I'm numb

[sharvs]

I'm sure you are all sick of hearing my problems...

I just had a chat with DF over messenger & i'm not sure but i think our relationship may have just ended.

He told me a couple of months ago that he would probably have to go to Iraq not long after he gets back from Afghanistan. I told him I dont want to do another deployment so soon & that if it was to happen, DS & I would be moving back to Adelaide - permanetly. The other day he told me that he wanted to be part of the family & that he owed that to us.

Now he has just told me that regardless of what I want, he is going to Iraq. He told me that if I want to leave now I can, he will arange it all from overseas. He said he is having too much fun to come home & stay here.

He said he will ring me in 2 days & I have to tell him what I have decided.... I'm heartbroken. He has changed so much since being over there... He has no regard for my feelings...

[MilkOnTap]

Oh Sharon :(

I'm so so sorry to hear what this has all come to... I honestly thought your DF would wake up to himself and realise the heartache that he was putting you through... Gosh, how wrong were we?

I really dont know what to say to make this any easier for you. I dont know if you could see this coming or not - or if it is something you considered but dismissed. I'm so so sorry :(

I'm on MSN at the moment if you want to chat - please feel free to pour yourself out - or I can PM you my phone number too.

You dont have to go through this alone - I'm here for you, and so are all the other defence wives/spouses... :hugs:

[Cupcake]

I am sorry that you are going through this hard time.
Sending loads of :hugs: :hugs:

[mummyof5]

Sharon,
Many:hugs: for you and your gorgeous boy...
Can't believe he is willing to give you up:no: . Obviously has no idea how good he has it now. Stay strong, and remember everyone is here when you need us.
All the best, more :hugs: and:kiss: for you.

[M O P]

:hugs: Sharvs :hugs:

We're not sick of hearing your problems- that's why we're here.

I have been thinking so much how you're going. Maybe it's best if you did move back to your family in the meantime anyway.

Maybe he'll work out what he risks losing and how much of a selfish guy he's been.

Whatever the outcome remember your happiness means a lot.

[MilkOnTap]

Hows things Sharvs?

[sharvs]

I'll catch up with you on MSN Ally - dont really want to post anymore about it here.

[ConcernedParent]

Hi Sharon,

Whatever your man thinks he is going to do and what he will ACTUALLY be doing can sometimes be two different things.

Firstly, if I have it right, there is now a minimum break required in between deployments. I am not sure how long it is, perhaps 12mo, but there are no back to back deployments anymore. This is for OH&S reasons.

Secondly, to say those sorts of things about the break up can be pretty hard on the one who is left behind. Especially when he is calling you up for "the decision", (is that so he can tell everybody was your idea you break up)? I would call up your local Vietnam Veterans Counselling Service and ask if you can access support, (you do meet the criteria). They will help you sort through your feelings on the deployment and other things.

Thirdly, you do you YOU want. If you want to stay in the realationship, then bolt in, as you are in for a rough ride for a while.

I always say that in times of great change, there should be no major decisions for at least 6 weeks. It is a good rule to stick to. The other is if in doubt, say no!

If he wants to end the relationship, leave it up to him to tell you that. It is pretty cruel to have to be with someone who behaves like he doesn't want to be with you.

I am sorry for your pain. I can see you have a lot of support on these pages but perhaps it is time for a different approach. Please call VVCS, I promise you will find them to be enormously helpful - they have been there and done it all on military issues and were set up for veterans and their families.

((hugs))