vonnie100

[vonnie100]

Hi,

I need some ideas on how to get my 8 month old girl to go to sleep. We used to wrap her as a baby and then we went to sleeping bags but now as the weather gets hotter I try to put her down in just her jumpsuit and she just screams blue murder at me. I have tried alsorts of things. I have tried leaving her to cry but she just makes herself sick. We tried a bottle, CD's, a toy, rocking, you name it we have tried it.
She still wont sleep through the night, sometimes we are up 2 or 3 times with her ending up in our bed just to get some rest.

Day time naps are hopeless as she just plays in her cot or stands there crying and any noise made in the house makes her wake up.

If anyone has any tips please let me know. I need my sleep.!!
Tah,
Vonnie100 :(

[mamafelix]

Hi Vonnie100

no real solutions here- just wanted to give you some support!
I don't know if it's been documented offically, but heaps and heaps of women I know have found that about 8 months there babies start waking up a lot more than they used too. It's a tough phase! Felix did this thing for 2-3 weeks where he woke every 10 mins for most of the night!
The main thing I wanted to say was... It is a phase, it will end! Some people reckon it's to do with their brain development, at this age thy're really starting to understand whats going on around them, some of them are getting mobile, etc etc.

I would recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book 'the no cry sleep solution' I haven't had to use it yet but many people have told me it helped them with their little one's sleeping.

I've always used a sling to get Felix to sleep- might that be option for you?

The most important thing for you is to get as much support as you can from people around you so you can get through the day in one piece. Maybe your partner could get up with the little one so you can have a little sleep in?

Personally I do sleep with my Felix and have since he was born, so I would say that if that seems to help with your child and allowing you to sleep during the night then keep it up! However I recognise that not everyone feels that way.. so I'm sure some of the other ladies will give another point of view!

Lastly- at another site I'm a member of we had a big discussion on exactly this a little while ago- there a heap of suggestions in this thread:

http://www.forums.naturalparenting.com.au/showthread.php?t=3884

hth

[vonnie100]

Thanks mamafelix,

I will definatley go and find that book and have a look at the web site.
My situation is not quiet as hard as Anitas but it is nice to know that so many others are going through/been through the same as what we are with Caitlin. I was wondering if it is because she is starting to crawl and just has a lot more energy to burn.

Anyway she is awake at the moment and so I must go and play, change, sing, dance, talk wash and feed her in the attempt to wear her out!(fingers crossed) for a good nights sleep.

Tah again,
Vonnie

[milkshake]

hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that i am another one who has very little sleep!

My son is almost 1 (4/1/04) and has only EVER slept the night through TWICE!! :eek: Once when he was about 6 months after he had his injections (he slept for 8 hours) and once when he was about 10 months after having gastro for a week - The poor little mite was sooo exhausted...

He sleeps with me (so i can get SOME sleep as he hates the cot and always has) and he wakes at least 3 times a night, every night, and his average solid block of sleep is about 3 - 4 hours. It has been this way from the day he was born, and sadly after almost a year, i've accepted it as being a normal everyday part of my life :( ..

I too have tried everything the world has suggested to me with no luck. I dream of the time when he all of a sudden sleeps through the night and keeps doing it! People keep telling me that it WILL happen, but i'm always left wondering when :confused:

So, you're not alone and I know EXACTLY how you feel! All the best and let me know when it finally happens for you ;)

[mamafelix]

Sorry to say... Felix (and most of his friends) still wake up during the night- now it's to have a wee in the potty- once at 10pm, once at 2am and then when he wakes at about 5....
So as far as I can tell, some babies never really sleep through the night... though friends with 3/4/5 y.o tell me that they do start sleeping better eventually! I guess once their bladders are bigger or whatever.

It really doesn't phase me at all anymore, I wouldn't know what to do with a solid 8 hour sleep, i automatically wake every 4 hours- it's a good thing too since otherwise we'd have a wet bed!!

and now I'm thinking of more babies... so there's no end in sight! It's all part of motherhood in the end, though there were points when it was really hard, they've always passed.

[vonnie100]

I think that I may have worked out Caitlins sleeping problem, along with it being the clingy stage she has a whole top row of teeth about to come through, she had one cut through this morning, so I would say that this may be a part of the problem so I think I can deal with the 'not much sleep' thing, especially when she falls asleep next to me and makes those little sleep sounds and dreaming smiles!
Thanks for the help and encouragement :)
Vonnie

[Nikki_B]

I have to say I've been spoilt. My daughter Jacelyn slept for 6.5 hours a night when she was a week old. She was about 9 weeks old (and on solids) and she started sleeping 8-10 hours a night. But that's all a memory now. She's 7 months and won't sleep. Most of my posts are done after midnight when i'm leaving her to settle herself which lately has been around 5-6am for about 2-3 hours then she wants to be up. Trying to get housework done is a nightmare. I let Jac crawl around all day. She doesn't stop until it's time to settle for the night then I make her cuddle up with me as I've read in several baby books and magazines. THey all say for about an hour before bedtime they need quiet time so their bodies settle down. THIS DOES NOT WORK!!! It's 12.30am now and I have her in the portacot downstairs so she doesn't wake her father up who has to leave for work at 5.30am. He's been helping me try and settle her until an hour ago. I hope this is just a phase. I'm ready to pull my hair out. It's gotten to the stage she's spending alot of time in her cot so I can go somewhere I can't hear her crying.

[Lucybelle]

Yep, I never thought I'd want to do housework so badly too.
Even through the early days of some pretty bad colic, Mitchell would generally sleep from 10pm till 5am, and I thought he would build on that routine, but NO!
I think the more he sleeps during the day, the better he will succumb at night. He was getting pretty wired. He will go down for a couple of naps during the day, but not for long.
After chopping and changing around, one week he does the PERFECT baby routine, then its back to yelling the house down for bed.
This is my latest theory - No sleeps after 4pm. About 6.30, do the dinner, bath, and bottle. He has a play on the floor for an hour, then settling for bed. I am sticking to this like a woman possessed and I think it is slowy sinking in. Settling him can take a while though.
He has never been a settled child . Now he is sitting up he is happy to play for a lot longer than before, and thats when I try to get stuff done.
I'm paranoid that this will go on forever.
Have you tried a sleep school?? They can be pretty rigid, and It didn't really work for me, but I have heard success stories.
Maybe you can try having a nap during the day, in your bed with Jac. Then at least you both get a rest. If Mitch is wired I try that, if he is too fidgety, I turn my back and he will sleep.
Good Luck Nikki, you are not the only one girl!

[ZAKA]

Hi,

I must admit to being one of the lucky ones with my first little girl I used to Breastfeed her every two hours thinking she was hungrey but it turns out she was just tired and I did a bit of reading on that sleep feed play then sleep and think no way but ....... I started it at 4 half months when she would start to winge I would put her down after about a four days of cry pat 5 min intervals she would settle herself straight away. Mind you she loves to suck her thumb and at 4 half months she started that habit which suited me fine :) if it helped her go to sleep, she is 18 months now and still has two sleeps a day and sleeps through the night 7pm until 6am. My second little girl is now 4 months and settles herself as well I started the feed when upset, but about 3 weeks ago instead of a feed after two hours I put her down and she went straight to sleep. I still get up about twice a night but fingers crossed she sleeps as well as her big sister. I feel so lucky as I have friends that are not so lucky my advise would be to start young and keep to a good routine.

Katrina

[jessica]

My little girl (5 and a half months old) fights sleep like a trooper! She hates it!! :mad: To add to this she has an awesome set of lungs and dosent cry when angry/upset/tired but yells - many a clinic nurse has been awfully impressed by her sheer volume! Of course she is not a baby who can put herself to sleep (much to my distress), I cant do controlled crying because her crying breaks my heart! I rock her to sleep in my rocking chair but am worried because I go back to work in July and am concerned that her carer will just put her down to yell hysterically when she gets tired.. her daytime sleeps are the worst... does anyone have any suggestions on how to teach a high maintenance baby to relax for daytime naps.... I've tried patting, singing, rocking.. help!

[Lachlan's Mum]

Hi Jessica

Everyone has a different opinion and technique with their kids...but one thing I do believe strongly is that your baby will NEVER learn to put herself to sleep if you "aid" her to sleep every time (..or as some strict mums and CHNs would say...AT ALL/EVER) what I mean by this is the rocking, patting etc.

Our Lachlan was (and sometimes still is....errr...teething...) a terrible daytime sleeper - screaming like I was trying to murder him. I paid a private nurse to come and help it got that bad. Anyway...I am not always as strict as she'd like and I do go in a pat etc where necessary...but to be honest (except when he is teething or sick) I no longer have many probs and the need for patting - and that is because I endured the HORRIBLE week or so (or longer because I was a weakling and dragged it out by not doing it properly at first) of letting him cry (I know I will cope flack from the non-controlled cryers).

I now know that sleep is a learned behaviour.....just like all the other things parents have to teach their kids.....you can't make a baby sleep, but you can provide them with opportunity to do so when they are tired - they don't know how to fix the problem when they feel dead tired...and must learn. Our nurse explained the crying by saying that the baby is screaming "I'm tired!! I'm tired!!". Lachlan now sometimes comes up to me (he is crawling) and cuddles up rubbing his face into my chest when he is tired as if to say "please put me to bed" because he is learning that is how you fix it.

I don't mean to sound like I am preaching...but I have been there and it is so hard - the hardest thing ever......but what I have decided is harder than teaching daytime sleep and the crying that comes with it is a very irritable baby who you cant take ANYWHERE...even to the supermarket when the fridge and cupboard are completly empty!!!

Hope this helps!

I just want to clarify my "let him cry" comment before I sound like the worst mum in the world...I don't allow Lachlan to scream histerically...but when it is that half-arsed whinging that is not really a cry but a put on...then I let him go awhile....he is 8 mths too which makes a difference...... The more I intervene and go in the longer it takes for him to settle...the old "cruel to be kind" theory IYKWIM

[mamafelix]

Hi Jessica
one thing I do believe strongly is that your baby will NEVER learn to put herself to sleep if you "aid" her to sleep every time (..or as some strict mums and CHNs would say...AT ALL/EVER) what I mean by this is the rocking, patting etc.


Sorry lachlans mum but I just had to disagree with you on this one- it's just not true. Yes I ALWAYS helped Felix to get to sleep when he was small, usually by rocking, sometimes feeding to sleep, sometimes walking in a stroller, whatever, and he puts himself to sleep no problems now. This is also true for all of the older toddlers that I know, who have been aided to sleep. The age when this starts happening differs a lot from baby to baby- from 7 weeks to 2 and 1/2 years. I have never heard of an older child who cannot put himself to sleep- have you?

Personally I'd rather spend the effort of helping my baby to sleep in a loving way- even if I'm doing it for a few years. Those years are pretty short in a lifetime and I know I'll miss rocking my babies when I'm old. I guess even though it can be frustrating at times, I've had some of my most precious moments when I've been putting Felix to sleep. For me- that's what parenting is all about. There is sacrifice but there is also great reward.

CC may have worked for you but it is definately not THE ONLY solution.
There is a lot of evidence out there that it can harm your babies emotional wellbeing and their trust in you their parent. Certainly most mainstream doctors advise that it not be practiced with babies under the age of 6 months.
If you like I can post the relevant articles/research.

[Ffrenchknickers]

I'm with mamafelix on this one. I'd rather spend the time putting my baby to sleep in a loving and gentle way if that's what he wants. They are only little for such a short time and I personally want to cherish every moment.
I'd rather miss out on a bit of sleep than let my child feel abandoned.
If you were upset about something and DH refused to give you a cuddle how would you feel?

[Lachlan's Mum]

As I said in my post I expected some mums to disagree - and I guess it is just a matter of what works for you/your child.

For the record, though, I consider myself to have MANY moments with Lachlan which I cherish...all day long as I dont work.

And it is not about me getting any extra sleep - as Lachlan's objections to sleep were only during the day........and he NEEDED to sleep or else there would not be those lovely moments to cherish because he'd be screaming the whole time from sheer tiredness!!

I have a wonderfully happy, health and intelligent child and believe I have made the best choices possible at all times with the knowledge I had at the time.....I'm not saying I'm perfect but I consider I am doing the best I can....

I don't want to open a debate because I know everyone parents differently - and I would never judge other mum's choices on this topic because as I've said we all do what works best for us. But I don't like the comments suggesting that I am any less loving as a Mum.

[jessica]

Hi Lachlan's mum,

Thanks for your response, I'm torn between both sides of this argument, but I have to say first that a mum's choice to try CC in a loving home is her choice and often necessary - it isn't a reflection of her love for the child or selfishness ....

In my situation my concern is that when I go back to work a Family Day Care mum will not have the time or free hands to rock my baby to sleep! I would rather teach her to sleep myself than have someone else leave my baby to scream! I don't mind rocking baby to sleep at night - in fact I enjoy that time and thankfully she sleeps well at night, but daytime sleeps are my battleground! I do agree that sleeping is a learnt behaviour and unfortunately I can't wait till my baby is 2 and half until she can put herself to sleep!! As much as I hate to I have to go back to work....

I'm still tossing up what to do but appreciate both sides of the story!! Are there any other mums who have tried CC and found it successful? How old was your baby when you tried? How long did it take and how did you do it (physically and emotionally!!)..

Thanks again,
Jessica

[mamafelix]

I'm sorry Melanie if you took my post to be a criticism of you personally- that was not my intention. I would never intentionally imply that a Mum is any more or less loving in her relationship with her child- of course you love your baby as much as any of us.
I guess what I meant was that i PERSONALLY could not leave my child to cry. For me that would be a betrayal of our love and I feel that it would break my childs trust in me. That is my opinion only and I cannot say that that is the case for other mums.

This is a very delicate topic and I do realise we all have to be careful not to turn a debate about parenting theories into personal attacks. That can be hard when we are communicating in this way as it is easy to read things differently from the way they were intended.

In my above post I just wanted to refute the statement that babies who are aided to sleep will never learn to settle themselves.

[mamafelix]

Jessica I just wanted to say that I found that when I left Felix with other carers I found he went to sleep much easier for them than for me- why I don't know, but he would just keep going till he was tired and fall asleep.

Whoever yo choose to be your carer will undoubtably have their own style of settling kids at any rate- this might be something you want to research and discuss with them before making a decision. I bet if you posted a new thread on that topic on the forum you would get lots of suggestions from the mums here.

One last thing on the CC/CIO issue- I do think people should make an informed decision on this, and just for your information, the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health did release a statement on this, suggesting that

"that the widely practiced technique of ‘controlled crying’is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended negative consequences."

you can access the entire document at http://www.aaimhi.org/documents/position%20papers/controlled_crying.pdf

A british psychologist Professor Margot Sunderland has also come out recently to suggest that it may in extreme cases cause brain damage. I couldn't find a research paper on this but there are many newspaper reports discussing it and apparently she's releasing a book based on her work... Most of the newspaper reports are pretty 'balanced' with pro's and con's of CC discussed and asking opinions of people like Gina Ford.

[milkshake]

hey there girls,

I just wanted to share my situation with you all..
My son Joshua is 1yr and 24 days old and has slept right through the night only 6 times in his whole life!! :eek:
I tried EVERYTHING including CC on two seperate occasions and couldn't get past day 1 of him crying so much that he was hyperventilating.. That being said, I'm not totally against CC, I personally just couldn't do it. I wish I could!!
Anyway, Joshua has been sleeping in bed with me for a couple of months now as its the only way I can get some decent sleep in! He almost always wakes 3 times a night, just for me to either rock him or cuddle and sing him back to sleep. After a year of all this, I have now just accepted it as a normal part of my life. It's sorta like my routine. All my friends at my parent group always ask how the hell do i do it, and I just say that it won't be forever.. To tell you the truth, I love him snuggling into me and stroking my hair (my hair being like his security blanket.. some kids have their "blankie" my boy has my hair lol)
Well, I think I have rambled enough now, so good luck to you all out there in whatever method you decide upon,

Til next time, :D

[Nikki_B]

Jac has gotten a lot better. We discovered she wouldn't settle when she's hungry and she must have gone through a giant growth spurt because for a while all she would do is eat. But now, thank goodness we have settled back into a routine. I've discovered control crying has helped with her. Now I can put her into bed and if she's not terrible tired she has a baby tad with her in the cot which she knows how to turn on. She hums or sings (pretty good rhythm too for 8 months old). She then just drifts off. I went through the stage with her that she would only sleep in the afternoon cuddled up with me, but the last time i tried it she wanted to go head first off the bed. That scared me so I don't try that anymore, although we still have our cuddle in bed before breakfast. We can't be soft on our kids forever so I think a little bit of tough love is important no matter how much it kills the mums (believe me I cry louder than Jac when I'm trying to be tough).

[jadaandnatashasmum]

Jessica,

Some advice from experience int his situation, My children both attend daycare because quite simply if I did not work their life would not have much to offer.

Anyway............ apart from that point, what I have found is that both my daughters tend to fight sleep during the day when they are at home yet seem to go down quite happily whenh they are at daycare. The girls at the centre attribute it to " go with the flow". In other workds, all the other children go to sleep, so they do not question that it is bed time. Yet when they are at home, no one else is sleeping, so it is not bedtime.

Hope this gives you some comfort. Also children tend to act quite differently at home than they do at daycare. ie some of the tantrums that may present themselves at home never show up at the centre. Why?? I will never know but it is kind of comforting to know that my children at at their workst (which is still nice) when they are with me. :p

Sharyn

[Jolou]

Hi all,
It is great to know I am not the only one suffering from lack of sleep!! Caitlyn is 7 months old today and has never slept through the night. She is extremely determined and fights sleep (and also has a great set of lungs). We have had a couple of attempts at controlled crying and she can scream for up to 2 hours with no result. It breaks my heart to do it and I don't believe it will work for her. I would be interested if anyone has used any techniques that work in a similar situation. I usually sleep with her for part of the night which I really don't mind doing. She has a cold, nappy rash and is teething all at once and after controlled crying for one day last week is now quite frightened of her cot. I have finally accepted that this is the way she is and I am not prepared to break her beautiful spirit with controlled crying. Maybe I will get a full nights sleep when she is 10 but until then I think we all just do whatever it takes to cope and enjoy this precious gift we have been given.
Best of luck to all!
Jo (28) ;)

[vickster]

Hi JoLou,

I know exactly how you feel. My little one is just 5months old and up until this last fortnight, has been a terrible day sleeper and could wake as much as hourly at night. I breastfeed my baby and would feed her to sleep. Sometimes when she was waking often through the night, she would want to feed but only drank for a minute or two and then go back to bed. She would then be grizzly and require my complete attention all day long. I couldn't even get out of my jammies some days. It was driving me crazy!

I know how hard the whole controlled crying ( or controlled settling, as it has been described to me) can be and how emotionally draining it can be. There have been many times over the last 2 weeks where I just wanted to give up because I couldn't bear to hear Charlotte cry. But I had great support from my husband, baby health nurse, friends who have used this method and Tresillian. I made so many calls for advise through this, my phone bill will be huge!!!! But without them I could not have gotten through it.

I tried a few times before as well without success, but have found that attending a sleep group through the clinic (Kaleidascope) really gave me the confidence to try again. I really believe that you need to attend a class to learn how to teach your child to sleep, if that's what you want to try. It's just too hard and confusing to do it by reading a book and you NEED SUPPORT to get through it.

We are now up to day # 11 and I am getting at least 2 cry free sleeps a day of 1-2 hours and have only had to get up for three 2am feeds over 2weeks. Charlotte is trying really hard to go to sleep on her own and is doing a fantastic job!! She is so much more settled and happy and my family and friends all comment on how much happier she is. I am so glad now that I perservered.

I know that CC/CS isn't for everyone (and goodness knows it just about broke my heart!) but when I go into our room after Charlotte has just slept for 1 1/2 hours of her own accord and she sees me walk in, her face just lights up with the hugest smile and I know all is forgiven.

But like all the other mums before me have said, just do whatever works for you and your baby and know that we are all here to support each other. Sometimes just talking to someone going through the same things as you, can make all the difference.

Good Luck! :)

[pavel's mum]

I'm another mum of an 8mth old who doesn't sleep. I have just returned form one of the many sleep centres that offer 'professional' help in getting babies to sleep. For anyone thinking of going, don't, save yourself and your baby the trouble. Their only solution to every sleep problem is to let the baby scream for up to one and a half hours. Not a nice experience for anyone involved and it didn't help one bit...he now seems even worse because his afraid I'll leave him in a room for ages to let him scream.

I figure, that not sleeping is a stage that dissapears for most in between 1 and 2 years. Just hang out to then and things have to improve. If the only way for everyone to sleep is for bubs to sleep in your bed then put them there. Well meaning professional are not the ones having to listen to crying at 3am. :eek: Isn't it healthier for bubs to get some sleep even if its not in their bed rather than crying all night. If you can't sleep with bubs wait till their sleeping deeply then try to move them into a bed next to your bed..this way they can get used to their bed knowing you are just an arms length away. I have been trying this for a couple of weeks and now bubs sleeps most of the night in his bed even if he still wakes alot...any small improvment is great at this stage ;)

Basically I think you have to do what is right for your family. Try controlled crying if you want but if it doesn't work forget it, its not worth upsetting your babies emotional health for the sake of a couple of months of convienience.

Good luck everyone.

[jessica]

Hi,

I wrote in about a month ago about my little one who fights sleep - we went through a shocking month where she was waking almost hourly and I was losing it!! Not only ths but it took us anywhere up to an hour of rocking, walking, singing to get her to sleep for both day and night sleeps! I was a wreck! After a lot of talking to friends, doctors and CHNs we decided to try control crying - this was a hard decision because I hate hearing my angel cry and because when she cries she belts them out - high pitched hysterical screams (bit of a drama queen like her mum!!), but it had gotten to the point where something had to be done!

We followed the proceedure set out in the book 'Solve your child's sleep problem' by Doctor Richard Ferber. The first night was horrible but surprisingly no where near as bad as I thought it would be! She cried for about 90 minutes off and on ( You go in to let her know your there at different intervals) then fell asleep, there was a bit of whimpering (not crying) a few times in the night but then she didn't wake until about 3am for her early feed!! It's been two weeks now and my little angel now puts herself to sleep for 2 daytime naps of about 1.5-2hours (used to catnap for about 30min) and sleeps at night from 6.30pm to about 3-4am for her early morning feed!! There is still sometimes a little carry on when she goes down into her cot but its worth it - we are both much happier in the day and both getting some decent sleep!!

I know CC isn't for everyone and I thought it wouldn't be for us but sometimes it's the best thing for both of you - a rested, happy mum is the best thing for a happy, rested baby!

Jessica :D

[Lachlan's Mum]

Hi Vickster and Jessica

I am so glad that you have been able to "solve" your bubs sleep problems and I know exactly how excited you feel (and I think your bubs feel this way too! ;) ).

It very hard to make the decision to try CC/CS and VERY VERY hard to stick it out....I just keep saying "be persistent and consistent....." over and over.....

Congratulations! to both of you and especially your bubs...after all they did this - learnt to sleep! :D

[Brontesmum]

Hi Jessica - I actually had to see who was typing this as I thought it was my name at the top. I am also chasing an answer. My baby is 3.5 months and won't settle by herself. She sleeps well at night and has about 3 x 1 hour naps during the day but will not go down alone. I have to rock her. I have tried leaving her in in her cot but she has coughing fits and screams blue murder which then breaks my heart. Let me know if you find a way as any help is appreciated. I too go back to work in July (full time) and don't want the day care mum or my baby stressed. Many thanks for any assistance.

[Jolou]

I have just started to try my own sleeping technique with Caitlyn who is almost 8 months old after reading a few books and reading comments by other Mums. I cannt and won't do CC as we all find it too distressing.
I am now putting Caitlyn into her cot awake and I sit next to the cot. She stands up in the cot and I keep laying her down and say "lay down it is time for a sleep". This goes on for about 30 mins and then she gets annoyed. Once she starts to cry I pick her up and rock her until she stops crying and then put her down again. If she is pushing against me I also put her down. If she crys I pick her up again and rock her. i keep doing this and eventually she starts to fall asleep in my arms and I put her down and she will drift off to sleep with my hand on her back. Sometimes I have to do this several times. I stay with her until I know she is in a deep sleep. If she wakes I do it all over again!! It is very frustrating and time consuming but it often takes me that long to get her to sleep anyway. She has had much longer sleeps yesterday and today after doing this. I should be a little easier with you bub as she is not so mobile yet. I have just read The Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg and it is great. My advise is try whatever you can to get bubs sleeping better and don't leave it too long as it is harder to do later.
I wish you luck!
Jo

[3lilangels]

Hi- I'm new here but I just had to respond to this thread.
I have three lovely kids, my oldest, Ben was a terrible sleeper so I did controlled crying with him. It was the worst thing I could have possibly done.
Yes he started 'sleeping through' after about three weeks of us starting it, and yes I thought it was fanastic at first. But then my second came along (Lachlan), and for reasons I won't go into now, we jhad a different approach- we ended up having his cot in the bedroom with us. Anyway, that worked pretty well for us.The point I need to make is though that now, Ben is 6, Lachlan is nearly 4, and my precious girl Hayley is 2, and the difference between my first born and the others is really icrediable. Ben just isn't 'attached' to us like the others. He's emotionally distant and when he was small (like 2-3) he was incrediably clingy. I have done a lot of research into this and I can't escape it- I really beieve that controlled crying has had a terrible cost to my relationship with my darling boy. I can't tell you how much I regret it. Please please think twice before doing this to your precious angels- they are only tiny once and it'll never come back. I just don't get the hugs I need from my oldest, it breaks my heart.

When I read this:


Congratulations! to both of you and especially your bubs...after all they did this - learnt to sleep! :D
I have to tell you- you are not teaching your bub to sleep- they still wake, but they just don't call out anymore. What you are teaching is called 'learned helplessness' that is- the baby just gives up on calling for mum because she realises no-one wil come to comfort her. This works against all our natural instincts- and it means that when they're older they wont come to you for comfort. You all know how hard it is do do CC- do you wonder why? It's because it is completely against all mothers instincts, we are meant to go to our childern not levae them alone.

I'm sorry if this odffends anyone, but I had to tell you my story
thanks

Melanie

[jessica]

Hi Melanie,

I really didn't want to get into this but feel I have to say something (here we go again I hear others groan!!) - I'll make this short and sweet!

All children are different and all have different needs - I know my little angel NEEDED to learn to sleep - she is a much happier, contented child and we have more fulfiling cuddle time together when we are both rested..

Sure I don't know what the future holds but I have two friends who both have 3 kids, both mums have used CC and all three kids (the oldest 6years now) are affectionate and loving... and they always run to mummy whe they need help!!

I think all children will respond to CC differently, parents will have to make up their own mind and do what they think is best for them both!

I value your story and understand how you feel....thanks :)

[vickster]

Hi Guys,

Firstly, thanks to Lachlan's mum! It's so good to hear some praise for a change! Our kids have done a fantastic job. :) .

My little Charlotte now goes down every sleep without a fuss. But I would just like to clarify that I ALWAYS go to my baby EVERY time she cries and comfort her and I have NEVER let her cry for hours with CC. If she was still upset after half an hour, we would get up and have a cuddle, drink, story or a walk outside for a while, then try again later. If I couldn't get her to settle in 10min, I would pick her up for cuddles until she calmed down, even if it took half an hour.

If she is upset at any time, she will always call out 'mum' and I go straight to her. I don't think she is emotionally scarred by all this. I can tell by the way her eyes light up when I walk in the room, or the way she puts her arm around my neck and softly nuzzles in. She knows how much we love her.

If I could feel that CC wasn't working for us, I would not have perservered. Like I've said before, just do what works for you and your baby.

But anyway, good work to our happy little ones and to us!! :)

Vicki & Charlotte :D

[Jolou]

I just wanted to let you know that I agree with you about cc for certain babies. Some respond well and others don't. I have tried cc with Caitlyn (now 8 months) on a couple of occasions with disasterous results. I have since created my own sleeping technique which is much more gentle and I am getting good results. It still takes me about 1 hour to get Caitlyn to sleep but she is going to sleep in her cot and having much better sleeps. She almost slept through the night 2 nights ago and I was over the moon. I know cc won't work for me and I get tired of people telling me I just need to stick with it. We know our babies best and for someone who has never met your baby to make negative comments is wrong. I had a child health nurse call me a marshmellow and that I only had myself to balme ( I think bad reflux may have had something to do with it !!). She had only met Caitlyn once before!
Its never too late to build on your relationship with your son. Please don't blame yourself as he will sense that too. You did what you thought was best at the time and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Enjoy your precious gifts and their future.
Best wishes
Jo
:)

[mumworkingoverseas]

Go to sleep school!!!!!! Seriously, putting a baby to sleep (who doesnt want to sleep) is a skill. At sleep school (I did a program of two days over a week period) I learnt techniques to settle bub and a year later I still use them.
I went to Masada Hospital in melbourne's sleep school, but there are plenty around and some are heavily subsidized. The waiting lists are long though so book now.