a bit stressed

[amy densley]

hey guys,i dont want to be a stick in the mud but has anyone found that there relationship with their partner has suffered from having a baby ,mine certainly has we hardly speak anymore he works hard and im always tired,does this get better or are we going to end going our seperate ways which is not what i want. :(

[lisa&boys]

Hi Amy

I know its hard after a newborn arrives in the household hun.
How old is your child? How many do you have?
Try sitting down with your partner and letting him know how you feel...maybe he doesnt realise you are feeling like this. Communication is such a big thing in relationships.
Feel fre ein emailing me or adding me to msn if you use it.
hugs
Lisa

[JanetF]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough trot. *hugs*

Rhea Dempsey runs great couples workshops on exactly these issues. They might help you both reconnect.

http://www.birthingwisdom.com.au/

[Chickadee]

It does get better as bub gets older, but not automatically. If you just let the situation carry on indefinitely then you may well end up separating. I know it's hard to find the energy and effort but you need to talk to your man and reconnect. There are a lot of little things that you can both do to show each other how much you still mean to one another. There was a great thread on How to Show Love with lots of ideas.

[Harmony83]

If me and my DF weren't fighting we weren't talking. We were both so stressed and tired all the time. You need to sit down and talk to your partner and tell each other exactly what you are both thinking, we did this and there were lots of tears, we were on the verge of breaking up... We both make an effort to talk to each other and say 'I love you', it's not really that hard after awhile...
If you can get someone to watch bubs, even for an hour, and just have an uninterrupted talk... Good luck to you both and I hope you work it out!!! :D

[amy densley]

thanks guys i will have a chat with him ,i will c how it all goes my bubs is 15wks old .i just thought this was supposed to be the best stage in your life.

[Funkychicken]

Congratulations on your bub. Wow, at 15wks it can be tough-you feel you should be sorted by now, can't understand why everyone else seems to be coping, you just get bub in some sort of routine and then it all goes to sh#* and to top it all off, partner/hubby doesn't seem to understand what's going on with you. My heart goes out to you. I recently had a conversation with another mum and we got chatting about how many people we know that are separated or seperating with youngsters in tow. We both agreed, although neither of us had actually said it out aloud before, that there has been many times when we thought we would leave or seperate from our husbands. But we also both agreed that with each hurdle we survived we had grown stronger as a person and as a couple and as time has gone on we realised that this is what partnership is. A constant fluctuating state where it is not always rosy. Tough times come and go but this seems to be the same for everyone and for those who believe that they are leaving problems for greener pastures, they usually find a new set of problems instead. I'm not saying all people should stay together, no matter what. I have certainly witnessed some horrible, violent situations where the best option is to move on, but it seems that if the problems are not of an abusive nature, we can work through them. Only time shows how strong we have been and can be. When there are times of big adjustment in our lives (and first baby is a massive one!) it pays to remember that we should make no major decisions about things such as relationships as are judgement can be somewhat clouded-on both parties sides. Hang in there and you will catch up with the life that seems to be leading you-eventually. And know that the road ahead with your new bub is the most amazing road you will ever travel although right now may seem like a gravel track going in circles. It does get better.
PS Keep talking about your issues, be they parenting, relationships or whatever. It is really important to continue to be open with what is going on in your life. Just remember though that the best people to open up to may not necassarily be old friends, family or neighbours. They are the ones who have walked the path before you and come out the other end as better people.

[lucyp]

Having a baby would have to be one of the most stressful and yet wonderful things you can do!

I fully understand where you are coming from in terms of your relationship woes! It is not easy - being tired and attentions are redurected and its a whole new ball game for you both!

I agree with the others in saying that it is soo very important that you guys talk about everything - - I am not sure where you are located but there is a group called "relationships australia" that also do counselling for these kinds of things - amongst others and are very good. You can check them out on theit website

http://www.relationships.com.au/

Mpst importantly - do something - sooner rather than later as the longer you let it go on - the more disconnected you are going to feel and its harder to come back from that.

All the best :)

[amy densley]

thanks for that i tell you even talking to you all and getting a response is the best support ,i feel a bit better we had a talk and i think he has relized how hard it can be for a mum especially first timer ,thamks for all your advice because the last thing i want is to seperate because i have seen parents turn nasty and it all effects the child involved i want jack to have two loving parents by his side through everything just like i did .