Should i propose or wait? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

SairBear

25-10-2006, 10:34

Hello... just wondering on your thoughts on girls proposing to their partners?

Im deciding whether to pop the question next yr to my DP of 2 yrs. We are due to have our 1st child together in April, i have a 4 yr old from a previous relationship . I alway wanted to be engaged/married by the time i had another child. Does this seem weird? would u propose or wait?

Im so confused as to what to do... im just not sure if he is goin to propose he has said if we get engaged he doesnt believe in long engagements, so is that why he hasnt popped the question?

I have done the whole hinting thing for about a yr or so. cut out engagement rings..talked about wedding cars etc... his sis has even given me her wedding dress for motivation... his SIL always asks him when is he goin pop the question... :laughing:

Am i expecting too much???

candice_bree

25-10-2006, 10:42

My DP and I have discussed getting married aswell, and he is the same with your DP, he doesnt believe that you should stay engaged for ever, and long engagements are pointless. So maybe he is waiting until the time is right...

As frustrating as it is, he might think of it as an added stress/pressure that he would rather have when the baby has arrived, and your family has settled!! Thats what my DP said!!

But if your just sick and tired of waiting, i dont see 1 single thing wrong with women proposing to men!! So good luck i hope the ball starts rolling for you soon!

niesl_bug

25-10-2006, 10:47

Hi Sairbear!
One of my best friends proposed to her partner Xmas Eve last year and he said yes! They have a child together and are getting married in 2008!
I had this issue with my DH, but I am a little bit old fashioned and wanted him to propose - and I made it clear that I wanted to be married before we had kids. We got married in June and just started TTC #1. We discussed it before and he said he wanted "to have all his ducks lined up" before he proposed - so he basically wanted to have his finances in order, etc. It was great for him to tell me that because I thought he was just putting it off and made it all about me - but realised there were things he wanted in place before he popped the question ... something to consider?
Otherwise - just go for it!!

Good luck - let us know what happens :)

SairBear

25-10-2006, 10:53

thanks for the opinions girls. Im hoping he is just keeping quiet and planning away :laughing:

will keep ya posted on how things are goin :fingerscrossed:

candice_bree

25-10-2006, 10:56

:fingerscrossed: That he has the ring and he is just organising how to tell you!! :D

Good Luck SairBear

spiritedfamily

25-10-2006, 11:01

It really depends on teh guy...you know him best...so are probably the best judge.. My DH would not have appreciated it and isn't one to be pushed...it can backfire. When DH is ready he will do what he wants to do...but when he decides its a 100% commitment.

When unsure...I always say..step back take a breath and give it time...he might be focused on the up and coming bub and providing for you all. Wedding's are an expense and so maybe its just a matter of it being in his time - the right time.

shorty_851

25-10-2006, 11:39

Its the 00's so go ahead if you feel he will say yes.

bronny-jane

25-10-2006, 18:49

um i didnt propose to my dh i just started planning the wedding:D

EskimoMumma

25-10-2006, 18:52

DP is already planning our wedding and he hasnt even asked me yet, Just said right this and this will happen in so long of time..im like er huh ;)

misskittyfantastico

25-10-2006, 18:55

I'd been with DH for 6 years and one night over dinner (it was a beef casserole) I said "are you eevvver going to propose to me?"...he said "yeah" and I said "well go on" and he got down on one knee!...we've been married three years now.

*Chels*

25-10-2006, 19:01

I dont see anything wrong with proposing to a guy.I think it must be sooooo hard for a guy,all the pressure on them!
If you want to propose to him-go for it!!!
But do it coz you really wanna be with him,not because you are sick of waiting or feel you have to just because you have a child:)

catalicious

26-10-2006, 07:18

I get what you mean on the I wanted to be engaged or married before having another child i felt the exact same way. I think its because we dont want to be left again!!

But I love my DP and I know he wouldnt do that to me.

And whilst I think its great girls can propose now, I dont think its a good idea. I said to my DP that I will just propose to him and firstly he would say no and secondly he would be really mad at me. I know that when he does it will be very .....unique.. Cause thats the kind of guy he is it will be very memorable!! If I took that away from me he would never ask!!

So be very careful!!

Although a friend of mine proposd a few years ago and got married last weekend!!

And also I got told if a girl is going to propose to a guy to do it only on a leap year??!!

Im not sure why but they where adamant about it!

ButterflyMama

26-10-2006, 07:53

Some of you ladies' stories are so great.. Bronny-Jane yours cracked me up and so did misskitty's. Girl power to the lot of ya!

Sarah, you already know how I feel about it. Don't wait! If you spend your whole life waiting for something that you could just as easily make happen yourself, you might always be waiting for nothing. Make your future happen and live your dreams!

OK.. I'm off my soapbox now. :o

Jessie

Roopee

26-10-2006, 13:29

My poor Dh didnt have a choice! I was so over waiting for him to do it (it had been 10 years and 2 kids) i just organised it and surprised evryone-including him.
I sent him out to golf and got two friends (bridesmaid and best man) to come help me set up the house and when he cam home i was standing in my wedding dress, the boys were in their little suits and i chucked his suit at him and said quick have a shower and get dressed. He asked what was going on and i just said that "we will be married within the hour hurry or everyone will be here" He honestly had no idea.
I invited everyone to his "surprise 30th birthday party" which just happened to be our wedding. He was shocked but so happy that he didnt have to feel like he had to organise anything. He just had to show up.
My mum was a bit upset coz she didnt dress up but it wasnt about that. Everyone had casual clothes-except me, there was no way i was NOT wearing that dress, so they were all comfy and relaxed. We had a great night and the last guests left at 5.30am the next day. It was not expensive- had cateres in to cater and kegs from the pub plus i had written on the invited to BYO wine and spirits.
The whole thing including our clothes, rings etc cost about $3000.
Good Luck!

SassyMummy

26-10-2006, 13:58

SairBear

26-10-2006, 14:15

GO for it!

Your thread has actually made me want to re-think about my situation with DP. He hasn't proposed...and it's been nearly 2.5 years (yeah, I know, it's not THAT long...but people are getting engaged MUCH earlier than that these days...), and we have a DD. I'm sick of just being "the girlfriend."

The scary thing is...how would I know he WANTS to get married to me? I mean, he KNOWS I want to get married (at first I was subtle, but now I'm just blunt and tell him I want to get married)...so if he KNOWS, why hasn't he asked me, unless he doesn't want to! Argh! It's all very confusing.

Maybe I'll ask, maybe I won't...

Good luck with your proposal...I hope he says yes!

omg u have read my mind....

im sick of being the g/f too ... and when everyone refers to him as my husband.. it just makes me sad cuz he isnt.. and i dont like correcting them and saying umm well no we arent married... hes just my b/f.... b/f just sounds weird when u get into ur late 20's lol

i know it sounds weird.. but i want us to be a family and having all diff surnames, to me, IMO just seems weird.

I mean most ppl think we are married anyways, so why cant we make it official, i dont want anything big. gosh a day at the registry office would do.

Leez

27-10-2006, 07:47

I kind of proposed to my DH - basically we were having a conversation and it ended up with me saying 'so, does that mean you want to get married?' and he thought about it for a second and then said yes, so I guess it was a proposal!

I think its all about being true to yourself, if thats what you really want, then ask for it! Just be prepared for any answer, as others have said, it may not go the way you want, but at the very least, you've put your cards on the table and made a gutsy move to back it up.

catalicious

27-10-2006, 08:24

Look Im really sorry if this comes out as rude as it could!

I am also iming this at myself too so its not a personal attack. I have been harrassing Dan to ask me just because we know what year and month we are getting married so i though well we should be engaged so i tell him to ask and I am not subtle either I said if you want me to stop asking you to then i will all you have to do is ask!!

But then I was told to stop harrassing him by a friend. I thought about it and look at it this way and then if you still want to propose go for it.

Do you really (think about it) want to look back at your engagement and think he only asked cause I made him or WOW that was a great proposal when he has said "ok so do you wanna get married" OR "FIne Ill ask, will you Marry me" or something similar.

I know thats not something I want to tell my children ecspecially with 2 boys I want to show and tell them how to do it the right way. As in something you want to do because you love the person.

I was told by Daniel that if I nag about it one more time he either wont ask at all or he will just ask then and there, screw the romance when you can get a proposal like that huh!! (note the sarcasm)

Anyways just my opinion!!

JATS

27-10-2006, 08:36

LOL well I never needed to nag, on our 1yr anniversary he got down on one knee and asked, he even teared up when I said yes! That and he had asked my dad's permission and everything.

But as I was in the middle of cooking dinner and looking pretty ragged I still thought he could have picked a more romantic setting!

The most important thing about it is that BOTH of you really want it. Dosen't matter if you ask or he asks. If you had to pressure him, you'd have to live with knowledge he didn't do it because he wanted to, he did it because he felt he had to.

Roopee

27-10-2006, 11:23

I think that in this day and age that i shouldnt always be up to the man. If he's anything like mine he probably just hasnt "got around to it". i knew my husband was not going to run for the hills, he was just being lazy-still is.

Theres alot of pressure on men these days to "get it right" and i think its unfair. Its up to both f you to decide your future, if you know he wants to get married but is just being slack and lazy about it then ask him yourself. I know mine was so relieved that he didnt have to do anything.

We were engaged though and we had been for about a year before we got married but we had been together forever. It was time.

I wanted my my name to be the same as my childrens but most of all i wanted to get up in front of all our family and friends and show them "we love each other this much" IYKWIM.

meags

27-10-2006, 13:03

i proposed to my DF 2 years ago now... we are finally getting married in march 2007 well :fingerscrossed: anyway lol... with having babies we have put it off as i didnt want to be pregnant when i got married... that is just me... i am still going to be a blimp by our wedding though anyway lol... in this day and age it is not always up to the male.. i figure if you think it is right and there is a perfect time just ask... that is what i did.. my DF of course said yes.. then he went and got me a ring and got down on one knee and asked me again lol so that he could feel like he had done the right thing the dag... it was gorgeous though... i wish u luck with what ever you decide...:hugs: