should i dob in my step mother???

[leebeeag]

ok my dad and step mother have split up and my step mother has my two younger brothers (12&9yrs). my step mother has always been career orientated and put the boys into care at 6wks.(i realise that some parents need to do this financially) but my dad was on a good wage and she just choose to work instead of looking after the boys.
anyway since the split my dad has moved down the coast to where he grew up (about 40mins away from my stepmothers house)and now she get a sitter in to mind the boys until she gets home from work.ordinarilly this wouldnt bother me but ive just found out that the sitter is only 13yrs old and that my stepmother doesnt get home till about 9.30 EVERY weeknight.the sitter doenst feed the boys dinner so they arn't eating dinner till after my step mum get home to cooks it.
Would you call this neglect?? and what should i do to help my younger brothers?
my dad wants the boys full time but is wanting to set up his "situation" before filling.even though ive told him that he should just do it now and worry about the finer details later, as they boys need a stable enviroment now before it get to much out of control.ANYTHING could happen
PLEASE HELP
sorry about it being so long!!

[~Chick79~]

I agree that if your dad wants custody then he should file now as th kids do need a stable environment however, if he doesn't have the "finer" details could this affect his application for custody???

While I see what she is doing as neglect (for crying out loud the baby sitter is only a year older then one of the kids! :eek: ) I don't think "formerly" it is neglect if you know what I mean.....

Hope everything works out ok :hugs:

[Becteria]

I think you should talk to her before you dob her in. It could help her realise what she is doing is wrong. Maybe she needs to hire a nanny...

[Desertress]

I think the fact that the babysitter is only 13 is totally irresponsible on your step mother. If she thought a child of that age was able to look after themself then your brothers wouldnt need a babysitter... which i would say at that age they do.

They at least need someone who can look after them properly and cook dinner...... what would happen if god forbid... one of then was to get hurt... seriously or not and needed medical attention.... how is this 13yr old going to provide it for them????

If you havnt already talk to your step mother about the situation then i would suggest doing do and maybe suggest getting an older sitter.

[pookiesossige]

That is an awful situation. To CP authorities that looks just the same as leaving 3 children home alone without a carer. It is neglect and something needs to be done about it. Then there are other issues- those kids are going to remember forever how their stepmum chose to work and leave them with another child to look after them every evening instead of either being with them herself or paying for a responsable carer... Good luck with whatever path you choose with this :hugs: :hugs:

[Ashleigh<3]

What's really scary is thinking about the worst case scenarios that could take place when your step-Mum isn't there to look after them.:no: Let's hope this is a permanent routine hey?

Surely a 13 year old would be lacking in much babysitting knowledge, such as having a first aid certificate, etc.
I'm trying hard not to even think about what could happen.
In the bath, cooking something on the stove-(although she's not even feeding them! how horrible, poor kids! But can you blame her? She has probably only just started highschool!)
There's just so much that someone that young wouldn't even think of, because they're practically still a child:eek: and if lucky-Still reliant on their own parental care.

I know As a Mum we learn something new everyday, But just having that, it's what makes us good Mum's, that's whats hard about being very career orientated and still wanting to be there for you kids after work.
I actually feel sorry for the 13 year old girl, I hope she isn't being taken advantage of, even if it is paid work. Should 13 year olds be focussing on a job at that point anyway? And 9pm! Everynight? Doesn't this girl have school of her own to get tooo!

Goodluck with everything, wow such a difficult situation. :confused:

Depending on how close you are with your Dad/step-Mum,
I would try and help your dad out with his custody issues.
Maybe they can work something out? (although I know custody issues can become a stressful issue)
As long as he doesn't become offended over you being eager help him out.
Some Parent's are old fashioned and like to keep their buisness to themselves, some even disclude awaring their own children.

[LilShenanigans]

I think if your dad went for a custody battle, step mother would pick up her slack and try to make herself look good. It probably wouldn't happen with the age of your brothers being able to comment themselves.

...Do you know if your brothers are happy where they are???
Admittedly, depending on what the babysitter is like, the eldest may have a crush that could skew perception LOL

ANYWAY.

Personally, if my step mother was like that, I'd be demanding I was the babysitter (I used to be one from the age of 12!).
Which, um, ok, 13yo isn't bad... myself at that age was quite capable as I had already been raising myself since my mother stopped breastfeeding me... but not feeding the kids is wrong... and the step mother at least should have something prepared for the boys that the 13yo can reheat and serve.

Basically, I'd be going for a good support for your step mother, helping hands etc before throwing around custody battles or authorities... That's JMO as I have a step mother myself with two brothers and I'd be fearing I'd never have contact with the boys again if put in that position.

[leebeeag]

ok it's been a while since i read this post and thanks for everyones advise.
i had a chat to my stepmum the other day and now she's thinking of leaving the boys home alone (she works in brisbane, an hour or more in traffic to their house:shame: )without and carer.i would help my bro's but i live 1 hr away also and were finding the petrol cost already.
my nan who has had her hips replaced last week can't look after them and won't after she recovers as she feels she's being used,and it will hopefully kick her into mother mode ,but then she askes me if they are too young to be left alone by themselves:yes: is what i said but i dont think she'll listen to me.
any other heplful hints i could use on her????:fingerscrossed:

[pookiesossige]

Let me clarify- she is considering leaving the boys home alone?
If she does this, she is neglecting her children.
You would need to report her.

The best place for children is with their parents, so the authorities would encourage your step-mum to re-evaluate her priorities and suggest good childcare alternatives. She really needs someone independant from the family to do this, it seems.

How are you going to feel if something happens to those poor kids while not being cared for properly, or not at all? Especially when you knew all along that they were being neglected? You have to make choices that you can live with. :hugs: to you for looking out for these kids and having the heart to ask for advice.

[Nanny Ni Ni]

wow that's quite a moral quandry you have yourself in there. I understand that you don't want to rock the boat but I think you do have to ask yourself 'how would I feel if anything happened to the kids''

I did a quick search and amazingly there are no laws in Aus that say how old a child can be to stay home alone or be in charge. :confused: By the sounds of this even if you did report your step mum I'm not sure if anything can be done. However from what I read if anything happens to the kids when they are left home alone (an emergency arises/ they're injured) docs can remove them (becasue then they are deamed to be in serious danger without a guardian present) and that means she may never get custody of them again!

I think a few people have hit the nail on the head when they said that the older child may be completely capable in a normal situation but not in an emergency. If it is known that they are alone then anyone who would want to take advantage of that situation only has to knock on the door! Very, very scary. :(

[pookiesossige]

I think a few people have hit the nail on the head when they said that the older child may be completely capable in a normal situation but not in an emergency. If it is known that they are alone then anyone who would want to take advantage of that situation only has to knock on the door! Very, very scary. :(

I agree, I think that's exactly it. I don't know about the NSW/DoCS system, but I think that in VIC (and I could have this TOTALLY wrong, I didn't work for Child Protection for that long) the situation that the children are in places them at significant risk of harm. It may not go far- just the primary investigation- but that report will sit there and look bad down the track for the step-mum, should she try and get custody.

[Ryan&RileysMum]

correct me if im wrong but arent children supposed to be 16 before you can legally leave them alone in the house?