Army Wife Advice/Whinge/Paranoia???

[here_we_go]

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[MilkOnTap]

OMGosh... I can really understand why you are stressing out. My husband is in the navy, and although I know that he has never cheated on me and never would; the thought still crosses your mind, especially when they are sent on course.

Do you think that you can safely assume that when you attempted to contact this girl (that term seems most appropriate) she would have then let your husband know? If she did then he probably has her phone number again...

I really dont know what to say :hugs: but I guess you just have to sit down and really tell him that the relationship is upsetting you. Dont let it become a screaming match or a full-blown argument. Our men get yelled commands at while they're at work, they're not going to respond to them when they're home.

If his posting to Sydney is confirmed and you are still unsure about him possibly cheating on you, then perhaps it would give you more peace of mind to move to Sydney with him. Where are you based at the moment?

I wish I had the magic piece of advice for you, but I do have a lot of hugs and thoughts which I hope are (slightly) comforting... :hugs:

Please take care, and feel free to PM me if you like.


PS - If your hubby is in the navy I could get mine to track him down!!! :devil6:

[here_we_go]

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[MilkOnTap]

Had she of contacted him he would have let me know as he would have been furious.

If HE would be furious if the girl contacted him, then there cant be much going on? Some of the 'girls' in defence are just like the guys - just into hooking up for one-night stands and drinking. If she is one of these girls, that could explain why your hubby just wanted to catch up for drinks with her. Maybe.. :o

Best wishes with it all - and let us know how you go :hugs: :hugs:

[Wish_Bear]

Hi,

It is such a hard situation to be in. My DH has been in the Navy for nearly 10 years and we have been married 6. He has been away for 4 of those married years.

Trust is such a huge aspect of your life as a defence wife and if it's not there then you just can't expect it to work. The same sort of thing happened to a friend of mine whose hubby is in the Navy too except the girl was not gay. He used to go out with her just as you are describing and my friend wanted him to put a stop to it but he wouldn't. Turned out the girl had feelings for him and had planned to break up their marriage. He chose his wife and has had nothing but trouble from her. She started rumours about him and caused so much trouble.

Just be careful. It's a volatile situation and they are in such a close knit job (defence) that no one tells anyone anything.

I am probably stressing you out more but you need to know you can trust him or it will kill you every time he goes away. He also needs to make you know that nothing will ever happen and reassure you that he has no feelings for her at all.

PM me anytime as I know what it's like.

[tootiredtosleep]

I would be furious too. I bet your DH would freak if you had a guy "friend" while he was away, gay or not. How would he feel in your shoes?
My DH hasn't really been away on course much, just a week here and there. He reckons that he is flat out studying in his room at night on course, I wonder if thats true!

I don't think that we need same sex friends. My DH is my best friend.
Been apart is hard enough - you have probably given up heaps to be an army wife, so he can give something up for a change!!

He is on course to learn, not for a bl**dy holiday.

[here_we_go]

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[here_we_go]

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[cjb/jbvd]

umm...........

as a female defence member, i get alot of my male friends's irate girlfriends calling me up at work or abusing him because sometimes we go all out for drinks or dancing or hang out together.

my point is, we aren't doing anything that would give their girlfriends or wives anything to worry about. we work together, we are mates, we get along great, but that's it. sleeping with one of my mates would just raise too many issues and complications in a very closely scrutinsed environment (being in the defence force is like living in a fishbowl). aside from the fact that i just don't think of my friends that way, no matter how close as mates we are. eeewwwww.

unfortunately, the defence force is an environment that encourages you to bond with your mates. this is for a variety of reasons that have to do with trusting the person that may one day be responsible for watching your back. none of my male or female friends have ever cheated with someone in the defence force. if one of my mates does cheat on his wife or girlfriend it is more than likely going to be with some girl he meets at the bar.

of course i realise that isn't much consolation, but rest assured he is more than likely just friends with this girl.

of course, her response is far from mature, and i am in no way defending her for that. she should learn to grow up.

hope this has helped in some small way.

[here_we_go]

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[sharvs]

here_we_go, im so sorry to hear this....

Have you had a chance to speak to him about it? Dont get me wrong, cheaters are the worse kind of people around but maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself.... if he cant - then burn his stuff! Keep us posted & look after yourself

[here_we_go]

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[V8]

I hate the mentality of some guys in the Defence force and all their mates 'look out' for them and you can never get an honest answer. I hate that they think they are indestructible and can get away with anything. (My twin sister was engaged to an army guy that cheated on her more times than we can count, and not one person ever told her!)

Least you know DHA will pay for your uplift and move. Technically the serving member has to sign something, but there may be ways around it if he is violent or abusive.

Sending you hugs and i hope you and your daughter get away from him and meet someone that treats you with respect.

[sharvs]

I have had a chance, all be it a little, but I received some pleasant emails with pics attached of him in the act in Sydney with this person. Charming, last thing I thought would be in my inbox. I probably wont burn the things, that is rage talking but we wont be here upon his return.

Im so sorry, i cant imagine how that would make you feel. I know its cliche but you are better off without him.

[here_we_go]

:thumbsdown:
I hate the mentality of some guys in the Defence force and all their mates 'look out' for them and you can never get an honest answer. I hate that they think they are indestructible and can get away with anything. (My twin sister was engaged to an army guy that cheated on her more times than we can count, and not one person ever told her!)

Least you know DHA will pay for your uplift and move. Technically the serving member has to sign something, but there may be ways around it if he is violent or abusive.

Sending you hugs and i hope you and your daughter get away from him and meet someone that treats you with respect.

Thanks girls, yes technically DHA will help but he has to be here to sign so they know Im not taking anything of his. We will work it out I am sure I can afford the move myself, Defence will pay for airfares anywhere we want if we do the move ourself, ie organise a truck rather.

You know the saddest thing, I think now deep down I knew.

[MilkOnTap]

Quote on qoute from answering machine.... "I am an adult, *** is an adult, whatever choices he makes in his life regardless of if married or a father are his choices, they should bare no consequence to me who is a free agent and adult free to see whoever I choose whenever I choose" What on earth to make of that!!

So this is the mental calibre of someone who your DH is interested in screwing around with? Let him - you deserve better.


Finally have my answer yes DH did screw around on me, to say I am crushed would be a total understatement as I had finally gotten all negative thoughts and believed that he didnt do anything to only find out that he has....


I have had a chance, all be it a little, but I received some pleasant emails with pics attached of him in the act in Sydney with this person.

I'm so sorry here_we_go... :hugs: Should I ask who sent the emails with the pics? He mustn't have a very good standing in life if an affair does it for him - you and your DD deserve better...

I'm in Sydney right now - I'm not sure where you are or what your plans are from here on in; but if I can help please let me know... Take care of yourself and your DD - you are the most important people in this whole scenario :hugs:

[MilkOnTap]

Thanks girls, yes technically DHA will help but he has to be here to sign so they know Im not taking anything of his

What? Thats rubbish! Have you tried NWCC (1800 801 026)? That really does not seem fair that you have to hang around for HIM when your the one who has been hard done by here...

Sorry - I'm just getting cranky for you!!! :banghead:

[here_we_go]

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[MilkOnTap]

...it was actually the ex girlfriend of this girl who had the pics and sent them. She did me a favour is how I see it

Fair enough - so she was being cheated on too... Big hugs to you :hugs: and good luck with whatever you do here on in... We're all here to support you!!!

[V8]

So he had an affair with a 'so-called' lesbian. Obviously she isn't a lesbian if she was sleeping with your husband! It must have just been a lie to cover up any suspicions you had. And you were right to be suspicious.

[Lil X-men]

I am so sorry for what you are going through!!
I used to be in the NZ Army and I had a miltary partner too and I tell ya what I am sooooooooooooo glad to be away from it all now, there was no trust between us, cheating and affairs were rampant and all the "boys" like other posters have said protected each other no matter how dispicable their behaviour.

Hun you will be soo much happier in the long term when you are away from this jerk, and will one day find a man that treats you with some respect!!

I am trying not slag the military since I was once a soldier, and there are many men and women who lead fully monogamous relationships, like our lovely Pink Lady and others but it is certainly got to be one of the hardest professions to keep an honest relationship in!

Good luck with your move I hope the military make it an easy transition for you so you dont have to wait around for him to get back.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[mummyof5]

Here_we_go, having been through exactly what you are going through now, I am so sorry. I wish I could say something that will take away your hurt.
Give yourself time to sort through our emotions before you do anything life altering as your feelings will vary wildly each hour at this point.
:hugs: and:kiss: for you and your little DD.

[sunnygirls]

Here-we-go: You poor thing. My DH (I can think of another name for these initials!) is also in the Army. He goes away for 2 weeks and is home for 2 weeks and has been doing it ever since we have been together. I haven't been in the situation that you are in. As far as I know he hasn't cheated on me, but I have told him if it happens not to tell me. I am better not knowing. My DH is 51 and I'm 34. He is a quite high ranking officer so I think I have this on my side.

I was also in the Army in a SF unit. There were only 5 girls in the unit and I have to say that those men in there were (and still are) like dogs on heat. It doesn't matter whether they are married, you are married or your sexuality. If they can slip it in, they will. It is really sad and unfortunate but from my experience it happened (and happens all the time) and it doesn't matter how dog ugly or fat the girls are!

My heart goes out to you, keep your chin up and remember that all of us on the forum are here for you whenever you need to chat and let it all out. Big :hugs: :hugs: and :kiss: for you.