Help with 9month old!! Im dying!!

[catalicious]

Ok here I go sorry if its long!

Jack is 9months old. He has not slept through the night so far!

Has always woken up minimum 2 times a night!

Lately it has become 3-5 times a night and I am going mad. So mad I have been crying my eyes out from little things just because im so Bl00dy tired!

I dont know what to do, he still wants a feed at night sometimes 2, other times i can just give him his dummy. Then there are also times he just spits it straight back out and cries.

I am at my wits end I know all babies are different but I just cant keep up doing this.

Does anyone have ANY suggestions.

I was bawling my eyes out the other day so my sister has the both tonight just so i can get an uninterupted night of sleep.

[Mojogal]

Awww, :hugs: for you hon. What a LONG and stressful time you've had! No wonder you've been crying over little things! It's lovely of your sister to take them for you so you can have some rest, but it does sound like he's waking for comfort, and you need some help which will be more permanent.

Have you thought about sleep school? They have day-stays and also week-long sleepover courses you can do. I've heard a few mums on here say it wasn't so good for them, but others have said it was the best thing they ever did!

My SIL went to Tressillian's sleep school in Sydney for a week with her 1 year old, and they tailored a routine to suit her and her baby, and she raves about the difference it has made to their lives.

I guess it depends where you are situated, it can be hard to find resources sometimes. There's also CC (controlled crying) and a few books out there with some excellent tips for sleep probs. I'm sure a few of the ladies here can point you in the right direction.

Hope you get a great night's sleep tonight, and I hope it does wonders for you, hon.

[catalicious]

I agree his waking up for comfort.... this might sound silly though but I dont really know why??!!

IYKWIM

I dont speak to him, i either put the dummy in and go back to bed tripping over from exhaustion or pick him up to give him bottle but refuse to look at him or speak to him, (someone told me this will let him know its not play time)

Then in Mornings Loch (4yo) comes in to wake me at like 7:30! :banghead:

I have heard about those things (sleep schools) too, I dont know anyone thats been though! I cant really do controlled crying, cause I live with my parents and sister and brother so they would all whinge. Dp and I are moving out in Jan but I think im going to go nuts before then.

It so frustrating because its making me not be able to enjoy my children like I used too, I think my exact words were I dont like them very much right now. lol

I LOVE THEM THOUGH and sitting at home with nothing to do is just proving this for me!

So what do I do to try and get so hlp as in sleep school or tresillian??

[aardvark]

Personally, I can't speak highly enough of co-sleeping. My 9 month old has only slept through twice, and still needs at least one night feed.

DS goes to sleep in his own bed because he goes to bed earlier than we do, when he wakes, I just slip him in bed with us, feed him if he wants it, and we all get more sleep. At most I am awake 5 minutes getting him, putting him in bed and getting us comfy. If he wants another feed later, he finds the breast himself, and I barely stir.

I'm studying a Masters degree, and I have school age children to run after, and I would just not cope any other way. I tried controlled crying with my eldest, and would never try that on a child again.

[Mojogal]

OK here's the website for Tresillian: http://www.cs.nsw.gov.au/Tresillian/education_par.htm

Also, do you have MSN messenger? There is a Tresillian Nurse available to chat to online from Tues-Friday 9.30am - 3pm.
Just add them as a contact, their email addy is: tressilliannurse1@bigpond.com

I think the ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) has info on sleep schools too, so you could maybe check out their website too.

Good luck, I hope you find the help you need mate. :hugs:

[au01]

Hi mummycat,

I know where your coming from my DD id 9.5 months and has never slept a full night, she wakes a min of 3 times a night.
She has just recently taken to the dummy which is good as she shouldn't be waking for a feed anymore.
I think they just need to learn to settle themselves when they wake during the night.

Some people find CC works for them, even just to leave them for 10 mins to see if they will go back to sleep on there own and then go in.
There has been times I'm so tired that I've just put her into bed with me, but this time I don't want to get into a habit as my DD #2 still hops into bed with me every night and she's 4.

I'm still undecided on weather teething plays a role in waking during the night.

Also is he BF? I have had people tell me to put her on the bottle so she will sleep better....no thanks.
Personally I'd rather get up a few times a night...but that's me, and I don't feel that tired anymore.

Will he go back to sleep if you pat him on the back?
Unfortunatley thats all I can think of, maybe others have some other suggestions.
Good luck :hugs:

[catalicious]

Thanks!! I dont know if I mentioned either that "a night" is 11:30 till 6. He is waking that many times in such a short period.

He is Bottle fed. I got mastitus Breast feeding.

Loch still gets in bed with me too so I dont want this to happen with Jack he never gets in bed with me.

Patting him just makes it worse and its not even that he just cries he screams.

Then I end up screaming!! Something like "I dont know what you want"

Going loopy here, but thanks for your tips and advice guys I really appreciate it.

[Frazzled]

Cat, what time do you do the bedtime routine and what is it?

[catalicious]

I dont really have any routine!! I never had one with Loch and it worked out fine for both of us!!

Jack is another story though.

I kind of feed him when his hungry put him to bed when his tired etc etc.

The only thing that is a constant is that he always had a bath/shower in the morning.

I just rang tresillian and she said whilst some kids sre better without a routine Jack obviously isnt one of them. She said to not ever give him bottles before he goes to sleep anymore nor through the night to cut the daily amount of bottles from 5 to 3. And to develop a rountine for everything from Playing to sleeping and eating.

I dont even know how to do that!

[Mojogal]

Don't forget that you are the mummy and you don't have to take any advice you don't feel comfortable with. Any routines laid out for you should be taken as a guide, for you to work with as you see fit.

I would suggest trying a warm bath just before bed, as it may help him relax a little more. Perhaps try some soothing music or even the radio in the room, on softly, so that when he awakes, he may not feel so alone and needing your comfort. Perhaps he wants to be wrapped?

As for the sleep/feed/play routine, I think this just means feeding him as soon as he wakes up, then letting him play/playing with him til he's tired again, then back to bed for a sleep. You may find a bath helps then too - there's nothing wrong with giving 6 baths a day, if it helps him settle better and stay asleep!

I did the sleep/feed/play routine, with a top-up feed just before naptime and this seemed to help my bub sleep longer.

[Frazzled]

Cat, it def sounds like you need a routine! And at 9.5 months he should def only be having three bottles!

Ok, so this is how we do our day and Elliot loves routine - is an absolute nightmare if he doesnt have one.

Wakes around 6am. If earlier he has a bottle and goes back to sleep.
Give bottle (200ml) and then begin day, wait till about 7.30-8am for breakfast and then play. Back down for a sleep between 8.30-9am. He must be back down around 2.5hours after he wakes in the morning or the day just doesnt work. He usually will sleep bets now (40mins to 2hours)

Wake mid morning and play. Go out? Activities. Morning tea around 10.30am (fruit, rusk, cheese etc)

Lunch between 12.30-1.30 dependinf on when he woke up. Two courses, savoury and then fruit with yoghurt.

Lunch bottle about half hour after lunch (about three hours after waking from morning sleep). Sleep (between 30mins - 90mins).

Wake and play. Afternoon tea needed around 4pm. Good time to go for a walk.

Dinner between 5-5.30pm. Play, this is where we read together after dinner.

Bath at 6pm.

Last bottle and bed between 6.30 and 7pm. Asleep by 7.15pm.

9 times out of ten he will sleep thru till morning.

However we did go through a rough stage for about three months where he was waking and would only resettle with being fed. We had to be disciplined and stopped feeding him. Just patted or said 'shhh'. I tried the sitting by the bed thing too and that seemed to help. We really had to pretty strict tough for it to work and now it does.

You really have to follow a routine, especially for babies who need it - they often will thrive on it. He will be healthier and happier for it, trust me!

Tips: Have him asleep by 7pm for it to really work.
Tresillian will tell you to get rid of the dummy.
When going in at night, dont make eye contact or speak 'to' him. Avoid feeing him because he will just expect it then.

Good luck Cat, we can talk more tomorrow xxx:fingerscrossed:

[DIANNEKB]

hi Cat,

My 9 month old is exactly the same he has never slept through and is driving me crazy. I have had to resort to him jumping into my bed when he doesnt settle otherwise I would never get any sleep.
In November we are booked into a day stay at sleep school as they tell me we have to get him day sleeps under control for him to sleep better at night.
I do know what it is like and I feel for you cause I am struggling and pregnant again!!! But you would be doing it tougher seen as you have a 4 year old to contend with aswell. :thumbsdown:
My CHN has also been working with me and I have been told at this age they should have between 700-800 mls formula per day so I still give him four bottles plus solids. I have resorted to putting him in my bed to sleep during the day now cause I find he sleeps longer than the 40 minute sleep he has in his cot. I got 2.5 hours this avo from him... so I am hoping this will be better for him and will start to induce longer sleeps at night. I dont think this feed play sleep thing works... well it never did for me anyway. Cause bubs would feed play... then was still up so would be time to feed again... but No SLEEP... so for me it just never worked. I have tried CC only for a night or two.. I hated it but maybe I need to be a bit stronger and try it.. At this stage I am willing to try anything and I am hoping sleep school will help... Well for $150 for a day stay from 9am-3pm I should hope they help.

I hope your bubs starts to sleep soon along with my naughty boy...::fingerscrossed:

:hugs:

[wannabemum]

Hunny can your man help out with the feeds? Better yet can your mum or MIL take care of your little man for a weekend and your and your man get away for the weekend......... even if you stay at home without your little guy there?

Sending sleeping dust for you and your family :hugs:

[catalicious]

Hi Thanks heaps.

The weekend away sounds devine!!!

He stayed at my sisters last night and apparently only woke once!! :laughing: :banghead:

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

Anyways so because he was such a good boy she asked if loch and jack can both stay again tonight!! Dont ask me twice the answer was a very quick yes! I splept for 12 hours last night!! I plan on doing this again tonight!! :smiliedance: :yelclap:

Daniel would help but I dont live with him ATM. And I live with my mum, dad etc so I dont like my chances there. But I will be asking someone soon just so we can get some nice romantic couple time.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes and thoughts.

[Mojogal]

That's great mummycat! Another peaceful night for you :)

Enjoy!

[lovingmotheract]

i have to say u know that your son is not sleeping well so what u can do now is ask your doctor or child doctor about sleep school and call the sleep school near you to and see what u can do. good luck:)

[EskimoMumma]

ALl great advice given and what helps for me is as soon as the kids are in bed and house is clean, DP is sole carer of DD when it comes to nighttime cuddling and resettling. :yes:

[catalicious]

I am just about to bawl my eyes out!!!:gloomy: :crying:

Im so angry upset, grumpy and tired!!

My sister reckons both nights he only woke once there!! Like Hell He woke up about every hour last night!!!!

Its wrecking my relationship with DP. Because I was so tired and exhausted from getting up I yelled at him and he was like I work when you work then Ill get up!!! I study, Im trying to get a career for OUR future!!! And even if I didnt study I look after our son all day!!

Im so tired and Anyway said some things I shouldnt of!! But I just dont have the energy I appologised but he refuses to speak to me, I dont know what else I can do??!! He took everything of his from my house and went to work saying well Bye I got all my stuff!!! I dont want our relationship to end over Jack being a Pain in the A$$ at night time!!

I dont know what to do, why did he sleep there but not here Im so upset I now cant stop crying!!!

[defa]

:hugs: You poor thing a HUGE :hugs: for you, sound like your having a bad time..

Have you tried to wrap him??? He might not like it but get a cot sheet and wrap him as tight as you can but him in his cot AWAKE babies only remember how they got to sleep so if he is in is cot awake he will put him self to sleep might take a bit if he falls asleep with a bottle or in your arms when he wakes through the night thats what he wants..

I know this doesn't work for everyone but i use to nanny before i was a mum and this i what i did and had all the babies sleeping through the night at 6 weeks.. My bub slept through at 5 weeks and if she does wake up through the night she just lyes there and then goes back to sleep she even does this through the day...

I hope you man comes home and you can work things out..

Take care..

Could you put your 4year old in to day care 1 or 2 days a week so you only have one at home so then when bub sleeps in the day you could have a rest aswell???

[jack's mummy]

Hey Mummycat. I would try and get into sleep school as soon as you can. I am having problems with my 6 1/2 mth old now and getting overtired and emotional so i can only imagine how u r doing. If its affecting you this much and is impacting your relationship with your partner I would go straight to the experts for help. You've obviously tried your best for this long and you're not getting the results you need so its time to call in the experts. Its great that your sister can look after the kids every now and then but you need a long term solution before you go nuts. Good Luck .:hugs:

[Mojogal]

Poor mummycat :hugs: It's such hard work and sometimes the working parent doesn't get that yours is the 24/7 job, no weekends, no sick days, and it's so frustrating and insulting for them to say 'i work, so I don't have to deal with the kids when I'm at home, or maybe just on weekends if I feel like it' - not a fair way to treat your hard-working, tired and emotional partner who has her own life to deal with as well as the added and intense worry about her child(ren). How would they feel if they were 'on call' 24/7, whatever their job is - I guarantee you they would say that's too much to ask of anyone.

Hopefully your partner will come around once he's calmed down. I know I sometimes say things harshly in the heat of the moment, and my DP needs time to himself after I do, even if I've already apologised. Men! If only they knew what it means to have every sleeping and waking minute of your entire day/week/month devoted to someone else! And remember to remind him and yourself that you are NOT yourself when you are all strung out with no sleep and too much worry, that being moody and sensitive is surely to be expected when you are SO fatigued!

It sounds like your little one might be responding to your stress over the whole sleep thing. Do you feel apprehensive about bedtime/nighttime because you know your bub will be unsettled? It happened with me all the time - my DD slept worse on my worst, most tired and cranky nights, like she could tell I was unsettled and so refused to settle herself. It can be a vicious cycle, and hard to find a way to break it yourself - perhaps like EskimoMumma suggested, DP could take over the re-settling for a few nights. It'll give you a break, and might help towards breaking bubs' habit of picking up on your mood.
But if you can't, sleep school just may be the help you need, and also TIME-OUT for you!!! A few hours off, regularly, like a half-day at day care once a week or something, just so whatever you do with that free time, it's YOURS and you are officially OFF DUTY from being Mummy. It's so important that all mummies get a bit of alone time, without the kids.

I really hope you can figure it out mummycat! We are all here for you, so keep posting and let us know what you try and how you go (if you want to share, that is)!

:hugs: I'm sending you much mojo for a more settled and peaceful night mummycat. :hugs:

Suze

[catalicious]

Hi thanks everyone.....again!!

We ended up having a big talk where we both were very apologetic to one another!! We also put it down to tiredness.

I know for a fact though he would never see what I do as a job.!!


I have just wrapped him tight for tonight see how that goes, they (the doctors) told me to try a few diff things and if they dont work they might try a mild sedative for a few days to try and break the habit.

Loch already goes to Daycare 5 days a week, he is no problem at all and I would love to be with him MORE but with studying and Jack atm Its not so easy.

Jack goes to daycare 2 days a week but unfortunatly they are not days i can relax as these are my two biggest tafe days.DP will only get up if he doesnt work the next day. So I will hold him to that!

But thanks for your help guys ill keep you posted heres hoping the wrapping tonight works well...:fingerscrossed:

Goodnight everyone (Ihope)

[Frazzled]

good luck Cat, and remember that being a little 'tougher' than usual if he wakes may be hard and take longer than feeding him at first, but it will be worth it in the long run! Trust me!

Love Kate

[Michele Crocker]

Hi,

I know what you are going through, My daughter is nearly 12 months old and I can count on one hand how many times she has slept through. What does not help is that she has a club foot and has to wear special boots and a bar to bed at night and she seems to wake every time she moves. There have been times I have been a mess and all I could do was cry. It does not help when I have four other kids to look after. I am just glad that three of them are a school and my four year old is at preschool two days a week..

There have been nights I have given in and fed her twice in the night just so I could get some shut eye. With four other kids to look after, I decided to get some help outside to come and do my housework until I can get my daughter to settle.

Have you ever thought that your child could have reflux and be in pain. My daughter is on medication for reflux and is on twice a day and she seems to settle more after she has medication.

Michele
Mother of Christopher, Luke, Melissa, Jayden and Ashleigh(1 next week)