You can go and Stick It. [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

*Country Bumpkin*

12-11-2006, 08:25

In the last 48hrs Ive had

GMIL insult me and tell me that Im fat whilst out in public and other people heard
DP's family walk into my house and do what they like- make a mess, dirty things, help themselves to whatever the liked and not clean up leaving a huge mess for me.
DP's family friend come here and expect ME to arrange for his car to be towed using MY RACQ
DP's family friend make a huge mess in my bathroom and not clean it up
DP's family friend rude to me and interupting me in MY home
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Ive had an argument with DPI told DP I want him to speak to GMIL and tell her that she is not to speak to me like Im dirt again. This isnt the first time its happened. When I was pregnant she had a huge go at me and told me she didnt care if she never saw me or that baby ever again

DP never said a word to hear about that or anything else shes ever done to me and Ive had enough- She thinks she can speak to me like Im nothing and DP just lets her get away with it. I thought DP cared about me?? Idf he did there is NO way hed let anyone treat me like that. SO by him leting her carry on without having anything said to her its shjowing me that he dosnt care about my feelings

Ive told him that Skyla WONT ber going anywhere near GMIL until she can learnt to treat me with respect and be nice- I dont want my daughter around people who have no respect for me

Ive also told DP that he has until tonight to speak to her and his mother and tell them that its not on for them to speak to me like dirt (GMIL) and come her and make a mess and invite people in as they feel like it- or Im leaving.

Im fed up- DP protects erveryone else but never me- It dosnt exaclty show me he cares too much

Im miserable Im fed up Im unhappy Im stressed and Ive had enough

So everyone who has an issue with me as fasr as Im concerned can GO AND STICK IT

:(

Cupcake

12-11-2006, 08:30

Oh Adele :hugs:
Soldier on & eliminate all the nasty people in your life whilst you are going through your own struggle.
There really are people out there that are willing to give you support you just need to be around them right now.

EskimoMumma

12-11-2006, 09:03

:hugs: to you.

I have that same feeling directed towards DP's family and when god willing, i have the energy to, i will be telling them all to go and stick it. :yes:

Sometimes adele, you need to take the law into your own hands and not wait for DP to get off his tooshie :yes:

12-11-2006, 09:07

If I were you, I wouldn't wait until DP says anything, if he ever does.

I would tell them how you feel instead of bottling it all up inside. It only creates more stress for you and that's not healthy!

Good luck hun :hugs:

Barry

12-11-2006, 09:08

Sometimes, you have to say to yourself: It just doesn't matter. Pick yourself up and continue on ignoring the negative around you.

*Country Bumpkin*

12-11-2006, 09:28

Sometimes, you have to say to yourself: It just doesn't matter. Pick yourself up and continue on ignoring the negative around you.

Easier said than done when you have just been diagnosed with sever PND

Also I have tole them to shove it before- all it did was cause an argument

Barry

12-11-2006, 09:39

Easier said than done when you have just been diagnosed with sever PND

Also I have tole them to shove it before- all it did was cause an argument

Well I'm disabled, seriously injured with no diagnosis of what the problem is, been suffering severe chronic pain for 11 months & diagnosed as suffering from severe depression. So believe me, just walking away and letting it go does help. Don't bother with arguements if they're going to be morons just walk away and ignore it. Be teflon.

12-11-2006, 09:41

Also I have tole them to shove it before- all it did was cause an argument

I know everything said here is going to be easier said than done. But sometimes you just have to move on. Remove yourself from the situation that is so badly getting you down.

Take little Skyla and go away for a few days. Go see some friends, family whatever a little way away from where you are atm. See if it clears your head, see if it makes a difference.

~mia&ryan~

12-11-2006, 13:30

Oh Adele!:hugs: You're not having a good trot are you. I know its hard but do try to ignore it, all the stress isn't good for you.

You perhaps can speak to GMIL and your MIL one on one and nicely and politely (not matter how they speak to you, that way there is no way that they can say you were in the worng or being rude to them).

At least then you know you have voiced your feelings and can then tell your DP that if it does continue they are going against you wishes, even after you spoke to them sincerely about it.

Good luck, feel free to PM me anytime, I am always here.:hugs:

WeThree

12-11-2006, 13:39

Hi Adele :)
Like some of the other have said, you really have to start being more like a duck, let things just slide off your back, its seems that lately (not referring to your family situation) you are making some mountains out of molehills and getting unnecessarily upset about some issues. You need to take a deep breathe, and just let it go, especially the online stuff, its all just words on a screen, you can just turn it off and walk away whenever you want, dont let it take over your life or bother you, just focus on the getting well and looking after your gorgeous baby.
Remember you do have LOTS of support here, you always have, and we are all here to help you get through this, so please dont push us all away :hugs:

pookiesossige

12-11-2006, 13:39

You are so justified in your feelings, you have every right to feel this way. I have no advice other then with this bit:

Ive also told DP that he has until tonight to speak to her and his mother and tell them that its not on for them to speak to me like dirt (GMIL) and come her and make a mess and invite people in as they feel like it- or Im leaving.

:(

I don't know if in your situation it is right to or not, but I wondered what other people think about this. If you were seen by your DP as just making 'empty threats' and promises that he doesn't expect you to follow through with, then it means nothing and he won't start standing up for you because you said you were leaving. But if you did leave then this is serious! And it would certainly effect you DD in a much more negative way then being around your DP's family- and with more longer-lasting, detrimental consequences.

It's a tricky one and I'm thinking of you :hugs: :hugs:

~EmsMum~

12-11-2006, 13:55

adele im so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time of it at the moment, please feel free to pm me to talk about anything if you want

Kayte

12-11-2006, 14:04

Hi hunnie !!!

Just wanting to send u lots of these :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: !!!

If you want to talk i'm always here !!!

Lurve Kayte xox

Blessed Mum

12-11-2006, 17:54

What wise words Coops :thumbsup: .

Very very true adele - try and just take things as they come. Things will get better :)

Kizmet

12-11-2006, 19:34

:hugs: im sorry you feel that everything is going so wrong for you at the moment.

In regards to the family situation I agree with Barry. I have an endless supply of in law problems and just recently I have come to realise that the only way to deal with it is to just get over it. If something happens that annoys you you need to say your peace then and there. If DP agrees with you as strongly as you do then he will say something other than that you need to let it go. I felt like if I let it go then they would 'get away with it' but really you are the better person for being an adult and getting over it. It has been hard for me to swallow my pride and do it but if it is bothering you that much that it effects your day to day life and general mood then you need to let it slide babe.

We're all here for you if you need to chat

*Country Bumpkin*

12-11-2006, 20:45

Everything is spiraling out of control. Im loosing it. Im gettng more and more anfry with everything in my life and I cant seem to stop it.

The feelings I have scare me and I dont want to be left alone but DP said he has to go to work tomorow

I have asked him to arrange for someone to look after Skyla this week but he said I can do it.

Despite me telling anyone who will listen that Im desperate and I need help- nobody is taking any notice... Im SCREAMING out here and Im getting nowhere

I dont know where to turn next- Ive asked for help but its not happening

FYI: I would NEVER ever hurt Skyla or myslef while she was in my care

Jinglebells

12-11-2006, 20:48

adele have you thought about seeing a counciller? that might be a bit of a help to you, if youve just been put on anti dep then you'll still be feeling like this for another week or 2 as anti dep's take a few weeks to take any effect and in the mean time it might pay to go and see someone and have a good talk

Little Gorilla

12-11-2006, 20:50

Adele...if I were you tomorrow, I would go to your doctor or CHN and print out some of your recent posts on here....you do sound desperate and in need of help.

Maybe if you print out a few of the troubles you have it might be easier just handing the paper over to them than sitting there and telling them.

Hope things work out for you and you get th help and the support you need.:fingerscrossed:

*Country Bumpkin*

12-11-2006, 20:56

Adele,

call the doctor hun.
If you need help then you need to be speaking to a professional.
There is NO shame in feelign this way and the fact that you can admit to it is fantastic.

Now go and tell the right people. tell a doctor beofre this anger and sadness eats away at you.

I have- She wrote me a prescription for Zoloft and told me to come back in 2 weeks:(

RedPanda

12-11-2006, 20:56

FYI: I would NEVER ever hurt Skyla or myslef while she was in my care

Adele, it worries me that you say you wouldn't hurt yourself if Skyla was with you. What if she was with someone else? Do you think you'd hurt yourself? Remember if you're ever feeling really low, call lifeline or a friend or neighbour. If you haven't already, maybe you should find an understanding cousellor.

:hugs: I really feel for you Adele. You're such a sweetie, and I know this is a rough time for you. Things will get better, they really will. You are a great mother, and things will begin to fall into place for you.

Blessed Mum

12-11-2006, 20:56

Adele,

call the doctor hun.
If you need help then you need to be speaking to a professional.
There is NO shame in feelign this way and the fact that you can admit to it is fantastic.

Now go and tell the right people. tell a doctor beofre this anger and sadness eats away at you.

Spot on PN..........please speak to a professional Adele :hugs:

xkwzit

12-11-2006, 21:03

I have- She wrote me a prescription for Zoloft and told me to come back in 2 weeks:(
I think it is time that you saw another one then and tell them that you need some counselling during that two weeks.

Everyone here is helping as much as they can, but you sound like you need more than simply a place to vent.

HTH

misskittyfantastico

12-11-2006, 21:05

As a fellow sufferer of PND I do understand how you are feeling. It is a vile illness That I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

You HAVE to fight tooth and nail to get help. You have to lay your guts out on the table and plead for help. it's demoralising and heartbreaking, but that's what PND is.

*Country Bumpkin*

12-11-2006, 21:12

I just told DP again that I cant look after Skyla by myself- his answer

"fine you go somewhere else and Ill stay here and look after her- casue it soudns to me like you dont want anything to do with her"

how has it become MY fault all of a sudden

Hazellew- I have had depression for 8 years now- Ive been on meds in the past and Ive tried to take my life 3 times in the past. twice were overdoses and once was an incident with a knife. Im not feeling that bad- yet- and Im not goign to let it get to that point- The were the lowest times in my life

melbabie

12-11-2006, 21:14

Adele hi there i feel you need a heap of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:. When i had my DD#2 i felt the same way i was telling everyone i need help and i i felt that no one was listening to me. i was so stressed out that i couldnt sleep at night. i hop you get some help. you have heaps of people on bubhub to talk too. i too live in brisbane i will pm you my number if you need to talk to someone at any time day or night.

Elfin

12-11-2006, 21:18

Oh Adele hugs to you it isn't your fault. Listen to these wise ladies here and see your doctor tomorrow.

Is there anyone else that can take Skyla for a couple of hours so you can get some rest?

I don't have personal experience with PND but i am trying to help my closest friend through it and when things get bad she just wants me to look after her bub for a few hours so she can rest and it does seem to make her feel better because sleep deprivation coupled with the PND seems to make things worse.

My friend also receives support through a social worker and has joined a PND support group so it is out there just ask your Doctor to help you and put you in touch with these services.

WeThree

12-11-2006, 21:20

Did you know that psychologists/psychatriasts are now reimbursible with medicare? So if you cannot afford to see someone in private practise, but need to see someone NOW instead of the looonnngg waits to see someone working in the public sector, you can get a referral from your GP, and like most other specialists you can now go and see them, pay your money then go and get most of it back from medicare.
You really need to see someone now Adele, go and see another doctor, the one you saw has failed you miserably and its not good enough. :hugs:

*Country Bumpkin*

13-11-2006, 05:14

Well DP just informed me that hes quitting his job:eek: He said if I cant look after Skyla and he dosnt go to work hes going to quit.

How has this become MY FAULT I feel like he thinks I can controll this. Im being punished because of my mental state that I cant do anything about.

All I want is support and some encouragement but Im not getting it. I never thought DP would be like this with me.

I told him that putting added pressure and stess on me IS NOT helping but that didnt matter- somehow its become all about him,

Im begging and pleading for help from him LITTERALY and Im not getting anywhere- if anything its going backwards

I know DP would never have wanted a patner with PDN(who would) and I feel bad Im putting him through this:gloomy:

I dont care if they put me into hopital I just want help. I really want to go to riverton but without a referal I cant go. And without DP taking the day off to take me to get the referal I cant go.

But if he does go to work Im going to be left here, alone with a baby I cant care for

What is it going to take for him to listen to me?? Or anyone to listen to me(outside cyber land that is)

~Chick79~

13-11-2006, 06:02

I think it is time that you saw another one then and tell them that you need some counselling during that two weeks.

Everyone here is helping as much as they can, but you sound like you need more than simply a place to vent.

HTH

Not trying to "gang" up on you here (as another fellow PND suffer I know you don't need that) but i have to agree with xkwzit's comment....

Do you have an Community Health (Midwife) Nurse that checks on Skyla?? Here in Qld for the first 3 months you normally see one weekly. I had a huge break down in one of my visit and just blabbed everything out to her and because I had been to see my GP and they had put me on medication, she (CHN) was able to write me a referal to a social worker attached to the Community Health Centre and she has been fantastic. This is also a FREE service. This counselling combined with my zoloft has been really effective!

Maybe try that.....

Everyone on here has given you very good advice and with it you come back with an excuse not to do anything...

Adele honey, before anyone can respect you, you have to respect yourself. And if you are going to make threats to your DP then follow through otherwise don't make them.

bronny-jane

13-11-2006, 06:29

:( adele i felt the same way after i had my first baby, just the responsibility and change of lifestyle seemed to overwhelm me.
is their anyone who could watch her for a few hours so you can have time to yourself?
have you joined a mothers group, or have any friends with babys, it helps to be around people who understand what your going through.

your dp is probably just confused, doesnt know how to help you....its awful seeing someone you love struggle with pnd:(

and as for not being able to look after skyla....you know you can, she looks like a happy baby who loves her mummy:yes: , and her opinion is the only one you have to worry about......dont worry about what other people think, its their opinion, you cant change them, but you can focus on yourself and change your own attitude.

you will get through this, because from what ive read here on bubhub your a strong willed women who shouldnt give up too soon......the rewards of overcoming pnd are brilliant and your going to get there.....i did:D

*Country Bumpkin*

13-11-2006, 06:30

Well Is confirmed- DP dosnt give a $hit. I asked and asked for help and got nothing finaly out of sheer frustration I kicked a bucket(litteraly) cut my foot open(no stiches required) smashed a plate and screamed at him to help me

His reply "f$#% you:eek: If I havnt got his support whos do I have? I have noone else I can turn to. Ive tried and tried to get help and everyone keeps ignoring me.

I dont know what to do next- Im at the end of my rope. I already made a knot and was hanging on but now the knot has started to slip and I can feel myself slipping off very quickly

If the people who "love" you dont care then who does:gloomy:

Just so you know Skyla was asleep in her cot while all this has been going on and shes 100% safe:yes:

bronny-jane

13-11-2006, 06:54

relationships really get tested in the first few months after a baby......it really is a hard job, and its even harder not to let your relationship slide....i mean wheres the time;)

maybe your dp just doesnt know how to help you, and resents it, doesnt mean he doesnt care:no:

does he go with you to see the chn......might help him understand what your going through......and remember dads can get pnd too.

i really hope you get better soon, i hated it myself...my self esteem was so low

Cupcake

13-11-2006, 07:06

*Country Bumpkin*

13-11-2006, 07:21

Adele
I went to Riverton when DD was 6 weeks old(was booked in for 18mths as well but I cancelled) you can just speak to your clinic nurse on the phone & she will fax a referal to Riverton once it is there you should ring the admissions officer & let her know how desperate you are to get in.
Riverton is great but I think when the PND is as severe as yours sounds they would much rather you be admitted into another clinic in Brisbane that is more about Mum as Riverton is more about bub & a little on Mum.

Im hoping to be able to see my regular Dr so I can get a referal for Riverton. But I really need to go somewhere today and I higly doubt Ill get into Riverton today:no:

If I ended up at the Royal Brisbane all they would do is put me into H block which is the mental ward. Im not mental just depressed- Ive seen ther people who are in H block and quite frankyl Id rather suffer alone at home than go there- its depressing just going to visit people in H block.

Cupcake

13-11-2006, 07:28

Well you should ring your CN anyway as either referal is treated the same way at Riverton, they start new groups on Mondays & a few ladies there got a call on the Monday morning(due to cancellations) & asked to come straight in(it is much easier to get under 6mths in then over)
Call them now(they open there doors at 7am) ask for the administrations lady(the desk lady has no power) beg her to help you, you never know what will happen.
no. 38607111

~EmsMum~

13-11-2006, 07:30

I hope it all goes well adele, I know I don't know you but I am thinking of you, ive been thru the exact same thing :hugs:

*Country Bumpkin*

13-11-2006, 09:39

Well I phoned Riverton. They told me NOTHING and said to call child health. called child health and was told to call my GP which I was already going to do:banghead: Nobody would give me any info.

DP and I talked and hes being alot more understanding now- he just didnt know how to help me... he even cried:eek: :crying:

So Im off to the Dr at 11am I managed to get into my regular Dr which is great- shes wonderful

Thanks everyone- Ill let you all know how we get on:hugs:

Blessed Mum

13-11-2006, 11:20

I hope it goes well Adele & your regular doctor is able to help you. You & your DP need to keep talking honey, remember this is all very new for him too. Let him in as much as you can I know its hard sometimes.
Best of luck mate, thinking of you :)

*Country Bumpkin*

13-11-2006, 14:54

Well all went well at the Drs. The dr whos I saw last week quit- they had a heap of complaints about her and when they sat down and tried to talk to her about it she up and left:yelclap:

My Dr has given me a referral to a private pshycologist- I cant get in till friday 1st december though:banghead: So Im not sure what Im supposed to do in the mean time- just hang in there I guess and take my meds

Thanks to everyone for all your support:hugs:

Billy

13-11-2006, 15:27

:hugs: I am really glad you went to the doctor hun :hugs:
I'm sorry you can't get in until December though!! :eek:

If you need to talk anytime, you know I am here for you :hugs: xoxoxox

reAllytee

13-11-2006, 15:43

Ok don't get too stressed the main thing is you have a plan this is good ok.
If you need to talk call Lifeline i know this seems weird but thats what they are there for ok.
Things are going to be hard for a little while yet but don't get too upset things will get better & there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
If you need someone to talk to im here anytime you need to talk ok.
Im absolutely nuts so if you want remember that at least your not as wacko as me :p
Take care :hugs: