trying not to be over protective

[shelby67]

Hi there,
Our DS was born 6 weeks prem weighing 1.6kgs. He spent 4 weeks in NICU and SCN and had a few health problems that have now resolved.
He is now 15 months (13 1/2 corrected) and is now a healthy 9.5 kgs. He is doing sooo well, almost walking and generally kicking goals.
The question I have is how do I make sure Im not over protective??
He is an only child and although we go to play groups and music group, I worry cause I tend to "hover" over him when he is playing and find it hard to relax and let him go play.
Is this common with parents of premmies?? or am I just a bit nuts??
Any advice would be really helpfull.
Thank you,
Shelby.

[angel_one]

shelby, it could be that this is your first baby!!, with my dd she was my everything and it took me a while to give her up to anyone! (babysitting was non exisitant!) i think the first time we actually left her in the care of someone other than myself or dh was when she was about 9 months old! and that was with MY mum (didnt trust anyone else, and when it did come to a time i left her with mil for a nite she blow it big time and didnt feed dd when i told her to!!)

with my boy im a little bit more laid back, (now) he was born and spent a few days in the nicu so hes had his little bit of over protective mummy syndrome, but that was mainly while he was still very small (first 3 months i think it was) and now (10 months old) i will give him to anyone we trust! he spent his first nite away from mum and dad at the age of 1 month i believe (with my mum again).

so dont be too concerned, and at the age of 15 months you can relax a little, he is gonna have falls and brusies and cuts , maybe even broken bones, but that is all part of being a kid! (it's usually when they do something stupid that they hurt them selves - and when mine do that its usually quie funny to us adults! (i sound like a real ***** of a mum but somthing about your 3 year old falling of the couch after you tell her to stop jumping on it just makes me laugh! lol)

we just have to look after a precious babies and be protective , but still let them grow up and be normal silly kids!

[DoubleDelight]

Shelby

This is perfectly natural. My twins were born at 31w5d and aren't my first children but I found that I was really overprotective - particularly with the smaller of our twins (Bailey). It comes to a point where you have to make a concious decision to let go of the prem mentality and just let it happen (not easy I know).

Our two have just turned 1 and we are learning to let go.

[shelby67]

Hi there,
thank you for the replys,
angel_one, DS is our first, and I guess its only natural to be over protective.
I think the other thing that doesn't help is that we don't have any relatives to look after him....even for a couple of hours.
I find it very hard to trust anyone to care for him, I am still BF him twice a day and have not really had any time out from him since he was born. I love being his mum and being there for him 24/7 , but sometimes I wish for a little break.:)
When he does hurt himself I am very carefull not to make a big deal of it, usually a quick kiss it better,off you go, your ok......and 9 out of 10 times he is and just goes straight back to what he was doing.
So I guess Im doing ok. Thank you for your encouragment.:)

DoubleDelight,
Its great to know Im not the only one who feels like this. DS is now 15 months, so I need to chill a bit hey!!!
Hope your twins are kicking goals now. Thanks for your reply, it has helped.
Take care,
Shelby.

[Mum&bubs]

I think this is common with alot of first time mums- premmie or not :D I can't relax & let Summer play even now at 18 months, I'm constantly worrying about her & not taking my eyes off her. I panic when other kids come near her or I have to leave her alone.
Worry wart mama here :o Your not alone hun :hugs:

[shelby67]

Hi Mum&bubs,
Good to hear Im not alone on the worry wart Mum side hey!! Trying to ease up a bit, but I think I will always obsess a little.
Thank you for your reply,
Take care,
Shelby.

[gidgeroo]

Hi Shelby
you are perfectly normal! My DS2 was 11 weeks early and in SCU for 8 weeks with a few health issues apart from being prem. Now at 10 months he is still sleeping in our room, I won't let him cry for too long - he totally comes first and I think that's ok! I worry about him being around sick kids (his older brother brings some lovely things home from kinder!!) Not surprisingly when he does get sick he's a real trooper and gets over it pretty quickly.

I know there will come a time when I have to let go and when that time comes I'll deal with it! Until then I will follow my instincts and be overprotective if that's how I think I need to be. You are doing all the right things - you enjoy him, you encourage him and you're there for him. Sounds good to me!:yes:

cheers Georgia

[angel_one]

shelby, it could be that this is your first baby!!, with my dd she was my everything and it took me a while to give her up to anyone! (babysitting was non exisitant!) i think the first time we actually left her in the care of someone other than myself or dh was when she was about 9 months old! and that was with MY mum (didnt trust anyone else, and when it did come to a time i left her with mil for a nite she blow it big time and didnt feed dd when i told her to!!)

with my boy im a little bit more laid back, (now) he was born and spent a few days in the nicu so hes had his little bit of over protective mummy syndrome, but that was mainly while he was still very small (first 3 months i think it was) and now (10 months old) i will give him to anyone we trust! he spent his first nite away from mum and dad at the age of 1 month i believe (with my mum again).

so dont be too concerned, and at the age of 15 months you can relax a little, he is gonna have falls and brusies and cuts , maybe even broken bones, but that is all part of being a kid! (it's usually when they do something stupid that they hurt them selves - and when mine do that its usually quie funny to us adults! (i sound like a real ***** of a mum but somthing about your 3 year old falling of the couch after you tell her to stop jumping on it just makes me laugh! lol)

we just have to look after a precious babies and be protective , but still let them grow up and be normal silly kids!

ok im gonna do a rewrite on my last post!
since then i have given birth to my 3rd baby -he decided to arrive 8 weeks early!!, and although he was a very healthy baby, weighing 2.1kg at 32 weeks and leaving hospital at 12 days old, i find that i am quite protective of him, - hell i wont even leave the room when hes laying on hes belly! not even for a second! (where as the other 2 lived on there bellies! lol) every sound he makes, makes me worry, especially the gasping for air ones!! i also find that i will often wake him up to to assure my self that he is indeed still alive! (as he can go quite some time without making a sound or movement!)
oh and dont let me get started on the other 2 kids trying to kill him! as far as i am concerned that is there main goals in life and i have to protect him from them (which doenst go down well with the older baby!)

And if i had it my (if he was my number one baby) i would spend allll day holding him - i would buy one of those slings and carry him every where with me!

boy how things change hey! (and i thought having ds1 spend a day in the nicu was bad!)