pregnant again and scared

[alicesmum]

hi all
have just found out I am pregnant (due next june) which will make the gap between babies 21 months.

i just cried and cried upon finding out because i didn't want to be pregnant. i envisaged a ~3 year gap between them.

i have read the other threads in this forum, and can see the upsides and downsides to having them this close, so what i really want is some tips from people about how to cope in the first six months or so.

i really am scared because i am the kind of person who is always busy with various things and i find it draining enough (although wonderful!!!) just having Alice around.

i would love some tips and words of reassurance to stop me freaking out!

thank you in advance....

rachel :)

[Angel_baby_1982]

Hi Rachel

Congrats on your pregnancy, it is perfectly normal to be scared and anxious during your first trimester, even when the baby is planned so don't feel to bad about the way you're feeling right now.

I only have one child, he's 3 months old today :D and we are ttc#2, although it will probobly take a while as I had a c-section.

You are very lucky to be pregnant again, even though you may not feel like it at the moment, it's going to happen now! The best thing you can do is focus on the positives of having a baby, and remember, millions of women before you have managed so it can't be that hard ;)

I envy you for not having trouble concieving! #1 took us almost 2 yrs to concieve! So many of us have trouble just getting pregnant in the first place, you have been truly blessed! Try to appreciate that, and enjoy your pregnancy! Savour it!

When the initial shock and hormones wear off you'll find it easier to enjoy it.

BEST OF LUCK!

[JenNT]

Hi Rachel,
Firstly, Congratulations!
I had my first two 18 months apart after a surprise second pregnancy and i panicked as well. My hubby was due to go interstate for work leaving me alone with a toddler when i was due to give birth.I then had 3 months with just the two of them.

I won't lie to you, it wasn't easy having 2 babies to look after. But either way you look at it..whats waiting another 12 months going to acheive at the end of the day? At least by then you will have a 3 year old and 1 year old and you'll be thankful then that you did it. :)

Just get a toddler seat for your pram, or get a dual pram.

I had the notion with baby number one that WE had to fit in with her life, but with number two, THEY had to fit in with us.

I look back now and don't know how i managed for the first year but i wouldn't change any of it now. My daughter and son are now 6 and 4.5 and the greatest of mates. With the way their birthdates worked out, they are actually only going to be one year behind each other in school which is great.

I now have baby number 3 after a 4.5 year gap and am finding that harder....going back to nappies, bottles, night feeds..etc etc....

Then again , if i found out i was pregnant with number 4 ..i'd FREAK lol

*reminder to make appointment for hubby's vasectomy :p

I guess any way you look at it, you're in for a busy first year but one you won't regret.

All the best,
cheers Jen

[draught]

Congratulations Rachel! I know exactly how you feel - I burst into tears when I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter. Then I got happy again - even though the timing meant that they were 20 months apart, and I wasn't entitled to maternity leave because I was already pregnant when I started work. DD2 is now 12 months old and we have survived the first year really well I think.

I read a bit before DD2 was born and one of the best tips was to not make any other big changes around the time of her birth - it is not the time to start toilet training, or move her to a big bed, or start her in a new childcare etc. If any of those things need to happen, do them a few months before or a few months after the arrival.

I was worried that DD1 would feel really put out by a new baby but apart from a few pushes when her determined little sister grabs all her toys, it hasn't happened. They even give each other cuddles now which is very cute.

Okay - tips on getting through the first three months, which is the crucial time. If you aren't a sling wearer already, think about getting one - whether it is a sling, a baby bjorn, etc. I found that if baby was needing holding I could wear her and still attend to the toddler's needs, and cook dinner etc. It is also really handy to get the grocery shopping done.

We read lots of stories together while I was breastfeeding. I also used DVDs and videos shamelessly to hold the toddler enthralled in one spot while I fed, rocked to sleep etc the new baby.

Frozen meals in the freezer were excellent for those nights when no one had the energy to cook because a mother with no energy from not eating is no good to anyone.

We bought a Phil and Ted's E3 pram which is not perfect but has worked well for the age difference.

I took advantage of the times when they were both asleep and slept myself, no matter how much housework needed doing.

I took advantage of when they were both awake to get out and do things like go to the shops, the library, the park, etc so we all got fresh air and weren't "trapped" at home.

I have actually found it easier second time round because all of the newness and stress about not knowing anything is gone - I am constantly amazed at how competant I feel this time round compared to the first time. I also think it is easier because I do not expect that I can do everything - if it makes sense to say, my expectations have already been lowered so I don't mind if I have a day when we don't leave the house and the highlight is making a fresh batch of playdough.

At the other end of a year the baby isn't really a baby anymore - she is becoming a toddler. They eat the same food now, have roughly the same sleeping patterns, are starting to interact and "play" together, and make each other laugh uncontrollably. I am actually trying to convince my DH to try for one more with a similar gap, so it can't have been too bad! (His reasons for saying no have nothing to do with the age difference and a lot to do with sensible finanical concerns!)

I hope all goes well - and remember that there is always lots of good advice on here if you need it!

[alicesmum]

thanks everone! that is great.

i am feeling much better already. :)

i got straight onto bubhub after i stopped crying, so was a bit emotional!!! i even told all of you before I told DH (as he was out for a few hours). anyways....i just told him and he is pretty pleased and fairly philosophical about it!!

i really appreciate all those tips. they are very practical. i feel that it will be ok!

and yes, i realise that i am lucky that i get pregnant so easily (DH and I just have to look at each other to get pregnant it seems...I mean we hardly ever have sex due to sheer exhaustion caused by the demands of running a small business and my studying and looking after alice!!!). I am grateful for that. You are right angel baby. i am blessed. thank you for reminding me. :p

if anyone has more to add re a two year age gap, that would be really great too!

rachel :D

[sopolicha]

I might be the odd one out but I have a 17 month age gap between my first two and I loved it and still do. They are now 4 and two and a half and I don't look back and remember it being an overly stressful or difficult time. I do remember it was initially hard to get out of the house early on in the day.

I think you will be okay - we all worry when are pregnant about we are going to cope and what if's, but we always manage to cope and the what if's rarely happen.

Enjoy.

[3TinLids]

We have a 21 month gap between our first and second sons. This was planned. Yes it was hectic and at times it still is but Will and Julian are great mates. I tried to be very organised and I went to antenatal classes that specialised in dealing with a new baby and an older child. They gave a few good suggestions. Give the older child a present from the new baby and suggest that grandparents give the older child a present when they give the new baby gift. This helps the older child from feeling left out. When feeding set out toys and books to keep the older child occupied. The odd video doesn't hurt either. We had a breastfeeding toybox which came out only when I was breastfeeding. Will loved this as they were not his everyday toys and kept him interested for quite a while. Also grab something for your older child to eat and drink because the moment you start feeding they will want something too. I also found getting Will involved in nappy changes kept him happy. He would get the nappy for me and feel really proud of himself. As someone said previously don't make any major changes around the time the new baby is due. Either put the older child in a bed a few months before baby is due or wait until later. Don't try toilet training too early. It isn't too much of a hassle having 2 in nappies (a bit expensive though!). We had Will in a bed a few months before Julian was born as he was climbing out of the cot and Will was fully toilet trained at 2 and a half so we had 2 in nappies for about 9 months.

The gap between our 2nd and 3rd son is 28 months and that is still hectic. I think the only real difference is that the older 2 entertain each other while I am busy with Ashley.

One other idea is to buy your child a lifelike baby doll and encourage her to look after it. Get her to change nappies, feed it and bathe it. Will really enjoyed this and it gave him some idea of what was coming.

Good luck. You will be very busy but it is very rewarding.

Rebecca

[HoopDeeDoo]

It's really good to know I'm not alone! I'll have an 18 month gap between my two, that's if all goes well with this pregnancy :confused:
But thanks for all the useful tips everyone. I was worried about having to buy a second cot I guess I'll have to wait and see :D

[mummy2marshy]

Hi rachel
Ive just found out im having my 3rd baby in june.My youngest is 7 months old ad my oldest is almost 3 so its gunna be real tough.I really didnt expect to be pregnant yet and im so not prepared for it.I went through a real rough 3 months after my second was born but now things couldnt be better.I wont lie it is rough through the first months but you will get a routine going and it will all work out.Maybe we can go through this journey together as i have no idea what to expect when number 3 comes all i know is that its going to be real hard.

[WeThree]

Hi Rachel, CONGRATULATIONS!! there is 18 mhs between coops n tilly, and whilst i wont lie and say its always easy, it is lots of fun, and really lovely to see the bond developing between them. Theresa gave you some fabulous advice, lots of which i would have given myself, i think the trick is to go easy on yourself and expect that you arent always going to get everything done that you used to, yet at the same time try and stay on top of everything, you will be amazed with 2 little ones how very quickly mounds of washing pile up, bins overflow etc :)
btw, it goes really fast, it might seem like forever, but it goes by in the blink of an eye and before you know it you'll be wishing they were little again, so most importantly, enjoy them!!

[mim]

Hey alicesmum,

You have already been given lots of great advice but i just wanted to say the I know how you feel, I was in your position 3 1/2 years ago. I survived and if I did, then you can. It is hard with 2 little ones, but the rewards are awesome. My two are now 4 and 2 1/2 and they (most of the time) get along great.

When I was 6 months pregnant we bought DS a little car bed, and slowly got him used to it. We left it in his room while he was still in his cot, then put him in the bed for his afternoon sleeps. Then after about a week we started putting him in it at night too. Then a week after that we took the cot out of his room. Worked like a charm.
I also got him having 1 big sleep in the afternoon, then when DD came along she went for her afternoon sleep (even if it was in a rocker at my feet) at the same time so I used to get an hours 'sanity break' every afternoon.

When we first came home DS was hitting DD on the head at every feed, because he wasn't getting enough attention. I learnt to breastfeed and read a book to DS at the same time.

We didn't really have that many issues, DS was so young that he was suprisingly adaptable, and after a little while it was like DD had always been there. But I remember bawling my eyes out when I was pregnant because I felt horribly guilty about having another one, I thought that DS would suffer.

Please don't fret and I'm glad you are feeling better. :)

Enlist all the help you can, don't feel guilty if you can't get everything done. Just having 2 young babes will make you a supermum!

[toms1]

I am also pregnant with no.2. I'm into my 2nd trimester & have found out there will only be 13 months between them. At first I was abit shocked & stunned as I was just starting to feel normal after No.1 was born & only started to get myself & baby into some sort of routine. But we both planned to start trying around Oct/Nov 05 anyway, things just moved a little quicker than we anticipated.
:eek:
I am looking forward to baby No.2 but am also very nervous & hesitant with the changes it will bring. I think I felt the worse in the first trimester as I thought I would not pay much attention to my little girl NOW while I was going through morning sickness, etc. But you always surprise yourself how well you can cope when you have to. And friends & family realise that it will be hard as well, so pull behind you to help out. Although, the exhaustion is just starting to hit me now, just as No.1 is starting to demand more of my time.

I am happy they will be close together, & although the first few years may be a bit of a struggle & hard work, I think it will pay off in the long run. And I'm so happy that there will be more than one little tike running around & taking up all of my time. Having said that, mum will be taking a break after No.2...... for awhile anyway. :p

[jaydensmum]

Try not to be scared i know thats easier said than done. I believe things happen for a reason, so obviously this was meant to be. I also believe that children are angels sent from God and he has blessed you with another angel! :D

jaydensmum

[Vic&CC]

Hi

I know exactly how you feel. I sat down and had a bit of a cry as well cause i'm due with #3 next May. I've got 23 mnths between DS1 & DS2 and between DS2 and #3 is only going to be 13 mnths. I'm also due 3 days after DS1 turns 3 so I'm going to be one of those really busy parents with 3 under 3 :eek: .

Its hard at first, but your more relaxed second time round and everything will just fall into place. I was lucky enough to have a sleeper as a second child and he just fitted right in, you forget after a while that you only ever had the 1 child.

Vicki.

[maybe1more]

Hi Alicesmum- to be honest i think thats fantastic! I think the age gap will work out, and you`ll be thankfull later on, im not going to say thats its going to be easy first off, but once the new bubba is in a route, im sure things will get easier. Also Alice is a beautiful baby and happy and healthy and im sure she will make a great big sister! Congratulation! :D

[alicesmum]

thank u jenny! i appreciate those kind and encourgaing words. i am feeling much better now than the day i found out and posted this thread!!! still a little nervous, but happy!
rachel :)

[Terrible2+1cutie]

Congratulaions on finding out you are pregnant again. I have 2 kids (both boys ) who are 15 months apart, Blaze was 2 in September and Bailey will be 1 in 3 weeks. While having 2 kids so close in age can have its moments, i would never change it for the world. My kids are the bestest of friends, where one goes the other one is never far behind. If you ever feel you need to talk my email addy is catherinetad@hotmail.com. I an open to talk at any time so please don't hesitate. Thinking of you.

Catherine

[mummyto3]

Congratulations!
I have 22mths between DD#1 and DS,and 13.5mths between DS and DD#2.
We also wanted a bigger age gap between each bub.At one stage i had 3 under 3 :D.
When we had DS we were worried about jealousy issues,but we were fortunate enough to have DD just curious and wanting to help rather than getting jealous.Plus DS was a very easy bub so we could spend that special time with DD without having a screaming bub wanting my attention all the time.And again when DD#2 was born the older 2 werent jealous,they just wanted to hold her all the time.DD#1 is constantly in the nursery taking all the baby clothes for her teddies and DS likes to play with the baby toys,so they are all happy!.

It isnt easy.I hardly sit down or eat all day,and the washing pile never seems to end,but i have so much fun watching my children grow up and playing together!.DD#1 and DS most of the time play nicely,and DD#1 is always willing to help out with bub.Now i couldnt imagine having a big age gape between all the kids.