fine. You may have to postpone your studies for a short time when the baby arrives but there is a lot of support out there and theres no reason why, with a bit or organisation, you can't still do it all if thats what you want.

Good luck and enjoy your growing little one.

[aimz]

Hi Bec

i am 22 and have a 4 month old daughter. My fiance is 25 and we had been together 5 months before we fell pregnant. We both had awesome jobs, i owned a house etc etc but honestly - none of that matters. We had no intention of marriage/living together for at least a few years but we both knew we were the one!! 12 months on from when we first found out we have bought a second house have a beautiful daughter and are getting married in april! My life is near perfect and yours will be too!! whether it involves your boyfriend or not the love you will get from your baby is just amazing. Its not easy and there will be lots of tears (from you and bubs he he) but it is so worth it....

Talk to your bf, talk to your family and friends and be open and honest. Don't get upset by your bf's reaction, i mean just think back to when you found out! You may just find u get a completely different reaction to what you are expecting

Good luck lovey

[jessgray]

hi bec
i was 18 when i fell preg with ds1 and me and dp had been together for about 2 months:eek: lol but he was rapt after getting used to the idea he rushed out and told his mum straight away:laughing:
and now we have #2 :thumbsup:
tell him, its the only way to find out how he feels the stress isnt good for u or bub:hugs:

[Desertress]

I agree with what everyone else has said. You need to tell him because thats the only way you will now what he is going to do. It sounds to me like he may not like the idea very much at first but i think he will warm to it . Being a parents it not an easy thing for anyone to get used to and guys get very scared at the thought of having the responsibility of supporting a family.

Tell him and make sure he know exaclty how you feel about the situation and that you want him to be a part of the babys life. Be prepared for him to possibly have a bad reaction... let him calm down and get used to the idea and you may find he will be alot better.


Good luck and i hope it works out for you.

[natasha]

I had been together with DH for about 5 1/2 weeks when I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant...:rolleyes: :o

He has never had kids (hes 41)(im 21), never wanted kids. I was a little scared to tell him because he never really wanted them. He has been married before for 10 years and apparently the subject of kids never came up!!

I told him as soon as I found out, came out of the bathroom crying. He wrapped me up in his arms and told me everything would be alright....
I was hysterical asking him why he wasn't mad/upset.....he said its different now that we are actually going to have one of our own....:rolleyes:

I never knew that was the case......
He never really got excited when i was pregnant, it was only when he saw our daughter for the first time that he truly got it....

You never know, men may not be the little knobs we take them for.....:D

[missmum05]

congratulations on your pregnancy:)
:hugs: to you ! I hope everything goes well with telling him:thumbsup: You may be very surprised he may be very supportive. Sometimes man get scared at first and until the baby is born they are unsure of the way the feel as its a big step for them and us. I think he will be a grear daddy once the baby is here.

Well my dh didnt want any kids at all for a long time. I was always clucky and wanting babies for years. we were together for like 4-5 yrs before I fell pregnant and when we found out he was so upset and scared at first and when she was born he was so proud and held her and now he is the best daddy I can ever imagine. And this is a guy who never wanted babies and never been around any kids or anything.

Good Luck with everything, and let us know how you go xxxxx