Grieving for my Best Friend

[KarniF00l]

I got a message in the early hours of this morning from my closest friends (Elise) telling me that her father passed away last night due to a heart attack. He was only 56 :crying: She didn't know how to tell me in any other way as we're all pretty close. To cut a long story short. Elise is my brothers ex girl friend from years back and we're the same age so that's how we became best friends.

I gave her a bit of time and rang her this morning. Well as i expected she is devastated and i clamed up :banghead: I'm still grieving for my nan, another best friend of mine and my god father. Two of which died unexpectantly. I should have said more to Elise but i couldn't. It wouldn't come out.

I feel like a sh!tty friend right now. I should have known what to say because i am grieving for her aswell as myself :crying:

How do i cope with my own issues of grieving aswell as being there for her ?

Please don't think i'm being selfish because i want to be there for her more than anything in this world, i just don't know how thats all.

[Niki]

hun first of there is no way your selfish :hugs: :hugs: you are grieving

you are not a sh!!ty friend, at time like these there isnt much you could say to her that would help much but as you rang this morning and let her know that you are there for her, im sure that kind of support spoke louder then words

[melfunction]

Rest assured Lauren, no one knows what to say in this situation. Everything can and does come out wrong or not the way we intended.

When we hear sad news that affects our friends and loved ones, OUR pain instantly returns. It's like the grief comes back for you to relive over and over again. It's part of the process we go through in dealing with our grief.

Your friend will not be thinking about your phone call and if you clammed up or not..its a distant memory in her mind. She will know you are there when she needs you.

[KarniF00l]

Thank-you for the support and re-assurance guys! :hugs:

I know there isn't much i can do but to wait until she comes to me wanting to talk about it but i'm also finding it really hard myself to come to terms with grief and i don't want to sit there looking like a complete idiot crying. I want to be strong for her and i know it's not going to happen on the outter.

DS1 was also close with her father because when Elise takes Dion for a weekend she takes him over there and they treat him like a Grandson so it's going to be hard on him aswell. I don't think he's old enough to even understand it completely. Should i tell him or not as he won't be going to the funeral ?

Why are these thing's so hard ! :(

[melfunction]

In regards to Dion, IMO you should tell him. Tell him in terms he will understand. Simplify it for him. He will no doubt ask lots of questions and be as open and as honest as you can.

He will work out something is wrong anyway. Kids sense these kinds of things.

As to why these things are so hard, life is hard. It's not an easy road for anyone. We all have a hurdles to overcome.

[KarniF00l]

Thank-you melfunction!!

At the moment it feels like it's one tragic death after another and i know it's part of life but having a 5 year old who has been on the recieving end so many times already it truely is getting harder KWIM.

Off topic - Congratulations on the pregnancy hon :yelclap:

[melfunction]

Of course it feels like that. I can totally relate . It feels as though pain and grief are never ending and you are sitting there waiting for the next one to pass away....Scary I know.

Dion doesn't need too many details either. TMI will cloud his brain and his feelings. He just needs to know that its ok for him to cry and be sad and that you are there to give him a cuddle when he needs one.

[Milliner]

Oh Lauren that is very sad news BIG :hugs: to you. It is very hard to say what you want to say in times like this but you have let her know that you are there for her and I think that that is what you can do at the moment.
I know that when dad had his heart attack in jan I just needed to know that I had my friends there to talk to even though they can't really well don't know what to say, but just to know that they are there and that they care was enough for me. IYKWIM.

More big :hugs: to you. I'm so sorry that it is such a hard time at the moment. :hugs:

[Roopee]

Hi- I think you should tell him, even if he's not going to the funeral, he should know. Its a hard one though, how to do it.
Here's what we did when our dog died not long ago (not the same i know but the principles there).
We told them that Kotabear has gone to heaven after he got too sick. We told the boys to pick out a star to tell everything you would want Kota to know and that star will deliver your message to him. We didnt want them to ask why the star didnt look like Kota etc etc so we told them that while we cant see Kota, he can still hear and see us. Maybe you could try to go along those lines if they are appropriate for you.

Please dont think you are a terrible friend-your not. Just be there and ring every couple of days, go see her, just be there for her. She will remeber those who were "too scared of sayig the wrong thing, so they didnt say anything at all" and she'll remeber her friends who stood beside her.

Good Luck Lauren:hugs:

[Mum&bubs]

I'm so sorry to hear this sad news :hugs: Just let your friend know that you are there for her when she feels up to talking. You two can grieve together, you probably need each other just as much during a time like this. As for telling your son about it - I would tell him. Maybe not straight away but soon because I think he will gather that something is up anyway. Take it easy hun :hugs: