Foster Children

[wa mum of 4]

Hi everyone,:wave:
I just would like some feed back with regards to foster kids and the biological parents.
My daycare lady does respite care and has just recieved these 2 beautiful children 4yo girl and 9mnth old boy.:hugs:
Their mother has been in and out of mental institutions, hooked on drugs and has no care for these children.:mad:
She has refused to leave the hospital she is in now and told doc's that she has no children anymore and doesn't care what happens to them, yet refuses to sign them over to "the system". .
I was horrified, there is no foster familys in this area so day care lady has them till they find somewhere to put them.
I personally think that the children should be put up for adoption regardless of what the biological parent says, she obviously doesnt want them, also the 9 month old is a crac baby:crying:
What do you think?

[pegasus]

Hi WAMO4

I remember working with a family about 5years ago where we saw 3 children all from the same family. They were a boy - 4, a girl -2 and a girl-3months. Gorgeous kids, but with amazing difficulties.

They were all in foster care with a lovely lady who cared for them fantastically. The youngest one only came to therapy to monitor her development and within a couple of months was achieving all of her developmental milestones at age appropriate times. The elder two had developmental delay, but were catching up. These children spent some weekends with their parents, but when we saw them the weekend after they had been with their parents, there were issues with behaviour. One week they didn't come to therapy as they had sunburn which was all over and was close to requiring skin grafts.

The children had originally been placed in care as their parents had come from interstate and their car had apparently broken down in the town I was working in and they set up living in the town then just took off one day.

Things went on for nearly 18months and there were some great improvements. We never saw the youngest - she was well on track, the middle child still required some assistance but showed promise of being able to be discharged soon, but the eldest had significant delays (but had shown great improvement in the stable home).

Anyway, the foster mother would have loved to have kept these children, but it turned out there were 3 siblings (I think) in another state and it was deemed more appropriate to send all 3children to Qld to live with the carer with the other children even though they'd never met them. The parents were out of the picture in this instance.

It was an extremely emotional time and I couldn't help thinking these children would have benefitted so much from staying with this foster mum who wanted to adopt them rather than going to Qld and being fostered again before they decided whether they could be adopted.

Adoption - yes, but can they be adopted by the foster parent if they've spent a significant time with that parent, rather than the possibility of being uprooted again to be adopted by someone else. The heartache of them continuing on the foster care float is so sad for children who are craving stability.

[bobtob]

Hi, Interesting thread, and a difficult one, i have gone with the adoption option because i have seen this happen with the children of DH's cousin. She has 5 kids and another on the way, she does not have custody of any of them as she has a long standing drug problem, the last 3 kids were all born with health problems as she was using during the pregnancies. It is heartbreaking to see and i wish they could be adopted into loving families, all the children are in safe homes with family members, only 2 are placed together, thay have had no contact with their Mum since being taken away and she seems uninterested, although it is great that they are still in the family the strain on 70 yr old carers and aunts in immense.
Im not sure if it is really clear cut, each case should be looked at independently and each child as an individual but with so many childless couples desperate to adopt it seems to me that it would make for happier, safer upbringings.

[Miss_Vicki]

Id like to know if for some Unforseen reason i went to "loopy" an ended up in a mental house , Id like to know 'my kids' wouldnt end up gettin Adopted out..
sure she might say she dont want the kids , but thats casue she is sick.. when she is better she might actullty want them back , Who has the right to steal our kids? the govoerment?
next thing u know it kids will be taken off ppl for trivial things an then have no where to put them .

[Ashleigh<3]

Because the Mother has chosen a lifestyle filled with drugs and because she is mentally unstable, She obviously can't care for these kids on her own. And if she's stateing that she doesn't want them. Letting a four year old hear that? That's just horrible. What would be best, is to have these kids in a safe environment. Where they won't be hearing how unwanted they were all day.
Where they can be given the opportunity to actually get an education and live a healthy lifestyle. If their mother is on drugs, how can she ever provide for them? Feed them? Care for them in general.
There is such thing as recovery, it is possible. If this Woman recovers, and she goes through a regretful phase, is it completely impossible that she can't ever see her kids again? Surely now day's they allow the biological parent's to have at least some type of connection with their adopted kids? Or am I just misinformed... :confused:

I voted for adoption anyway, I've had friends who grew up in foster care- they were treated horribly (NOT TO SAY THIS IS ALL CASES OF FOSTER CARE-i'm sure there are some lovely foster families)
MIL was left on a doorstep when she was one. Grew up in foster care, and had to have therapy for 12 years. She still suffers from depression.
And after living next door to a foster family, Seeing what went on. It just seemed as if the families weren't the ideal, responsible parental figures. If anything, The exact opposite!

I'm hoping I can post this without anyone becoming offended. I never meant to generalise or start an issue over this thread.
I just think adoption is more secure, safe and gives kids a chance to really grow within a family.

[FOURtunate]

I have worked with families like these, and research suggests that adoption signicantly contributes to adverse outcomes for the children involved.

Long term Foster Care, with a goal of reuniting the family is best for these families.

But then, I have seen cases where there was no hope, and adoption was the best option. For instance, when a Parent has had several children removed from their care, and continues to have children. Or when a Mental Illness, or Drug Addiction (which is also an illness), is ongoing and the parent will not be well in the forseeable future.

Such a hard one :crying:

I have thought about Fostering, but it's so hard. The course is at an inconvenient time, with no childcare. And I couldn't bear the thought of giving the child up eventually.

Still thinking about it....

[wa mum of 4]

Id like to know if for some Unforseen reason i went to "loopy" an ended up in a mental house , Id like to know 'my kids' wouldnt end up gettin Adopted out..
sure she might say she dont want the kids , but thats casue she is sick.. when she is better she might actullty want them back , Who has the right to steal our kids? the govoerment?
next thing u know it kids will be taken off ppl for trivial things an then have no where to put them .


I dont think it is an issue of stealing the children but as parents we have a duty of care for the children.
It is our resposability to care and provide.
There is no excuse for abuse, whether mental, physical, sexual or neglect.
If you chose to have children then you stand up and take it.
When it comes to "going a bit loopy" this has been happening even before she had children so what gives her the right to bring children into that sort of environment, the children have no say who their parents should be.
Sorry I dont meen to start things it just really gets my goat as I have seen first hand the people who aren't blessed with children and want them desperatly and then there are others who take to precautions and just have children cause they can.
Sarah

[SpecialMumma]

Without biting at anyone or jumping, Foster care isnt ALL bad.

My mum has 3 children in permanent foster care and they get more love/attention/EVERYTHING then some children do living with biological parents.

Not all carers are bad. Theres a new system now that getting rid of all the bad apples in foster care. DH and I are part way through the process ourselves and I can GARAUNTEE there will be NO child mistreated under our roof.

Yes Adoption is good, but its not for EVERY situation.

[Sandra/Paul]

This is a very difficult subject to discuss.....

I currently have 3 long term foster children living with me. They have been in my care for 11 years. They have had no contact at all with their birth parents. The subject of adoption has come up and still after all these years, the parents wont sign them over. So now they are Gardianship of the minister until the age of 18.

There is not a lot anyone can do about this situation....the foster care system tries to reunite the children with their family - not all work out this way.

So we can sit there saying - they should be put up for adoption, its not right blah blah blah....but in the end....if the kids are being cared for by a loving family that is supporting them through all of the hard times they are facing....then leave it be....yes these kids are in limbo....torn between two families.....and if the mother gets good medical attention and gets better then she has a right to her kids back.

Im not for it completely...but as I said....there is nothing that we can do but support these kids the best we can while we have the chance.....if we can just make one childs life better....its a start.

[Hokey Pokey]

My heart says to place them for adoption. There are many people out there in need of a family of their own who could love and nurture these children. But then the other side of me says that cos she is the mother she is entitled to rehab and having her children back.

I dunno really, its a tricky and sad thing hey.

[wa mum of 4]

I think long term foster care is great the problem being there just isn't any.
That is why my daycare lady who isn't a foster parent has the children.
She only does resipe care (disabled children to give parents a break).
That is why I think adoption of these particular children is the best option. It isnt always so easy I know but we have to look at what is best for the childrens welfare not the mothers.

[ButterflyMama]

It's not just a simple matter of putting these kids up for adoption without her say. They are her children, regardless of whether or not she wants to take responsibility for them. In the end it comes down to that simple fact. I believe the mother should be rehabilitated and the children eventually returned to her when she is stable. If she is not signing them over to the system, there is obviously a reason why. Maybe she's not ready to let go yet and admit absolute defeat. People make mistakes. Drug addiction is not a easy thing to go through and the mental illness that usually goes hand in hand with it is not a voluntary thing. She deserves a chance to be allowed to keep her own children.

My .2c

Jessie

[Ashleigh<3]

Without biting at anyone or jumping, Foster care isnt ALL bad.

My mum has 3 children in permanent foster care and they get more love/attention/EVERYTHING then some children do living with biological parents.

Not all carers are bad. Theres a new system now that getting rid of all the bad apples in foster care. DH and I are part way through the process ourselves and I can GARAUNTEE there will be NO child mistreated under our roof.

Yes Adoption is good, but its not for EVERY situation.

Amy you and Mick will do well! You are very loving family. And I have always admired your immense love for foster parenting. :D