back to work and baby refused ebm in bottle

[evolve77]

i have been back at work for two weeks and my 12 week old daughter has been refusing to take the bottle (of defrosted ebm) from my husband or myself. this means i need to get away from work (luckily next door) and feed her. i can't keep doing this or will be in trouble with the (so far) very understanding staff.

emma was 5 weeks premature so was topped-up for 3 weeks with bottles and never had a problem then. also refusal is not consistent, and the nanny and me seem to be better at getting some ebm into her than my husband.

when can we try a spoon or cup? what other tactics can we try?

she has also been refusing the breast on and off since she was a month old. this is very trying at times, other days are fine. sometimes it seems to be impatience, can't wait for me to move her to the other breast once the first is drained, sometimes i can't settle her after burping.

i want our feeds to be nice and relaxed and if it is the one feed i can give her during my working day i can't be taking an hour about it as it leaves me no time to express later on.

at the moment i am almost wishing i never went back to work or that she was on solids. i really want to feed her for at least six months AND keep my job.

[Pinky McKay]

Hi Evolve 77

You really are between a rock and a hard place with so much pressure -it is a pity nobody is really honest with mothers about how difficult it can be to work AND be a hands on breastfeeding mother, especially with such a young baby. You are doing a mammoth mummy job!

I am going to be brutally honest here: really, although your baby is 12 weeks, because she was prem she is developmentally only 7 weeks and this IS very early to be managing a job too - your baby may be confused and stressed as much by the separation from you as she is by being offered a bottle. By directly breastfeeding you are conveying benefits that can't be duplicated by a bottle whatever the contents - your babys sucking determines the consistency of her milk at each feed, skin to skin / mouth to breast contact is beneficial to her neurological and emotional development , it releases hormones that are positive and help your baby relax and also reduce stress hormones which have been shown to be detrimental to neurological development.Skin to skin contact also stimulates growth hormones and being prem your baby really needs this contact.

Above all, your babys refusal to bottle feed may be related to the fact that the sucking action is different from breast to bottle and although your baby took a bottle early, she will now be a competent breastfeeder which will mean sucking a bottle will be more difficult. The breast sucking action is wonderful for her oral/ facial development, including speech and dentition.

This isnt a judgement, you know what you need to do regarding your work, but your baby will never be this age again - I am sure as an intelligent, valuable employee you will be able to continue your career at any time but do you really want an employer to dictate your relationship with your baby? Breastfeeding mothers cannot be discriminated against under the equal opportunities act and this means you are allowed by law to take breastfeeding breaks - so please dont feel guilty about this -it will only be a few short months. Can you take work home/ work from home part of the time? with a nanny around, is this feasible?

One suggestion to make separation less stressful for your baby may be to wrap an article of your clothing around her as she feeds - perhaps a teeshirt you have worn to bed the night before, so she can be comforted by your smell. And you can offer EBM in a spoon or from a cup at any age.

Some babies cleverly get themselves into a reverse cycle pattern of day/night feeding - they nurse more at night so need fewer feeds during the day if mum works - co-sleeping (in a safe sleeping environment) often works well for these families because mother and baby get the time together that they both deserve and need.

I wish you well and please be kind to yourself - you need to enjoy being a mum too.

Pinky