I can't do this.

[crazyaboutbubs]

I cannot go on like this. I am really struggling to cope both mentally and physically.

I feel so ashamed when i start to feel really terrible ill thoughts about harming myself. Im 8 weeks pregnant. Me and my most wonderful supportive partner planned this. It would kill him if i knew that deep down part of me sometimes wishes i'd miscarry. I don't ever ever ever want him or this baby to know that. I feel like the most awful person in the world. All I've wanted is to have a beautiful little family to watch grow up. I have the most amazing support network around me, friends, family even my workplace would do anything for me and will support me all the way.. Yet why do i feel so scared and alone. I cant do this. If just being pregnant is doing this to me, how on earth could i possibly be a good mother. I feel as though im not ready. :(

I have a history of depression.. I think the all day morning sickness n feeling like death is wearing me down and the isolation from being so sick is getting to me.

Im not even really sure what the point of this post is.. I just needed to get this out. To at least stop my crying. I can't do this. :(

[Kazza78]

When do you see your gp again? Uf your not it might be a good idea to make another appointment so you can talk through it.

I am sure there will be a lot of support here on bub hub for you to read. You can do it!

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Oh gosh , massive hugs to you, I can't reply now I have just had family members arrive for a visit I'm writing this sneakily as I make their teas and coffee but I will come back to this as soon as I can later on to reply , I just couldn't read and not say something.

Hang in there I'm sure other hubbers will be around shortly to give you support and advice , much love xxoo

[crazyaboutbubs]

Thank you both so very much for your replies. I recently changed doctors due to not getting anywhere with my current doctor and morning sickness. So i have only seen my new doctor once who prescribed me zofran which is helping a bit. I feel so scared to tell a stranger face to face what I'm feeling.. But i know i need to. I just want this feeling to go away. I want to enjoy my pregnancy and fall in love with this baby..

[Harliben]

Oh I'm so sorry you feel like this. :(
Make an app ASAP because feeling that way isn't healthy for you or your baby. It's hard to get help.
But it will do wonders!

[FearlessLeader]

massive hugs, being newly pregnant is so, so unbelievably overwhelming at the best of times- never mind if you have terrible ms and are feeling depressed, too. Please do talk to a Dr, and if one Dr doesn't listen, keep talking until someone listens to you :hugs:

Talk to your partner as well. You don't have to tell him your every thought and fear, but do let him know that you're not coping. He loves you and would want to help you.

[jbish]

Hang in there honey! Don't be too hard on yourself. It is alot to adjust to and your hormones are going wild too. As PPs have said, make an appointment with your doc asap. Get on here and talk it out as much as you can if it helps. There are so many wonderfully supportive women (and men) on here that are happy to listen. I hope your ms gets better soon, its horrible! I was very very sick with my pregnancy, it sucks! Fingers crossed for you it resolves quickly. Let us know how you go with your GP. big hugs to you :hugs:

[crazyaboutbubs]

Thanks so much everyone. I've made an appointment for an hours time.. I couldn't get the 2 doctors i wanted but hopefully the doctor i have will be helpful.

[SuperGranny]

hi, hormones can cause such horrible thoughts. If you suspect it might be the beginnings of a depression, get help asap. It is quite common for morning sickness to cause distress. hugs, Marie.

[mmy2b]

If you don't want to tell the doctor face to face maybe you can show them this thread if you have access on your phone?

Goodluck.

[Ellymoe]

:hugs:

I started to get weird bouts of feeling low for no reason during my second trimester, and I was barely sick at all during my pregnancy! It was comforting to read that it was pretty normal. There are a lot of myths around pregnancy as well - you'll feel all loving towards the baby and excited all the time, you'll bond immediately once it's born etc - these things don't always happen, and it's ok, it is no reflection of what type of mother you'll be, but the myths can make you feel worse and doubt yourself if they do not match your experience. When you see a Dr they may recommend counselling which I'd encourage you to take up, it can really help to talk to someone who is independent from your situation. Good luck!

[crazyaboutbubs]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I just finished at the doctors, she was really lovely and could see how distressed i am.. Which wasn't hard with me being a blubbering mess.

She told me that i must take tomorrow off. (i work full time) She's really worried about the health of me n baby n wants me to have at least one day off each week until im 13 weeks. She said the harm im doing worrying about work and my health is just as bad as not eating and that i need to take better care of myself and not feel guilty for time off as its no help.

She said she wants my husband to help by saying 'your not going to work today' if i look terrible.. She was really lovely n was seriously concerned with the pressure I'm placing on myself.

She told me the most important thing is me and that everything else can wait.

I feel so much better having gotten that off my chest.

[jbish]

Thats so good to hear hun, looks like you've found yourself a good GP. Take her advice, rest up and hopefully you start to feel better. Pregnancy is terribly hard (for some people), and I hope the MS goes away at that magical 2nd trimester for you. Nothing worse than being down and depressed and feeling sick and tired too.

[MamaC]

That's wonderful to read :goodvibes:
She sounds like a great gp.
Also, where are you planning to birth? I know some of the large hospitals offer prenatal psychiatric services (assessment, counselling, , medication, etc) and you will probably need some ongoing support during your pregnancy and afterwards.

When I was pregnant with DD2, I had a car accident and was referred for some follow up counselling and during that time I was told that prenatal depression is actually quite common and largely goes untreated because there is a lot of guilt associated with a pregnant woman saying she's depressed/unhappy, etc.

Good on you for seeking help and seeking it early :hugs: :goodvibes:

ETA: I also had a doctor tell me that it takes a stronger person to seek help, than to struggle on alone :hugs:

[crazyaboutbubs]

ETA: I also had a doctor tell me that it takes a stronger person to seek help, than to struggle on alone :hugs:

:hugs:Thank you.

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Hi OP do Gkas

[heeeeerekittykitty]

As I was saying ( DS pulled the phone out my hand ) I'm so glad these you found a wonderful GP that understood and gave you the support you need .

Don't feel bad for how your feeling , your not the first nor will you be the last woman to feel like this .

Even the most wanted and sought after pregnancy can leave you feeling scared and overwhelmed once your actually pregnant , morning sickness and hormones along with the trepidation of an impending baby all can contribute to how your feeling . And a history of depression can contribute also .

My best advice is to always always seek help , you don't have to deal with this alone . During the whole pregnancy and even once the baby arrives ,if at any time you feel like its all getting too much for you see your GP.

There are so many options , anything from counseling to medication( there are some medications safe for use during pregnancy and breastfeeding )
and everything in between ( natural methods , relaxation techniques etc )

Nothing is worse than when your robbed of the happiness a new pregnancy or baby can bring because of anxiety or depression :-(

All the best , xxoo

[MMelissa]

Sending you love and strength. PND and depression has played a big part in my parenting and pregnancy experience.

Do take it easy. It's not the answer to depression but if you can decrease the baseline stressors and find time to relax/rest/exercise/mediate/whatever works, it's good for your well being.

I would suggest getting a referral to a psychiatrist who specialises in AND/PND just to get an opinion or strategy moving forward with the pregnancy.

I applaud you for reaching out and discussing this. You're brave in doing so. It takes a strong woman to identify and admit that something is not right and to ask for help.

[Gracie's Mum]

Massive hugs hun

Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using BubHub

[bub4rosie]

I wanted to send hugs too. Everyone has given you wonderful advice and it sounds like your new GP understands what you are going through and need. My words of wisdom are to be kind to yourself,to know that you can and will feel normal again, and to really consider counseling. I was so scared to see someone as it would be admitting something was wrong - but I loved my counsellor and I was amazed by the power of talking things through with a professional.

Good luck xo

[CJWA]

Just wanted to send my support and say I felt exactly the same around 8-12 weeks. My MS was horrendous and although we waited so long for this LO and did IVF, I too wished to be rid of it for a while. It's so overwhelming, and being sick 24/7, never being able to eat or work or do anything but lie down or have your head in a bucket makes you wonder why the hell you did this to yourself!!

Drugs and time made ALL the difference. Zofran was my lifesaver. I felt normal again and could cope with life and finally felt excited and happy about it all. It took me to 15 weeks to get to that stage, so you are in good hands now.

[MuminMind]

I cannot go on like this. I am really struggling to cope both mentally and physically.

I feel so ashamed when i start to feel really terrible ill thoughts about harming myself. Im 8 weeks pregnant. Me and my most wonderful supportive partner planned this. It would kill him if i knew that deep down part of me sometimes wishes i'd miscarry. I don't ever ever ever want him or this baby to know that. I feel like the most awful person in the world. All I've wanted is to have a beautiful little family to watch grow up. I have the most amazing support network around me, friends, family even my workplace would do anything for me and will support me all the way.. Yet why do i feel so scared and alone. I cant do this. If just being pregnant is doing this to me, how on earth could i possibly be a good mother. I feel as though im not ready. :(

I have a history of depression.. I think the all day morning sickness n feeling like death is wearing me down and the isolation from being so sick is getting to me.

Im not even really sure what the point of this post is.. I just needed to get this out. To at least stop my crying. I can't do this. :(

Hi there, crazyaboutbubs.:wave:

First of all, thanks you for coming forward and talking about how you feel. There are so many women out there (and in here) who have been in a similar place, and it is an extremely lonely and frightening place to be. You are not alone though, and there is support available.

You have received a lot of really helpful responses already, I agree with what has been said and suggested.

I had antenatal depression (AND) during my last pregnancy, and I can relate to what you are describing. It is early in your pregnancy, and quite common to feel emotional and overwhelmed during pregnancy at times, (due to fluctuating hormones, feeling concerned and nervous about the unknown etc.) but I think you are doing the right thing by acknowledging that you are struggling, and reaching out for some more support, etc. Having experienced depression in the past, you are also more prone to develop AND and PND. The sooner your mental health needs are addressed, and you have preventative measures in place, the better the outcome after birth is likely to be. I am very glad to hear that you mentioned to your GP how you were feeling, and would definitely be worth mentioning how you are feeling to your loved ones, as well. Did you actually tell your GP that you have had thoughts of self-harm? If you feel that you are getting increasingly worse, please go back to your GP (or your perinatal care provider) and let them know. Sometimes taking antidepressants might be necessary. Or if you are feeling acutely unwell, please call your local community mental health team. They should be able to respond 24/7 and perhaps pay you a visit.

In addition to seeing your GP or other perinatal health professionals during your pregnancy, there might be other services in your community who can be helpful for you in this time. I can really recommend that you call PANDA. (Post and Antenatal Depression Association - www.panda.org.au (http://www.panda.org.au/) - Call 1300 726 306) PANDA provides phone counselling and information and referrals to support services. They have a large database with information about perinatal support services in the community. I have had many dealings with them, and they have always been brilliantly helpful and supportive!

And I don't know if you have seen this thread, but here is some bubhub information about AND.
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...pression-(AND) (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?434417-Postnatal-Depression-Awareness-Week-2011-Antenatal-Depression-(AND))

Lastly, I want to mention the private PND/AND discussion area on the forum. The area is a place where sufferers of perinatal depression can come together for support, education and general chat. The discussion area has been a really great success so far. It is a really supportive space full of intelligent, funny, understanding and supportive ladies who have experiences with PND and/or AND. We agree that talking privately with others in a similar situation has been really therapeutic and positive for us, so we are continuing to look for others who want to join our lovely "family".

If you want access, please contact the moderator veve and ask for access to the area. (Please specify that it is the PND/AND are) When you do have access, you can find the area here: http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...scussion-areas (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/forumdisplay.php?773-Private-discussion-areas)

There is help out there, but it is really difficult to ever imagine things getting better when we are in the midst of feeling like this. :( That's what the rest of us are here for; to support you and remind you that things usually do get better. :hugs:

Please look after yourself, and please know that you are not alone. :hugs::goodvibes:

[MamaC]

Hi Crazyaboutbubs, how are you feeling today? :hugs:
Sending you lots of positive thoughts :goodvibes:

[crazyaboutbubs]

I'm so touched by all the responses. Thank you all so much for not judging and just supporting. Im feeling in a much better place mentally today. I think getting everything 'out' was a great help. I would be really interested in counselling, but its such a struggle getting out of the house the way im feeling. Which is just another reason to be so thankful for bubhub.

Thanks for all the links and information! I would reply to each of you individually but its so hard on my iphone.

Thanks so much. :)