Why do i do this to myself

[shorty_851]

I have found myself comapring myself to DP's ex the one he had a child with.

Now i know that she tricked him into having the baby by telling him she was on the pill when she wasn. I know this because she put it in an abusive email to me that she only had DSS to keep Jason.

Anyways i compare myslef to her alot in general day to day things like for ex

1. I like my house clean but somedays when i get home from work i can't be bothered cleaning or cooking ad like to sit and watch the tv while DP does the cooking and the tidying up . Which he gets cranky about and i think was he happier with her because she cleaned everyday.

2. Say if DP goes out and i give him cash instead of the keycard he tells me im just like her.

3. She is older then me and i think if i was older maybe he would be happier.

4. i dress like my age group iykwim like short skirts and tops and straighten hair and all that and she doesn and i think if i dressed more older maybe he would be happier

5. i dont play a sport and she does and i think well if i played a sport he might be happier

There is so much more that i compare myself to her with.

I know that if he wanted all that he would still be with her and not despise her as much as he does. I know he is happy with me but its always there in the back of my head.

Does anyone else compare or use to compare themselves with their DP's ex.

Or am i just weird.:o

[shorty_851]

Has anyone ever compared themselves with someone at all or am i the only crazy one:laughing:

[jess_live_die]

i used to do it as well always thinking if i was like my cousins then started thinking i dnt wanna b like that i wanna b myself and if no one likes me for me its not worth being there friend.

[MummyCharmzy]

stop comparing yourself!!! Hes with you cos he wants you! If he wanted her he'd be with her! Dont put yourself through that anymore, honestly make yourself stop thinking that! You will have things in common with someone from CHINA who you've never met but.. theres no need to COMPARE like that! You are you! Be happy to be you :D

[Starlet]

I would never compare myself to DF's ex. She's a real piece of work. But that's another story.

If she was so wonderful, he'd still be with her, not YOU. And if she tricked him into having their son(like my ex did to DF), then she can't be that great of a person!

[Mojogal]

I'm sure it can't be easy, especially when he says things like you're just like her when you give him cash instead of the keycard. Sounds like you need to have an honest chat with your partner and tell him how this makes you feel, and about how you feel in general. Perhaps he can reassure you that YOU are the one he wants to be with.
You are trying to conceive a baby with him, so these things need sorting out before you bring a child into it.

Chin up hon, the others are right - it's not good for you or your relationship to be constantly comparing yourself with his ex. She's his EX for a reason, and you are his partner for a reason too.

If you want to join a sport, do it because you WANT to, not because she does, if you want to dress 'older' do it because you WANT to, KWIM? You are you and she is she and comparing yourself with her will only send you mad, especially as she sounds like a real idiot.

You are wonderful, individual, worthwhile person - keep telling yourself this and soon you will believe it - because it's TRUE. :hugs:

[defaipe]

2. Say if DP goes out and i give him cash instead of the keycard he tells me im just like her.


:no: that would sh!t me! if chris ever said i was like his ex he'd be out the door. im overly sensitive to that stuff..
your man really shouldnt say that. its so wrong!! and obviously he only wants more money!! idiot.

[EskimoMumma]

Sounds to me your DP is the one with the problem and has now made you doubt yourself. Chin up, stand up to him, and tell him to go back to her if thats what he wants.

[daisyxs]

maybe just me but i dont think this is about the ex,

which would you prefer?? frumpy old sport playing skank or completly opposite you??

[WeThree]

Hi, dont compare yourself to her anymore, it will only cause unnecessary problems in your relationship. Your DP has chosen YOU! He could be with her, yet has chosen to be with you instead, just because you are different does not mean he preferred those things about her more.
In my eyes, my DHs ex wife is more physically attractive than I, but I have never felt threatened in anyway, DH and I have a wonderful relationship, always have, whilst they did not, so I obviously have other qualities that he finds more important and attractive.
Try and focus on the things you know your DH loves about you instead of comparing yourself to her. :hugs:

[IheartOman]

Not trying to offend you here but what you have done is created a story (actually a few).

Unless your partner has said to you in exact words he would be happier if you played a sport, dressed differently or were older than it is all in your head. Oh and if he did say any of that stuff it is just pathetic and he wouldnt be worth having around.

All your doing is creating a barrier in your realtionship, he probably has no idea of half the things your creating i9n that head of yours and if he did he would probably be blown away!!

I suggest letting it go.. Put it all on a piece of paper then destroy, if that helps but get rid of it..