Is this rude??

[bellieellie]

My cousin had a baby and after disscussing gift ideas with her we settled on me paying for a newborn shoot for her and bub..It cost more than I would usually spend but she is a single mum with 4 kids and does it a bit tough (saying that she gets a lot of help from the church every week paying bill,food baskets and also other family members help her out heaps). She had everything given to her for the baby..10 times what I bought for my DD and has everything for bub until she about 4 years old.
The newborn shoot included a 8*10 free and a 6*8 free. So she didn't have to buy any.

Well she has spent the money I gave her for it, and now I feel stupid giving it to her. She lives a distance away from me so I might not have been able to give to her on the day. The photo shoot has been cancelled....she is not answering my calls. Should I ask for my money back?? I never would have spent that much on a baby gift normally but thought it was worth it..:no:

[HugsBunny]

wow - what did she spend the money on?

[bellieellie]

Not sure..grr

[Zombie_eyes]

Thats sad, she has taken advantage of your generosity, and those photo shoots are really expensive. I would ask what she spent it on firstly. Then make the decision to ask for it back or not (if she spent on frivelous crap then id be annoyed, if she bought groceries for her and the children with it i would not ask for it back)

It's still very rude.

[JaneDoe]

Rude, rude, rude!

How do you know she has spent the money?!

TBH I would have paid the photographer direct and have them issue a gift voucher

[missie_mack]

I avoid giving people cash for this very reason. How awful!

In a galaxy far far away....

[Boobycino]

wow that is very rude :-/

I wouldn't ask for the money back. I would probably more so would have wished she had said she didn't want a photo shoot but she wanted X or had said she has bills etc or something. because I'd have still given it but that feels bit rude and dirty. Particularly to not .br returning your calls to at least be honest and say thank you .

sorry :( I'd be pretty hurt. :hugs:

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[mel04]

That would be so disappointing. :(
I would write it off, lesson learned, next time give her a voucher.

[DesperatelySeekingSleep]

yes it is rude but maybe take it as a lesson learned. next time (if there is one) give a gift voucher for a shoot instead. Incredible idea though. a photo shoot. it would have been a priceless gift.

maybe she is embarrassed at having to use the money on something else.

[becandabub]

Aw, that story makes me sad. I think its incredibly rude of her, & incredibly generous of you to have given her the money in the first place. Its so hard because you know she does it tough, there's a real chance she has used the money for basic needs or stashed it away for when she's short on cash but is too embarrassed to tell you. I personally would not ask for it back, but I would tell her I know the shoot was cancelled & I was disappointed that she hadn't been upfront after I'd done something lovely for her & her baby. I'd also not be doing something so nice again.

[Renesme]

That' is horrible. Yes I'd definately ask for the money back but if I were you I wouldn't keep your hopes up. Unfortunately alot of people in your cousins situation are so used to getting things given to them they end up a charity case (as I like to call them) where they expect people to give them things and think it's completely normal and the world owes them. I have a friend like this and it bugs the **** out of me. I doubt she'd ever do what your cousin did though :no:

That'd end any relationship I had with the person to be honest.

[Alexander Beetle]

I'd find out if she definitely spent the money, and why, before I did anything. She may have really needed the money. If that's the case I would let it go, and yes, like others have said, I would give a voucher next time.

[Jennaisme]

Honesty? I wouldn't ask for the money back. If she's needing that much assistance, it could be that a bill came in that needed immediate payment, etc. While I know it's not the REASON you gave the money, you still gave it as a gift. As soon as it no longer belonged to you, and in fact belonged to her, she could pretty much do as she likes with it, as it is hers.

If you had bought her something, and she didn't use it as YOU wanted her to use it, would you then demand she give it back?

I understand you guys had made a decision on what gift to give her, but, here's a few thoughts.
How are you going to feel if you demand the money back, only to find out that she spent the money on groceries/medicine/power bill, etc, instead?? So that her kids could have food in their bellies, medicine for their illnesses, power so they're warm(and damn it's cold lately.)

It might have even been that she suddenly needed the money for something immediately important for the bub?

But mostly, as soon as you handed the money over, it was no longer yours, and you no longer really had a say in how it was to be spent, and I would think it would actually be very rude to demand someone else tell you what they had spent their money on, tbh.

[Kimberleygal1]

That is terrible, sounds like she well and truelly took advantage of you and probably has done the same with other people. I would tell her how you feel and wipe her off the Christmas list!

[3soon2be]

It is very rude. If it was me personally I would of looked at it and said well I was spending that money on her anyway so if she wants to spend it instead of having something beautiful to show for it that's her problem. Lesson learned. I don't give people money. If not a gift then a voucher. It was so nice of you to even think of that gift but I would look at it now as Oh well not your problem. Could of been a gorgeous day but she chose not too. Her problem not yours.

[Gothel]

Its is rude, no doubt about it, its very ungrateful... but at the end of the day the cost to you is no different, regardless of what she spent it on. I would be cheesed off but would try not to stew about it, I would just not forget. It would definitely effect my choice the next time she was due for a gift.

[truely blessed]

Honesty? I wouldn't ask for the money back. If she's needing that much assistance, it could be that a bill came in that needed immediate payment, etc. While I know it's not the REASON you gave the money, you still gave it as a gift. As soon as it no longer belonged to you, and in fact belonged to her, she could pretty much do as she likes with it, as it is hers.

But mostly, as soon as you handed the money over, it was no longer yours, and you no longer really had a say in how it was to be spent, and I would think it would actually be very rude to demand someone else tell you what they had spent their money on, tbh.

i disagree with this... (no offence intended). IMO if she's getting so much help from family, the church and i assume the government, then she really shouldn't have needed to use the money for a large bill etc.
i think too, what the OP is upset about, and i would be too, is that she gave her alot more than she would have spent on a baby gift in order for her to get some nice family pics! i would be very hurt and also annoyed that someone would be so thoughtless.
i would ask for some answers and then decide if i want to ask for some of the money back, explaining why!

[Jennaisme]

i disagree with this... (no offence intended). IMO if she's getting so much help from family, the church and i assume the government, then she really shouldn't have needed to use the money for a large bill etc.
i think too, what the OP is upset about, and i would be too, is that she gave her alot more than she would have spent on a baby gift in order for her to get some nice family pics! i would be very hurt and also annoyed that someone would be so thoughtless.
i would ask for some answers and then decide if i want to ask for some of the money back, explaining why!

If she's NEEDING the help from the church, which is quite hard to get, and even when you do, it's no where near as much as they need, because all charities have a budget that they need to make stretch to cover as many people as they possibly can, if they NEED the help from their family(which gets humiliating to ask for), and if you pop your head into the single parents section on THIS forum, you would know how very little a single parent gets from the government and how hard it can be to make it cover ONE child, let alone four, then yes, it is possible that she got a large bill that needed to be covered.

Alternatively, put yourself in the position of the woman: Can barely pay bills or buy food and you have to rely on charities, etc, to support yourself and four children. You had the opportunity to get yourself and ALL your children ahead, rather than just have some pretty pictures(no offence, I'm sure they're very nice, but yeah), and so rather than get the photos done when you realised you could get some of the photos for free(I'm fairly sure I read this part. I could be wrong. I'm very tired atm), wouldn't you? What about if she has a car and suddenly registration's due? The car suddenly broke down, and with four children, I'm thinking a car is one of those modern day life necessities, and struggling for money as much as she has been, she wouldn't have been able to put money away to have the repairs done.

So, what would you do in this situation? Would you return a gift of money, that as GIFTED to you, when you actually have the thing the money was for, which was why money was given to begin with, at the expense of your children, or would you put it toward making yours and your childrens life easier? Then how would you react if someone questioned you on what you spent YOUR gift on, and then demanded the money back?

And when you answer, I really hope you look VERY deep down, put yourself into this situation, then answer truthfully.

Would YOU put a photo, which in essence is just a collection of pretty pictures(that you ended up getting for FREE), ahead of your own childs health and well being?

[bellieellie]

If she's NEEDING the help from the church, which is quite hard to get, and even when you do, it's no where near as much as they need, because all charities have a budget that they need to make stretch to cover as many people as they possibly can, if they NEED the help from their family(which gets humiliating to ask for), and if you pop your head into the single parents section on THIS forum, you would know how very little a single parent gets from the government and how hard it can be to make it cover ONE child, let alone four, then yes, it is possible that she got a large bill that needed to be covered.

Alternatively, put yourself in the position of the woman: Can barely pay bills or buy food and you have to rely on charities, etc, to support yourself and four children. You had the opportunity to get yourself and ALL your children ahead, rather than just have some pretty pictures(no offence, I'm sure they're very nice, but yeah), and so rather than get the photos done when you realised you could get some of the photos for free(I'm fairly sure I read this part. I could be wrong. I'm very tired atm), wouldn't you? What about if she has a car and suddenly registration's due? The car suddenly broke down, and with four children, I'm thinking a car is one of those modern day life necessities, and struggling for money as much as she has been, she wouldn't have been able to put money away to have the repairs done.

So, what would you do in this situation? Would you return a gift of money, that as GIFTED to you, when you actually have the thing the money was for, which was why money was given to begin with, at the expense of your children, or would you put it toward making yours and your childrens life easier? Then how would you react if someone questioned you on what you spent YOUR gift on, and then demanded the money back?

And when you answer, I really hope you look VERY deep down, put yourself into this situation, then answer truthfully.

Would YOU put a photo, which in essence is just a collection of pretty pictures(that you ended up getting for FREE), ahead of your own childs health and well being?

I would not of given it to her if I knew that it was for something else. I don't think she did the right thing.
I don't hand out money to family. I have been burnt too many times. I once was a single mum scraping by.. And I know I would have NOT spent my child's birthday gift money or hock their stuff that others bought them. What would she have done of the money was not sitting there?? Got by like we all have too. Her car was not broken down her children are fed.. The church gives her meat, veggies, fruit and snacks enough each week for a good few days. Maybe she bought fags with it???
Anyway it's gone now lesson learnt!!
I have always tried to help in other ways like paying her to help me clean for rent inspections. I help her as much for no payment. Bit over it

[BigRedV]

I wouldn't ask for the money back, but I would let her know how disappointed I was and I would tell her not to ask for help from me.

[Jennaisme]

I would not of given it to her if I knew that it was for something else. I don't think she did the right thing.
I don't hand out money to family. I have been burnt too many times. I once was a single mum scraping by.. And I know I would have NOT spent my child's birthday gift money or hock their stuff that others bought them. What would she have done of the money was not sitting there?? Got by like we all have too. Her car was not broken down her children are fed.. The church gives her meat, veggies, fruit and snacks enough each week for a good few days. Maybe she bought fags with it???
Anyway it's gone now lesson learnt!!
I have always tried to help in other ways like paying her to help me clean for rent inspections. I help her as much for no payment. Bit over it

You asked if I found it rude. Based on the information given, then no. I still don't. From your OP, it sounded like a baby gift, not a birthday present. From my understanding of such things, a baby gift is to make the mothers and childs life a bit easier? If it was a birthday present, then I find it rude of her to take her childs money, but otherwise, no.
I understand why you would be upset and frustrated, however, and in her position, I'd like to think that I wouldn't have done it, but I'm not in her position, so I can't honestly answer if I would or not. I know my mum struggled quite a bit when I was growing up, so all my birthday/christmas money went on things needed for the house, etc.

I am sorry if you took my post in an attacking/angry way. I know, particularly when I'm tired, things come off harsher than I intend them to be. I just find a lot of people on the forum prefer the "Grab a torch and pitchfork" approach to things like this and forget that the other person is human, with thoughts, feelings and reasons behind what they do and extremely rarely do we get the other side of things to make an informed decision.

[brooke88(mum2b09)]

Regardless of what she spent the money on it wasn't very honest what she did.
If she fully intended on doing that then maybe she should have been honest and said she was struggling financially and would appreciate being helped out that way rather than have gifts bought.
Too ashamed to ask for help? Don't take someone's money sneakily then!

Extremely rude OP, I'd be very annoyed. I wouldn't ask for it back but I would probably limit contact.

[MMelissa]

I can see why it's disappointing for you but it's hard to judge without knowing why she spent the money on something else. It would be near impossible to leave a sum of money for a non-essential purpose if you needed it for an essential purpose.

I'd rather assume the best in people and that if she spent it elsewhere, there was a good reason for it. If you helped her family keep their head above water, that was a precious gift!

[MommaBear]

I think she has huge financial issues- the single parent payments aren't a lot but with 4 kids and one beign a new bub -means baby bonus is sitting there somewhere -she surely didnt have to use the OPs gift for something- I hope that it went to something worthwhile and actually needed-fair enough if she was really strugglign but seem speopel forget oyu DO get that baby bonus still after havign a baby so technically she shoudlnt be struggling at the moment.

[truely blessed]

If she's NEEDING the help from the church, which is quite hard to get, and even when you do, it's no where near as much as they need, because all charities have a budget that they need to make stretch to cover as many people as they possibly can, if they NEED the help from their family(which gets humiliating to ask for), and if you pop your head into the single parents section on THIS forum, you would know how very little a single parent gets from the government and how hard it can be to make it cover ONE child, let alone four, then yes, it is possible that she got a large bill that needed to be covered.

i don't need to pop my head into that forum to see what a single parent gets from the government, and it is actually more than i was earning from working!


Alternatively, put yourself in the position of the woman: Can barely pay bills or buy food and you have to rely on charities, etc, to support yourself and four children. You had the opportunity to get yourself and ALL your children ahead, rather than just have some pretty pictures(no offence, I'm sure they're very nice, but yeah), and so rather than get the photos done when you realised you could get some of the photos for free(I'm fairly sure I read this part. I could be wrong. I'm very tired atm), wouldn't you? What about if she has a car and suddenly registration's due? The car suddenly broke down, and with four children, I'm thinking a car is one of those modern day life necessities, and struggling for money as much as she has been, she wouldn't have been able to put money away to have the repairs done.

i have been in her position! and no, i wouldn't spend money that was given as a gift for a purpose that we had agreed on without discussing it with the person first! the photo shoots cost hundreds of dollars, and you can only get the free photo once you've had the photo shoot! as op said, she wouldn't have given her so much money if it had been just for anything!


So, what would you do in this situation? Would you return a gift of money, that as GIFTED to you, when you actually have the thing the money was for, which was why money was given to begin with, at the expense of your children, or would you put it toward making yours and your childrens life easier? Then how would you react if someone questioned you on what you spent YOUR gift on, and then demanded the money back?

the GIFT was a photo shoot for her and her kids... not a cash gift!


And when you answer, I really hope you look VERY deep down, put yourself into this situation, then answer truthfully.

i don't need to look VERY deep down! i have been there!! and i did answer truthfully, the first time!


Would YOU put a photo, which in essence is just a collection of pretty pictures(that you ended up getting for FREE), ahead of your own childs health and well being?
was the child sick or in danger????


I am sorry if you took my post in an attacking/angry way. I know, particularly when I'm tired, things come off harsher than I intend them to be. I just find a lot of people on the forum prefer the "Grab a torch and pitchfork" approach to things like this and forget that the other person is human, with thoughts, feelings and reasons behind what they do and extremely rarely do we get the other side of things to make an informed decision.

i don't think it was attacking/anry, but patronising maybe?? all people are human with thoughts feelings and reasons why they do things, not just single parents! OP may not be int the best financial position, but wanted to do something nice for her cousing who otherwaise could not afford to get proffessional family photos done?? like you said, we rarely get all sides of the story to make an informed decision!

as i said in my other post, no offence was intended! but i would NEVER spend a large amount of money that was given to me for a specific purpose (after agreeing that is what i would like as a gift) for something else, it's rude, plain and simple! and if it was for an emergency, why not answer OP's phone calls????

[Alexander Beetle]

Sorry you've lost my sympathies. You clearly think single parents are living the high life. Maybe just ask her why she spent the money rather than making assumptions. Now I'm off to spend the riches I get as a single parent.

[Boobycino]

Sorry you've lost my sympathies. You clearly think single parents are living the high life. Maybe just ask her why she spent the money rather than making assumptions. Now I'm off to spend the riches I get as a single parent.

The OP said she had been a single mum...?

And that her cousin isn't returning her calls - so she can't ask.





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[Boobycino]

And I'm not denying that single mum's have it hard though. Or that c'link provides enough for anyone to live the high life. But being a single parent or a partnered parent, or whoever they are, doesn't exempt someone from being courteous to someone who's tried to do something nice.

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[LivinOnAPrayer]

it is extrememly rude. Lesson learnt i guess.
Ive worked in welfare, and yes actually, churches and other community organisations can help out a LOT. Full bills paid, rego paid, rent paid, food delivered etc.

Theres still no excuse for spending money specifically gifted for a purpose, on something else.

[Alexander Beetle]

So if someone gave me money for a microwave, but I didn't need one, I wanted a tv (just examples) I couldn't spend that on what I needed? Maybe she really didn't want a photo shoot. I wouldn't. Or maybe she needed the money for now and plans to get the shoot at a later date? Or maybe she used it on something she liked. Really, it's not all that different to the thousands of people who take back their unwanted presents every year and trade them for something they like. I truly would loathe getting a photo shoot as a gift, and I probably would give it to someone else, so maybe it just wasn't her thing.

[Boobycino]

So if someone gave me money for a microwave, but I didn't need one, I wanted a tv (just examples) I couldn't spend that on what I needed? Maybe she really didn't want a photo shoot. I wouldn't. Or maybe she needed the money for now and plans to get the shoot at a later date? Or maybe she used it on something she liked. Really, it's not all that different to the thousands of people who take back their unwanted presents every year and trade them for something they like. I truly would loathe getting a photo shoot as a gift, and I probably would give it to someone else, so maybe it just wasn't her thing.

The difference would be if you discussed with the gift giver that you wanted a microwave, that was out of the givers budget, but she gave you the money anyway. Then bought a tv. And didn't answer/return the gift givers calls.

OP - would that be more accurate?

I have had a friend book me a pregnancy photoshoot and I told her up front I didn't want it. I could never have accepted the money for it and spent it how I saw fit.

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[LivinOnAPrayer]

Well if someone gave you money for a microwave and you didnt need one then the common sense thing to do would be to say no thank you as i have one. Or is that just my thinking?? If this lady didnt want a photo shoot then she should have said so.
I would love to have recieved a photo shoot for the birth of my daughter OP, i think its a brilliant, thoughtful gift

[truely blessed]

Sorry you've lost my sympathies. You clearly think single parents are living the high life. Maybe just ask her why she spent the money rather than making assumptions. Now I'm off to spend the riches I get as a single parent.

who said single parents are living the high life?? if you are referring to my post (i am not OP) i was saying that when i was a single parent, i was getting more from the government than when i was working, simply stating that it's hard either way!

OP has tried to ask her why she spent the money, but she won't answer her calls.

enjoy your riches!

[giggleandhoot]

Being a single parent is very difficult and especially when you gave 4 children. I have a friend who is in this exact situation and sometimes has to go to charities to get help with food and bills. The help she gets is never enough but it is help. She often asks to borrow money from me. I always hand it over knowing that I'll never see it again because there is no way she'll ever be able to pay it back. That is ok though because I hand it over with no expectations.

Back to the OP... I think that once you hand a gift to someone whether it is an actual gift or cash it is now theirs to do what they want. In a situation like this it is likely that it was spent on something important. However if I am ever given money for something or my DD then I keep it to spend on that thing. I feel it is honouring the other persons wishes and in the case of my DD it is her money not mine! To avoid someone spending cash on something it wasn't meant for the best option is to buy the gift they want or a gift voucher. Cash is way too easy to spend when it's sitting there looking at you

[truely blessed]

also, in regards to rego, when i was a single mum i used to get (i think it was rego) for free because i was a single parent... i know it was a huge bill that i was exempt from paying!

single parents have it hard, single income families have it hard and even double income families struggle! this isn't an argument about who struggles the most, it's about common courtesy and manners! what she did was rude, and the fact that she's not answering her phone gives me the impression she knows it was rude!

[bumMum]

I vote that it is very rude.

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[bumMum]

also, in regards to rego, when i was a single mum i used to get (i think it was rego) for free because i was a single parent... i know it was a huge bill that i was exempt from paying!

single parents have it hard, single income families have it hard and even double income families struggle! this isn't an argument about who struggles the most, it's about common courtesy and manners! what she did was rude, and the fact that she's not answering her phone gives me the impression she knows it was rude!

Rego free for single mums?? I don't think so!!! I work with mostly single young Mums and I know Car expenses such as rego are often the hardest to pay.

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[Kiplusthree]

I think the fact that they agreed to the photoshoot is why op is hurt.. and that she is now not going ahead with that and lastly ignoring op..

Op- Im assuming in the argument that something came up where she needed the money, you might not have been offended if say she had called you and explained the situation/ asked if she could use the gift money for that, as she had agreed to spend the money on the pics, the pics were the gift, not the cash.

Well I think its not so much rude that she spent the money (if she needed too) but more she could have communicated to you first as to why instead of just taking it rather then getting the real gift and then ignoring you
.. right?

Yes I find that rude. xx

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[Benji]

who said single parents are living the high life?? if you are referring to my post (i am not OP) i was saying that when i was a single parent, i was getting more from the government than when i was working, simply stating that it's hard either way!

OP has tried to ask her why she spent the money, but she won't answer her calls.

enjoy your riches!
When were you working? My first job paid $320 (lol) for full-time work. But that was a decade ago!

The current legal minimum award rate of $589.30 is higher than a single parent with one child earns :) and if you have children you get FTB and rent assistance on top of your wage from work.

[Alphabetsoup]

I agree that she must have a good reason. If you had given her a gift voucher and she returned it for the money, I think that would be rude. You gave her cash, so even thought you wanted her to spend that cash a certain way, the money was the gift. So I can understand why she would spend it another way if something more important came up.

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[Benji]

What did she spend it on? I wouldn't worry too much really, you gave her cash for her birthday. It's not worth stressing about.

My family asked me what I want for my birthday and I said I really have everything I need, although wouldn't mind some car seat covers for my car so just give me a little bit of money to put toward them. Well, now I've sorta changed my mind :o The money is still sitting at home but I would honestly like to go and buy myself some nice clothes for when DP takes me away soon.

I don't see how this is different. Maybe the time for the shoot came and she thought the money could be better spent elsewhere?

Wouldn't you rather she spend the money on something else than something she doesn't want/need?

[brooke88(mum2b09)]

Rego free for single mums?? I don't think so!!! I work with mostly single young Mums and I know Car expenses such as rego are often the hardest to pay.

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In NSW when I was a single parent I only ever paid CTP, rego itself was free.

[truely blessed]

When were you working? My first job paid $320 (lol) for full-time work. But that was a decade ago!

The current legal minimum award rate of $589.30 is higher than a single parent with one child earns :) and if you have children you get FTB and rent assistance on top of your wage from work.
i was working part time and having to pay for daycare, so yes, for me, once i stopped working and was on single parenting payment i was actually earning more (especially when taking into account child support aswell and no longer having DD in daycare). i am not saying that it is easy to be a single parent! i don't think anyone would, being a parent in general and trying to keep afloat is hard!!!



In NSW when I was a single parent I only ever paid CTP, rego itself was free.

yeah, this is what i was talking about, i thought it was rego. i think there a few things like that you can be exempt for when a single parent, i think some utility companies too!

anyway, i am NOT saying single parents have it easy.... i repeat, i am NOT saying single parents have it easy!!! parenting is hard, expensive work, single or partnered!!!! all i am saying is that if she agreed with OP she wanted a photo shoot as a gift (which was more expensive than a normal gift) than she should have had a little more consideration for OP when spending the money on something else, or atleast the decency to let her know that something important had come up and she wanted to use the money for that instead!

[melimum]

I think it's rude because you discussed it with her first and spent extra money on her. Ive had cash given to me for my bday, not for anything in particular and spent it on groceries then I feel sad wishing I'd bought myself something instead so I only ask for vouchers now. I wouldn't ask for it back it's already done now, but I really think she could have at least talked to you about it first.

Also maybe people should just comment on the OP and not turn this into an argument about single parents and how much money they get.

[Theophania]

Yes I think what she did was rude (based on the limited details). But I guess I kind of also agree that once she had the money it was really up to her to do with it what she pleased. OP I would just take it as a lesson learnt.

[Benji]

Also maybe people should just comment on the OP and not turn this into an argument about single parents and how much money they get.
Happens in a lot of threads completely unrelated to single parenting. The mother in the OP happens to raise 4 children alone, so of course now we hear of how many perks she's getting and how easy she has it in comparison all because of a thread about an unwanted/unused gift.

[Alexander Beetle]

OP I'm sorry I responded to a post about single mothers thinking it was yours but it wasn't, it was Truely (sic) Blessed. Apologies.

[tadpoles]

When were you working? My first job paid $320 (lol) for full-time work. But that was a decade ago!

The current legal minimum award rate of $589.30 is higher than a single parent with one child earns :) and if you have children you get FTB and rent assistance on top of your wage from work.

I wish my DP got 589.30! Lol he is an apprentice and I am a SAHM. He gets around $400. More than he got last year but not as much as min wage apparently.

[Benji]

I wish my DP got 589.30! Lol he is an apprentice and I am a SAHM. He gets around $400. More than he got last year but not as much as min wage apparently.

No, of course that's not apprentices. They're paid appallingly. That's the minimum adult wage - a family with one working would still have to work pretty hard to earn less than a single mum. A single mum's wage of ~$500 pw includes all benefits wheras employees on wages with children receive assistance on top of their weekly wage.

[the girls mum]

The issue is the OP gave a GENEROUS amount of money that had been discussed to be used on a photo shot for the new born baby.

The issue is that the OP would NOT have outlayed that large amount of cash if it was just to be a normal baby gift, but thought it would be a precious keep sake and something lovely for her cousin so she splurged.

The issue is that if the gift reciever didnt WANT a photo shoot, OR could of used cash instead she should have SAID so. Then OP wouldnt have outlayed such a large amount!

I dont care if the OP's cousin is a single mother or a partnered mother - its rude, rude, rude!

OP I wouldnt worry about trying to get the cash back, but like you say I wouldnt be offering any cash for gifts again.

Sorry it didnt work out.

[truely blessed]

Happens in a lot of threads completely unrelated to single parenting. The mother in the OP happens to raise 4 children alone, so of course now we hear of how many perks she's getting and how easy she has it in comparison all because of a thread about an unwanted/unused gift.

yes and a lot of the time, as in this one, it is single mothers that bring it up! noone said there were 'perks' with being a single parent, i was pointing out wahat assistance i was able to get when a single mother, which all helped!!

anyway, single parents win, they have it the hardest, will that end this ridiculous game of who has it toughest??!!! as you said, this thread was not about single versus partnered, but it seems nothing can be said about 'this' single mother without it becoming an argument!

[Benji]

yes and a lot of the time, as in this one, it is single mothers that bring it up! noone said there were 'perks' with being a single parent, i was pointing out wahat assistance i was able to get when a single mother, which all helped!!

anyway, single parents win, they have it the hardest, will that end this ridiculous game of who has it toughest??!!! as you said, this thread was not about single versus partnered, but it seems nothing can be said about 'this' single mother without it becoming an argument!
Erm, your situation has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's cousin. From what I gather you had an ex who was bad at money management, hence you had a "higher" household income on your own? You had one child?

The OP has 4 children and we do not know, nor should we assume, what kind of assistance she receives. For all we know she could be too broke to even have a car, she could drive a Merc but pay full fees.

Your situation is not relevant to hers, neither was mine when I was a single mum.

[truely blessed]

Benji - someone made the comment about OP's cousin possibly needing the mney for rego, therefore the fact that my rego was exempt when i was a single mother was , IMO, relevant to the discussion. You actually know NOTHING about MY situation back then, so please don't ASSUME anything in regards to my life!