It's been 17 days and it's getting harder to cope I miss my Angel baby Alex

[hayleysheree]

It's been 17 days and it's getting harder to cope I miss my Angel baby Alex.

I need help, support anything I am so lost, My partner works away and has had to go back to work and my Mum has gone into denial and is cold and telling me to get over it.
Alex was 21wks + 3 he was my baby and he was perfect in everyway. I want to hold him again I want to shower him with kisses and to hold him tight, I wan to see his perfect face with his Daddy's nose, lips and big feet.

Today he would have been 23wks.

My whole life now has changed I have to find a job, keep my bomb of a car and I am not going to have a baby for christmas it's so un-fair my life was becoming so satisfying and I was content. Now I am alone, empty and dead inside.

Is there a chat group for other mummies of Angel babies?

Alex was my 1st baby and now I am scared to try again in the future for so many different reasons.

How do I get rid of this aching? :confused:

Hayley

hayley_sheree@hotmail.com

[maybenumber3]

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure there are some amazing ladies here that can offer you support and advice.

Sending you lots of hugs xx

[BabushkaMumma]

So sorry for your loss.. Xx

I lost my first at 26 weeks and no day was the same for a long time after, some good and some days were terrible .

I recommend the SANDS Organisation. They had good sources of information and a very helpful recommended reading list.

Again, so sorry :( x

[anewme]

:hugs:

[AngelLexiesmum]

Big :hugs:

[october]

That is just so sad.
There are a few mums on here with angel babies, one in
Particular I remember because I cried for about two hours after reading it.
Hopefully you can search this website and join a group.
It's so sad that there even has to be a group, but so good to know there is someone who actually understands how you feel
Hugs xx

[Kimnus]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first at 20 weeks (just a month and a bit after DH and my wedding). Jensen was my world and this September he would be 4 years since we lost him.

I Know it seems like the hurt will never go away, and I wish I could tell you it does, but it is almost 4 years on and there hurt is still there.

I hope you find a way to cope xx

[hayleysheree]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice, I have actually found a couple of support groups on Facebook and they have been amazing such a huge help to me especially as the realtionship with my mother broke down and she ended up kicking me out of her house in a screaming mess after I went to stay with her for support so I have been very alone but knowing that ladies out there know how I feel and I am not alone its fantastic!
I am still so sad and hurting but with this support I have made a few posative steps I even opened the door to Alex's room last night I closed it as I left the house to go to the hospital as I knew what was happening even if I didnt want to believe it. Just having it open feels like I have opened a door to how I feel and I am acknowleging it and dealing with it.

I will over the next few days start to read the piles lol of information I have been given in his room in the rocker and I might even set up my esel in there and attempt some art work the feel I get from that room now is so tranquil calm and peaceful. Apon opening the door I had a huge flood of emotion I stopped breathing but a kind freind was on the phone with me and talked me through the feelings.

Small steps forward

[joenbby]

Hope you are feeling better. It'll never be ok because we did lost our child. I lost my 1st bub at 36weeks. I was almost ready to give birth full-term but we lost her and we still miss her today. It's been 2 years. It is hard to get through it but we did it and we are at our 3rd attempt. Lost a 2nd bub at 7 weeks with no heartbeat.
2 ways I dealt with it: Firstly, recognise that bub is unhealthy. He would not have survive even if he came to the world. There's probably some chromosome issues which is why bub is incompatible with life. Everyone will be suffering if bub was delivered with severe health complications. Most important of all bub will be suffering going through all the pain and needles. So why don't we let nature takes its course and do what it's meant to do. It is a painful loss but it's actually saving you from more tears and heartaches. I knew my DD will require heart surgery if she's born successfully. Can you imagine a newborn going through all these and if you were to lose her after those days spent with her at ICU? How painful is that? Rather I treasured those times that I spent with her in my womb. 9 months of wonderful experience and I thank God that she doesn't have to suffer any pain.
The 2nd way I cope is through religion. I have no one to talk to, everyone ask me to move on, said it's not meant to be. DH seemed ok and moved on foccusing on his work. I couldn't accept and understand what happened. Before I even get a chance to be sad and give up hope myself, DH fell into depression. I had to focus on him. Everyone focused on him. No one care about how I felt thinking that I'm strong and I had let go. But I didn't. I was just suppressing it. Luckily for me, I have God watching over me. I didn't end up getting depression or stuck in a rut. My marriage went haywired. I spent 1 whole year praying and talking to God. Somehow I was enlightened to see things certain way and do things certain way. My perception and views changed. I managed to move on, focus on my own work and my own health.
Unfortunately I had a 2nd miscarriage last year. things went crazy for me and DH. He's always at work. But I kept on praying, asking for God's direction and He saved us. He saved our marriage, give us a way out. We have moved interstates and starting afresh now. Surprisely I fell pregnant. I'm still early in my 1st trimester. Even though the previous experiecnes scare me, I pray for God to bless this miracle he has given us. I know as a human I have feelings and worries and anxieties. This is going to haunt for the entire pregnancy until the baby is born safely. But I believe my prayers will be answered and positive thinking really helps.
I hope that by sharing my experiences with you did not put you off or make you feel worse. Just remember you are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you. For the sake of yourself and your children, you want healthy babies who will naturally survive the pregnancy and be born healthily into your arms. It takes time for the wound to heal. Start it in a positive way. I'll pray for you. God bless!

PM me anytime if you need someone to chat.